“Are you sure about this?”

I cocked my eyebrow at Dr. Drake. Was that a serious question? “Yes. Absolutely. Let’s do this, now. I need to get back to my people as soon as possible.”

“You can take more time to recover from what you’ve been through. You experienced death, Max.”

“I’m ready to go home. Come on.”

I tapped my fingers against the table. We’d just learned that the Collective gave all the worlds like mine the right to continue without being shut down while they conducted investigations into the supervisors.

I breathed slowly and met Dr. Drake’s eyes. “Thank you for your help. When I come back, I’ll remember what you did for my world.”

“Be careful, Max. You’ve already felt so much pain. If you lose this body, they won’t make you another.”

“I will.” I breathed in deeply. “You said Flare was with the Prophet in the temple. Are you sure there’s no sign of her leaving?”

“I’m sure. I’ll pull you back into this room after you confront her. If she can't be reasoned with, let me take care of her.”

Reason with her. Ha! I had no intention of reasoning with Flare.

Dr. Drake took my hands and looked into my eyes with what truly must have been the look of a god. So full of wisdom and grace.

"Max," she said. "You have many lives to live. You're so young. Remember that what you do matters, in every life and every world."

I squeezed her hands. "See you on the other side, Dr. Drake.” I lay down and closed my eyes, ready to wake up back home and deal with Flare according to my rules.

----------------------------------------

Dr. Drake did not disappoint. I woke up at the Door of the Gods with the promise that when I walked out, I would be wherever I wanted to be in the world. And I knew exactly where that was.

Dying hadn’t been easy. Coming back to life wouldn’t be either. I hesitated before the door, realizing I was trembling.

“It’ll be fine,” I whispered to myself. “Be strong.”

Taking in a deep breath, I lifted my chin and stepped out of the door into the courtyard at the Sacred School. The smell of hickory and grass filled my senses. Home. This had become home for the first time to me.

I wanted to run for Nash, but first I needed to see what was happening. They had all been through so much already. I had to be careful.

Dew wet my boots as I tiptoed into the yard. The sun had just risen. Quietly, I picked my way to the door, and opened it slowly so it didn’t make noise. Silent steps carried me to the residential hall and into Nash's suite.

I steadied my breathing as I slid the door shut and crept to the bedroom. Standing in the doorway, my heart pooled in my stomach. Nash slept in the middle of the bed with Elsie bundled up in his arms.

If I was careful, I could wake Nash without Elsie stirring. But I didn’t know how to do this without giving Nash a heart attack. Maybe I should have waited until he woke up.

My heart stormed. I couldn’t.

Morning sun shone on the ground beneath the curtain. I stood in it, staring for a moment. His curls were a mess, his beard growing out, and the bed was covered in Elsie’s toys and clothes. Imagining him here for this past week, likely more certain with each passing hour that I’d never return, grieved me deeply. My heart twisted as I slid into the bed beside him and placed my hand upon his heart, settling my lips against his ear.

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“Nash,” I whispered. “Wake up.”

His eyes opened. I rubbed my palm gently against his chest, wanting so badly to erase the grief of the last week. For a moment, he didn’t move, and then his eyes lowered to my hand, his fingers barely grazing mine.

“I’m dreaming.” It came on a breath. Pain contorted his expression as he turned his face toward me and his glassy eyes met mine. “Don’t make me wake up.”

“Then walk with me,” I whispered, kissing beneath his ear. “Quietly.”

It wouldn’t hurt him to believe this was a dream for a few minutes. I took his hand and pushed a pillow against Elsie’s back when he stood.

Nash didn’t move when I tugged his hand. His eyes were wide and his mouth open.

“It’s okay,” I whispered.

His hand was limp in mine. I led him out of the bedroom, down the hall, to the courtyard door, and out beneath the pale of the morning sky.

“Shh,” I said as we walked for the large tree where we could hide.

He looked like he slept-walked as he followed me. I turned to face him, hot tears sliding down my cheeks.

“Nash.” My voice hardly worked.

“This can’t be real.” Emotion shook his voice, his broad shoulders. “We waited as long as we could with your body. It’s gone now. You’re gone.”

“Nash, this is real.” I took his hands, keeping my voice calm and gentle. “I was with the gods.”

“I’ve lost my mind, haven’t I?”

“Okay… Okay, sit down.” I tugged him toward the ground. “Come on.”

I sat on my knees, close now. This time, he really looked at me, and I saw all the agony that had twisted him up. My heart broke. I had done this to him. I had left him.

“You feel me.” I wrapped my arms around him and drew his head to my shoulder. “That’s all that matters. I’m here.”

Nash grasped me weakly. “You went unconscious. Dr. Henderson forced you into the white room. Piercey couldn't stop her. And then we found your body abandoned in the snow outside, bloody and cut badly.” His arms tightened around me until it was hard for me to breathe. “Flare stood in the distance while I picked you up. Fucking Flare.”

I ran my fingers through his tangled hair. “I’m here now. The gods showed me favor.”

Nash dipped his hand into his shirt and pulled up the black burial beads of the dead. "We returned you to the gods. I buried you, Max. This…" He squeezed the necklace in his palm. "This is all that remains of you."

My stomach revolted at the beads. "They gave me a new body." I wanted to rip the necklace from him and throw it off a cliff. Shivers cut down my spine. That had once been me?

"I can’t let myself believe this is real. It’ll hurt too bad when I wake up." He drew back and looked at me, leaving the beads hanging at his chest. “I can’t lose you again.”

“The gods gave me an avatar like Flare has. You aren’t losing me.”

We sat together until Nash had calmed enough that I thought he could walk. I wasn’t sure that he believed any of this was real. I would have thought I was losing my mind too.

Once we were inside, I nodded toward the residential hall. “Wake them up. I’m afraid I’ll put them all in shock like I did with you.”

#

I twisted the bottom of my shirt and looked at each person as we sat on the grass together. Trish and her husband had taken Elsie away so she wouldn’t see me yet. But everyone else was with me. And no one spoke.

Might as well start. I breathed in deeply. “I have no idea how to help you all cope with this except to be honest. I’m here to stay.”

Nash leaned against his knees, holding his head. “I’m afraid I’m hallucinating that all of you are seeing her too.”

“We’re all hallucinating if you are,” Leif said.

“Flare took me to the Eclipse," I said. "One in the past. I died and woke up in the next life.”

Wren scooted closer and turned my hand over so she could trace her fingers along my palm. “You feel normal.”

“I confronted the gods and convinced them to give me an avatar like Dr. Henderson has.”

“Why did the gods agree to this?” Piercey asked, the first time he had spoken.

“They told me sorry for the suffering they had caused and let me come because I only died due to Dr. Henderson.”

“As a god? Have they returned you to us in god-form?” Leif asked.

“No. Besides, they don’t see themselves as gods."

Nash lowered his hands, the look in his eye changing. His voice cracked. “This is real.”

“Yes. It’s real. It–”

Nash hooked his arm around my waist and dragged me down to the ground against him, his embrace strong, desperate. The shock had passed and I had him here, with me. Rolling me onto my back, he kissed the side of my face, my jaw, my lips. A laugh loosened the tenseness in my chest.

“You’re here.” He kissed me hard. “You came back to me.”

His fingers dug into my sides like if he didn’t keep a hold of me, I might slip away. It didn’t matter who saw. Couldn’t matter. We’d lost each other and now we were together again.

“We’re still here,” Leif said. “In case you give a shit.”

I smiled as Nash’s lips pressed against mine again.

They laughed and teased and I hardly heard a word of it. Soon we would need to fight the hardest battle of our life. There had to be a moment to be reunited.