With every step that Lorelei took away from Gyde and Glyde, she felt herself questioning her decision. How on earth had she just been able to justify to herself that it was okay to walk away? That mail room had ten of her ex-colleagues within it, and she'd just left them to die. She hadn't needed to do that.
Just because she hadn't wanted to go back to her old role in life didn't mean the only other choice was to abandon people in need. She could have freed them, explained what was happening, and then walked off into the sunset with a clear conscience. But, despite those thoughts, her pace did not slow down. And soon, the building with its accusative green dots inside had been left long behind.
One cold bitch, after all.
So where to next? Checking with her [Quest Log], it appeared that the most sensible place to head towards would be the Mystical Market. Whatever that was. She had 'something shiny' to buy from there to complete Gear Up and had earned an entry ticket for it as a reward from Money, Money, Money. The Guide had also suggested that she could find things to splurge her gold on from soloing the [Kobold Champion] within.
She could be wrong - because all that together was a pretty subtle nudge - but she sensed the Mystical Market might be supposed to be her next destination. "And I wouldn't want to piss the System off, would I, by not following a quest chain?"
***Help Message***
Fucking hell. No wonder you had to resort to shagging married men. Probably the only victims properly inured to such epic levels of passive aggression. Also, while we're here, I was willing to accept a certain amount of righteous indignation from you before you popped your 'leaving innocent people to die' cherry. Since then - I don't know - maybe dial it back a touch?
Lorelei didn't answer and tried to let the words bounce off her. It didn't work. She walked on silently for about an hour, picking off little groups of Kobolds and any Wolves she felt comfortable handling. Her [Whispering Gloves of the Seer] were adding more oomph to a successful
Whilst Level 2 and 3 Kobolds were a cakewalk, she still occasionally got in trouble with Level 4 Wolves - particularly if they could get off a
***Unsolicited Help Message***
I feel duty-bound to carry out a welfare check here. This is the longest since the integration you've gone without bothering me with some sort of inane bollocks. Have you forgotten how to access the Help function?
Lorelei finished skinning the last of the Wolves and put away her knife. "I've been getting loads of [Leather Offcuts]. Where do they go?"
***Help Message***
Okay. So, we're not talking about all this sulking? Fine. Be like that. Just remember this next time you're moaning that the System is an uncaring and faceless entity. Because here I am, a lonely AI, standing in front of a girl, asking how she is. And all you want to talk about is leather offcuts. Richard Curtis would have a field day with material like that. You have an inventory. I know I've made a lot of this really complicated, but you could - I don't know - try saying the word 'inventory.'
Lorelei did so, and a list of things she had apparently collected started scrolling past. Amongst a bunch of random items of stationery, she must have inadvertently swiped from Glyde and Glyde during the Kobold battle - it seemed even the apocalypse couldn't lessen her appetite for office supplies based kleptomania - she also had 2x[20 Leather Offcut] and 15 [Wolf Meat].
"Is there something I can do with all this? Like, I assume there's a Cooking skill to learn. Or maybe Leatherworking?" As soon as she spoke the words, she was aware that a couple of notifications popped up telling her that in addition to Skinning under her
***Help Message***
You know the little rant I had about you cheating? This would be a good example of why you're going to walk into a misplaced Ogre Den any moment now. For your information, there is currently no other player on the planet who possesses three professional skills. You better believe I'm patching the fuck out of this.
"Guide, I literally just asked you a question about whether those were skills I could learn. It's not my fault my Class seems geared to pick things up quickly!"
*** Resigned Message ***
This book is hosted on another platform. Read the official version and support the author's work.
Babygirl, I cannot explain to you how broken this all is. You've somehow managed to learn Cooking before you've worked out how to make a campfire!
There was a soft ding, and another notification appeared.
Congratulations! You've mastered the ancient and incredibly advanced art of... making things burn. Don't celebrate too hard. Troglodytes managed to discover this.
Campfire level: Novice (Think marshmallows rather than attempting insurance arson)
***Help Message***
Oh, fuck off. Fuck off all the way over there, turn the corner and fuck off some more. Keep fucking off until you can fuck off no more. And then take another fucking step.
"Interestingly, that's not the least helpful customer support message I have ever received. Now, how do I trigger this . . ." Lorelei sensed she was unlikely to get much more info from the Guide for a while, so it took her a few minutes before a small, softly glowing fire appeared at her feet. And then even longer before she worked out how to transfer the [Wolf Meat] out of her inventory and into the smaller inventory contained within her Campfire.
***System Message***
Cooking learned via Jack of All Trades will be affected by the Life in Your Own Hands debuff. Up to cooking 100, 25% of meals prepared will be poisoned - reducing stamina and spirit by the amount a 'normal' meal would increase and for twice the time. From cooking 100 and upwards, 15% of meals will be poisoned.
As with the skinning penalty, Lorelei could see that the debuff had the potential to be a pain, but it wasn't too terrible. If, as the Guide had said, there was no one else on the planet with as many professional skills as her, then she needed to take advantage of that head start. A notification let her know that her [Wolf Meat] had been turned into [Charred Steak - poisoned] and that she had gained a +1 in Cooking.
Shrugging, she refreshed the fire, took the poisoned steak into her inventory and threw another chunk of [Wolf Meat] onto the Campfire.
She slowly worked her way through all of her meat, ending up with 8 [Charred Steak] and 7 [Charred Steak - poisoned].
"What happens if I eat a steak? I mean, a normal one?"
***Help Message***
Eating [Charred Steak] restores 40 health over 10 sec. You must remain still while eating. No, hang on. I'm pissed off with you. You must hop on one leg whilst eating. If you spend at least 20 seconds eating you will achieve the Satiated status and gain 2 Stamina and Spirit for 8 min.
"And a poisoned one does it the other way around? Loses 40 health and reduces stamina and spirit if eaten for too long. Got you. Can other people see the food is poisoned?"
***Help Message***
Fucking hell. They grow up so fast. One minute, you're a sweet newbie running away from a Kobold with an AK47, and the next, you are abandoning friends to their deaths and plotting how best to poison people! I love it. Okay, in recognition of your burgeoning Borgia instincts, any poisoned food you create will appear normal to anyone else.
That wasn't what Lorelei meant, but she'd take any advantage she could get. She was about to see what she could do with Leatherworking when something blue caught her attention on her Map's edge. Standing up caused the Map to swing slightly in that direction, and she realised she was seeing the corner of a building.
"Guide, why's that building blue?"
***Help Message***
All neutral venues will be displayed on the Map as blue.
"What do you mean, a 'neutral' venue?"
***Help Message***
Fucking hell, it took you long enough, babydoll. Well, let's not focus on the length of the journey, let's luxuriate in the fact you've made it here at all. After longer than could have been hoped, you've finally laid eyes on the Mystical Market – the crown jewel of enforced neutrality in this corner of the newly integrated world. Picture this: a place so steeped in the magic of the bland that even the most hot-headed orc warrior becomes as harmless as a kitten at its mother's teat. Basically, it's your realm's equivalent of a parent's "I'll turn this car around" threat, but it's actually effective.
The whole market is shrouded in a spell so potent that if you so much as think about fucking with another player, it'll screw you over with every debuff known to man. I'm not going to lie, I put a lot of time coming up with seriously decent enchantments and I feel quite irritated I've had to waste them to prevent Gruk the Barbarian from smacking Kevin the Annoying Bard upside the head. So, trust me when I say if you fuck up in this place, it's going to sting.
Upon entering, you'll be greeted by a magical aura that'll feel like being wrapped in a warm blanket of "Nope, you can't do that here." It's a haven for traders, merchants, and adventurers who want to browse exotic wares without the threat of being fireballed in the face.
In the Mystical Market, it's worth noting that the deadliest thing you'll encounter is the prices. The vendors, aware that their clientele can't resolve disputes through traditional sword-to-face negotiations, will have the gall to charge ten gold pieces for a vial of basic health potion. It's daylight robbery, but what can you do? Violently haggle? Nope, not in the Mystical Market. Remember the debuffs. They. Will. Fuck. You. Up.
The air inside will be filled with the sounds of peaceful, non-violent commerce, the clink of gold coins, and the muttered curses of adventurers who just paid a small fortune for a map that probably leads to the world's most underwhelming treasure.
In the very centre of the market stands the Fountain of Frivolous Spending, a monument to all the gold wasted here. It's said that if you toss a coin in, you'll have good fortune in your purchases. But you know better, Fortuna's Herald, don't you? Fortune is bitch who'll take everything you can throw at her and keep coming back for more.
So, stop cooking shitty meals, get off your arse and get along to the Mystical Market, the place where the only thing you'll fight is the urge to spend all your hard-earned gold on a magic trinket that's probably just a glorified paperweight. Remember, keep your swords sheathed and your coin pouches secured.
Lorelei took a deep breath and dispelled the Campfire.
"Seems like I'm going shopping."