Time to turn my mind to steel. Dodging yellow lighting bolts like they were hurled by Zeus himself, the Homunculi behind me thronged around the sewer cavern burned to a crisp. Some ran, but Yarko, for some reason, was waiting and smashing them with a wooden bat full of bent nails. I have no idea where she got the bat from.

Yarko looks very happy to be murdering. I'm not as happy. My movement kept up with Niji, but I couldn't catch her. The view of this as being 'playbiting' might be the correct one. This isn't a real fight. My A.T. Field held against a wave of bats that Niji sent at me, for some reason they were on fire as well. Legend of Zelda Ocarina of Time came to mind, then the memories washed away as I caught sight of the corpse of the No-Life King.

Madao, with the wooden sword Gin from Gintama used by his side. Unmistakably a Homunculi with a soul from Earth. But, he said he wanted to become an Anime Girl, too. Then, why did he go full Oji-san(old man)? What did Niji say about him?

"「The time has come。The No-Life King stands before me, beaten, and I, Niji, Defender of the Elder Seal, demand recompense。」"

And now he is very dead and this is not my fault. I'm going to say he was a villain all along for the sake of my peace of mind. And then Niji said she wanted to show me how foolish my notions of dominance are. If I punch her, does that clear this event? There is clearly a Dark Souls HP bar at the bottom of my screen. Yes, I understand that in a video game there isn't a way past a boss unless you kill them, usually. It's such a cliche that games have even been subverting it.

So, Anime Girl Physics, then. I had an urge to go pace and stroke my chin, I usually pace when I think, never stroke my chin, but visually chin stroking is typical for someone who is thinking. It's a cliche. Cliches? Yeah. Anime Girl Physics has, so far, obeyed my understanding of cliches in Anime.

Like my Uiharu spell, magic is chaotic in this world. It isn't a stretch to think that what I've been calling Anime Girl Physics is a result of me casting magic. I'm not aware of the spells I'm casting, and I have such poor control it might get me killed—

A fire bat swooped past my A.T Field and went straight for my hair. I freaked out and let out a "Ahh!" as I slapped it to the ground. The bat turned to guano. I kneeled, put my palms together, and paid my respects. And then I dodged another fireball.

Niji's fire bats she's shooting at me maneuvered around my A.T. Field. As I took magical barrages head on with my A.T. Field holding steady, I ran from fire bats. Then, I heard the clacking. Insectlike, a disturbing mass of legs appeared out from the crowd of Homunculi. It was too close for comfort, had too many legs, I did not like how it existed.

So, in my surprise, I accidentally burned it to a crisp. It was a flamethrower type spell. I didn't even process. I saw the centipedal Homunculi then the spell came out. I was dazed by my own improvised attack, before I felt warmth from a fire bat singe my hair. I kept running.

I'm not going to punch a loli. I'm not going to do it. It simply isn't something I want to be doing with my life. Stehy was in her shoe form on my foot, but wasn't answering. For a justice loli her office hours aren't very convenient. Is it because it's nighttime? Is that why? Was Stehy really solar powered after all?!

I cast aside my notions of solar powered lolis. I needed a plan. The headpat didn't work. I can't close the distance between Niji and I. Niji will teleport if I get close, and I don't want to attempt another headpat in case I do more damage. Niji might have an enrage mechanic where she gets serious if you do too much damage to her, I am seeing a Dark Souls HP bar so this logic is sound. I guess?

Either way. Anime Girl Physics. My spells are awful. I'll hurt Niji. The flamethrower spell just now worked fine, but I have no idea how it did. It's like a button was pushed. The thought of going to Kirei and kowtowing in order to get my magic under control became more appealing.

Let's try this way of thinking— a fire bat caught my hair on fire as I slowed, I threw my body to the ground and rolled furiously, patting my hair to see if it was okay. I won't be able to check until later. This is bad. I already got a haircut I didn't want, what if I'm bald? I don't want bald!

Okay, I'm gonna charge Niji to give myself some space to think. I don't want to actually hit her though, I need her to at least stop using her fire bats—

Oh! I can taunt her! The standard in any battle scene is to build drama through dialogue and set up the stakes for the fight, calling into question who will win. It's exciting. Sometimes. Either way, I'll taunt her.

"Niji. These fire bats will never burn me. My clothes have high fire resistance." I don't know that, I'm bluffing. I said it anyways.

「Your hair looks like it burns。」

How dare you say such a fact in such an innocent tone, Niji!

"Are you really trying to burn my hair?!"

Niji blushed and looked away. I have never in my last life seen a blush in real life, it was surreal.

「Ah。Sorry。」

This really is like a puppy play biting, isn't it. Niji's face reverted to a serious look with furrowed eyebrows. The fire bats despawned. How convenient.

Stolen content warning: this tale belongs on Royal Road. Report any occurrences elsewhere.

Perhaps this is a communication issue, and not an Anime Girl Physics magic issue? Niji peppered my A.T. Field with balls of ice. She's insistent. Niji was talking about 'recompense' for slaying the No-Life King, and disputed my 'dominance' of her. Shouts from Homunculi around the edges of the cavern and Yarko's cackling ringing out behind me, I forged ahead through Niji's barrage.

How do I convey— no, how do I talk to a loli in the first place? With Stehy, she's more mature than I am and could probably boss me around without trying. Wait, from the start, I've been trying to use 'normal' standards of communication. I never was normal! I'm an autist. So, the pattern of communication being a pain continues in this life as well. Well, here goes.

"Niji. You're being annoying. Stop, let's talk."

「You disgrace one of my power。」

How grandiose a voice. In Anime Girl Physics terms, she is slotting neatly into chunni. The eyepatch and blonde twintails are nice, yes, and she has somehow acquired gothic clothing, now that I have a good look at her. I fear Hohemi was involved.

"I'm not your master. I never claimed to be your master."

「Your order to claim Nephilz as your own is well under way。I have already felled the No-Life King by your will。」

I regret everything. No, you might as well say I wasn't serious. I mean, yeah, I don't like what I heard about Nephilz's disgraceful culture, but it's not like I was really planning on doing anything. I think. It's like hearing about something on the news. It's far away.

"You can stop now. Come on. Let's go home."

I implored her. My tone was wavering. I didn't think I was getting put under pressure here, but my voice told a different story. This fight is getting to me. I didn't notice before now. Yarko's cackling and the squish of Homuculi bodies and the death wails were more mentally taxing than I thought.

And then, a ring of steel striking sounded out. It echoed in the cavern. The Homuculi's screeches were cut into dead silence. I heard big thunk noises, like tree trunks getting knocked down in a hurricane. A splash of wetness hit my face. Felt warm on my cheek.

I spun around, and as I did my body dove towards Niji. I tackled Niji's body at a reckless charge. It wasn't until I was rolling on the ground that my mind told me what I saw when I turned. A clear blue spike. From the ground I tracked the motion of the projectile. It flew straight across the cavern, thudding like a javelin into the sewer rock. Clear, blue, light from the crystal hanging far above us shone off of it. Ice. Icicle.

It's him, isn't it. I heard Yarko's cacking increase as steel on steel sounds replaced Homunculi screams. I pulled Niji towards my body as I sat up, surveying the carnage.

Negi. Homunculi, hundreds of them, were strewn impaled on icicles. Not a single sound from them, though their bodies twitched. Yarko had a large gash across her back, blood on her face, but, as brilliant a smile as ever. No, brighter. Of course Negi would show up now.

Yes, because, it seems I am cursed with a struggle isekai pattern, there doesn't seem to be any breaks on Mr. Bones suffering ride for me. This is some cruel fate enacted on me by the gods. I swear. Negi. It is the duel wielding thirteen year old fresh into puberty main harem protagonist complete with a harem class that everyone loves to self-insert into and later wishes would just die. Also, he wrecked me.

The sore memories of my embarrassing loss to Negi were interrupted. My stomach hurt. I looked down to see Niji with a serious look on her face— her hand stuck straight into my chest. Something was being tugged.

Loli, no. This is not how you are supposed to exist. A danger loli sounds like it has promising appeal depending upon the situation, but that is left within the bounds of stories. Of Anime. As I felt my heart literally tugged, I got upset.

"Niji."

My own voice scared me. Then, I saw Niji look up. She was terrified too. Her serious face was gone. It's— oh yeah. It's reminded me of a kid who spilled something. As I grabbed Niji's neck, I reminded myself that there is a barrier between the existence known as young humans and lolis. What I am about to do is warranted.

Given the situation. As my grip tightened around Niji's neck— I reminisced.

You know, I thought I was going to have fun. I thought I was finally going to have fun, and make friends, and find purpose or something— I really, I really had hope. This is just like it's always been. My life, a sad mess. Everything, all of me, strewn all over this place. I've always known who was the villain here, I don't need no Kirei to make my life difficult. It's me. I am my own final boss. This is a damn curse! My existence is a curse! It's my whole self that's wrong, it's this stupid soul of mine polluting—

And as I fell deeper into the abyss of rage, Niji stepped back, slipping from my loose grip, she plucked my heart out. She wavered back, afraid. Holding my heart, still beating in her hand I—

Suddenly, smiled. It wasn't because in the corner I saw Yarko having the time of her life whacking on Negi as he fought defensively. It wasn't catching sight of Hohemi lurking near the celing— stupid stealth assassins I swear this isn't an MMORPG why do you plague me even in this life. Also, the gothic loli clothing is confirmed as a crime by Hohemi.

Now, I'm not saying Niji doesn't look good. I just, feel a little uncomfortable with that creepy controlling girl alone with my loafer loli. Although, at the current moment, she has torn my heart out, I bear her no ill will.

I laughed. What made me smile, what turned it all around, was the sight before me held in Niji's hand. I guess I don't get to be right, even when I think I am everything that's wrong in the world.

Because, this was never earth from the start, and as for me—

"I am an Anime Girl."

Staring at the cliche shaped heart, the heart that looked like it would be on the back of a pink love letter, with zero resemblance to the human anatomical heart, I knew. It's not like I didn't know before. It seems that, caught up in the drama and rules, I seem to have forgotten. The rules of the world, the rules I knew, the rules I obeyed and feared to the letter in my last life— they are coming crashing down at this moment.

It didn't even sting. There was a lot of red. But, it wasn't blood. It was just red across the ground. On my cheek, though, I thought it might be Yarko's blood. I touched my cheek, looking at the fingers of my gloves as they pulled away. They were darkened a little bit from some liquid. Some dark liquid. It's not like it's blood. Yarko does have that huge gash across her face, but, hey, she's smiling, so isn't this fine?

"Niji. It's rude to take other people's heart from their chest without asking first."

I'm in full auto-correct mode now. Even though my heart is beating in Niji's hand and I am fine, and it looks like an abstract representation of a heart instead of a real heart I still want it back inside my body. It's uncomfortable, seeing what is your heart beating outside your chest.

Niji bashfully handed it over with both hands. I took it like an offering, and looking away to spare myself, stuffed it back inside. Hey. Anime Girl. This is, this is gonna heal right? This huge gash in my chest.