“Again,” Nash said.

“It doesn’t matter how many times I do it.” I swung my sword with both hands and groaned. “I never break your defense head on.”

“You can’t be good at everything instantly.”

I tilted my head back and breathed out slowly. “Fine. Let’s start over.”

Nash glanced over at Elsie where she played in the courtyard grass. The temperature controlled-zone had given her the closest thing to home she could get while outside. “Okay.”

When I’d imagined getting to know Nash better, I had thought it would be alone. Somehow I felt that I could never have glimpsed the true him without his daughter here. Sure, I’d be lying if I said I didn’t want some child-free time with him. We’d had some time together while Elsie slept, but I’d quickly learned that I needed to sleep when she did. She was more exhausting than full days of training.

Still, I wouldn’t trade the time for the world. I loved Elsie. Yes, already. She grew on me quickly. And her dad wasn’t too bad himself.

I thrust my blade forward, knees bent. He deflected it again with only one hand holding the large sword.

“Damn it.” I’d said I was ready, but frustration already clawed at my chest. “Not even close.”

We trained until my arms felt too heavy to lift, and then met everyone for a lunch that Piercey had prepared himself. Leif passed a plate to his husband and son. Wren poured a glass of ale for herself. Piercey and Nash both took chicken from the platter at the same time. Trish and her husband sat down with Elsie, ready to eat their first meal since arriving at the school.

I let out a chuckle. One big awkward family.

Despite all that had happened, peace flooded me. I almost pushed it away, but denying joy wouldn't change what was coming. I couldn't change the future I'd observed anymore than I could the past that I'd lived. Everything I'd experienced existed all at once–past, future, and present. So much so that I hadn't even been able to die.

Strange. I'd avoided thinking about it so much that I never considered that I'd never seen beyond my death, or everything leading up to it. Not that I had expected to see beyond, but I didn't know what was coming. I'd assumed I was powerless in my death because I couldn't prevent it. What if I had more power than I thought?

I might not be able to change that I could die. What if I could choose why I would die? Or what if I could fight for my world after I died? I told Flare I'd fight her in the next life. Like so much I said, I'd only uttered in anger. Could I really do that?

Piercey sat down across from me. "Tell me what you think of the potatoes. It's a new–"

"If there's a passageway to the white room, then there must be a passageway to the after-life."

He blinked and lowered his fork. I thought he'd tease me for interrupting him with something like that, except that this was Piercey. His expression went from intrigued to despondent in moments. Fear clouded his eyes.

"What?" I asked.

"Have you thought this through?"

"No. I was realizing it when you sat down so I blurted it out."

"It's not a good plan." He looked around as if to make sure no one was listening. "You'll want to enter the after-life like you did the white room and tell everyone there about Dr. Henderson. You're right that there must be a passageway to the after-life, but there's only one way to get there. You have to die."

"Well, I'm going to die. We know that. It works out."

Frustration leaked into his voice. "There's no way we're going to figure out how to break into the after-life with our memories intact. It isn't possible."

"You've thought about it for about a minute. It's worth researching."

"No."

"This is because you don't want me to die."

"Yes." He lowered his voice when he became too animated. "Obviously, I don't want you to die."

"Let's meet in the library."

"The library?" Nash asked as he approached. "Are we making more war plans?"

Piercey stared at his plate. "That would be a better use of our time."

"What would be?" Leif dropped down hard enough on the chair that I worried it would crack.

"Stuff that stresses you out," I said.

Leif hooked both elbows on the table and scooped potatoes with his fingers. "Made up words about your power?"

"Yes," I said.

"Technology," Piercey mumbled.

This content has been unlawfully taken from Royal Road; report any instances of this story if found elsewhere.

"Made up words," Leif said.

Arn settled Rune's plate beside Leif while the little boy climbed onto his lap. "Good smells, Papa."

Seeing them together again made me feel whole.

Nash smiled at the boy. "Elsie said the same thing. Have you gotten to play with her yet?"

Rune nodded vigorously. "She hit me with two sticks."

Nash's shoulders dropped. "Oh. I'm so sorry."

"It was fun. She wants to sword fight like you."

I twisted around to watch Elsie run up and down the table of food, sticking her finger in dishes along the way to sample it. "Now that's something to be afraid of."

Leif clasped his son's shoulder. "It's good for him to get a few good whacks. Builds his pain tolerance for battle."

Piercey raised his brows but everyone else at the table nodded at the fair point.

My eyes lingered on Rune and the inexplicable joy shining from his eyes. Just looking at him, I would have never known he'd been separated from his papa and held captive. Freeing him wasn't enough. If I had to die, I had to know that he would live in peace. Rune and Elsie both.

"I missed you, buddy." I reached across the table and tapped his nose.

He giggled and squirmed. "I missed you more, Auntie." Then he twisted to look at Elsie as she sat beside her mother. "Is she your new buddy?" A hint of fear, even jealousy, tightened his voice.

"You're my only buddy. Always. But she is my new friend." I smiled. "My pal."

"I'm your buddy and she's your pal."

Nash and Leif both chuckled as Rune repeated the words to himself. But I could only watch, frozen by the thought of how close I'd come to losing him.

Never again.

The battle to free them from the Prophet had only been the first in a war and I could let nothing hold me back, especially not now that I had even more to gain.

Having everyone together for dinner brought so much fullness to my heart and flooded me with joy, but at the same time, made me dread all that could still happen.

Piercey left his food only half eaten to make more potatoes when the children frowned at the empty bowl. They had gleefully followed after Piercey to help him cook, or rather run around the kitchen while he did the work. I couldn't help but think that he looked incredibly happy having so many people around.

"Try this." Nash pressed a piece of chocolate to my lips. "I don't know what it is but it's amazing."

"Chocolate," I said, sighing when I ate it.

Leif eyed us across the table and Arn nudged him. "Stop it," the other man whispered.

"Seriously?" I asked. "After all that has happened?" It was Leif's first day at the Sacred School and it had not occurred to me that he may not have accepted Nash yet. "Nash is on our side."

"That's only the first step to earning my trust." Leif anchored his elbows on the table and pointed at Nash. "What will you do when Max gets stubborn and refuses to listen to anyone?"

"She does that everyday," Nash said, non-plussed by Leif's behavior. "Watch this."

He grabbed my cheeks, twisted my face to him, and plopped a kiss on my lips. My cheeks warmed.

"See? Distracted. Problem solved. Move on."

"Wow." I pushed him. "You don't do that, do you?"

"Sometimes."

I gasped. "I'm never going to trust your kiss again."

When Nash grinned, I realized he was messing with us, Leif and me both.

"Oh. More games." Narrowing my eyes, I looked back at Leif. "He's on his last chance. You may not have to worry about him for long."

Nash snorted.

"Mock me and see how that goes for you," I said.

Beneath the table where no one could see, he smoothed his hand slowly over my knee. "It goes quite well, generally speaking."

"The arrogance."

Leif groaned and shoveled more potatoes into his mouth. "Fine, so long as you understand that you'll answer to my blade if you hurt her."

"That sounds reasonable to me."

"It's not reasonable at all. I don't need you to coddle me, Leif."

Arn worked his arm around Leif. "He needs to coddle you."

"I do not," Leif mumbled, but then glanced up at me.

I could not fail at protecting this family I had pieced together.

Later, when everyone finished eating and became caught up in conversation, I led Piercey to the library to continue our talk.

"Time isn't linear." I folded my arms on the table. "We only experience it that way. Except, I don't always. I can't change what I've already experienced. It happens the same every time, but I change each time." I leaned against the table, eyes intent on Piercey. "Every time I relive something, it sticks with me."

Piercey looked like he was piecing together a puzzle with his mind. "Time isn't a barrier for you."

"Exactly. However long we have before Flare strikes, I have longer than that. I have more time. If I can learn how to control my slips, I can travel throughout my life for as long as I need to."

"What would you learn though? You can't change anything. You're only observing."

"You love re-reading books. Come on. You know what I stand to gain if I just stop fearing it."

Understanding lit his eyes. "You can look for different angles."

"And find out what the limitations of our world really are."

He straightened. "Max…"

"I'll only be able to find the passageway to the after-life as I die. I'll have to die again and again until I glimpse it and learn to pry it open." I swallowed down the lump forming in my throat. "We are meant to travel to the after-life. There's a way."

"You can't get past Henderson. She's locked up that door. We're stuck here."

"Are we?" I picked at a loose thread on my sleeve. "I've avoided my death so far. But I've spent my life bouncing between these two Eclipses and every experience tied to them. There's more here for me to learn. You found a way to break into the white room and take over our simulation. I think we can do the same with the after-life."

Pain filled his voice. "We'll figure out how and I'll be the one to do it this time. It's too risky."

"This world needs you. Look at what your graduates are doing. You have students."

Piercey grabbed my hands. "You're the one with something to lose. You can't leave Nash and Elsie when you're just starting."

I swallowed hard and looked down. "I'm going to die, Piercey. That's why I can't die now."

"Reality is so complicated. You've experienced the Eclipse, yes, but you did die in your first two lives that way. Maybe you're hopping timelines. Maybe you aren't going to die in the eclipse here."

"Then why can't I die otherwise?"

"You're assuming that's why. It could be that you subconsciously drew upon more power and saved yourself."

"I didn't."

"Why have you always stubbornly clung to this death?" He ripped his hands away. "You left me behind once. I know how it feels to lose you. That little girl shouldn't have to go through that."

"Piercey–"

"No. Nash was right. You refuse to give up on anyone. You refuse to give up on our world. But you jump at the chance to give up on yourself. I won't stand for it."

I lowered my head into my hands. "I need you for this, Piercey. After I relive everything, I need to connect with you again so you can experience it, and we can figure it out together."

"Fine. But I'll be the one to go to the after-life. I'll train Val to take my place in case of the worst. There's no one to take your place for Nash and Elsie."

How must it have hurt him to say these things to me? "I can't let you die for me."

"I can't let you die for me either."

We stared at one another. No words could bridge this gap. We both meant what we'd said.

I settled my hands against the table, feeling too heavy to hold myself up. "Fine." I sighed. "Neither of us can let the other die. We'll just have to find a way to break into the after-life and make it out alive."