As Lorelei threw her coin upwards, the spiralling light of caught the [Kobold Champion]'s attention. It turned to glare at her, and she was rather chilled to see blood dripping down its chin and bits of skin and hair wedged between its teeth. It formed its mouth into a snarl and bellowed out a guttural roar.

Taking this monster on mano a mano no longer seemed like the most intelligent decision Lorelei had ever made in her life.

Unleashed: Fortuna's Herald summons the might of the legendary Pigeon Attack Squad of Peremonia to swoop down and visit pigeony death upon [Kobold Champion], Level 8.

Damage Dealt: I mean, they're pigeons. Rationalise your expectations.

Lorelei winced as a small flock of birds flew down towards the Kobold. They seemed pretty game as they began pecking at the monster's head, but she'd been banking on some decent damage from her opening move. This thing had an awful lot of HP for a bunch of birds to whittle it down . . .

Nevertheless, taking advantage of the creature's confusion, Lorelei selected the first of her projectiles - a pack of staples - and flung it at the Kobold's head.

Lucky Strike Activated: Your [small box of stationery] hits [Kobold], Level 8

Damage Dealt: [Randomised] - 1 HP

Status Effect: [Randomised] - Don't fucking make me laugh. I'm doing you a favour with the 1 HP damage.

That was a rather unwelcome development.

Lorelei's whole plan kind of depended on , allowing her to randomise massive critical hits through any old attack.

***Unhelpful Message***

Yeah, we chatted about that, and all agreed it was an exploit. Your randomised damage from will henceforth be benchmarked to the actual damage the initial attack would cause. So, no more throwing pebbles and causing nuclear blast levels of damage anymore, I'm afraid. Sucks to be you.

"And you didn't think about addressing this when I was fighting the little Kobolds?!?" Lorelei backed away from the giant monster, trying to put as much distance between the two of them as possible.

***Help Message***

The key to all comedy is in its timing. Would it have been funny to nerf your skill while fighting a Level 2 Kobold? Maybe. Is it fucking hilarious in this particular scenario? Absolutely.

Lorelei suspected the Guide did not really have her best interests at heart. She cast around for something else to use as a weapon, but there was nothing evident to hand. Looking up, she was concerned to note she had just missed the end of Giant Kobold versus Flock of Pigeons. Considering the appalling dexterity the Kobold had shown in catching tossed human heads in its mouth,

Lorelei had to admit it had done a pretty decent job of plucking pigeons out of the air and munching them down. It was all a bit King Kong on top of the Empire State Building. Sadly, though, the Pigeon Attack Squad of Peremonia were no more: good night, sweet birds and flights of angels carry thee to thy rest.

Licking its lips, the Kobold's hulking form shook itself and began lumbering into motion towards Lorelei. She wasn't an expert in these things, but she sensed she was in what those in the trade would probably choose to call 'a bit of a pickle.' With a roar, it picked up its pace and began running towards her. The earth-shaking plods of its footsteps made it hard for her to stay upright as she sprinted towards the reception desk.

Any semblance of having a plan had long since departed. Lorelei did not know what she was looking for, but reaching into the desk's well-organised chaos, she scooped up several handfuls of paperclips ordered by someone who naively thought they'd get the chance to address their piles of paperwork someday. But then this fucking integration had happened. The emotional dampening had a wobble as her levels of rage shot through the roof.

Well, she thought, someone needs to put these things to good use. As she ran, Lorelei scattered the paperclips across the floor, pointing back at them and yelling, "Oh look, shiny distraction!" As she had prayed, the massive Kobold momentarily paused in its charge after her, its tiny eyes reflecting the glint of the metal.

This brief respite was her best chance.

While the Kobold was momentarily fascinated by the paperclips, Lorelei dashed away to the other end of the lobby, her heart pounding in her chest. However, the moment of escape was fleeting before the [Kobold Champion] shook its massive head, realising the trick. Its eyes, now refocused, locked onto Lorelei with a mix of irritation and hunger. Then it opened her mouth and bellowed the combined malice of that rage directly towards her. Lorelei was thrown to the floor by the power of the shout, striking her head against the wall.

Get in my belly! [Kobold Champion] lets loose an ear-splitting, bone-chilling yell that rattles even the bravest of souls.

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Damage Dealt: 40 HP

Status Effect: Fearful Tremor - The sheer terror induced by [Kobold Champion]'s scream inflicts a -20% penalty to accuracy and combat abilities on characters within earshot.

Excellent, Lorelei thought. A debuff. Didn't want all this to be too straightforward.

Climbing to her feet and shaking her head to clear it, she began circling around to the other side of the lobby, trying to keep as much of the furniture as possible between them. One wrong move, one slip on the sleek floor, and she'd be nothing more than a footnote in the Kobold's dinner diary. But, as she kept reminding herself, the danger was the whole point. No pain, no title gain.

A glint of light caught her attention, and Lorelei's eyes flicked upwards, catching the glimmer of the once majestic chandelier that the Prick had required the loss of a whole section of admin staff to be able to afford. Its crystals hung precariously above, like a sword of Damocles over the battlefield.

Checking the cooldown on - how was there still a minute to go! Was something wrong with time? - Lorelei darted between the wreckage of ergonomic chairs and designer coffee tables. With all the agility of a sloth the morning after a particularly intense HiT session, the Kobold swung its enormous fists after her, each miss causing a mini whirlwind and slowly but surely aligning itself under the chandelier. When she judged it was as close as she would ever get it, Lorelei triggered and threw a hole-puncher upwards. It spiralled through the air, a tiny missile aimed at the single fraying wire holding the chandelier aloft.

***Help Message***

Hmmm, not sure we anticipated the use of in this way against the environment. Tell you what, I don't want to be accused of not being fun. If you can spell 'chandelier', I'll ignore the debuff and give you a pass. Just this once.

Lorelei was halfway through shrieking out the letters when the hole-puncher sailed well wide of its target. Swearing, she began another cycle of the lobby, trying to keep the Kobold positioned in the right place, picking up a Glyde and Glyde pen from her stack of prepared projectile as she ran past.

This time, she just about reached the final 'r' in time to cause the pen to strike true, severing the wire. Suddenly freed from its moorings, the chandelier descended like a meteor that thought the Kobold had said something about its mother. At the very last minute, even this creature, with its decidedly room-temperature IQ, realised the danger it was in. However, it was too slow to react. It looked up just as the avalanche of glass and light crashed down upon it.

The impact resounded through the lobby, the noise made up of the shattering of crystals and the Kobold's roar of surprise and pain. The creature staggered under the unexpected assault, its thick hide punctured by sparkling shards.

Yet, even as it floundered - and a slew of notifications pricked at her mind - Lorelei remained more than aware of the danger she was still in. The Kobold was wounded, not defeated - damn you, 750 HP - and its fury was now stoked by pain and confusion. Lorelei knew she needed to stay nimble until she could roll the dice again on her big attack. There were still 20 seconds left on .

With the Kobold Champion momentarily dazed under the crystal carnage of the chandelier, Lorelei seized her chance. She sprinted towards the coffee machine, her feet barely touching the ground, leading the groggy behemoth behind her. The Kobold, its tiny brain struggling to process the pain and the dazzling light, followed with a lumbering rage, but its movements were sluggish, the shards of glass embedded in its flesh taking their toll.

Lorelei stood in front of the machine, waiting for the perfect moment. As the Kobold neared and threw a massive punch, she rolled to the side - ignoring how close she was to Vanessa's body. The creature, unable to stop the momentum of its fist, crashed into the coffee machine with all the subtlety of a Michael Bay movie.

The impact was spectacular.

***Help Message***

Full disclosure, I may have amped up the FX budget a little more than necessary on that one. Don't get used to it, but as you appear to be going full Wile e Coyote on this poor creature, I might as well make it look good

.

The machine - a particularly high-end model - erupted in a shower of hot coffee and glass that far outstripped anything that made sense. The tidal wave of boiling liquid splashed over the Kobold, adding scalding burns to its list of woes.

Blinded and howling, the Kobold continued to swing wildly, its fists demolishing anything they touched. Lorelei, her heart racing, dodged and weaved, the hairs on her neck standing on end with each near miss. The lobby resembled a war zone, with Lorelei and the Kobold at its epicentre.

And then finally reached its countdown. Lorelei clambered atop a nearby desk and leapt, cutting a graceful arc in the air - with a double pirouette - to land on the behemoth's back. As she gambolled, she tossed the coin as hard as she could. The Kobold bucked and twisted, trying to throw her off, but she clung on, a stubborn barnacle on a whale as the skill triggered.

The coin went up - stopped in the air - and then arrowed straight downwards to the exact perfect spot on the Kobold's thick skull.

***Help Message***

I have to admit that looked pretty kickass.

Unleashed: Fortuna's Herald, with an air of effortless cool, performs a jaw-dropping coin toss that defies the laws of gravity and common sense.

Attack Outcome: Critical Hit with Maximum Epicness!

Damage Dealt: Can't be bothered to calculate it. But this guy's toast.

The effect was immediate. The Kobold gave a final, piteous roar, its body shuddering under the force of the attack. Then, it collapsed onto the floor and lay still. Lorelei slid off its back, landing on the floor with a grace that belied her racing pulse. She stood there, panting, unsure what she was now supposed to do. Around her, the remnants of the office space told the story of the fight. Broken furniture, shattered glass, and the remnants of the coffee machine painted a scene of destruction. The air was filled with the scent of burnt coffee and Kobold sweat, an oddly victorious aroma.

Lorelei approached the fallen Champion cautiously, half-expecting it to spring back to life in a classic boss battle fake-out. But it lay still, its chest no longer heaving with rage-fuelled breaths. She nudged it with her boot, just to be sure. Nothing. It was truly defeated.

Then, she noticed it—the glow of loot dropping from the Kobold. The light shimmered in the air, coalescing into tangible items as it hit the ground. A smile spread across Lorelei's face. She stepped forward and began collecting her hard-earned rewards. There were gold coins, which made a much louder kerching sound as they hit her bank balance. There was something called 'potions', their liquid shimmering with the promise of health and mana restoration.

And then there was the gear—a pair of gloves emitting a faint aura, clearly enchanted with some kind of buff. Lorelei couldn't wait to check their stats. But before that, she needed to have a look at her notifications.

If that little performance didn't earn her a title, she would be very disappointed.