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125. Legends

I slid my hand over the back of the baby's head and Nash's gaze found me. Seeing him cradle Finn against himself melted me from the inside out. Every time.

Elsie took Finn's hand and seemed to forget all about her status as a junior warrior-in-training or the stakes of her upcoming matches. She cooed at her baby brother and bounced on her toes when he laughed while looking at her.

I pressed against Nash, drawing close to Finn, and relished the fullness I felt.

Having this baby was by far the scariest thing I'd ever done. In fact, the fear of managing a pregnancy while leading the kingdom paralyzed me for several years after I'd decided I wanted to try for one. The vulnerability for myself and my people felt insurmountable. It required a level of trust in Nash as my husband and war chief that he proved more than deserving of. A trust in all those who lead with me, as well, and with all my people. But even though I trusted, I still struggled so much with my fear. Often I couldn't sleep at night while pregnant, worried that a terrible threat might strike when I went into labor and that we'd lose everything because I wanted to bring this life into the world.

One thought had held me back for so long. Our kingdom and our life was finally safe and stable. How could I risk that, no matter how much I wanted a baby? Wasn't that foolish and selfish?

But then I'd look at Elsie and I'd know in a place that reached much deeper than my fear that my family deserved to live. To expand. To become all we wanted it to be. This was what we were fighting for. Life. Our lives and everything that made them worth living.

I clutched him tightly against myself and breathed in the freshness of new life. He was worth it. So worth it. The fear didn't disappear with his birth, though. New ones entered. What if I couldn't give him the time and attention he needed? What if war called me away? What if I died and not only left behind a kingdom and a family but this brand new baby who depended on me?

There was no preparing for the worst, so dwelling on it made no sense. While I couldn't erase the anxiety, I refused to freely hand it power in my life. When the thoughts stormed through my mind, I did my best to think about something else.

Right now, I thought about how wonderful it would be to tuck him in tonight and listen to Nash sing him to sleep. I looked forward to that every single day.

"Ma." Elsie's giggle reminded me that she was still young when she acted so grown up all the time. "Look."

He popped his toes into his mouth. I chuckled. "You're not supposed to eat those, silly."

Elara hobbled close to us and brushed back his short tufts of hair. "What a beautiful boy. It is a pleasure to meet you."

"This is Finn," Elsie said, apparently minding her manners this time. "He's the future second to our undefeated War Chief Elsie."

Nash smiled wryly. "Is that so?"

"It is so." Elsie raised her chin. "I guess if he wants to be Prophet he can be that. No offense, Ma, but I'll be too busy with the warriors to do anything else." She seemed to mull this new thought over. "Prophet Finn. It sounds right."

It did not sound right to me. I could hardly imagine him as a toddler, or a young boy, a teenager. Definitely not as a grown man ruling a kingdom. I didn't want my children to ever carry such a weight, but if they wanted it, I would help them seize it for themselves.

We enjoyed our time together for a few more minutes before I returned to festival preparations. Within hours, no less than a thousand people converged upon the village, until every inch of the center of town and all the surrounding rooftops were full of onlookers.

Running this kingdom took so much time that I really cherished any days we could all be together. Piercey resigned from the Sacred School seven years ago and left the director position to Val in order to work with Markus as a permanent advisor. My old friend's role continued to grow beyond our small kingdom, though. Piercey wanted to see all of Skia Hellig agree to peace negotiations and his diplomatic work encouraged chatter throughout the peninsula that perhaps it was time for there to be a new kind of Prophet. One who we could trust to judge fairly and facilitate talks between rulers.

Wren served as one of Nash's top commanders and chiefs from all over the valley called upon Leif for assistance in training their young warriors. With Nash leading the valley as war chief and my role as Prophet, it was a wonder we ever had time to sleep.

So days like this with all of sitting together in front rows with our families felt like perfection.

Leif leaned down to loop his arm around my neck. "Next year, you'll face me, girl."

I laughed. "Definitely."

"There's more colors this year," Elsie said, pointing.

No less than a hundred baskets of powder covered the floor of the arena, all different shades of color. What I loved about the festival is that even though we hoped for it to draw out the young talent of warriors in the kingdom, it also provided a venue for those with other talents. Elias's world valued artists. I didn't mean for the festival to encourage the arts, but that just showed me what the people could accomplish when given the power to do so.

The opening ceremony began as it always did. Four people with power sat together on a bench, their focused stares shifting to the sky.

No one needed to tell the crowd to quiet. An expectant hush settled like winter's first snow over young and old alike. A red explosion of power burst directly over the area, high in the air, and unfurled in a sheet of shimmering energy. Blue and purple erupted next, forming a hazy triangle. The quiet broke as gasps peppered the gathering.

While my people watched the display of power, I stole a look at them, at the scarred faces of warriors who fought alongside me tireless day after day, at the young, innocent eyes already dreaming of the day they'd join us in battle. I looked at Nash, taking more than a glance, as his fingers stroked Finn's hair and his hand held the baby close to his heart. I knew all memories that tinted his look with the kind of heavy, quiet contentment and gratitude only earned through winning impossible wars, the kind born of the responsibility of leading an entire kingdom of warriors through battles that decided whether our children lived or died. The gold and silver sparks now lighting the sky filled his eyes, brightening when Elsie grabbed his arm with a gasp. Explosions popped overhead while waves of rolling light stretched beyond what we could see, coating the sky in a radiant golden, lined with veins of silver.

"Daddy!" Elsie whispered it, most definitely not wanting the young warriors-in-training to hear the remnants of childhood in her voice. Remnants that I so cherished.

The kids all squealed and cheered while watching the lights dance above us. Not long ago, Elsie would have joined them. Now she held the excitement down so she was quiet, but she couldn't hide the glee beaming from her face.

Elsie looked exactly as she had at six or seven years old in the early days of the festival when she'd never seen anything like it. Soon, she'd be old enough to start officially training, and not long after, we wouldn't be able to hold her back from battle. And even if her eyes lit this brightly after that, it would never be exactly the same again. It couldn't be.

But today was not that day. I refused to allow it to come into being in my mind before it even happened in real life.

So I melted against Nash's arm, my own fingers now wandering absently to the baby's hair. Nash shifted to wrap his arm around me and pull me into his warmth.

Finn fussed for a moment, not yet used to the rancor of Skia Hellig. That wouldn't last long.

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"Welcome, brothers and sisters," Markus's deep voice belted throughout the crowd, aided by power. He walked into the arena with his long arms raised up. "Welcome to our eighth celebration, in the glorious 8th year of the fuckthenamexxx kingdom."

He loved this part, which worked for me, because I hated doing it. I relaxed with my family while Markus impressed himself–and, in all fairness, the entire kingdom–with his charisma and charm. His eyes found mine as he gave a smile, maybe remembering the early days when he cajoled me into doing the parts of this job I hated with the promise of days like this. I'd been so young then that I sometimes forgot I was still young now. Every other Prophet was still at least ten years older than me.

Markus's remarks would soon transform into a show of our history as a kingdom, and while everyone else loved this part of the festival, I always cringed. It wasn't because of the pain behind those memories, but because of the way he told the stories. Like they were tales passed on through the generations. It didn't feel like my story. But I supposed it was no longer my story. It was theirs. The people of my kingdom who needed me to be more than any human ever could be.

Still, I twisted with the unpleasant anticipation of watching the rest of the opening remarks.

"Once, the poison of Eskel the Ruthless spread over the entire valley." As Markus spoke, black powder as dark as obsidian shot up from the basket and covered the area above the area like a black cloud. Lighter shades of black and gray rose up, mingling until they formed a shadowy figure that held a long spear. Silver power flashed in tiny bolts of lighting.

My people were silent again, watching the show unfurl above them as Markus narrated our bloody history. The artists blended into the crowd like the picture created itself and they weren't the genius behind their own work and the young seemed to forget for just a moment that this wasn't real.

People like me who feared for the ones they loved and washed the blood from their armor never could forget this was only a show. I bit my cheek.

Nash dipped to whisper in my ear, his lips brushing my skin. "What do I get if I win our matches?"

I scoffed and twisted to shoot a glare at him. "Absolutely nothing but scorn. You won't win."

His smirk dragged me through time just the same as if I used my power to travel. Same smirk as the very first day we met. As every time he'd teased me since. "You're adorable when you're mad, though. That's something."

My jaw tightened. "Don't. I won't give you the satisfaction."

He snorted and returned his stare to the arena. "Already are."

"Damn it, Nash." Despite my pouting voice, I still nestled back against him, realizing that he held me in place even now, when I hadn't slipped in longer than I could remember. Nash knew me so well. Knew when I needed him.

But I still couldn't let him get away with winning, so I dug my knuckles into his ribs hard enough that he brushed my hands off. My pettiness only made him smirk again. "Let me beat you down in peace. Don't take this from me."

Nash kissed my forehead and then nodded. "Alright, I'll let you win."

My fist jabbed his side, stirring the baby. He knew I never wanted him to let me win. I wanted to defeat him soundly, with no question about who bested who.

His eyes widened. "Really?" he whispered.

"Sorry," I mouthed at Finn and took him from Nash's arms. "It's your dad's fault." With Finn curling up against me, the entire world felt right, as if there wasn't a single awful thing happening anywhere right now. His body was so tiny and soft against me. So innocent and perfect.

This time when Nash smiled at me, it was serious and full of life. "I love fighting you during the festival."

Warmth filled my chest. So much warmth, I wasn't sure how to even contain it. "Me too."

"Be quiet," Elsie whispered. "You're so annoying when you flirt. It's gross."

"You'll make him do it more," I said. "You know your dad can't resist vexing us. He's too much of a child."

"One day," Nash said to Elsie. "You'll love someone so much that you'll start a family–"

"Oh, for the love of the gods." Elsie plugged her ears and closed her eyes.

"–You'll have kids just so you can torture them with how much you love each other."

"You're ruining the ceremony," she whined.

"Then you'll thank me for setting such a good example and preparing you to live a long, joyful life."

"She's not listening anymore," I said.

Elsie trained her stare on the glittering red figures forming an army above us.

Nash held me close as we quieted, held me in place as he had for almost a decade now. I hoped I'd helped hold in place as much as he had for me.

Soon, dozens of different colors of powder formed an image of Flare's face shockingly similar to how she really looked. We neared the part of the story Elsie wasn't allowed to watch.

"It's time," Nash said.

Elsie continued to watch, her stare fervent.

"Elsie," Nash said with a warning note in his voice.

She groaned and looked down as she pushed the cloth into her ears to block the noise.

We never used to allow Elsie to remain during this part. She and Trish left to return to the tower until it was over. But two years ago Elsie insisted that it was her right to hear our history and to deal with it however she wanted. I couldn't deny that, so we allowed her to stay, so long as she did not watch the part where I died.

I couldn't bear for her to see that in any depiction.

Besides, she was still a child, and it was our job to protect her.

I also was always tempted to look away, but of all the pain that haunted me still, somehow this no longer hurt me. I didn't fear memories of the Prophet killing me at Dr. Henderson's behest, not when I'd lived it so many times and returned home beyond what once felt so singular. Plenty of past pain invaded my nightmares and hung heavy in my heart, but killing those two wasn't part of that. So I wanted my people to see me watch. I wanted them to know that I'd conquered this part of the story.

As the dark spear of powder plunged into my depicted form, red powder burst and rained down over the crowd.

My brow raised at the new addition this year. "It's so crass."

"Are you okay?" Nash asked. "We can tell them to stop."

He said it every year and every year, it was fine. "It honestly doesn't bother me because it's nothing like it was. It's just kind of silly."

"They love it." Nash tucked a strand of my hair behind my ear. "The Prophet Eclipse gave her life to fight the gods and stole her body back on Earth to save us all. They can't get enough of it."

"It makes it feel like it didn't really happen when it did."

"Shh," Nash whispered. "Legends never feel real. It's your fault for becoming one while you're still alive."

I chuckled and shook my head. If I really wanted to put a stop to this, I could. Markus would never hurt me by resurrecting the pain of days I'd left behind. But I'd once spent a great deal of effort trying to derail the inevitable transformation of my name into Eclipse and my life into something much more than mine. So I endured the discomfort every year. Like Nash said, the people loved it.

I tapped Elsie's knee when the story turned to the chaotic days after I killed the Prophet so that she could watch the birth of our kingdom. She was right. She did need to know our history, because one day she'd be the one making it. Elsie needed to see the mistakes we'd made and not repeat them, and to learn from what we did right.

The girl looked enraptured as she watched the story dance through the sky.

"They don't have the full story," Nash said. "You're right." He kissed my jaw while everyone was too distracted by the show to even remember we existed right here in the flesh and not merely as pretty pictures in the sky. "The rest is for us."

I ran my knuckles along the side of his face. "I'd tell the story differently."

"You know too many secrets. You'd anger the gods."

The thought of their security system gripped me with a paralyzing fear. In the last eight years, there'd been no sighting of him, no reminder of his promise that if we defied the natural order of the gods, he'd kill us. How could we learn to defeat an enemy we'd only seen once? Who could appear at will and finish us with a snap of his fingers?

The same fear darkened Nash's eyes. We said nothing more, only watched the rest of the show while holding one another.

When it finished, the powder fell like rain all over us, bathing us in our own history. With it cleared from the air, the sun seemed turn back on and shone brightly upon us.

"So let us begin," Markus shouted. "Bring your mightiest warriors. Let our young test themselves and our legends remind us all of what we aspire to." Lifting his hand to me and Nash, Markus grinned now. "There's no better way to start than with our most popular tradition." When he raised his fist in the air, all of our people screamed and cheered, challenging us to the arena.

Piercey reached for Flinn. "Have fun," my old friend said.

Wren pinched the baby's cheeks while Piercey pulled him between them.

When Nash and I stood, the crowd roared. The excitement of facing him pumped through me. Last year we couldn't have a real match because I was pregnant. Nash hadn't even wanted to face me, which made me mad enough to fight him for real. He most certainly was not going to actually swing his sword at me when he spent nine months thinking any wrong move might hurt me or the baby. It drove me crazy.

But this year…

This year there was no holding back.

We eyed each other as we walked up to the arena, the people growing louder with each step. Even with the power amplifying Markus's voice, we could barely hear him.

"Our mighty Prophet Eclipse and the fierce War Chief Nash."