In the morning Luke woke up suffused with a sense of well-being before he remembered why. When he stirred and brushed his arm against Emmett's thigh, the general contentment was instantly replaced with a surge of pride mixed with the giddiness that always came with completing a challenge and shedding a load of pressure. Oh yes, he'd done it.
He looked up, smiling, and saw that Emmett was sitting upright in bed, wearing his robe and his glasses, drinking coffee and reading a newspaper. That struck him as funny, but also unusual since Emmett almost always woke up earlier than Luke and didn't usually wait around for him.
“Hey, Em…”
Emmett glanced down, putting the paper aside. “You're awake.”
“Yeah, what time is it? You waiting for me today?”
“It's around nine. I wanted to let you sleep.”
“Oh thanks, man.” Luke stretched, shifted onto his back, and propped his head against Emmett's thigh. “Guess I needed that.”
“Breakfast is here but I just left it covered, should still be hot. Want some coffee?”
“Sure. I'll get it.”
“Naw, stay there. I'll bring everything over if you're ready.”
“Not yet.” Luke sat up, not sure he wanted to move on to something as prosaic as breakfast just yet. He felt like he did after a particularly exhilarating show, when he wanted to stay up all night and hash over the best moments with the rest of the band. He leaned his head against Emmett's shoulder and looked up with what he hoped was a winsome smile.
Emmett obviously knew what he wanted. He pulled Luke closer and bent down to kiss him. When Luke drew back, Emmett was looking at him indulgently, like a proud parent who doesn't quite understand their child's achievement.
“You must feel…relieved,” Emmett suggested, like he was guessing.
“Damn right.”
Emmett laughed. “You did great last night. I'm the one that fucked up again, falling asleep before you got your turn. Want me to go down now?” He started to push the covers aside to check Luke's state of arousal, but Luke put a hand out to stop him.
“Not right now, thanks.”
“I owe you one.”
“You don't owe me nothin’.”
“Maybe later.”
“I'm just glad I didn't put you to sleep with all that…” Luke made a kind of face. “…Lovey dovey stuff. You were so patient with me.”
“It was very sweet and relaxing…but I was way too worked up to fall asleep.” Emmett slid out of bed and went over to the table where a coffee pot and breakfast tray waited. He refilled his coffee cup, poured out another, and brought them both back to bed. As he handed one mug to Luke, his face softened. “You were very brave, Luke.”
“Thanks.” Luke accepted the coffee and the compliment, still thinking about the night before. He remembered the rough texture of the carpet on his bare knees and how long the trip across the hotel room floor had seemed. That might have been the hardest thing he'd ever done in his life. “It was a bit scary sometimes. But you were real nice.” He elbowed Emmett with a little grin. “When you weren't ordering me around.”
“Just trying to…stay in character.”
“Next time you can stay in character by making rules for me. The hard part was – ”
“Next time?”
Luke looked at him, mouth still open in confusion.
“You want a next time?” Emmett said.
“You don't?”
They stared at each other, stunned into momentary silence. Luke could hardly believe what he'd heard. Had he somehow misread everything? No – that was impossible. “But you liked it as much as I did!”
Emmett seemed equally bewildered. “Sure it was fun last night, but now that you've done it why would you want to do it again?”
“Why wouldn't I? Why wouldn't you? Em – you admit you liked it.”
“Just because we liked it, doesn't mean…”
“Doesn't mean what?”
“Well, that…it's good for you.”
“You're worried about me?”
“I always worry about you, man. Anyway, didn't we have a deal? If I did it once you wouldn't ask me again.”
“If you didn't like it – but you did. You do.” Luke jumped out of bed and paced around the room in frustration. Every time he thought he got somewhere – made things clear, got them both on the same page – something went wrong. Last night he'd been so sure; he'd dared to believe Emmett was onboard. Now that progress seemed to be slipping away. Sometimes he thought Emmett just didn't want to hear what he was saying.
He turned at the hotel room door and looked back to the bed, where Emmett sat watching him with troubled eyes. As always, Luke's stomach clenched a little at the sight. He remembered the night before; Emmett waiting for him on the edge of the bed – powerful, imperious, and yet somehow filling Luke with the courage and security he needed to start that most difficult of journeys. Emmett always gave him the strength to go on. Of course he wasn't resisting Luke on purpose. If he didn't hear Luke, it was only because he didn't yet have quite enough faith. But that was okay; Luke had enough for two.
When Luke crossed back toward him, Emmett shifted over to the edge of the bed as though unconsciously recreating the previous night's scene. Maybe Luke was too, because he found himself dropping to his knees and taking Emmett's hands in his.
“Look, Em…” he began, taking a breath. “This is real important. Because I will keep my promise. If you really don't want to do this you can just say so and I'll never raise it again. You know I love you and I always will, however you want, whatever way you want. But if you're thinkin’ we should stop for my sake, because you don't think it's good for me, you're makin’ a mistake. I loved what we did last night and I want to keep doing it. It ain't wrong, it might be the greatest thing you could ever do for me. But – ” He broke off with his usual sheepish chuckle. “I mean, no pressure.”
As always, Emmett could not withstand Luke at his most persuasive. “If it means that much to you, we can talk about it. But I – I don't get it.”
“You can't tell me you don't like bein’ in charge, Em.”
“Sure, but so do you. You love running the band and the business and…”
“Oh, I'm still gonna be in control of all that. Music, work, the band, business, that's gotta be my job. I just want you to be in charge of everything else.”
“You mean, like, in bed, or…everywhere?”
“Everywhere.”
“But why? Why do you want someone else to control your life?”
“Not someone else, man, you. Because I'm your boy. Because I know you'll help me hold things together and you'll keep me in line when I go too far.”
“That doesn't explain – ”
“Listen. Right now I'm in charge of a lot. You seen me. The bigger we get, the more power I get…it ain't always pretty. And it's just gonna get worse if we really take off.” Luke sat back on his haunches but didn't let go of Emmett's hand or take his eyes off Emmett's face. “I'm not always the man I want to be. But you make me feel like I could be.”
“So I – I'd kinda be sharing the burden with you.”
“Well…yeah.”
Emmett still looked uneasy, but he leaned down to take Luke's face in his hands. “I want to look after you however I can.”
As always, the touch and the words flooded Luke with a sense of solace. He reached up to put his hands on top of Emmett's. “Does that mean we can keep doing it?”
“You're doing it right now, man.”
They both laughed as Emmett stood up, hauled Luke to his feet, and wrapped him in his arms. After they kissed, and Luke blinked away the nascent flood, Emmett picked Luke up and deposited him on the bed.
“Breakfast,” Emmett announced. “Before it gets cold.”
This story has been stolen from Royal Road. If you read it on Amazon, please report it
“Sure. But let me…”
“No. Sit still. You say I'm in charge, right?” Emmett stood beside the bed, looming over Luke with mock menace.
“Uh…”
“Things are gonna be different around here. Starting with you eating a good meal when I tell you to. And maybe you'll get that blow job after all.”
“Jeeze, you don't waste any time.” Luke settled back against the headboard, then seized Emmett's hand as he started to walk away. “Hey, Em, hold up. One more thing.”
Emmett paused and waited, watching Luke.
“I really wanna be sure you know this. You and me, we ain't just friends.”
Emmett laughed aloud and dropped a kiss on top of Luke's head. “I know that. I think I've known for a while, but I knew for sure after last night.”
“It's okay with you?”
“Yep. It's more than okay with me.”
***
For the rest of the tour, Luke was as happy as he'd ever been. Once more, he'd taken a huge risk and, once more, it had paid off. At long last, he and Emmett were fully in sync; he had everything he wanted, with no need for caution, no need to hold himself back.
Maybe the best part was being able to spend as much time as he pleased with Emmett without feeling like he had to ration out his calls or visits or suggestions to hang out. In reality, both of them were busy most days in different ways – Luke with media promotion, tour logistics, and, increasingly, accountants and finance managers; Emmett with his side projects, his family, his workouts, training, instruments. But Luke loved their new practice of getting together at the end of the day to compare notes and make plans, if the evening was free. Mornings when they didn't wake up together, he'd call or meet Emmett first thing to check in, find out when they could meet – for lunch or dinner or at the end of the day – and ask for any instructions Emmett might choose to give him.
Emmett warmed to their new arrangement quickly. It wasn't even that new, Luke often thought; he'd been letting Emmett lead for so long that Emmett had already kind of assumed that role, if perhaps subconsciously. Now that it was more open, Emmett seemed to relish thinking of new ways to take advantage of it.
At first he only targeted Luke's well-being; making little decrees that required Luke to eat balanced meals, rest more, and generally take better care of himself. Luke had expected this, and if he rolled his eyes internally at some of it, he still obeyed cheerfully, hoping for something more entertaining as Emmett's comfort grew. He didn't mind at all when Emmett stepped up the workouts he had to follow, developing a whole new routine and schedule for him that required almost daily visits to the gym. Luke liked working out but hadn't always made enough time for it in the past; now he couldn't wait to see the results.
Soon Emmett started taking Luke out clothes shopping. “Dress well to be treated well,” he'd say, and Luke recognized his mama's voice. Emmett had a good eye for style and didn't want to completely change Luke's look, just give him a few sharper edges. Shopping with him was eye-opening for Luke, who’d never thought much about clothes and still wore the same faded jeans and sleeveless tanks he'd probably been wearing when they met. He had no objection to the black satin vest or lace-up waistcoat that Emmett picked out for him, and only a small protest about the button up shirts Emmett wanted him to wear underneath. It had never occurred to Luke to visit a tailor in his life, so Emmett took him to his own, where Luke waited quietly while he was fitted for new, more up to date jeans and formal trousers, which Emmett said he needed for media events. In a few cases, when Emmett suggested items that really didn't work for him, Luke quietly asked to be allowed to pass, and Emmett never insisted over his objections.
By the time Luke's new wardrobe was sorted out, Emmett had fully adapted to his role. He was too kind by nature for capriciousness or cruelty, but he amused himself by setting small tasks and requirements for Luke and especially enjoyed being waited on and generally idolized. That suited Luke well, since he got plenty of adulation himself from his fans and preferred to offer it up to Emmett. It was almost a relief to stop trying to tone down his two most instinctive responses to Emmett – admiration and deference.
Navigation between the work world, which Luke ruled, and the rest of their lives, in which Emmett was king, turned out to be surprisingly easy. Emmett had always been an ideal band member – receptive to instruction and eager to learn, never resentful or defensive. None of that changed; he slipped into and out of his role as employee easily and comfortably. For his part, Luke had always regretted his moments as band leader when passion or frustration led to harsh words or acrimony; Emmett inspired him to keep his temper in check, even in his worst moments.
Neither of them made much of an effort to hide their intimacy from the band and crew. Luke had never cared if people noticed his physical closeness with Emmett, or saw them walk in for breakfast together. Janie had regular access to Luke's hotel room so she presumably noticed the many nights he wasn't in it. Luke assumed his relationship with Emmett was an open secret within the organization, but he trusted the people around him not to speak publicly – if not out of loyalty to him, then out of fear for their jobs. Everyone in Luke's operation knew how he felt about trust, and no one had any doubts about what betrayal would mean.
They were more careful not to reveal the new dimension of their relationship. Emmett, especially, was meticulous about maintaining boundaries in public. Luke learned to defer to him unobtrusively in group situations; when someone made a suggestion or asked about plans, he resisted the urge to shoot Emmett a questioning glance and simply kept quiet until Emmett made his preference known. When anything complicated came up, they discussed, consulted, and resolved in private.
At Emmett's suggestion, they agreed to continue seeing women casually, so as not to raise public curiosity. They both made an effort to show up for parties or media events with a date, and Emmett continued to bring the occasional woman back with him to the hotel, which he said was to ensure no rumours got started about their preferences. Luke didn't mind the odd night in his own hotel room; he spent most of them in Emmett's.
Best of all were the nights after the band played a concert. The shows themselves didn't change much, since Luke had always thrown himself all over Emmett onstage anyway, and he couldn't take too many chances in the brief moments of darkness between songs. But he had a much better solution now for the post-show adrenaline drop, at least on days when Emmett didn't have other company. After a quick round of congratulations and thanks to the rest of the band and the local organizers, he'd return to the hotel as soon as possible, usually before Emmett did, where he'd shower, put on clean clothes, and wait for Emmett's call to invite him over.
From the moment he arrived in Emmett’s room, Luke would feel himself approach a kind of peaceful equilibrium – not the plunge into weary emptiness he used to know, or a hyper need for ongoing stimulation to stave off the drop, but a sense of being exactly where he needed to be. Once inside, Emmett would give him a kiss or two before heading off to his own shower and post-show routine, and Luke would take off his clothes, kneel by the door, and wait. That long, slow, solitary waiting period was the real transition point for him – where he left his manic performance energy behind and steadily filled himself with stillness and tranquility, the simple wait for his man to be ready for him. Even after Emmett came back into the room, he often left Luke a while longer, as though recognizing the gradual meditative process he was going through. Until, finally, from bed or chair or couch, Emmett would lift a hand and gesture for Luke to join him, and then their night would be underway.
Emmett did indeed impose rules in the bedroom, and better yet, he also started treating Luke like a true lover rather than a friend with whom he had casual encounters. Luke was elated with both developments. He’d always served, in some way, as an object of desire – from his earliest days as a boy at the discos to his performances now for thousands of ardent fans – so it was a relief to finally be treated like one by the man he loved. Emmett’s rules added elements of both excitement and challenge, and Luke liked pushing himself. If he'd been a bit bored with straight, conventional sex for a while now, his new sessions with Emmett reinvigorated him.
Emmett had been surprisingly accurate about his ability to share Luke's burdens. That wasn't how Luke had thought of the arrangement at first, but he found that eliminating all decision-making outside of work – leaning on Emmett to decide everything – gave him a sense of weightlessness, a lightness he hadn't known since childhood. He’d been carrying the load of life alone since he'd left home as a teen; now, for the first time, he could simply hand some of it off. It felt like a luxury for him as much as a way to honour Emmett.
Luke still carried his old ideas of service and obligation, but sometimes it was hard to imagine he was providing service in an arena full of fans all chanting his name. Now service was right here in front of him, in the form of a kind, strong man with a smile that lit up his world and the most comforting hands he'd ever known.
***
“You seem good,” Eddie observed.
Luke glanced at him over the top of his beer mug. “What d’ya mean, good?”
“You know…happy.”
“Sure I'm happy,” Luke said with a laugh. It was a warm sunny July day in Baltimore and they were sitting outside on the hotel patio, unwinding after a long day of arranging and rehearsals with a local musician who would be joining them onstage for a few songs that night. “Nice to work with Shawn, that set should go over well. Thanks for helpin’ with the arrangements.”
“I don't mean because of that.” Eddie glanced around and raised his eyebrows pointedly. “Where's Em?”
“In his room for a call with his kids,” Luke said. Of course Eddie assumed he knew Emmett's location; he always did. And naturally Luke had checked in with Emmett for approval before joining Eddie at the hotel bar.
“You haven't yelled at anyone in almost a month,” Eddie went on in his slightly nasal drawl. “Jenny says you're almost friendly to her.”
Luke smiled behind his sunglasses and didn't respond.
“No hissy fits in the sound check. You let Pete wear the most god-awful shirt yesterday, didn't blink an eye. It's almost like you're in love. Or at least getting laid on the regular.” Eddie drained the last of his drink and put the glass down. “But the weird thing is I don't see you bringing any girls back lately.”
It was too pleasant outside, too close to the end of the tour, to take the bait, and Eddie was too much like a brother to worry about whatever he might be getting at.
“So I guess it's not a girl that makes you look like…what is it they say? The cat that ate the canary.”
“I feel like I ate a lot of canaries,” Luke said with a chuckle. “Have you seen the tour numbers? The royalty statements? The Top 40 charts? We're everywhere, man. Don't see why I need…”
“That ain't what I mean,” Eddie cut in, and for a moment he lost his ironic smirk and faced Luke with set lips and an intense gaze. “You know what I mean.”
Luke shrugged. “I don't get your point.”
“I'm trying to look out for you, that's all. You know it's not a secret who you're involved with. Everyone knows.”
This time Luke met Eddie's eyes evenly. “I ain't worried. Everyone in this organization knows what happens if they talk.”
“Maybe, but if they do, your career's over; you'll tank overnight.” Eddie spoke bluntly, then hesitated a moment and chose his words with care. “Listen to me, Luke. You ain't Jobriath, he ain't Sylvester. Your music’s not glam rock or disco – you're doing straight up blue-collar rock. Your fans are factory workers driving big old American cars; they are not going to stand by you on something like this. I know you always want to be big and bold and take a risk, but don't kid yourself you can ride this out.”
“I'll take my chances, man.”
In a sudden movement, Eddie leaned forward, grasped Luke's arm on the table top, and lowered his voice slightly. “It's his career too, you know. Are you sure he'd agree with you?”
For the first time Luke was taken aback. “What do you – ”
“You're always ready to put everything on the line. Would he do it too?”
They faced each other for a moment without speaking, and then Luke looked away. Eddie relaxed his grip, let go slowly and stood up. “I'm just asking. Hey, I'll see you tonight, okay?”
Luke gave a half-hearted wave and sat alone in the waning afternoon sunlight, thinking about what Eddie had said, and then about Eddie. When he first left home, Eddie was like the brother he'd never had. In those early days, the two of them had stood side by side – both young and afraid, fighting for their own futures; they hadn't so much joined forces as kept each other company in their struggles. Then Emmett came along, took his place beside Luke, and added his considerable strength to Luke's fight. Luke would never forget the comfort of Eddie's companionship in the worst of times, and he'd never begrudge Eddie his own dreams or success. But Emmett was the one he saw a future with.