Is this a dream? It feels so hazy. Do Anime Girls Dream Of Excalibog? Disconnected. Lights are out, fuzzy. Yeah. I was never good at lucid dreaming, realizing I was in a dream. The displaced barely there images in my mind were like looking through frozen over ice in winter. Usually, I didn't dream about anime. It'd be something weird and completely nonsensical. If I remembered at all. Even though I liked watching anime a lot on Earth, thinking in anime images wasn't easy for me.

Perhaps that's part of why I liked it? Everyone has a different mind—

[Pipiru piru piru pipuri pi! Pipiru piru piru pipuri pi! tenshi no bato~ ex— cali bog gu uuuuuu~]

And mine, well, is playing a song. An anime opening. It felt familiar, I wanted to hear it again! What opening was this song for?

I'm dreaming. I've got some anime girl thing going on. It'd be nice to have absolute control over magic too, my fire spell didn't fire like I wanted it to fire, last night. Hazy. Body, and I guess part of my mind is Anime Girl? The Anime Girl I saw when I fell asleep under the rock is here, or is me, or is within me, at least. I guess? Dull silver eyes. Must protect.

[Pipiru piru piru pipuri pi. Nande mo dekichaubatto Ex~ Cali— bogu—uuuuu~][Pipiru piru piru pipuri pi. Nande mo dekichaubatto Ex~ Cali— bogu—uuuuu~]

Okay, summarizing, I am here. My 100% MANLY SOUL taken in by the magic egg. I liked it when I was on Earth, and a man, and had what was most vital. It's not like I liked my old body or anything! Oh, real tsundere. No wait, old body sucked. Ah, well, even though it did suck, it was mine.

[Pipiru piru piru pipuri pi.]

Well, of course I couldn't like my old life that much. That's why I tried to improve myself. Being fat sucked, not believing I had worth because my appearance sucked, my mind, well, yeah, I tested for a 176 IQ in elementary school but fat lot of good that did helping me stay with my friends. Best friend ditched me because I was too weird. I don't blame him. I was eating food off the cafeteria floor. Secluded myself as I aged. But now, the rules have changed.

What is going to happen next now that I'm an anime girl? I didn't know what I was going to do with my life on Earth, it was variations of— "Okay, lose weight, okay, maybe take a trucking job? Or start a business? But then I would have to talk to people, that wears me out. Goddamn it. I'll make money from the internet! There's got to be a way!"

[ee ~ ya no ko nan no~ baka baka! o ~ ne ~ gai ~ ee ~ da ~ KA ~ ra!]

I never did 'become a writer' and write harry potter. That would have been nice. Hah. Stupid dreams I never fulfilled. Never was going to. I wasn't serious then, and I'm not serious now. But hey, this isn't that life. Not anymore. My ideal. The anime girl. I am one. Got bear punched. Tentacle Beamed an anteater. Got a brown tarp to cover the nakedness. I'm getting closer to... something. This is good, this is better. This is hope. But, it's a hazy hope. I wish I could wake up. Maybe I'd think more clearly. Wait. Oh. The magic egg! The tome of the Mage!

Yeah. It said, "souls are source of great power." My soul is me. So, that must mean that the rest of the 'me' now is from the magic egg. All I have to do is read more about the magic egg in the book, and I should be able to figure something out about Anime Girl. And the rest. Yeah. That's a start.

Don't look down on cheat items. Anime Girl could read it. That's good. And, the Mage Tome is my ticket to summoning Nyarko. I have a horrible feeling that it's going to go badly, as it's me, and I don't think anything good can happen if I'm around. I think that goes without saying when I'm planning on summoning a being from lovecraftian mythos, but desire drives me onwards.

[Pipiru piru piru pipuri pi~ Wizard! Wizard!]

Oh, Anime Girl is calling. Does she come with an alarm clock feature? How convenient.

[Wizard! Onegai! Mezame yo!] (please! wake up!)

My consciousness shifted. Eyes cracked open, filled with light. I slept walked once before, but, I've never slept battled. As my vision resolved into a clear image from the sunlight's glare, the haft of the pickaxe wielded in my hands.

[Mezame yo!] (wake up!)

Curved metal lied dug into rocks along a river bank. Not near the cave. Shit, where's the Mage Tome? Glints of metal flashed towards me and my body reacted.

A reflex. Similar to a reflex. However, now, my whole body was in a state of reflex. My anime girl body was shifting back, knocking back oncoming sword slashes with her pickaxe haft as she lost ground. I've had charley horses before, leg cramps. This is one hell of a leg cramp. A whole body, battling leg cramp.

Anime Girl is fighting back with my body. And she's doing a damn good job of it.

A metal and brown storm with flashes gold in front of me. What even is going on. A fight. This is a fight. Sleep battling? I heard of sleep walking, I guess sleep battling is a thing too? For an anime girl, at least, in another world, it is, now.

My body was escaping every blow and countering at Anime Girl's tactiturn direction. I felt like I could take control of my body, but instinct cut me short. If I took control of my body now, how would I fare in a melee fight? I'd get myself killed. No way I could dodge like she was doing. Can't even make sense of her movements. She must be accessing parts of my soul's memories and executing them, somehow. I think? Anyways! Death, bad. Keep it up, Anime Girl! Let's Fighting Love.

[Hai!] (Yes!)

Silver sword slashes rained in, a blur of gold in front of me. Bad. Death. Stop the death from coming.

My focus followed to the source of the attacks. Blonde hair blue eyes gold armor stern face arms blurring. Slashes from this blonde guy in gold armor were raining down on me in silver blurs. I tried to catch sight of the sword in the metal blurs, no good. My anime girl body fought well enough with the pickaxe haft, but she couldn't manage much more than hold off getting cut with parrying dodging and backing off. She skidded along the riverbed, knocking dirt and rocks into the air like a mist. Goddamn it, Ouji, what did I do to you? I'm not even up yet!

At least when you come to kill me wear a serious color like silver. I swear this guy must have more money than sense to wear gold armor, I want to kill him, no, I have to kill or I'll die! What can I do? Anime Girl has the melee handled. Magic? First, see what's here!

Looking closer at the sword itself, time slowed down. Before it was a blur, but as I looked closer, I could see each individual slash. Breath heaving from my mouth and chest. Elation from the fight flooding me. My heart kept beating. My eyes caught a glimpse behind me, river's close. Forest treeline across the riverbank. Need get to. Getting boxed in.

Anime girl. Order! Run to the trees! Get distance!

She executed. Ran straight through the rain of silver slashes like dancing through raindrops. Right under this guy's armpit, ran like a naruto ninja. How typical of an anime girl. As she slipped behind him she knocked Ouji on the back of his head with the pickaxe haft, not slowing down or even turning her head she straightened up and did a full out run to the treeline.

Hey, where'd the naruto ninja running go? You're breaking my expectations here!

She swirled to face him, guarding with the pickaxe haft. A fireball swooped towards me. Full on flaming yellow colored ball of fire straight on towards my body, but Anime Girl didn't shirk back. I flinched mentally. I'll get hit and burn to death. But, no. As the yellowball reached me it blew apart. A blue outlined shape appeared in front of me, multiple lines fanning out from a center. It blocked the spell.

An Absolute Terror Field. I knew Anime Girls were heavenly, but I didn't think mine would have an A.T. Field built-in like an angel from Evangelion. Nice feature. No wonder Anime Girl didn't move. The A.T. Field expanded out from the center, taking fire raining in on me. Each blast would hit the A.T. Field and explode, charring and melting the rocks on the riverbed below.

Okay. I'll end this right now. Magic.

Only two spells that I know of. Can't rely on Anime Girl's pickaxe haft wielding skills and A.T. Field for much more than defense. Running is an option, but riskier than just blowing him away. I swear I called it last night that I would be attacked. I should trust my instinct in the future more, it may be another hidden ability of Anime Girl's like the A.T. Field.

This book was originally published on Royal Road. Check it out there for the real experience.

I have [Hounou Ni Nare] and [Tentacle Beam]. [Tentacle Beam] caused a catastrophe. No time to fabricate new spell like with [Hounou Ni Nare]. Fry him.

My focus shifted, wandering. In the middle of the yellow fireballs peppering my A.T. Field my vision disappeared. It wasn't black, it was as if my entire imagination of the world changed.

When thinking of something in my head, I'd often not be able to see what was front of me in reality. It was only a flash. An overlay. I saw the pickaxe haft held in front of me look like a wooden sword. Wooden sword? My memory thought of something. I saw a figure. The imposition, this overlay, strengthened. A puppet. Brown garment. No, not whatever this nonsense is, not right now, need to fry him.

Mana Allotment: Arm. Better safe than sorry. My whole body mana caused the Tentacle Beam, this will do for a single opponent. I thought of Smokey the Bear. "Only You Can Stop Forest Fires!" Or start them. Image: I thought of the [Hounou Ni Nare] I cast last night. Trigger: Voice. Anime Girl prefers using voiced out attacks, and it strengthens the spell, so I'll go with her on this.

"[Hounou Ni Nare]!"

Orange and red mixed in with the yellow fire in front of me. The ground shook, cracking melting steaming. Birds shot out of the forest trees into the horizon. Anime Girl flinched behind my A.T. Field. I checked my body mentally. Too tense. Anime Girl was nearing her limit. Did I use too much mana when my body was already sapped? Damn.

The yellowballs raining down on me from Ouji stopped. The blue lines of my A.T Field stopped appearing in the air. The air cleared of flame. Between us was charred rock. Black, molten, a dragon might have breathed fire here. Ouji stood there without a scratch or marr on him. Damn. But then, his sword loosened from his hand, clattering to the rocks on of the riverbank below.

"Stop this!" Ouji said. The gall of this gold armored piss fire bastard. I will wreck you. That is my line!

"C-calm down." I complained. My first english to another human in another world. I pray he understands. I assume Anime Girl is translating this in real time like she did with the Mage Tome. Sadly, my frustration at his implication I was the one in the wrong here couldn't get voiced properly.

Ouji glared at me. This not happy face.

He snatched his blade from the ground. Silver, long, had a red center. Swear it looked like something out of World of Warcraft. Gaudy gold armor tightened close across his body. He raised his blade, taking a way cooler stance than mine. Sword held eye level, pointing towards me. Glaring blue eyes. Die, handsome face.

Wait, where did I see that stance before? Oh yeah. Wooden sword, stance... it's coming to me. I really want to focus on the fight, but for some reason, my mind was grasping for the memory. Ouji's words snapped me back to reality.

"It was a mistake. I'm sorry. I didn't mean to touch your breasts. They just happened to be where my hands fell when I tripped, is all. Please, stop attacking me. I didn't mean it. I'm sorry. I'm sorry."

He's apologizing? Oh god. It's that, isn't it? The scene where, no. Anime Girl! Order! What happened? Memories flooded into my mind. A gate opened. Image:

Ouji came by into the cave, sword sheathed. He woke Anime Girl up, then she started chatting to him in japanese I couldn't understand. The memories were blurry, but from his face it looked like he was reasonable enough despite being unable to communicate. He introduced himself, but Anime Girl translated it to 'Ouji.' No wonder I called him Ouji. Does she like his looks? Urge to murder, rising.

Like with the book, as Ouji talked more and more, his language began to resemble something more sensible to me.

Then, of course, the incident began. His hands needed to land on my breasts somehow. I wouldn't be in this situation if no breasts were fondled. A day or so ago, I didn't even have breasts to get fondled. I am aghast at my own absurd existence. Camus was right.

Ouji was questioning her, setting up camp for himself in the cave. Seems like he didn't mind Anime Girl's company despite her strange language. Then, he walked over to the supplies present in the cave to check them out just like I did last night. He tripped. And like magic, he fell straight on top of me. His hands landed my breasts. And then—

"Ecchi! Hentai! Shin-ne!" (die pervert)

When Anime Girls Attack. It was far more furious than I thought, she forced him back despite his complaints, at first he didn't look like he was getting serious but he was hard pressed. The fight escalated, to the point where I found it reasonable that Ouji blasting a meteor shower of yellowballs of fire onto Anime Girl was justified. I have to end this.

Damn you, Anime Girl. No, don't blame her. She's less than two days old. This was a miscommunication that happened when I was literally dreaming. It couldn't be helped. Well, now, it can.

"Ahem," I cleared my voice as a test. Told anime girl to lower the stick. She lowered it. Good anime girl. We'll have you murdering less in no time. "I'm sorry." I said. I bowed. Or I should say, Anime Girl bowed for me. I wouldn't bow normally, but I felt like a bow was appropriate here. Small victories.

Ouji panted. The battle exertion is getting to him.

"You've calmed down? Finally. It troubles me that such a beautiful girl would suddenly try her hardest to kill me. It hurt my pride to realize that she would win if I held back." Ouji looked into the horizon. "I don't want to admit it. I was almost killed by such a tiny girl."

He said I'm 'beautiful?' Oh, what a nice guy. Ha ha. That's Anime Girl talking. How fickle this two-day old is, she needs much guidance.

"Actually," I began. "I was asleep."

Ouji's eyes narrowed. "Since when?"

"Since when were you under the impression I wasn't asleep?" I went for the misdirect. Let his bloodlust fade.

"Since I woke you up." Ouji kept his sword stance tight. I hoped he would lower his sword since I lowered my pickaxe haft, but I guess he's not that easy. Anime Girl must have really given him a hard time. "I have never heard someone who could talk and move while asleep. And fight. Fight like you did. Strange girl. All right. I'll buy your words. You were sleeping. It wasn't like you were about to lose to me and die, you were sleeping."

Okay, new plan. We go for the kill when his back is turned. I feel bad about murder, but this is the first time I felt like I could die, since I died. New experiences.

"I was sleeping." I repeated his words. "I get, uh. I get cranky. When someone wakes me up. So, don't do that. Touch me and die."

Ground it in truth, think it through, yep. Pin it all on me being asleep. Play dumb. The part where Ouji almost got killed by a bishoujo for an accidental chest grab is a small matter.

Ouji softened his stance. Sheathing his sword slowly. His eyes gazing with suspicion. I was the one worried about dying here! Are you a man or not?

"What is your name?" Ouji asked, his breathing slowing down. "Your speech was strange. Now, that you are... awake. Perhaps you can tell me your name."

"Wizard." I answered without hesitation.

"Wizard? That's a strange name. What nation are you from? Your exotic appearance concerns me. Those eyes. You have no irises. I have never seen anything like it. Disturbing. But, it does not mar your appearance in the slightest."

How dependable of him to be playing cool despite almost dying to an Anime Girl. I commend him for appreciating the beauty of my body, he has good taste. I suppose the eye thing can't be helped though, I am, technically, a monster born from a mage's magic egg. I'm glad I'm only a peculiarity in his eyes right now.

"I'm. Uh." Anime Girl's body control released entirely. She got the memo from the context of the conversation. I flexed my muscles, feeling relief as I moved about. "A secret. Yeah." The words slipped out. I'm tired.

Ouji eyed me. This, attention. I don't like it.

[Ecchi.] I heard Anime Girl complain as well. The time will come Anime Girl, when we strike back against this foul creature and slay him. Stay your hand for now, and let us recoup our strength.

Feeling Ouji's gaze, I snatched my right wrist. I forced it to release the pickaxe haft. Anime Girl was revving up her murder motor, again. Burning coursed through my veins as my bicep tightened. Be still, my right hand!

"You have great beauty. Not only that, your swordsman skills and your strange protective field... I was already mourning your death when I attacked. There are not many who face me and live. I am glad you have such unusual strength." He stared off into the forest past my body. "Killing a beautiful girl because I touched her chest inappropriately... how could I live with myself, afterwards?"

My right fist tightened. Something, something was wrong. I need to, it felt like a law of universe, no, Anime, was being broken. Oh. The logic. Anime Girl Logic. We fought, but I didn't—

I didn't do what must be done.

He touched my breasts. Anime Girl flashed an image in my mind of the bear punching me. My right hand trembled. Oh. I see. I am resisting the urge to hit Ouji. Anime Girl's instinctive urge. The urge was still there. The loop. There's a logic loop activating in Anime Girl. I understand now.

It doesn't make any sense in real world logic. But in Anime Girl Logic, it's inevitable, a near one hundred percent chance of happening, to the point where if it doesn't happen it's like a rule of Anime Girls itself has been broken. After an Anime Girl's chastity being violated, she has to inflict violence upon the transgressor.

The cliche is strong. Through many years, I have seen it so many times that I know what I must do to end this. The cycle of discord must be brought to harmony. Transgressor located. Target: Ouji.

"Are you okay?" Ouji's been ogling me the whole time. I've never been ogled. I was the ogler!

My heart is beating like a drum, spreading waves of heat across my body. He's looking at me. This bastard is looking at me! And, he touched my chest. My mouth began to move. My right hand raised into a fist.

"This hand of mine is burning red..."

It's my voice. I don't know where it's coming from within me, but it's not Anime Girl's will. It's mine. I stepped forward. My body is tired. This didn't feel right, to half of me, and to the other half, applause was ringing out. Every sense of common sense I had scrapped together in my old life started to crack. My poor common sense is taking a beating.

"Its burning grip tells me to defeat you. Take this! My love, my anger, and all of my sorrow!"

My battle aura is rising. I can see it now. Like pouring water into a burning flame, my fist drove towards Ouji.

"Wait! Wait! The fights over! You win!" Ouji pleaded. "Stop! Stop!" He senses the approach of justice.

"[Hikari Ni Nare]!"

I punched Ouji in the face. The fist carried his head straight into the riverbed, burying it like turnip. His legs sprung up, then went limp.

"Owari da."

I fell to my knees, spitting up red. I said japanese out loud twice. That violated my inner code. It's embarrassing. If Anime Girl says it, it can't be helped. Since it was me, it could have been helped. However, I was too tired to beat myself up about it further. I stared at my right hand. Closing it, I looked up to the sky. It's blue. It is a blue. Cloudless day. Ha. Ha.

I'm going home to read now.