JJBA = James' Joyous Blissful America
In an alternate universe, similar to this one but without all the cool stuff like magic, monsters, and good public transportation, was a young boy going by the name James Smith.
He was just fresh out of high school and his house. Having turned 18, he was immediately kicked out of his parent's home, it was the traditional American way after all.
Since the streets were homeless people proof, and he didn't want to get robbed by random junkies, he decided to rent an apartment. But apartments cost so much nowadays, so he decided on sharing them with somebody else.
After dozens of hours of walking, because he didn't own a car, couldn't afford a taxi and there was no such thing as buses in America, he had arrived at a small crappy one-story house.
Wow! This place looks like shit. But I guess this is better than getting a disease and then getting robbed by a hospital. It looks like it's made from decaying wood but might as well call it home.
He knocked on the door and waited... And waited. He was getting irritated but he was able to calm himself down by thinking about his guns.
*Sound Of The Door Opening* (Im tired okay)
Opening the door was a white-haired buff man wearing superhero merchandise. But James Smith didn't know who the hero was. It was certainly not ExtraordinaryMan, ArachnidFella, nor was it Aquaman.
Looks like robin hood but he got really into Owls and woodcarving. Weird, anyway what kind of person wears an unpopular character? A hipster perhaps!
"Hello... Earth to James! HEY!" The man shouted as he interrupted James' daily usage of his brain.
"What? Oh sorry, I was deep into my inner protagonist monologue." Said James Americanly.
"You still have that 9th-grade syndrome aye? Wait, you are James Smith, right?"
"Yes. And are you Roland Wayland?"
Roland struck a pose mimicking an owl. "Yes, It is I, the right and left hand of justice! The people's bringer and defender of justice, Justice Owl! And also Mr. Wayland from Accounting."
Fucking nutjob. Obsess becoming a superhero. Why couldn't you just get a normal obsession like the rest of us? Like what happened to good old fashion meth and religious vices.
James entered the house and was greeted by the sight of the well-decorated living room. A round rug in the middle, a hard couch, and two ugly fur chairs. A small table that had a broken lamp on it. Too many light bulbs in the ceiling and cobwebs scattered around.
There was no T.V but there was an American flag which made James Smith cry a single tear of joy. He moved into his room which was also the living room and kitchen.
He settled down his suitcase and opened it. Inside was the essentials to living a good life. A sleeping bag, an American flag, a Smith and Wesson M&P Sheild, a Glock G19, multiple shotgun bullets, and a can opener.
*Rumble*
James Smith looked down and saw that his stomach was craving food. It was exactly 5:00 pm the perfect time for linner. James Smith took out his unnamed branded phone and called up the nearness "Cabinet Pie".
"Hello, one order of rotten fungus, please. Yes, fuck you, random worker. I hate you and I hope you die! Hmm, a combo meal does sound nice." James Smith put down his phone and covered the mic.
"Hey Roland, want some decaying shrooms and a coke float?"
"Justice Thumps Up!"
James took off his hand and placed the phone next to his pimple-covered face. "Yes please make it a combo meal. Location?" James opened the door and flipped off the gray concrete restaurant on the other side of the road.
"Can you see me? Im the one with the middle finger up next to the crappy green house with a brown roof. Ok, thanks. See you at hell bitch!"
What a good hardworking employee. America needs more people like this and fewer people that are different than me!
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James watched as the employee got into a rundown car and drove over to his crappy apartment. The employee got out of the car and walked towards James Smith.
"That would be 82 dollars, sir." Said the girl with dark eyebags and no will left to live.
"82 dollars! What the fuck! Do you know how long I waited for my food? Fucking 15 seconds and you expect me to pay that much."
James Smith angrily rummaged through his pockets and took out the magical 200-dollar bill. "Here! keep the change."
"Thanks for the tip." The girl pocketed the money and handed the bags containing trash to James Smith. She then turned around and saw that her car was stolen by a random crackhead.
She let out a slightly annoyed sigh and began to walk over to the Cabinet Pie. While in the middle of the road she was struck by a car going 40 over the speed limit. Her body flew and rolled into the hard road that was full of holes. She stood up, clutching her broken arm, and slowly limped back to her job.
James Smith watched this all with a big smile on his face. He didn't call an ambulance because he knew that the girl was able to survive a car accident but not a visit to the hospital.
I love cars. This is so nice.
James Smith entered his new home and immediately went to sleep after consuming inhumane amounts of calories.
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It was the middle of the night and James Smith was currently being kidnapped by a bunch of men wearing tight spandex.
He was currently gagged and blindfolded and being carried somewhere. He was just minding his own American business when suddenly through the front door, two burly men went in and tied him up.
He was sat down into something hard as music began to play. "Ladies and Gentlemen, it's time for the long-awaited fight between.
"The Evil Darkness!" Dark broody music began to play as the lights inside the wrestling ring began to dim. Emerging from the left was a buff man with long bangs covering his head and tight black spandex.
"Emo! Emo! Emo! Emo!" Chanted the Crowd
"Justice Owl!" Trumpets blasted from the speakers as the light returned to its usual bright self. Emerging from the right was a man wearing a big wooden owl mask and tight green spandex.
"Bird Furry! Bird Furry!" Chanted the crowd.
The Evil Darkness or TED for short took off James Smith's blindfold. His freedom-loving eyes were struck by the stage lights.
What in the Founding Fathers' name, is this? Wrestling in my football-loving county? If I was not tied up here I would beat all of these fakes using my bonafide American muscle.
"Look here Justice Owl, your roommate, and friend John Smith had been captured by none other than the THE EVIL DARKNESS!" Said Ted provokingly into the mic.
Justice Owl took off his wooden helmet and threw it into the crowds of people. "How dare you The Evil Darkness, I shall bring justice with you during my fist of justice!"
I shouldn't have rented a room with some random thirty-year-old. Like seriously, I was ready to fight off a molester but I was not ready to get kidnapped and placed in the corner of a wrestling ring.
Justice Owl charged and tried to punch Ted but Ted moved like the shadows and evaded it. Ted then climbed onto the ring rope while Justice Owl stood still and watched.
"Darkness Dive!" Ted jumped down onto Justice Owl and pinned him to the ground. It was very awesome and a little bit homoerotic.
"Looks like The Evil Darkness has the upper hand! How will Justice Owl win this right now?" Said the announcer.
"What are you gonna do now, Justice Owl, The Evil Darkness has got you pinned down!"
Justice Owl twist and struggled but he was unable to get free from the grasp of the darkness.
"No! I won't let this happen, JUSTICE BEAM!" the stage lights all moved Ted and shined brother than ever. Ted was stunned by the bright which gave enough time for Justice Owl to throw him away.
"Justice Owl gets out using his signature heroic move, Justice Beam!!!" Yelled the announcer.
"The Evil Darkness, this is the end for you! Justice Wings." Justice Owl flapped his arms like wings and ran around the ring like a vulture circling its prey.
Ted stood up, he was still disoriented by the Justice Beam. Justice Owl ran up to him and slapped Ted in the face using his majestic wings.
"I can't believe it, Justice Owl is doing his Owl Combo of Justice!"
"Justice Beak!" Justice Owl headbutted Ted, which sent him falling to the ground.
"Justice has won!" Justice Owl stood in the middle of the ring and began to do various bird-mating dances.
"It seems Justice has won yet again! But what's this? Climbing from depths of Hell, The Evil Darkness is back up."
"Darkness Backstab!" Ted kicked the celebrating bird in the back. Justice Owl was sent flying into the ropes of the ring.
Ted then ran near into James Smith(He's American by the way if you didn't know). "Justice Owl surrender now! Or else this boy gets the fish of The Evil Darkness!"
"No not my roommate and dear friend James Oklahoma Smith!" Said Justice Owl.
"Kid I'm gonna punch you weakly in the face but act like it was a strong punch so the fans get wild up." Whispered Ted to James Smith.
This is why I hate wrestling, all fake and no real sportsmanship. Unlike my good American-created sport Football. Oh, how I love the eagle and th-
James Smith was lightly punched in the head. But despite the small force behind the punch, James Smith was sent into a fizzled state.
"You talk about Justice and yet you can't even defend your friend! Give up Justice Owl!"
"Is this end for Justice Owl?! Will The Evil Darkness finally conquer the blinding light called Justice?!" Said the announcer.
Justice Owl fell to the ground as he slowly lose his heroic powers." No. No. Noooooooo! You're right I should give up."
Oh God almighty I'm about to pass out! I take back all my words about wrestling being fake. Oh, I want to scream but this gag is in the way. I think I'm about to pass out.
"Don't give up Justice Owl! I am here, your good friend and comrade, Good Horse!"
"What! What is Good Horse doing here!" Yelled the announcer.
Just before James Smith passed out from the pathetic punch, he could see a man wearing a well-made horse costume running on all fours towards the ring.