It took Lorelei some time to orientate herself to the slightly changed landscape of Birmingham, which lay around the underpass. The city’s usual drabness now had a surreal twist, as though the world had been tilted just slightly off its axis.

If she looked back towards what she still thought of as 'work,' most things were as she remembered. The glass-fronted building in which Glyde and Glyde had its offices was still standing—well, leaning, really, as if it had grown tired of the corporate grind and decided to take a well-earned rest. Various shops and commercial buildings surrounded it, though their windows now displayed oddities like "Eldritch Insurance" and "Nefarious Notions—All Sales Final." Other than the eerie emptiness—like the city had been thoroughly vacuumed of all humanity—it could have been any Tuesday late afternoon.

However, if she turned around and looked towards the more residential area where her apartment was situated, the world could not have been more different. It was as if someone had twisted the existing structures there so they would fit into a fever dream version of Tolkien’s Middle-earth. The blocks of flats were now tall, ominous spires, more suited to housing dark wizards than regular city dwellers. The pavement had transformed into vast, sweeping grassland, unnervingly bright green and dotted with blood-red flowers that seemed to pulse and shiver. And—though she recognised it was odd she felt so affronted by this—the McDonald’s had morphed into a medieval keep, complete with greasy-looking battlements and a foul moat filled with what she desperately hoped was just fryer oil.

There was also the sound of a lot of screaming, fighting, and dying coming from that direction, a noise that seemed to rise and fall with a grim rhythm.

Grimacing, Lorelei looked back towards Glyde and Glyde. It was quieter in that direction. Until she had a better handle on her Skills, it seemed stupid to wade into the middle of what could only be described as World War Three, as directed by Terry Gilliam on a particularly bad day. According to the Guide, some people were already in double digits for their levels. Thus, staying as far away from other humans as possible seemed an excellent strategy until she was a bit more robust herself—or at least until the world made a lick of sense again.

Glancing regretfully over her shoulder towards 'home,' she set off back towards her old workplace, hoping the glass facade might shield her from the madness outside.

It was a pretty uneventful walk—if you didn’t count stepping over at least thirty dead bodies as an ‘event’—until, crossing the road, she made the mistake of glancing down a cross-section that led into the city centre proper. The air there was thick, not with the usual smog and city grime, but with something far more primal—a cloying haze of blood, sweat, and desperation, undercut with the sharpness of fear. Lorelei's Map was updated with three red dots at the exact moment she realised, with horror, that she was watching three wolves enjoy the all-you-can-eat buffet that Sherlock Street had become.

These weren’t the sleek, noble creatures of nature documentaries. These wolves had crawled out of some Lovecraftian nightmare, their fur matted with gore and their eyes glinting with a manic, unsettling intelligence. Before they noticed her, she pressed herself against a bus stop, studiously ignoring the section of metal that had been gouged out of it as though something had taken a huge, very angry bite. She whispered to the Guide for the lowdown about wolves.

Wolves

Nature's equivalent of an overeager gym enthusiast. These things fancy themselves to be the terror of the forest, but in reality, they're about as intimidating as a slightly miffed house cat to any player worth their salt.

Level 2 - Level 4 Beast

Health 60-70

Mana Not applicable (beasts typically don't use mana-based abilities)

Primary Stats

Strength 9-11

Agility 12-14

Stamina 8-10

Intellect 2-4

Spirit 5-7

Secondary Stats

Armour 15-16

Attack Power 12-18

Critical Strike 4%

Haste 8%

Skills

Pounce: A quick leap attack that can stun the target for 1 second.

Howl: A howling ability that can call nearby wolves, potentially adding more enemies to the encounter.

Loot table

Animal fur or hide

Wolf meat

Copper coins

Lorelei winced as the ticker-tape message came. Even ignoring the fact that there were three of them, they were already a significant step up in challenge from the Kobolds. And they didn’t look like they’d be particularly interested in letting her pass if she asked nicely. She certainly wasn’t going to be wading into the middle of the three of them throwing hands… or, in their case, paws.

Comparing stats, the only thing she had going for her was that, with a bit of thought, she should be able to figure out a way to pick them off from a distance. If she could deal with one—maybe even two—before they reached her, it was just a case of whether played ball when the close combat began.

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And, after all, she had a shiny new Heal skill to play around with. Part of Lorelei recognised this was an utterly illogical way to examine the problem. Ordinary people did not stumble across packs of wolves and start planning how best to kill them. But then, looking around at the carpet of dead bodies—some of which looked as if they had been rearranged by someone with a twisted sense of humour—she imagined most of the 'ordinary' people had already discovered the limitations of their approach to conflict resolution. And there was all that lovely ‘emotional dampening’ in play . ..

Crouching low to keep out of the wolves' line of sight, Lorelei tossed her Double-Headed Coin of Fate and triggered . There was a squeal from down the street, but more one of surprise than agonised death. She let a moment pass and then chanced a look at what had been the outcome of using her ability.

One of the wolves now sported a very fancy green bonnet, at which it was pawing in evident surprise.

"Fuck's sake!" Lorelei shook her head and settled down to wait for the cooldown to reset. The Guide’s idea of help was beginning to feel more like a giant joke at her expense.

*

It took four more tosses—the second Wolf doubled in size, the first one gained a hula skirt to go with its hat, and the third Wolf was the lucky recipient of the temporary status 'Maurice,' which made it very attractive to the other two—for Lorelei's luck finally to be in.

While she waited between each turn, she debated which Level 2 talent she should take. Neither Fortune's Blessing nor Spoilsport felt they would likely be particular game-changers for her. Ten seconds off wouldn't be that helpful. Sure, it meant she could use the Skill more quickly, but the 50 mana cost was pretty brutal. There wasn't much point in shrinking a cooldown if she didn’t have the mana to use it.

On the other hand, increasing the chance of a positive by 5% was likely to be more regularly helpful. 5% wasn't much, but remembering her fistfight with the Kobolds, every little bit would help. Indeed, after the third unsuccessful , she was sick to the back teeth of her luck-based skills, and Spoilsport became the obvious choice.

On her fourth toss, Lorelei had become so used to failure that it took her a minute to register that something had changed. Glancing down to where the coin had hit, she saw her smiling face looking back at her. Then, a notification chimed up.

Heeeeeeeeerrrreeeeee's Jonny: You have summoned the spirit of Jonuseziable (known as Jonny to his friends), a Level 8 Demon. He has eviscerated Wolf (Level 3) at your urging and returned to his hellish home with a nice new rug.

Experience Gained: 30 XP

Lorelei risked a glance from her hiding place and could see that the Wolf that had increased in size had vanished—well, at least its pelt had—and there were now just two remaining beasts. Each looked somewhat confused as to what had just happened.

That surprise vanished as the one in the fetching outfit spotted her, let out a howl, and began scampering towards her, moving with a speed that completely defied the laws of physics. In a panic, Lorelei picked up her Double-Headed Coin of Fate and threw it straight at the blur that was the approaching Wolf.

activated: A coin toss like no other! Fortuna's Herald flips a coin with all the finesse of a seasoned tosser, hitting the Level 4 Wolf on the noggin for a critical hit.

Critical Damage Dealt: [Randomised x Damage Multiplier for using your coin as a weapon] 500 HP (Because math is for nerds, and you've got luck!)

Status Effect: [Randomised] The Coin's Revenge: Miraculously, the coin bounces back off the Wolf's head and returns to Fortuna's Herald, smacking her nose to remind her not to throw it away.

Experience gained: 35 XP.

Lorelei's eyes were momentarily filled with tears after being booped on the nose by her own weapon. They had only just cleared when a searing pain suddenly shot up her leg. Looking down, she saw the final Wolf pulling a significant chunk of her thigh out of her leg, the flesh parting with a wet, tearing sound that was more akin to a butcher’s shop than anything she wanted associated with her body. The Wolf swallowed the chunk whole, the bulge moving grotesquely down its throat before it opened wide for another go.

Damage Received: 45 HP

Status Effect: Wolf Bite Wound. -1 HP per second.

Lorelei stumbled backwards, Wolf's jaw slamming shut inches short of her bleeding leg. She initially considered triggering but decided against it. While 45 HP down was nothing to be sniffed at, it wasn’t the end of the world. If she were circling the drain, it would be different, but the last thing—literally—she needed was to add a zero to the damage caused and make the beast's next attack terminal.

In the same way, she was leery about trying out in the middle of combat. She'd need to be in a much shittier state before risking the System thinking it hilarious to add a 'Fatally Allergic to Wolf Bites' status effect.

The frenzied retreat had manoeuvred Lorelei to have the bus stop between her and the Wolf. It seemed to have decided the outcome was a foregone conclusion as it watched her, sat back on its haunches, and licked her blood from around its snout. The way its eyes seemed to roll back in its head with pleasure was…faintly disconcerting.

Checking her status, her HP was 180 and dropping due to Wolf Bite Wound, and she had just enough mana to try out a . Figuring she might as well roll the dice on that before falling back to relying on , she flicked the coin. Remembering the Guide's description of how this Skill worked, Lorelei spun around, clapped her hands, and gave it the whole 'tada!' when she caught it. Maybe she could earn some style points?

***Help Message***

That was one of the most transparent yet saddest attempts to ingratiate yourself with the System I have ever seen. And yet, there is something oddly charming about your baby deer in a crocodile's jaws attempts to stay alive. I won't respect myself in the morning, but just this once . . .

Unleashed: Fortuna's Herald flips a coin, and in a twist of fate, her spontaneous dance forces a remarkable change in the attack outcome.

Original Attack Outcome: [Negative Result] Lvl 3 Wolf levels up to Lvl 5

New Attack Outcome: The coin's trajectory turns unexpectedly, striking the Wolf with devastating precision, leaving it with 1 HP. Don’t say I don’t do anything for you.

Damage Dealt: 69 HP (huh huh huh)

The Wolf collapsed to the ground, unconscious. Lorelei took a moment to make sure nothing else was suddenly going to appear to really fuck her over, but her Map remained clear. Other than this one red dot that was blinking rapidly.

Lorelei limped over to the beast and stood over it. She could still feel her HP dipping down, so she would need to cast her heal spell soon. God knows what craziness that was going to unleash. But first . . .

There was a slight pressure in her head as her horror at what she was about to do pushed back against the emotional dampening, but it was only for a moment, and—once it had passed—she brought the heel of her sensible work shoes down again, and again, on the head of the Wolf. Each blow squelched sickeningly, the bone and brain matter yielding grimly.

Experience gained: 30 XP.

Every other time Lorelei had been in a fight, the end of it had generated enough XP to push her to the next level, instantly healing her. It was disappointing to realise that this was no longer the case.

Checking out her status, she saw that her experience was now 101/200 whilst her health was 90/250 (decreasing), and her mana looked very sorry for itself at 28/220. Lorelei needed 30 MP to activate , which wasn’t ideal as she was slowly bleeding to death. She hoped she gained back 2 MP before those 90—well, 85 HP—ran out.

She had 50 HP left when her mana clicked up to 29 and felt decidedly ropey at 19 HP when she finally had enough to cast the healing spell.

Even then, she wasted a few more moments worrying about the various ways in which the System could utterly screw her over—a randomised 1 HP heal and a freeze on mana regen, anyone?—before recognising she had very few remaining choices.

She triggered .

***Help Message***

You know me so poorly . . .