An hour or so later, Emmett made himself a drink and slowly went over to sit on the sofa in his hotel suite. He'd already showered, changed into his pajamas and robe, made a phone call and checked in with Diane, but he wasn't ready to sleep yet. He still felt faintly teary, and couldn't stop thinking of Luke's new song. Hearing it had felt, for the first time, like a validation – as though there might be a reason why he saw things so differently from Luke. As though, perhaps, he hadn't just failed Luke at the critical moment.
There was a knock at the door. Somehow Emmett wasn't surprised. “It's open,” he said.
When Luke came in, Emmett realized he'd been half-expecting this all night. It seemed like they had some unfinished business. He didn't get up, just looked up from where he sat on the couch.
Luke wore his usual post-concert outfit – clean jeans, a t-shirt, bare feet – just like he used to, all those nights on earlier tours – so many nights – when he'd call Emmett to ask if he could come over, then slide to his knees inside the door and wait with that air of stillness and tranquility. Emmett shut his eyes at the memory, and when he opened them again he saw Luke watching him, focused and intent, but with a familiar softening in the lines around his eyes.
“Were you waiting for me, Em?”
“Not…exactly,” Emmett said guardedly. He stayed motionless, as Luke crossed the room toward him. There was an armchair beside the sofa but Luke didn't take it.
“Where's Mary-Ann?” Luke asked, glancing around at the beds.
“She sleeps over at Sarah's when I'm playing.”
For a moment Luke remained standing, while Emmett looked up at him, and then he slowly lowered himself to his knees in front of Emmett.
“Listen,” he said, gripping both of Emmett's hands in his own. “I might have no business saying this, but …” He seemed to gather himself, then fixed his hazel eyes on Emmett’s in a long, steady look. “But we just got to find a way. We have got to be together, we just have to. I know you feel it too.”
Emmett had allowed his hands to be held, but now he jerked them away. “What are you saying?”
“I know it's not that simple, I don't expect you to take me right back, but…” Luke's open palms settled on Emmett’s thighs. “But we have to find a way to make it work. To be together. You see it too, don't you?”
“Luke, you can't – ” Emmett moved away from him awkwardly on the sofa. “You can't do this to Laura.”
“Oh.” A small breath of laughter came from Luke, as he dropped back onto his haunches. “I forgot you don't know.” His face turned solemn again. “She fell in love with her piano player, and this time he loves her back. So she's leaving me. We’re splitting up.”
“What?” Emmett stopped moving, with his widening eyes fixed on Luke’s. “Are you…really?”
“Yes. For real. She's way happier with him than she was with me. We're announcing at the end of the tour.”
Emmett couldn't tear himself away from Luke's earnest gaze. Around him, the world fell into a million pieces, and slowly fitted itself back together again into a new and infinitely better one. “So – so…what does that mean? You're a free man?”
“Free as I can be when someone owns my heart.” Luke gave a small smile, and reached tentatively for Emmett's hands again. “So can we…”
Emmett couldn't hear anything else. Luke's upturned face felt delicate in his cupped hands, and his words trailed away, hanging in the momentary hush. Then Emmett leaned down to cover Luke's mouth with his own. Luke seemed to stop breathing, and his mouth parted slightly, but he didn't move until Emmett's hands ran through his hair to the back of his neck and down his back, lifting him up. As if by instinct, Luke looped his arms around Emmett's neck, and in another moment Emmett was on his feet with Luke cradled in his arms.
By now Luke was kissing him back and Emmett wanted that to last forever, but he wasn't as young as he used to be. He took a few steps over to the nearest bed and bent over to set Luke down, their mouths still pressed together. Luke kept his arms around Emmett’s neck, holding him in place, until he seemed to realize what he was doing and let go abruptly.
Emmett straightened and looked at Luke, now lying motionless on the bed, staring up at him with glistening eyes and a slightly open mouth.
“This is what you want?” Emmett asked. “I'm – allowed to do this now?”
The warm lines in the corners of Luke's eyes grew deeper. “Anything you want.” He tugged Emmett closer, and Emmett dropped onto the bed and started to gather Luke back into his arms.
“But hold on, hold on,” Luke said, scrambling up to a sitting position and facing Emmett. “Just let me – let me say one thing first.”
Did they have to keep talking so much? Emmett didn’t want to let go so he kept his hands on Luke’s hips, but leaned back a little to give him space. “Okay.”
“I want to tell you…” Luke took a long breath and squeezed Emmett's thigh. “I know things are complicated. You got your own life and your own stuff going on, and – and your own way of seeing the world. I want to be with you however I can – whatever way it works for you. I got no conditions. If you don't want to be public – if I have to share you – it's okay. I'll live with whatever works for you.”
At first Emmett didn't understand where this was coming from; their old struggles seemed so alien and far-away to him now. But as Luke finished his little speech, Emmett realized and rushed to explain.
“Luke. I broke up with Denise before you came over.”
“What? You did?”
“Yeah. I mean, I didn't know about you and Laura, I just knew I couldn't go through that again. I only ever thought I could marry her because you guys seemed happy together and I figured if you could do it, I could too. But tonight I knew I couldn’t. I just couldn't stand being in love with you and married to someone else, again. Even if you were.”
“Em – ” Luke leaned forward, burying his face in Emmett’s chest.
“And you know what else…” Emmett went on, wrapping Luke in his arms and tucking his chin on Luke’s shoulder. “I don't mind if you want to go public. I mean, it's your career – you already showed me you can throw it all away and rebuild it if you want. If you don't care, why should I?”
Luke pulled back, grasping Emmett's forearms. “No, it's your career too. Even more now – you got your own business and your own band – ”
“Yeah.” Emmett couldn't help smiling as he thought about it. “It's funny, but now I see things like you do. Times have changed. I’ve changed. I mean, I might lose some business – maybe even a lot of business – but I won't lose it all. There's always gonna be some people who like my work and don't care about the rest. They'll stick around, and that's good enough for me. Maybe it'll be tough for a while – I might even have to lean on you a little, if you don't mind helping me out – ”
“Anytime,” Luke breathed.
“But it's just like you said. We'll figure out a way to make it work. We have to.” He tugged Luke closer and kissed him again. This time Luke responded fervently, holding Emmett's face in both hands and pressing back with growing urgency. When Emmett slid his hands under Luke's t-shirt, Luke paused for breath and reached for the buttons on Emmett's pajama top.
“Can I get you out of these now? Please?” he whispered.
“You first.” Emmett pulled Luke's shirt over his head, then unbuttoned his jeans and started to push them down. Luke kicked everything off impatiently and once he was fully stripped, Emmett leaned back against the headboard so Luke could get started on him.
“Hey Luke,” Emmett said, running his fingers down the line of Luke's spine. “Would you mind if I just held you tonight? I think I want to just … feel you against me all night.”
“Anything you want.”
***
In the morning Luke woke up smiling, but when he stretched an arm out and didn't connect with anything his eyes opened in alarm.
“I'm right over here,” Emmett said. He stood beside the sofa, holding the phone in one hand. “Just getting Diane to clear everything so I don't have to be anywhere today. And I asked Sarah to hold on to Mary-Ann for the morning.”
“I should've remembered, you're always up before me.”
Emmett came over to the bed, carrying the phone. “You want to call Janie? Our flight's not till late afternoon, so we can hang out here a while if you want…?”
Luke pulled Emmett back onto the bed and kissed him, then took the phone and rested his head on Emmett's thigh to call Janie. When that was done Emmett moved the phone away and looked down at him, stroking the hair off his face.
“Wanna fool around?” Emmett said. “I'm not too old, you know – it was just so much to take in last night.”
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“Yes please.” Luke laughed. “But I didn't bring anything with me, I wasn't that confident when I came over yesterday.”
“I got some.” Emmett produced a bottle of lube from the bedside table. He saw Luke's surprise and explained, “I've, uh…had a few guys up.”
“Oh yeah? How come? You never used to pick up men…”
“You know why. I missed you too much.”
Luke sat up, smiling, and kissed Emmett's arm. “I bet none of those guys suck your dick like your boy does though.” He took the small bottle and turned it around in his hands for a moment, then put it down on the table behind him. “Y'know I ain't done this in seven years. Maybe we should take it slow for now.”
“We got lots of time to get you ready again,” Emmett agreed.
“The rest of our lives.”
They spent the morning getting each other off, taking turns and then recovering in each other's arms, laughing at how much longer things took now, and reminding themselves of everything they used to enjoy. It was noon by the time they started to notice how hungry they were. Emmett ordered omelettes and coffee, and Luke retreated to the bathroom when room service arrived.
“It's just for now,” he protested, re-emerging when they were alone again. “Because no one knows about Laura yet – I don't want stories getting out saying I'm cheating on her. But I ain't gonna hide like that forever.”
“Glad to hear it,” Emmett said. “’Cause I can't wait to tell the world I'm your man.”
Over brunch at the table in the suite, they began catching up on the past and sharing plans for the future.
“When did this all happen with Laura?” Emmett asked.
“Well, she just told me over the break. I guess it might have been developing for a while.”
“And you waited this long to tell me?”
“I was…” Luke gave him a sheepish look. “I was trying to figure out if you might be interested.”
“You had doubts about me?”
“Well, jeeze, Em, you got yourself engaged.”
“That was a mistake. But you're married – and I was pretty sure about you.”
“I knew you still had feelings for me. I just wasn't sure you'd want to try again after everything we been through…”
“There's nothing I wouldn't go through,” Emmett said quietly. “After all the mistakes I've made in the past.”
Luke leaned across the table to kiss his mouth. “Me too.” He paused for a moment before taking another bite of omelette. “I don't think I could've kept going much longer the way we were anyway.”
“You mean, since we started the tour?”
“Yeah. I mean, I knew I was playin' with fire when we started acting up again onstage. I couldn't stand everything being so awkward but once we started going back to the old ways…I don't think I could've stood that much longer either.”
“It’s a good thing Laura found the right guy, man. But what would you have done if she hadn't?”
“Honestly…” Luke set down his fork and folded his arms on the table. “I would've either…” He hesitated, still thinking. “I would've either asked Laura for a divorce, or stopped playing with the band. It just couldn't go on like that.”
“Losing the band again so soon…that would have broken my heart.”
“What about you, Em? Could you have kept going that way?”
“Being your friend while I was in love with you? That’s what I always expected. How I thought it’d be for the rest of my life.”
“You mean before, while we…?”
“I never thought we could have a future together like – like this. Like we’re going to have now. I figured it was impossible, so we’d have to go back to being friends eventually. I made my peace with that a long time ago.”
Luke shook his head, lines creasing his brow. “I couldn’t do it.”
“I knew it would be hard on you. I kinda thought…I almost hoped you’d fall in love with someone else first, to make it easier on you.”
“And you thought that’s what happened with Laura?”
“Well, I – I hoped so.”
“That I got over you so fast? Wasn’t that – hard to take?”
“I mean, I wanted one of us to be happy at least.”
“Jesus, Em.” Luke let out his breath and reached across the table for Emmett’s hand. “You gotta think of yourself sometimes too.”
Emmett tilted his head and smiled. “It’ll be different this time.”
“Yes. You’re your own man now.”
“And we can both be happy. You were right about the future, Lukey. I didn’t think this was possible, but you did. You held out and got what you wanted.”
“I didn’t hold out, I got lucky. But I’ll take it.”
“What's Laura gonna think about us getting together again?”
“Oh, she'll be so happy for us. I gotta call her today and let her know. Wait, we fly to Madrid this afternoon, but the first show's tomorrow so…we can hang out together again tonight, right?”
“I'll have Mary-Ann, so you can't stay over. And if you don't want stories getting out, we better not try anything in front of her – she sees everything and spills everything.”
Luke laughed. “Okay, I'll stay in my room and call home tonight. But on show nights she stays with Sarah, so I can come over then?”
“You better.”
“Four nights in Madrid…five in Amsterdam, four in Rome…” Luke was counting on his fingers. “So we still get thirteen nights together before we go home.”
“I thought Laura and the kids were joining us in Rome, after she finishes her shows.”
“They are. But she's not going to mind if I slip out once the kids are asleep.”
“Do they know yet?”
“No, we'll tell ’em when we're home. How'd Mary-Ann take it when you and Angela split?”
“She was so little, she hardly understood what was going on. Yours are older, more like Robbie and Walt when I left. That was a lot harder.”
They took their coffee over to the sofa, where Luke sank back against Emmett's chest.
“So what's the plan after we get back?” Emmett asked, his fingers running through the light hair of Luke’s chest, tracing the muscles of his abdomen.
“Well, I'll go home with Laura and the kids. Not for long, just to break the news and help them adjust. A couple of weeks, I guess. Then I promised to move out and let them all stay there, so Jase and Julia aren't too disrupted.”
“Yeah, that makes sense.”
“I kinda need a place to crash though,” Luke said, half-embarrassed. “Any way you could put me up for a bit?”
Emmett laughed. “Sure, Luke, but I got to warn you, my house is full of kids.”
“Well, I think Robbie's going out on tour again, so that should be one less.”
“There's always gonna be room for you.”
***
Luke and Emmett spent the rest of the tour in carefully managed bliss. They didn't try to hide their rejuvenated closeness during the day, even if their sleep-overs were a closely guarded secret. In the end Luke took Janie into his confidence so she could help them manage the situation, and Emmett didn't tell a soul, not even Robbie. If the rest of the team guessed anything they had too much sense to speculate in public.
In Rome, Laura met Emmett with a warm hug and a whispered “Congratulations!” that he returned. Onstage, Emmett and Luke welcomed her back to the front line like they were three co-conspirators, Emmett and Laura joining forces more often than ever and Luke throwing himself into their collective embrace rather than running between them. On performance nights, Jason and Julia would keep company with Mary-Ann, and Laura had no objections to Luke slipping away to Emmett's room.
After the tour ended, Luke went back to the farmhouse with Laura, and the two of them worked together to explain their new situations to the children. The news was a shock, but Jason and Julia were resilient and eventually took everything in stride. They didn't know Pedro very well yet, but they had no objection to Emmett being an extra daddy.
Meanwhile, Emmett returned to the house at Forge with Robbie and Mary-Ann, joining Walt who was already there. Once he heard from Luke that the news had been broken on that side, Emmett filled his own kids in on everything. Robbie was decidedly unsurprised, Walt initially stunned but happy for him, and Mary-Ann – still a bit miffed about the second mother she'd been cheated of – mollified at the idea of a second father instead.
On a chilly day in early December, Emmett stood on the front steps of his house and watched Luke's Jeep pull into the driveway. As Luke climbed out, Walt and Robbie loped outside to help unload and carry in his bags and guitar cases. Luke stopped on the drive to read the large banner Mary-Ann had spent the day working on, and Emmett had helped her to hang from the wall outside:
Welcome to the family, Luke!
Robbie paused on his way to the van to hug Luke. “Like I didn't know,” he said, laughing. “You guys gotta work on your sneaking around skills, bro.”
“Don't worry,” Walt called out from the van, “I moved into the basement so you guys can do whatever you want upstairs.”
“Like it?” Mary-Ann asked, suddenly appearing at Luke's side.
“I love it.” Luke wrapped his arms around her, then let her take his hand and lead him toward the steps.
“Seriously,” Robbie added, following them with a couple of suitcases. “I got a place downtown, I'm moving in next week. And when I leave for my tour, Walt's gonna take it over.”
“But meanwhile, you gotta remember we're not as rich as you are,” Walt said sternly. “You gotta wash your own dishes here.”
Luke couldn't stop smiling as he made it up the front steps with Mary-Ann to where Emmett was waiting with a look of benevolence and muted elation. He slid an arm around Luke's waist and bent down to kiss his mouth. “Welcome home, Lukey,” he whispered.
By Christmas everyone had adjusted to the new situation. Laura hosted them all at the farmhouse – Pedro, Luke, Emmett, Robbie, Walt, Mary-Ann, Jason and Julia – and the new blended family began to take shape. In January, Robbie headed out on tour with his old band and Walt moved into Robbie's apartment, leaving only Mary-Ann with Luke and Emmett…until Jason and Julia came to stay while Laura and Pedro headed south for a vacation.
In February, Laura and Luke put out a joint news release about their separation, which was old news by then to their immediate friends and family. Luke and Emmett decided not to formally announce their partnership and just let news get out, which it did very quickly. They eventually confirmed it in a joint interview in Purple Haze magazine, with an accompanying photo spread that re-created their classic Saving Grace cover pose. That issue of the magazine sold out within days.
Luke had not released any albums since his last solo record in Seattle and it was time for a new recording contract, but he'd instructed Jerry to hold off on negotiations until his relationship was public knowledge.
“I want to work with a team that's got my back when they know the whole story,” he said firmly.
So Jerry started looking after the magazine article came out, and while the new deal he eventually secured was somewhat smaller and less lucrative than previous ones, it was with a mid-sized label that fully committed to supporting Luke and the band.
Times had indeed changed over the six or seven years since Luke and Emmett first discussed coming out. Luke's popularity had already taken a hit during his solo years, and while the news of his relationship with Emmett had some impact, he continued to slowly rebuild his reputation. Most of his remaining fans had grown up along with him, and he'd also gained a newer, younger audience that was familiar with bands like Bronski Beat, REM and the B-52s. Public attitudes had evolved over the years, and education had reduced the fear and panic about AIDS. Luke's music had also changed – it was more sophisticated and political these days – and with the band's reunion he was seen less as a blue-collar champion of the working man and more as a thoughtful troubadour and storyteller. In the end, his world adjusted.
The effect on Emmett's business was even less noticeable, since most of his clients knew him personally, and generally cared more about the quality of the work he provided than who he lived with. By the time Emmett told his parents he suspected they'd already been filled in – likely by their grandkids – as they only hugged him and told him they were glad to see him so happy. The rest of his extended family, and his Mountain Top band-mates, were taken aback, but generally more impressed that he'd scored such a high-profile partner than shocked about it being a man. In the end, Emmett lost a few friends and a handful of clients, but nothing that made an impression on his overwhelming happiness.
After a couple of years, Pedro and Laura bought a new house together and moved into it. Luke and Emmett took over the farmhouse, while Jason, Julia and Mary-Ann alternated between their two sets of parents. Walt returned to the house beside Forge and co-ran the studio with Emmett.
Luke's next album was recorded with the full band at Forge and released in early 1995. It got stellar reviews and sold respectably – less than his most successful albums but enough to pay the bills. The band went back out on tour the following year, and the pattern continued in the years that followed. They never reached quite the same heights of fame and stardom they once had, and Luke could look at the crowds from onstage and see how some of his former fans were missing. But the ones that remained loved him better than ever.