Finally, much of our preparations for leaving were underway. Piercey had been working diligently on connecting Gael and his warriors with our neural interface so that they could receive the same warnings I did about demon attacks. It wasn't operational yet and I didn't feel safe leaving the Valley until it was, but Piercey assured me that within the day he would work out the kinks created by bringing so many more people into the system.

What bothered me more than anything was not having time to figure out who was behind the increasing demon attacks.

I'd been about to travel back to the Sacred School for Elsie's performance with the other children, when the warriors had caught me a few last minute questions. Then, as soon as I returned to the Sacred School, Piercey pulled me into the conference room with him and Gael to discuss the alert system for the demon attacks and battle strategies.

If I left now, I would have just enough time to see Elsie before the show started, but I couldn't escape all the people with all their questions. I breathed in deeply when a student studying teleportation saw me in the hall and chased me down to ask questions.

It wasn't his fault. I reminded myself that over and over as he talked. "I love that you're focused on this. I have to go, but I'm going to find you as soon as I return. It may be a while. Okay?"

"Okay, thank you." He gripped his hands nervously in front of him, nodding a little too quickly. "I'm sorry for taking your time."

Forcing myself to offer the most genuine looking smile I could, I thanked him again for his devotion to his studies, and raced toward our courtyard, where I knew Elsie would be squeezing in a last minute training session. This time, Leif of all people jumped in my path and grabbed my shoulders.

"Did you hear? I made a spark of fire with my power."

My heart soared with joy, but it couldn't compare to my stress at having been sprinting around on little sleep, fighting battles and training small armies. I squeezed his arms back and gave a small scream. "I love that and I need you to go away."

His eyes widened. Anyone else might have asked questions, such as whether I'd lost my mind, or if I was okay. Leif knew me though and he understood the pressures I was under. He didn't even say goodbye, but instead pushed me forward in the direction I'd been rushing, and yelled out, despite that there was only one student I barely recognized nearby.

"No one talk to Max!"

A small smile crawled onto my face despite how stressed I still felt.

I reached the courtyard finally and breathed in the fresh air, ready to hear Elsie squeal my name. She was already gone, though. I bit my lip and looked at the place she normally kept her wooden swords, noticing they were gone.

They must have gone back to our apartment to get ready or had already gone to the show. Elsie was probably so excited to get there.

Cutting through the courtyard, I decided to go straight to the show, because I was sure if Elsie wasn't there, she would be soon enough. The tingle of warning struck me like lightning and turned my legs to lead. One of the villages was calling for help. What the hell was happening? How could I possibly be dealing with another demon attack?

I would miss Elsie's show. My breath started to come in short sports, my eyes trained on the door leading to her. She'd worked her ass off for this and I would miss it?

If I sent a message to Piercey, Gael could travel and fight the demon. What if he couldn't handle it, though? I couldn't sit there watching Elsie play with swords while children were slaughtered in the streets. I needed to travel there, assess the situation, and decide if I could leave in Gael's hands.

When I left for Elias's world, I wouldn't be able to do this. I'd truly be leaving the people in his hands. Dread churned in my depths.

My hands shook and I couldn't stop it this time. I'd breathed through panic before but no matter how I tried to ground myself, I started to feel like I was slipping from my body.

I clasped the armrest of the bench, bowing forward. Now wasn't the time for this. I needed to reach out to Piercey, travel to the village, and try to get back in time for Elsie.

With everything, I tried to cling to my world, to concentrate hard enough to communicate with Piercey through the neural link, but for the first time in over a year, my world slipped through my fingers anyway.

I managed to hold onto my surroundings long enough to feel my body smack against the ground, and then I was gone, traveling into a past I had lost control of.

I found myself lying beside Nash in the days after we'd killed Flare, when the world had freshly fallen apart, and we had no idea of what would happen. When we'd had a few days to ourselves to recover and be together and dream about what the future might hold.

"Death isn't hanging over you anymore. You can live." Nash's breath warmed the side of my face.

I'd never felt such freedom. Not even the looming war for control of the valley could hamper the thrill of a life with Nash.

----------------------------------------

I shoved myself off the ground so fast that dizziness forced the world around me into a spin and I fell back onto my hands. Fear filled me that I could slip again and lose my hold on time.

How long had it been since I'd received the alert and passed out? My stomach rolled with waves of nausea as I tried to travel. For the first few attempts, nothing happened, and then finally I managed to go to the people who'd cried out for my help, who I'd left unanswered for the first time.

The acrid scent of smoke burned my sinuses and blotted out my vision. The small village housed only thirty people and it sounded like all of them were screaming. Stumbling forward, I searched for the feel of the demon, desperate to figure out who had attacked this poor village.

How many people had died while I slipped through the past?

I felt the power then in a massive surge that actually slammed the smoke back against me.

Half a dozen men and women charged at me, all teeming with power.

Of all the days. I aimed my energy bow and shot arrow after arrow, feeling like I was spiraling out of control. "Who are you people?" At any moment, I could slip away again. I thought that I had moved past slipping and that it could never happen again. But they'd inundated me with an onslaught while Piercey was busy helping Gael and his people transition here and I was completely exhausted from the lack of sleep.

As I notched more energy arrows, I remembered Elsie's excited voice as she told me about her show.

"Fuck!" I screamed it so loud that it made my throat ache.

The arrows tore through the man's arm and shredded his bicep.

I was supposed to be at Elsie's show right fucking now.

I couldn't miss this. She was so excited for me to come and I missed everything all the time. Elsie was a sweet girl who never complained even though I knew that she wanted me and Nash to be with her every day. I'd heard her tell her mother that we had so many important battles to fight and that we were away keeping them all safe. These words couldn't mean anything to her though when she was standing before her friends and family, her classmates, showing off the sword fighting she'd been practicing, and noticing that I was absent from the crowd. Nothing would matter except that I wasn't there. And I wasn't just Maxy anymore. I was Ma now.

"Where the hell are you all coming from? Answer me."

I wasn't sure if these enemies were weaker or if I was so angry that I wasn't holding myself back. I sprinted toward one, teleported, and slashed my blade across his chest to rip it wide open. Spinning, I moved so fast that I didn't need to travel. I'd stabbed my sword through his throat.

Blood burst over my hands and glistened in the sun.

Three more ran for me like blind, panicked fools.

With my energy bow back in hand, I shot one through the chest. Another managed to cast the arrow away, so I met him head on, using my palm to throw a ball of energy against him.

He slammed back against the building, twitching.

That left one staring at me now. The courage had long since fled his eyes and in its place was only fear. But he didn't run. He walked toward me, sword raised, shield ready. The fool still relied on his weapons instead of his power. Could he really be connected with the woman I'd just defeated the night before?

I shot forward so fast that he might have thought I'd teleported and wrapped my hands around the collar of his shirt. With a strength far beyond my own, I ripped him off his feet into the air, and shook him.

Right when I started to question him, a tall man cut through the haze with his sword dancing for me.

No time to chat. I sliced a small dagger of energy across his throat and dropped him. Turned in time to drive my energy blade for the new demon. His physical sword clashed with mine as the ground beneath me began to shake. He was surprisingly strong for someone who needed to rely on physical weapons.

"Who are you?"

With a cry, he forced my blade away and spun to cut for my throat. I blocked and slammed a forceful wave of energy at him.

"Answer me," I said.

I felt more power surrounding the village. It didn't all come from this man. There were even more lurking about.

The rage and adrenaline had temporarily made me feel wild with power, but that had come at a cost, because now it felt like every ounce had been spent. My weakness from the past few days and the lack of sleep compounded with the effects of slipping through time so I felt like I could hardly stand, much less fight. This was dangerous. I'd lived like I could endure any amount of suffering and it had finally caught up with me. Why did I always do this?

The demon rushed me with an onslaught of attacks, fast and strong. I could beat him if only I could grasp a hold of my power. It felt like it leaked out from me like water I failed to catch.

It was hard to feel my body. Was it happening again? Was I about to slip? I absolutely could not.

I unleashed a cry and sprang back with my energy bow materializing in my hands. Shot five arrows rapidly. Instead of drilling them into his body, I sent them flying around him in a circle. The surprise caught him off-guard and gave me enough time to detonate the arrows.

The explosions crashed into him from all sides.

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I didn't wait to figure out how much damage had been done. With my arrows triple notched, I aimed directly for where I heard his heart beating and fired. Then, I tried to teleport to him, skipping to a stop only three feet away.

Every inch of my body tingled. I'd overdone it in the state I was in and I couldn't manage to travel any further. With a shot of energy, I cleared away the smoke surrounding the demon, and my stomach tightened at the spot. Elsie was waiting for me though and there was something wrong with me. I could hardly feel my hands. Numbness spread over my fingers. If I slipped now, this demon would wreak havoc on this town, even being so weak.

I tried to blink away the dizziness.

The demon cradled a severed hand against his chest that hung by a thread. The explosion had ripped bloodied and burned holes all over his shirt and pants. Blood dribbled from his nose and both sides of his mouth. The three energy arrows protruded from his chest, not deep enough to have struck his heart, but enough to hurt him.

I raised my arrow again. He raked in a rattling breath and let his injured arm fall so he could retrieve his weapon. The amputated hand bounced against his leg.

A massive surge of energy physically shook the town and throbbed in my chest like it had hit me there. What the hell was that? I had my arrow drawn back as a sense of awareness scratched at me and I looked to my right.

A demon spinning through the air like a human spear, hurling himself directly for me. I pivoted to aim the arrow at him, but it merely bounced off his body.

Bracing myself, I struggled to gather the energy for a strong enough shield when a form slammed into the spinning body and sent him careening out of control.

Gael caught himself mid-air, hovered for a few seconds, and then landed on the ground hard.

He'd come. Why hadn't I called out to him for help like I'd planned? Stupid. Careless. Between slipping and the panic of another demon attack when I needed to watch Elsie's show, I hadn't been thinking rationally. I'd mindlessly jumped into battle, ready to fight. I had to start thinking again. It was like slipping without traveling through time. I was running on autopilot, which turned out to be me fighting alone like I had so often done this past year.

Gael cut a look to me, seeming to take note of my appearance, which I could only assume was uncharacteristically disheveled. I must have looked fucked up because the concern in his eyes now looked significant. "Are you injured?"

"No. I'm just…"

"Exhausted. Your energy feels strange. Return home and we'll take care of this."

I hadn't even realized anyone had come with him. Turning around, I noticed two warriors behind us, scanning the perimeter, and caught a glimpse of others in the smoke, already spreading throughout the village.

That surge of energy I'd felt had been from his portal. "I can't. I don't have enough energy."

The man Gael had knocked the ground rose and stumbled toward us. The strength of his own attack had forced him down hard enough that the left side of his body was scraped from head to toe.

Gael didn't make an effort to move but a sheen of energy crackled against his skin, his eyes trained on the enemy. One of the warriors who had stood behind us walked to the demon I'd injured and killed him.

I breathed deeply as I watched the demon still standing roar, low and guttural, while chunks of the earth dislodged and wavered between us.

Instinctively, I prepared to lob a wave of force at them, but first felt the energy building around Gael. Without moving, the sparking sheen around him intensified until it glowed like the sun and the same power now sparked against the massive chunks of ground floating in the air.

They slammed into the demon then and buried him in a pile of dirt. The sparks danced along the pile until I felt the last of the demon's energy die out and listened to his heart slowing. Gael lifted his hand, forcing the demon's body up through the air and threw him down between us.

I stared at Gael in shock, not because I was surprised to see him wield such power, but because I couldn't believe that he was actually helping us. It seemed too good to be true after a year of struggle.

I looked down on the demon, the rage at this attack coming on the heels of the others fueling me now. "

Blood pooled at the nape of his neck. "Your arrogance astounds me. You think you can fend us off forever. We're only getting started."

"What do you want?"

"Everything." He leaned forward with his eyes glistening. "This world is broken and hopeless. We need to tame it and make it into something worthy of the gods."

"Only a fool lives for gods who care nothing for them." I planted my boot against his bloodied throat to keep him down. Using my power on someone weakened so greatly never felt right. "I know you're connected with the other demon attacks that have been popping up all over the valley. Who is sending you?"

"You aren't as cruel as them. You could never be. No one will ever talk to you until–"

"As them? Who are you talking about?"

He uttered a mocking laugh. "If I tell you, will you take me out to the cabin like you do for the others?"

A tremble started in my numb fingers and spread up my arms. "You've talked to the ones I let live." What had I done? I'd left them alive to connect or even to return to whoever had sent them.

He gasped as my boot tightened against his throat.

"Eclipse… I expected you… to be more ruthless."

My nostrils flared. "That's not my name."

Blood dripped from the side of his face from where it had scraped against the ground. "I'm never going to speak… So kill me now."

"I won't kill you, but you're not going to the cabin either."

Gael joined me, staring down on the demon. "My men say they can handle this village without problem from here."

"We need to find out about casualties."

"Only two."

Only two. That was fortunate considering how many were here, but it was still two. If I hadn't slipped, they'd be alive. Anguish gripped my chest.

"I'll take you home," he said. "They're fine here."

It felt impossible to leave this mourning village behind before the flames had even been put out. This was my test, though. If I couldn't leave now how would I go to Elias's world while time continued unpaused here? Elsie was waiting for me and it was clear that Gael did have this covered. Yes, I wanted to comfort the families of those who had died, but I would have to send someone in my place.

"Okay," I conceded quietly and clasped his arm. "I'm glad you came."

I was sure that he wanted to ask questions and I was thankful that he didn't.

Gael opened the portal in an explosion of power that knocked me back a step. Impressed, I watched him for several seconds, before finally nodding at the demon on the ground. "He's coming with us."

----------------------------------------

Frazzled and more tired than I ever remembered feeling, I finally opened the door to where families and children gathered in one of the larger classrooms.

Tears flooded my eyes as I saw Elsie sitting beside Nash with the swords lying on lap. I stepped forward and caught Nash's eyes as he turned around. The relief on his face looked palpable when he saw me. Surely, he'd been worried sick about me. That was likely how Gael had known to look for me.

He closed his eyes for a moment and breathed out slowly before slipping into the aisle, whispering something to Elsie. I tensed, thinking she'd turn around to see me, but her attention remained glued to the little boy dancing at the front of the room. Part of me hoped that I hadn't missed her, except I knew the lineup by heart, seeing as how Elsie knew it by heart, and had rattled it off for days now.

The dancing boy came second to last. Elsie was one of the first ones. I'd missed her performance.

Nash caught my hands and stepped into the hall with me. "What happened?"

"There was another attack."

His eyes scanned me, searching for injury. "How bad is it?"

"I'm not hurt."

"Then what? You look injured."

I let my head fall against him, feeling too weak to stand. "I slipped, Nash."

Nash's hold on me tightened. "Okay. Come on. Come sit."

"I missed it," I whispered, unable to hold back the tears.

"It's okay."

"It's not." When he started to lead me to the door, I pulled back. "There's no reason for me to go in there. Let her finish her show."

I hung out near the back while Nash returned to his daughter and breathed in deeply when the crowd began to disperse at the end.

Elsie looked all around, eyes settling on me. She released her dad's hand and started to run to me. Trin and her husband watched her, the sympathy they felt for her obvious and fueling my guilt.

"Maxy!" Elsie slammed into my legs and grabbed me tightly. "Where were you?"

When I knelt down, I realized that she wasn't angry, but relieved. She looked scared.

Guilt pounded so hot in my temples that I thought I'd die from it. "I tried to make it. I promise."

"I watched for you."

"I'm so sorry, baby. I'm so sorry."

Her eyes filled with tears. Her face puckered. I knew she was second away from full blown sobbing, so I carried her out into the hallway and away from the crowd.

She buried her face against me and cried hard.

"I thought you were never coming back," Elsie wailed.

I understood what she didn't have the words to say, because she was too little to realize what she felt. She knew I would never miss this performance, so she'd assumed the worst, no matter what anyone told her. My heart broke as I thought back to days I hadn't been around to witness, after I'd died and gone to the afterlife, when Elsie thought I was gone forever.

It had been a long time since I'd cried hard and I really didn't feel like doing it. I struggled to swallow down the sobs making my throat ache as she cried far harder than her little body seemed capable of.

Nash joined us, drawing me back against him then, and I couldn't hold it back.

Thinking about Elsie learning I had died last year was so horrific that I normally didn't allow myself to ever remember those days. It was all I could think about now and how that fear would live with her forever. She'd always worry that the past would repeat itself. But she was so little she probably didn't even know she felt that way.

I turned my face against Nash's chest to silence my tears.

"I can help you now." His voice sounded resolute despite the pain creeping around the edges. "I'll learn faster."

I wilted in his arms, not having the strength to tell him how much training it took to wield power like I did.

It wasn't just that I'd missed Elsie's performance. Her Ma had missed it. I was no longer simply Max but this little girl's Ma–and I realized I had no idea what that truly meant. I hadn't had the time to figure it out and Elsie wouldn't wait on me to grow. She was getting taller, smarter, older. Becoming her own person. And I was missing it.

Battle always brought with it victory and defeat. I'd tasted success and failure more times than I could count. But this failure, the pain and disappointment that replaced the sparkle in her eyes with tears, was my greatest yet.

Once Elsie had calmed down, her mother took her to get ready for bed, and I paced the hallway.

"Max–" Nash took my arm in his hand.

I pulled away, unable to stay in one place.

"It's not your fault," he said as I sought out the closest door to the outside. As soon as I reached them, I stormed through the outer doors of the Sacred School into the white wasteland of the mountain top.

The cold numbed me to the core.

"It's not safe to be out here without a coat, Max." Nash had followed after me.

"I've devoted myself to this Valley and in one night I failed it and Elsie. How could I fail when I fought so hard?"

Nash took me in his arms again, this time not when letting go when I pulled back. I couldn't deny his warmth in this bitter cold, but I didn't deserve his comfort.

"I killed Flare and the Prophet and now I can't put the broken pieces back together. It's killing me."

"I know."

"I can't let it hurt Elsie too. I didn't just choose you. I chose her. I love her." I wiped my face, realizing I was yelling, and unable to stop.

Nash pushed my hair back from my face and forced me to meet his eyes. "I'm the one who is failing her. I'm her father."

"I'm her Ma."

The words silenced us both, maybe the realization for each of us that we'd come too far for Elsie to be just his daughter anymore.

Hot tears flooded my eyes and blurred his face. "She asked me to be her Ma and I said yes. That means I can't miss her life."

"Okay." Nash wiped my face, nodding. Voice quiet. "Okay, you're right."

"She needs me. I let her down. It doesn't matter that I couldn't help slipping. I let myself get to that point. I can't afford to fall in battle. I can't get so beat down that I'm regressing to being swept through my life uncontrollably. This is my power to control, my life to live, my responsibility to be alive and well for Elsie."

I might have kept yelling, except Nash's warm lips eased against mine, and I accepted them desperately. "You're right. We can't keep doing this. We'll fix this." He drew back to see me. "We. It's my responsibility too."

"If I'm ever going to be the Ma I know I can be, I have to start taking care of myself. I can't die on her again."

Pain as deep as the valley opened like a rift in his eyes.

"I can't die and miss our life."

I was torn in two with the valley ripping at me on one end and the family I so desperately wanted on the other. When I'd fallen for Nash and decided to start a life with him, I'd known that I also wanted to be there for Elsie. But it wasn't a clear thing to go from being myself to being a family. I'd always thought I would have been a good mother. I was failing. No more. I hadn't wanted to go to Elias's world, but maybe he'd been right that the answers I needed were there.

The only way to help the valley and take care of my family was to figure out how to step away. Gael had proven capable of leading a force who could protect the Valley in my absence. I'd done what I needed to do in order to leave.

"It's time to go to Elias's world," I said. "I'll use this battle to become who I need to be and I don't want to wait any longer to do it."