As I followed Yarko onto the streets of Nephilz and down into the sewers, floating between the empty space between my ears, the puzzle pieces revolved. The winding tunnels of black, dimly lit from some unseen source, sloped ever downward with rushing water filling the silence. I saw something straight out the Alien franchise wander past us without a sound, and I closed in on Yarko's back. Maybe all I really needed was rest. A good clue or two. Namely, Moon Elves. Stehy was in loafer form on my foot, she said she didn't know about Elu the moon elf. I asked Yarko, and she said the same thing.
What I was lacking was information. There was no way I could have solved the mystery until now. I can only see that after the fact. A sober realization.
My memory loss started soon after I approached Elu. Secretly, I was blaming everything else possible— Hohemi, Moon Elves, Anime Girl standing behind me with a dagger in her hand, Kirei meddling through dwarf spies, a secret attack by someone who pegged me as the new SSS+ tier adventure in town. You know, average paranoia. I was thinking. Hard. But, I over thought. Even though I knew I was overthinking, it didn't occur to me to stop overthinking. I was too busy thinking.
The concepts didn't link up in my head until Yarko told me she didn't remember the moon elves. Stehy said the same thing, she remember moon elves either. I was so focused on Hohemi and Yarko being naked in my bed. Distracted by the confusion from my memory loss. Ouji whining on the rooftop about his almost-dying. The omnious words from Yarko being the concept of chaos. Stehy's declaration that Niji was the concept of evil. All of that was red herrings, one after another.
The talk I had with Kirei in my dream, although I don't want to admit it helped, helped.
Why would my clothes not know about moon elves? There was the possibility of the average paranoid overthinking scenarios: And then there was the part I missed entirely. The possibility that it was me, all along.
Yes, it may have been obvious to an outside source, or hopelessly inscrutable. I'll never know. I had to live my whole last life using my own mind to understand the world, and that doesn't change even as an Anime Girl. But, the answer was so simple that I clutched my head in despair upon realizing it.
I fell to the sewer stone. Dampness chilled my legs through my pantyhose. I almost forgot I was wearing pantyhose in the first place. What a terrible sign. Yarko tapped a few steps ahead of me, before she slowed down like a train arriving at it's next stop.
"Uiharu!" I shouted. My tight fist slammed into the sewer ground, my eyes swam as I lost focus. The 'damn dirty apes!' scene from the Planet of the Apes appeared in my imagination. I saw the broken statue of liberty on the beaches of Future-Earth where apes ruled, and I empathized with the fallen man.
I knew it. It wasn't the moon elf. It wasn't Elu! The moon elf wasn't the problem! It's what I did. The spell I cast, Magic. I used the all-too-unreliable, chaotic magic of this world, and as predicted, my magic again proved itself hopelessly unpredictable!
「Danna。」
Yarko's voice lacked a concerned tone as it echoed through the sewers.
"It was Uiharu all along!"
I pounded the wet sewer below me. Apparently, I am now the ruler of Homunculi swarms teeming below, but that can wait.
Yes, it can definitely wait.
What's more important is I forgot. When I approached Elu, I cast a spell to preserve my temperature. I made it not target my body, but it did target my clothes, apparently. And it's effects were memory loss on them, wiping out the concept of 'moon elf.' And this may also explain my blackout the day before when I met up with Hohemi. When I cast Uiharu to survive Elu's continuous cold area of effect, I must have also caused memory loss. I needed to confirm it with Yarko. The truth.
From where I was on the sewer stone, I questioned her.
"You knew all along, didn't you. You knew something was wrong. There's no way I would strip girl's clothes. If I really did strip Hohemi and you of your clothes, you should have said something!"
「I thought you were trying something new。」
"What about everyone else in the bar?!"
「I got some appreciative looks。It was thrilling。Hohemi clutched onto you like a tentacle trying to hide her body。You gave her your blazer after she broke down in tears。」
"Wait, wait, are you serious? I seriously acted like that? Don't you know my personality from the inside out? I made turtles and sloths look like NASCAR drivers."
Yarko kneeled down in front of me. She looked like she was addressing a kid.
「That is a colorful metaphor。However, the danna I know is far more thrilling。」
I almost shot back "Who the hell do you think I am?!" but, I remembered that it might be taken as a Gurren Laggan reference, and my desire to not say it out and embarrass myself cut in before anything else. As my mind fumbled for words, Yarko's hand approached through my blind spot right in front of my eyes. She ran her hands through my hair. She shifted her hand back and forth across my head.
This is— no, no, I am no loli, so therefore—
But, this has all the markings of! Masaka! Impossible! Bakana! I was frozen to the spot, and looking up, like the sun breaking through the clouds, Yarko's smile.
My hand guarded my eyes as I looked away. Buying list: katana, sunglasses. Not to be used at the same time, I noted.
For some reason, I teared up, choked back tears a little, may have let out a strangled whine or two, then rubbed my face and stood up.
"Can we pretend that night never happened? No, it's an order. Pretend that night never happened. I don't want to know anymore."
「You told Hohemi your life story。」
I had a feeling.
"I was drunk. It means nothing."
「She really likes you。」
"She's evil and I don't like her and she was mean to me in that cave so don't give me that."
I knew there was more to it than that, but my voice was spouting words. I wasn't going to be bothered correcting myself on this issue. I sighed, closed my eyes, then followed after Yarko. Wanting to get my mind off the topic, I concerned myself with thinking. The last thing I felt like having was another conversation. I feel like I've been burned out on talking since before I came to Nephilz, and it's only gotten more complex since then.
Why, after all, my plan to take over Nephilz was advanced my clothing against my knowledge when my head was elsewhere. I don't feel glad about this at all. In the dark of the sewers, with only the dim outline of Yarko's mature figure in front of me, we walked down into the depths.
I heard something scuttling, insectlike, distant. Unearthly wails began to break the silence from time to time. What did Ouji say about Homunculi's cries? Like death chasing after you? Yeah. This sound very deathlike. Oh, another one. A little bit more aggressive this time, and desperate, got my heart pumping.
"Is this a horror game..."
I mumbled it under my breath, but Yarko turned and an outline of her her smile flashed at me. I looked away. It's even dark in here, could use that damn thing as a flashlight. In the silence between the screams of death, I mentally compared the quality of Hohemi's smile versus Yarko's.
After reviewing my memories of smiles I've seen in the past, it's not just the smile that counts. It's the context, of course, and the character. A smile from an evil character, an 'I'll eat you' smile with too-wide eyes. Hohemi's smile didn't compare to one of those, however, Yarko's did. Yarko's smile was undoubtedly an 'I will eat you' smile with too-wide eyes. However, the memory of her smile made me feel happy. "You know, I want more of this in my life." I thought of it like that.
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Another unearthly wail cut into my rumination. They were getting louder. The winding tunnels of black, dimly lit from some unseen source, sloped ever downward with rushing water filling the silence. And now, the unearthly wails began to form into a larger mass of sound. My first instinct was horror, but as I heard the Homculi's cries in unison, it began to resemble something familiar.
Cheering.
I don't think they're saying anything intelligible, though?
[Eigo ga hanase masu.]
Anime Girl's statement felt incomprehensible. I think it means, 'I have(can speak) english', but all this time, she hasn't said much english. Oh wait. My mind remembered. When we first met, inside my head, she said 'High Fiveu.' I thought it didn't count because it was romanji? Why is she saying this now.
[Hai. Eigo ga hanase masu. Watashi ga Homunculi nai. Watashi Anime Girl. Homunculi, muzukashi.]
Anime Girl can speak english. She's not a Homunculi? But, everyone— no. Ouji, Hohemi, and Negi said Homunculi. I've been saying Anime Girl all along— so could it be that she can't speak Homunculi? But, Yarko—
"Yarko. Can you understand what they are saying?"
「They cheer for the No-Life King's victory。You don't like swears。Imagine them swearing constantly。That is about correct。Sounds like the No-Life King is losing the fight against Niji。」
I looked at Yarko's back. My concept of chaos can't be this reliable. She did mention Niji fighting the No-Life King, but my mind didn't go there first. After all, the true enemy might be right in front of me.
"How do you know? Are they speaking, er, screeching in a Homunculi language?"
「I don't speak language。I know language。」
How ominous of her. The pressure of the area around her seemed to increase in heaviness. Reminded me of those scenes in Bleach where the air got a bunch of lines flowing through it. Very nice effect. I'm not scared. She's an ally. Yarko is an ally. As long as I say it, it might become true.
The 'cheering' reached a deafening level. I followed after Yarko, entering into a large open area. A huge crystal in the center beamed down a hazy light over crowds of Homuncli seething on the outskirts, and in the center below, a loli and a guy with a wooden sword.
The No-Life King was about what I expected— for the world of Errera, it's got to be something weird. Not even once have I seen something normal here, I even stripped two girls in a bar and no one said anything! Then again, that may happen on Earth too, I never went to bars in my autist life.
The No-Life King shouldn't look like this. He shouldn't be wearing a red suit from the Edo period. He shouldn't have Gin's wooden sword from Gintama. He shouldn't be wearing sunglasses.
This character, I knew him well. I felt like him, so I empathized. It's MADAO. It's a pun in japanese I don't understand, but he's basically a middle aged loser who doesn't have a job. And that's his joke in the anime Gintama. He wears sunglasses. He hangs out with Gin and they be lazy addicts who spend all their money on useless things.
So why is Niji standing arms folded near him, while he's kneeled on the ground bleeding? And why Madao? Why an anime character...
Wait, this isn't the first time. Dojiko. There was her. I remember seeing her, the ever destructive Dojiko, that one morning with Ouji. I thought it had nothing to do with anime and Anime Girl was just naming her Dojiko for kicks but-
The No-Life King is a Homunculi who watched Gintama. And, it looks like he is about to die. I approached, Yarko waited behind me. It was as if this was my fight alone.
Then, at the bottom of my vision, a Dark Souls hp meter appeared. A long red line, with the writing in thin gothic lines, "Niji, Defender of the Seal." She had full HP. I'm unarmed, and I have no estus left—
Wait, why is this? I shook my head as I approached my loafer loli. Blonde twintails and an eyepatch. I knew it. This is chunni, isn't it? Then why am I still seeing a Dark Souls HP meter? I glanced at Madao, who barely propped up his own body. Niji unfolded one of her arms, giving me a salute with two fingers.
「Aud lang syne。」Niji said.
"I don't understand."
「The time has come。The No-Life King stands before me, beaten, and I, Niji, Defender of the Elder Seal, demand recompense。」
Recompense? Money? She's smirking. It's a blonde twintailed loli with an eyepatch, saying something incomprehensible. Is it safe to assume the obvious here? Yes. Yes, of course. There's only one response to this situation. If I'm not going to strip her clothes, then I must do it.
My hand went for her head. She disappeared in a flash of black light, appearing a meter away.
「You would lay a hand upon my crown?」
Yes, yes I would. Because, I have zero idea of what else I am supposed to do here. There is a Dark Souls HP bar at the bottom of my vision, but since this isn't a video game, I don't need to kill her to progress. If it was a video game, I'd need to, but since it isn't a video game, I don't need to.
I approached Madao. Heaving, close to the ground, his eyes hidden behind sunglasses, I regretted it had come to this. All I did was say I'd take over Nephilz once, and here we are, in front of a guy who my left loafer beat up. I feel bad. But, there's still hope! He could be an asshole! Just because he's a Homunculi who watched Gintama doesn't mean anything. He might not even be from earth, he could have turned evil, he is the No-Life King, right? So this has a chance of being a just act! Maybe.
Kneeling before him, I felt awkward. There is, healing magic, isn't there? I could try. But that could warp his body into an unholy monstrosity with how chaotic my magic is, so death might be preferable. Plus, I don't know him. Which makes it worse.
"Gintama." I said.
There is a bridge between us. At this point, I'll use it! A death rasp came out from the No-Life King's mouth.
"You know... the anime..."
"Yeah. You from Earth?"
"I... wished to become... an Anime Girl... you, you look..."
And his body collapsed. Niji did a number on him. That's not so great. We could have been friends- is what I would say, if I were a normal person, I imagine. But, I'm not the type to socialize at all, no speaking unless spoken to, so it was hopeless from the start. Looking at his body on the ground, I pitied him. This isn't my fault.
"Niji. Could you heal this guy?"
I'm asking her because I don't want it to be my fault when he turns into an immortal hellspawn corrupted by magic. And this way I can still feel like I tried to do the right thing. Although, as I asked Niji, I was already thinking it might be better to let Madao die.
Niji's voice had the tone of someone who came upon a dumpster with pickled herring in it.
「The No-Life King has fallen in battle.。You wish for me to raise his corpse as one of our shock troops? How devilish。」
Isn't she the 'concept of evil'? Shouldn't using the dead be normal for her?
「I refuse。Do you believe yourself my 'Master?' How pitiful。I will prove to you how foolish your notions of dominance are!」
Ah, this is the point where she attacks right? It feels so cliche that I almost laughed, but then the fireball hit my A.T. Field. Oh. She's really attacking. The Dark Souls HP bar wasn't for show? She's really dedicated to being the boss of this area?
Yarko yelled from the sidelines as lighting flashed into my A.T. Field from Niji.
「Go for it。」
Is she cheering for me? No, why aren't you helping? Thinking it over as the ground quaked under me and split, I realized there was a chance that Yarko could actually hit her. Then, Niji might get hurt. So— do I have to do the headpat after all?
The screeching/cheering of the Homunculi in the cavern reached a higher level as I gained distance from Niji. A spear of lighting sailed straight past me, impaling an eldritch horror and setting it aflame. Yeah. I have to do the headpat.
My A.T. Field was already fully visible and taking fire from Niji. This is the first conversation we had, but she doesn't need to be this aggressive. Oh! It's that, isn't it!
I understood as I ran around the cavern, looking for an opening from Niji's magical barrage. In addition to her attacks getting absorbed by my A.T. Field, she also teleported around to attack from different directions. I was distracted by her words, so I didn't think of this in the same terms I used to solve my earlier puzzle.
Niji is also a magic spell I cast. The Uiharu spell had an unpredictable effect on my memory and behavior, altered my clothes memory as well. The second time I saw Niji in her human form she was scared, she took her adventurer's card and retreated. And the first time I saw her in human form was at the camp when I woke up after fighting Negi.
I began to snap the pieces together as I dodged around her spells. My A.T. Field was holding strong this time. Maybe Niji isn't even serious here. This might be a situation where a dog playbites you. It's not trying to harm you, but the dog doesn't understand there's danger. Exchange 'loli' with 'dog' here. The loli involved might just be an idiot.
If I thought of her attacks in those terms, it started to make sense. Why would Niji descend to the sewers in the first place? Why kill the No-Life King? She's a result of my spell, and that spell— if I remember right, the clothing spell...
Yes. There's a logic to this! A hidden logic, chaotic, and it doesn't make any clear sense, but, I still have a way forward! I have to play it out, and test her words! This is a result of Anime Girl Physics!
"Since when did you assume I was your 'Master'?"
I'll challenge her words first. She attacked after saying something about me being her Master, so—
「You bound me to this realm。I bow to no one。The unlimited power of the Elder Seal must be protected from the likes of you! If you were to awaken my true power, do you know what could become of existence itself?!」
How melodramatic. Also, omnious. Stehy did refer to Niji as the concept of evil, as Yarko is the concept of chaos, so, she might not be melodramatic. It might be mere drama. The chunni Niji could be entirely logical in this world. The whole universe could be at stake because I wanted some loafer lolis.
I reached toward Niji, not putting my full strength into the headpat. Niji teleported away. Just as I expected. How typical of a teleporter to teleport. I charged at her newly acquired location. She couldn't react. Niji fully expected me to get dazed from missing my headpat, but, since I was already expecting her to teleport away, it was easy to follow her! And so, my hand slapped into Niji's forehead.
Ah, I hit her instead of headpatting her. Niji's tiny body slammed into the ground. I cringed at the sight, the ground cracked, then exploded. Her forehead looked bruised. My teeth lips grit at a jagged angle. This isn't good. Whining came from the ground, and I saw the tears erupt from her eyes.
Then, a huge black energy beam hit me. I toppled backwards, skidding across the ground, I lost my balance at the last second teetering over onto the ground. As I looked up, I saw Niji, Defender of the Elder Seal, floating with a mask of fury on her face.
As I looked at the bottom of my vision, I saw it. I took a silver off her Dark Souls HP bar. So, is this really a boss fight after all? I refuse. I stood up. I refuse to play by arbitrary rules! That is my loli, and I will befriend her with a headpat! That is the Anime Girl way!