A monster, the chosen one, and a hippie sat in front of a ferocious beast. The beast was armed with claws that could scratch the gods and a long tail that swayed with power and authority.
"So... How do we get rid of this cat?" Said Cynebald while hovering his hand over the feline.
"No!" The hippie and the chosen one yelled out simultaneously.
"I want to keep it." Fufluns pointed at the sunflower on the top of her hair. "I mean look at this. Nature loves me! And this cat will surely improve our (my) environment (image)."
Nature may or may not love Fufluns but the cat couldn't care less. In its little beady eyes, Fufluns was just another tree that needed to be scratched and marked with piss.
"That might be true but..." Electa moved closer towards Fufluns. Pushing her head into the head. "I'm fucking starving."
With a mighty roar coming from her stomach, she declared the cat as her supper to her enemy. But her opponent didn't back down.
"You!" She pimp slapped the girl occupying her personal space. "You're literally going to eat the poor thing. Why would you be the one to keep it?"
"Oww." She crouched down and rubbed her cheek. "Your so violent, who knows what will happen to the animal? What if you accidentally hit it?"
"That doesn't matter because if you get the animal you're gonna fucking devour it!"
"Hey! Look at it," Cynebald shouted and grabbed the attention of the two animal lovers. He pointed his charred finger at the fat feline sleeping peacefully.
"How cute... It's nice fluffy f-
"AAAAHHHH!" Electa jumped like a wild beast toward the defenseless source of calories. She was promptly stopped by the hands of Fufluns.
With one swift punch to her skull, Electa was stopped and pounded to the ground.
Fufluns moved her eyes from the disappointment and towards Cynebald's red core. "How about we decide the ownership of this cat through a contest? You be the judge."
"Sure." Cynebald nodded and accepted the sudden job proposal. Which was a rare occurrence for not only was he a monster he was as black as coal.
With one shaky hand, Electa holds a thumbs up. She then moved her head upwards, her neck slightly numb from the impact. "I see no problem with that."
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Three warriors with pure and somewhat unpure desires stood in an open field. They had an aura of pride, power, and unbelievable amounts of stupidity.
Cynebald grasped a piece of paper in front of the two contestants. "I am Cynebald Belial and today I am going to decide the rightful owner of cat."
"There is gonna be a total of ten tests that will help me determine the cat's ruler. On one side of this imaginary ring, we have Fufluns Linnaeus, the nature lover."
"Tell me, Master... I mean Fufluns, why should you be the one to own the cat."
Fufluns had a calm and wide slime on her face. Her eyes had a sense of peace, harmony, and tranquility.
"If I win, I will take care of this child with all my power and kindness. This cat will be treated like royalty in THE EMPIRE. I will show the cat love, and comfort and give it all of its needs and even more. I will make sure no harm comes to the cat, physically and mentally. I will cradle the cat and show it love only the Gods could even begin to imagine. I will sacrifice all I have if it meant saving the cat from any harm, no matter the severity."
"And on the other side of this imaginary ring is Electa Pandora."
"I will eat the cat."
"Okay, the first test is the test of patience. Cats are buggy little creatures. They're annoying and need a lot of patience to deal with, just like children."
Cynebald gazed at the blue sky. His face reflected the dark clouds above him. "Is what I presume but honestly I am just reading off this paper."
"Anyway. Step on this." Cynebald scattered rocks onto the ground and proceeded to shoot fire into the rocks. The rocks glowed orange and let out a hot aura.
"How does this... Prove patience exactly?"
"Well, you see stepping on hot rocks is like taking care of a cat. While y-
"You snooze you lose!" Electa jumped onto the hot glowing rocks. Her feet had no protection and had first-degree contact with the steaming pile of stones.
Immediately she felt the heat inside the kitchen. With her feet getting fried in real time, she had a face of pain and discomfort.
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"I grahhh! will win." She clenched her mouth and gritted her teeth.
"You do know you're supposed to have your shoes on?"
Electa blinked both of her eyes and let out a glance of annoyance. "Tch... And what ruined a good pair of schools!"
She plopped her hand down on his shoulder and stared him right in his core. "Listen here. I'm poor as fuck. And the Academy schools are." She pulled him closer and moved her mouth near the location of where a human's ear would have been.
"They fucking suck."
She moved her head away from his and then proceeded to step out of the rocks. "And just so you know I didn't step out of the rocks because of the pain." She lifted her feet, showing the cooked disgusting flesh.
"I left because of your ignorance and rudeness."
"Oh." He lowered his head and rubbed his neck." I'm sorry I didn't know that. I'm still not used to human culture."
"It's fine. Now please excuse me for I am going to celebrate victory." Electa dropped down to the ground, her hands pulling the dirt while tears ran down her face.
"Anyway, that was around 25 seconds. Fufluns you're next."
"Heh." A small smirk formed on her mouth. "This is gonna be easy." She moved with pride and shoes.
With one step onto the rocks, her body instantly ignited and combusted into flames. Her body turned into ash from the immense heat of the flames.
"... One point for Electa... I guess."
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"Test number two. Firmness. Cats will try and persuade you unto being their servant. Being firm is needed in a pet-owner relationship, you must reject their cute beady eyes and make sure to stand your ground."
"And so to test firmness. I am doing to have you step in these hot stones." Said Cynebald, his hands pointing at multiple glowing hot rocks on the ground.
"Cynebald." Fufluns plopped her hand down on his shoulder. "I have to be real with you. I will eat your liver if you ask us to step in rocks again."
"Ehh. I understand." Cynebald pondered and scraped his chin. "Flametastic!" He slammed his hand into his open palm.
He then dropped on all fours and position his body towards the two girls. "Nyaaaa!" He lifted his hand and imitated a cat's paw.
Electa had a pained expression on her face. She rolled her wheelchair towards the disgrace of a monster in front of her.
"Stop it."
"No." He rolled on the ground and rubbed his face at the hot rocks. "Meow!" Like the cute little cat he was, he rolled around the ground.
But in reality, he wasn't a cute little cat, he was a monster as black as coal, reeks of ash and sulfur that has a red vibrant core surrounded by metal thorns.
"Leave this one to me." Fufluns stepped in between Electa and Cynebald. "Let me show you how much of a nature lover I am."
With one powerful and motherly kick, she launched Cynebald into the air. While he was busy admiring the clouds, vines coming from the ground shot up and whipped him around.
He was sent flying to the right and was sent flying back again to the left. Like a ping pong ball, he was rocketed and bounced all over the air.
The vines traveled like a venomous serpent, coiling and entrapping him. He was shaken repeatedly in the air like a baby's rattle before getting slammed into the ground.
The venomous spikes embedded and burrowed inside him soon turned decayed. He shakily raised a bent arm towards the air.
"One point for Fufluns."
*Crash*
Two sexy-shaven logs fell into him crushing his legs and breaking his lower abdomen.
Fufluns stood with shaky knees. She was displaying a face full of nausea and sickness.
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Three people "stood" on a field. Electa whose stomach was rumbling with hunger while she sat in her wheelchair, her legs covered in bandages.
Cynebald whose legs and stomach region was crushed and decapitated by huge logs and was currently laying on the dirty dirt floor.
And last but not least, Fufluns who was lying in a pool of her vomit. Her entire body was crowded with disease and seasonal allergies.
"Okay classmates, since I am about to die, let's skip the other 7 tests and let's do the final one."
"Let's see here." He pulled out a rectangular object with vibrant colors. He then scrolled down kittentoob.com before stopping at number 10 of Traits that make up a great cat owner.
"I see. I see. Okay, I am doing to need you both to step in this hot glowing rock!"
"Braaghhhjuuuuug!" Fufluns pushed herself up. Her body was hot, vomit was dripping from her mouth and her nose was extremely runny and red.
"Fuck you!" She grabbed the armrest of the wheelchair for support. "That doesn't even *Achoo*" make sense! She stumbled over to Cynebald. The flower on top of her head fell to the ground like an unattended baby.
She dragged her feet, crushing the decaying sunflower while she positioned herself in front of Cynebald. " Wait." She wiped the tears off her gray leafy eyes.
"Where is the cat?"
"I left the cat in the middle of a ring of fire."
"You *Cough* that is animal abuse you ashtray."
"No, it isn't. I'm keeping the cat safe."
"Bullshit! Electa give me your wheelchair!" She gawked blankly at the back of Electa who was currently moving faster than a wrecking ball.
"See you later suckers! Ya girl is gonna get her some flambé!"
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A beautiful glorious beast rested in the middle of a ring made from raging flames. The beast had black fluffy fur and two big beady eyes.
"Meow."
"Meow."
"Meow."
"PPPRAAAAAAAAT PPRAT PRAT!" Electa rolled on her metal wheels. She let out a nasty turn using nothing but her arms and her highly flammable legs.
"Stop right there food! Wait I mean lunch! No, I mean dinner!" She rammed through the open flames and straight into the cat.
*Boom*
Upon crashing into the soft feline, the wheelchair and its user were both flung into the air by a mighty blast. She spun in the air, her bandages slowly burning up and untangling.
"Curse you pussy cat." Using both of her hands, she flipped off the cat before crashing to the ground. Her body shook like jelly and her bones crawled out of their flesh cage.
"Oww." She mentally patted her head, caressing and hugging her bloody skull she healed her broken spirit and body. "At least I don't feel my legs anymore. Hahaha..."
*Boom*
Electa's body was blown into pieces.
"Stop right there!"
Fufluns and Cynebald arrived near the cat, the only wall between them and the cat was the burning ring of fire.
"Damn it Cynebald. You Blarggh!" She vomited over the flames which did nothing.
"Get rid of these flames or else." She lifted her hands which shook violently from the immense sickness she carried.
"Leave it to me." He crawled through the open flames, his body slowly healing and regenerating. "Hello, little kitty kitty."
"フレイムボーイは消えろ!"
"Nani?!"
*Boom*
He was flung into the air by a massive explosion.
*Cough* "This cat is not a cat!"
"It's a filthy animal." Fufluns jumped through the flames and tackled the cat. She wrestled the fluffy feline, punching it in the face repeatedly.
"ヒッピーガール、あなたは死ぬ!" The cat scratched Fufluns face over and over again with a fury of bean taps.
"HAAAAAA!" With blood spraying from her head, she one-two punch combo the cat. With a left hook and right jab, she launched the cat onto the burning nonimaginary ring.
*Inhale*
*Exhale*
With heavy breaths, Fufluns fell to her knees. Her face was leaking with blood, tears, snot, and puke. She rested her face on the ground.