We needed to return to Elias's world as soon as possible to deal with his guild before they got tired of waiting and tried to force answers out of Elias. I couldn't leave until I felt sure that Gael was ready to protect the Valley, and it proved to be a process to bring his people over.

They had to portal here, something that not all of their warriors could do. Gael said it would take around a week to help transport everyone here due to the limitations of portalling for such a large amount of people. They planned to bring nearly two hundred warriors to help patrol the Valley and set up training grounds at the Sacred School. As many students and family members would follow when we returned from Elias's world.

And while I needed to help Piercey as he flew around the school trying to prepare for this influx of people, I had little time to do anything except manage an increase in attacks along our coastal border and fend off an increasing number of demons sighted in the villages. I'd carved out a short amount of time to train with Nash on using his power while Elsie played. Now we rested on the bench, both incredibly tired.

We'd consistently had threats all over the valley to deal with, but this was a noticeable increase.

"It's because Gael's people are coming." I whispered quietly to Nash while Elsie played in the courtyard. "This proves that the attacks aren't random. They're watching us and they're coordinating."

"So they're distracting us during a transition?"

"That and testing us, maybe? I just keep thinking about those warriors we ran into not long ago. Remember the ones who hid their power? They even let some of their own people die."

"Yeah." Nash furrowed his brows. "I remember."

"Ever since then, I've been playing back demon fights in my head, and feeling like some of them were holding back. I don't know. I may be paranoid. I know there's a lot of people wanting to use our power vacuum to their advantage. I just think some of what seems to be random chaos is actually orchestrated."

Nash wiped a smudge of dried blood from my neck that I had missed when I washed up. "You should have brought me with you."

"Elsie's here and we're going to be gone for who knows how long."

"You're exhausted. You only slept three hours."

I nestled against him, letting my heaviness fall onto him. "I'll just have to nap on you."

"I'm serious, Max. We're about to travel back to Elias's world and take on his guild. You can't go into it completely worn down."

"You need to be with Elsie and work on your power. I'm fine."

Looking unconvinced and concerned, Nash groaned, his body stiffening. "I've been patient for a year while you're running around the valley killing yourself. I'm ready to fight with you."

I stopped myself from speaking because we'd had this argument many times where I told Nash that he had always been fighting with me and he said not the way I needed. We'd only go around in circles and there really was no putting this disagreement to rest. Nash didn't like helplessly watching me protect the Valley on my own. I couldn't blame him for that, even if I wanted him to understand that I couldn't do this without him, and I'd never felt left alone.

After a beat of quiet, I wound my fingers through his and let my heavy eyes close. "Back when my power sealed away, I still slipped. It was like the past was so powerful, it could steal me away even from the instructor's curse. I remember sometimes I'd lie in bed and try so hard to feel my body so I could stay put." I slid my arms around his waist and held him close. "When I hold onto you, I always feel myself. I never slip away."

The tension remained in Nash's body until he uttered a quiet sigh and I felt him melting. "I know. You don't feel alone anymore and you don't want me to think you do."

"I want you to understand how powerful you are just like this."

We looked at one another with the light filtering through the dome of the courtyard dim from the snow dusting the air overhead. "One day you won't need to reassure me of that, because I'll actually be powerful enough for you to need me."

"Nash–"

"Don't soften it. Don't tell me it's okay and I don't need power. I don't care about any of that. I care about watching you slowly kill yourself while you travel around this Valley. No words or sentiments matter. Until you can sleep through the night in our bed, I will not be content."

A fiery desperation flooded me, the kind that came in the midst of battle, to deny everything he had said and force him to accept himself, love himself, the way I did. Wasn't that insulting, though? If I couldn't fight a battle, would I want someone telling me it was okay? That wasn't how warriors thought. Nash hadn't been born with power but he'd been born to wield it, because he had the drive to fight the most powerful of enemies. We'd set something right in this world by getting him a neural implant.

"Fine," I said. "I'll stop arguing with you and let you feel how you feel on one condition."

Surprise filled his eyes. I never backed down on this fight. "What?"

"That you accept that to me, you're everything I need, and you always have been."

Nash wanted to fight that too. I saw it burning in his amber eyes. He nodded, though, and drew me back against himself. "Okay. Now rest and don't fight battles that don't need to be won."

I smiled to myself, the weight of exhaustion, the weight of a valley resting squarely on my shoulders, falling off onto him. This feeling never lasted, but I cherished the brief moments of peace.

For years when my power was sealed, I had yearned to unlock it, so that I could fight for my people and free them from the grasp of the Prophet. I'd wanted nothing more than to return home with Leif, Arn, and Rune to sleep with the peace of knowing that I could stop anyone who came to hurt my family. Wake in the morning to train with Wren and feel certain that each day we fought for a better future. Having this power I now wielded, freeing my people from the prophet, returning to the home I'd shared with Leif to see peace… These were the dreams that dominated my heart once.

Flowers budded on the tree in front of me in white petals with a soft yellow center. They scented the breeze with their sweetness. Elsie plucked one and lifted it into the sunlight, her cheeks round and her eyes dazzling. Her little hand wrapped around Nash's pant leg as she gave it a tug and lifted the flower to him.

Those eyes of his. The sun glowed deep within them. Glowed as he smiled down at his daughter, leaned forward, and let her place the flower behind his ear so the barely unfurled petals nestled into his curls. Sweat dampened his collarbone from training, but he looked so gentle with her that it seemed impossible for hands that knew war so well to now softly pat her head.

Before, I'd wanted the power to win wars for my people. I now wanted something new that I couldn't have dreamed about in those days.

The heaviness of guilt bore down on me as I longed to turn off the neural connection and take these coming days to travel with Nash and Elsie to sea. To lose ourselves to the crystalline waters and the towering cliffs guarding the fjords. I wanted to forget about the power I'd fought so hard to regain, put away the fight for peace in the valley that meant everything to me, and leave my village behind for days of bliss with them.

This tale has been unlawfully lifted from Royal Road; report any instances of this story if found elsewhere.

I wanted my own home.

We didn't have much longer before we had to get back to work. Elsie deserved more than that. Needed more than that and so did we.

Even though I knew that we deserved the chance to live our life and be happy, the desire to abandon my responsibility here, even for a few days, burned through me.

He picked Elsie up and set her on his lap, while giving me that look that said it all. I couldn't breathe as I looked into those eyes of his. Eyes that always saw through me. We had to figure out this chaos in the valley so we could have more time for this. We'd made a promise to each other when we decided to be together and now were letting the chaos of the valley get in the way of moving forward.

Elsie pulled the flower from his ear, twisted to me, and pressed it to mine. "Pretty Maxy."

"Hey," Nash said. "That's my flower."

"It's our flower, Daddy. We all share."

He chuckled and kissed her temple. "That's right, baby."

The innocence in her eyes made my heart pound with that desire–that need–to run away from all this stress and take them some place quiet. "Maxy, can you have another name too?"

I piqued my brows. "What's that, kiddo? Another name?"

"Yeah, like Ba has two names. Mommy and Daddy have two names too."

Nash grinned. "What's my other name?"

"Well…" Elsie seemed to think for a moment. "Maxy calls you Nash."

"Very good."

"That's not my name for Daddy though. I want a name for Maxy. My name for her."

It felt like water trickled through my chest and pooled in my heart. "Do you?"

"What are you thinking?" Nash asked.

"Well…" Elsie scrunched her nose adorably as she thought. "There's Mommy and Ba." She made a hummy noise and then bobbed in Nash's arms. Her body twisted so she could grab my shirt. "So Daddy and Ma!"

My mouth opened and my voice quivered despite how I tried to keep it steady. "Ma?"

"Is it good?" She lowered her head bashfully.

"I love it." I grabbed her and stole her from Nash into a big hug, clutching her tightly to me. The urge to cry overcame me. Did that mean that Elsie saw me the way she saw her parents? Had I become more to her than Maxy? Did she need me the way she needed them? What did that mean for us and the fact that I was gone so much? What if I completely ruined her. What–

"Max." Nash drew me close, holding me as I held Elsie. "Breathe."

He must have seen the panic.

"Ma," Elsie said, as if testing the new name. She tilted her head back and tapped her chin. "Ma. Ma. Ma. I think I like it. I might call you Maxy too."

"Call me whatever you want."

"Like how you call me sweet girl and baby and cutie and Elsie and Elsie-girl?"

I smiled. "Yes."

"And baby girl and stinky girl. And…"

This felt like such a moment and yet it had come out of nowhere right before we needed to leave. Maybe I was doing this all wrong. Although, if Elsie wanted to call me Ma and give me a name like her parents had, then I must have done something right. I'd won over the sweetest girl in the world.

If I'd learned anything the past year it was that I couldn't let my worries ruin my joy. Closing my eyes, I nestled my head against Nash's chest again, tightening my arms around Elsie. Gently, I whispered. "You're my sweet girl. No matter how old you get, I'll protect you with everything I have."

"I'll protect you too, Ma. And Daddy. Oh, and Mommy! And Ba!"

I chuckled and nodded, eyes wet when I opened them. "I bet you'll do great."

"Uncle Leif too. Uncle Arn. Aunt Wren. Rune for sure. He definitely needs me to watch out for him."

Elsie continued to rattle off all the people she needed to guard, including each of her sixteen dollies that lived between three houses–with her mom, with us at the Sacred School, and at Leif's house when we visited the village.

Could I blame myself for wanting to sink into this life? I'd never known life could be this way. I thought I'd die beneath the eclipse and lose my chance at having a family.

I'd never felt so torn with my responsibility because as deeply as my devotion to this valley ran and as honored as I was to be able to protect this land, what I felt for this one girl somehow eclipsed all that I had loved for the last decade of my life. It was this child, with amber eyes that shone like her father's, and a smile that reflected his own, and the unbridled joy bursting from her that I wanted to protect more than anyone. Even more than Nash, because I held his heart in my hands right now. He would die a thousand deaths for Elsie. When had that become true for me too? And if I'd die a thousand deaths, I realized I'd live a thousand lives. I'd life full, happy lives of protecting her.

My people still needed me, though. I could not abandon them. How could I love both at once? How could I walk two worlds? The world of my people and this girl?

I felt so guilty. So inadequate. So ill-prepared.

If Elsie were in my shoes, though, I'd want her to live her life. I would want her to do more than protect. Even if I couldn't really feel it for myself, I knew that to become the woman I'd be proud of Elsie looking up to I had to learn to seize life for myself.

I could not flounder beneath anxiety nor guilt any longer. But damn it, I had no idea how to free myself of these burdens. The questions pounded my head until Elsie jolted me awake by hopping and I realized I'd fallen asleep against Nash.

"Oh," I said weakly.

"Maxy, you're awake!"

Nash placed his hand on Elsie's head. "She needs more sleep–"

Elsie didn't hear a word her father said, because she was already clambering off my lap. "Did you hear about the show?"

"The show?"

"A big one!" Elsie bounced on the heels of her feet and clapped her hands. "I'm good with my swords now, Ma."

The way she shifted between calling me Maxy and Ma warmed my heart. She tested the words out, trying to decide which fit, or maybe loving them both too much. "I noticed."

"You know the kids at the school? The Sakey School."

I had to hold back my chuckle at how she pronounced Sacred School.

"Mommy said we could do a show. I want to show off my swords. I practiced a lot."

I looked over to two practice swords lying on the ground, an upgrade from the sticks she'd ripped off a branch in the courtyard and stripped of their bark. "I wouldn't miss it for the world, sweet girl." Rubbing the sleep from my eyes, I sat up with her. "I'm so glad you invited me."

"Daddy said he'd go too." She twisted around to see him. "Right?"

"Of course," he said."

With her attention back on me, she wrapped her arms around my neck. "He said you guys will sit right up front and you'll watch me the whole time. He said you'll clap too." She gasped in a loud breath, somehow speaking before she'd even finished inhaling, so excited that she couldn't take the time to properly draw air into her lungs. "There's candy too. Mommy is making candies. Have you had her candies, Ma? Chocolate ones. The berry ones too."

I nodded along with her, simply watching her bounce from one topic to the next.

----------------------------------------

Late that night after I'd traveled to check in on some warriors who were waging a seven day long battle against Flatlanders, I found the door to Elsie's room open. Nash leaned against her bedside with his long legs stretched out, leaning against his chin as he watched her sleep.

I knelt down and settled against him, eyes on her as well. "You need more time together."

"I know." I recognized that pain in his voice and the guilt that flooded it. "I feel like I'm missing her life."

"You aren't."

"I'm not. It feels that way though. She looks older. I think she's having a growth spurt." He pulled the blankets higher over her and then pulled her hand into his while she slept. "One day I'm going to come home, and she won't be little anymore."

"I don't think it'll just happen one day."

He smiled, but it looked sad. "I know in my heart that I'm doing the right thing. She needs us to make this Valley safe for her. I just don't know how doing the right thing as her father can make me fail so badly in other ways."

I was tempted to tell him that he needed to stay home more, only we'd already had this discussion once today. Last year when I'd tried to convince him to turn back from the Mountain of the Gods, he'd asked me what kind of father could do that.

We couldn't keep doing this. I hadn't just chosen Nash, but Elsie as well, and I'd left our budding life on pause to save the Valley. I couldn't walk away from my duty to my people, but I couldn't abandon a family I never thought I'd get to have.

At some point, we fell asleep there at Elsie's bedside, unable to bring ourselves to leave her when we already were missing so much time with her. I only realized that we'd both fallen asleep when I awoke with my eyes so heavy I struggled to open them from the sensation of alarm.

There was another demon attack.

Nash wouldn't be happy if I left without waking him, but he'd also feel bad staying behind. Torn on what to do, I nudged him before I traveled, having just enough to whisper against his ear. "I'll be home soon."

Then, I vanished. Vanished from a life I wanted desperately to live with the two people who had become most dear to me. Even more dear than my village, than Leif and his family, and Wren.