Indenuel blinked, not hearing a word except for her asking him what he desired. He cleared his throat, closing the book and sliding it back to its spot on the shelve.
“I -- I came to see Adosina. I -- no. No I don’t need anything.” There was no denying it now. He was wholly inexperienced with social graces. “She and I left uncomfortably yesterday, and I wanted to make sure she wasn’t angry with me.”
“Thank you for your kind thoughts toward a member of my house,” Inessa said as the door opened. Derio came back with the vase of flowers. Indenuel had no idea what the man did to it other than put it in a vase, but it somehow looked more glorious than he could have offered. Inessa cocked an eyebrow. “More than just thoughts, I see.”
He took the vase from Derio, giving him a nod of gratitude before he left the library. He looked down at the flowers. “I don’t know what I’m doing. I just want to make my friendship with her right again. I said things to her yesterday I shouldn’t have.”
“Addy isn’t one to let words bring her down,” Inessa said, reaching forward with her hand to brush against the bulb of a marigold near his arm. He stopped breathing. “You can hardly tell because she smiles so much.”
He set the vase down, hoping to keep Inessa’s focus there. “Well, I seemed to have made her stop smiling for a heartbeat or two.”
It didn’t work. Inessa kept looking at him, her emerald eyes turning the lime green dress paler in comparison. “Dear me, it must have been something truly awful then.” He didn’t realize how close he had gotten to her. He could have almost reached over and touched her. The proximity made him pause, almost panic. There was nothing inappropriate about how close they were, but it made him uncomfortable. “Not that you have to tell me. I don’t mean to pry.” An uncomfortable look crossed her face.
“No, no, of course not,” he said, relieved she had misinterpreted his silence. “It was a frustrating day yesterday, and I… she came to cheer me up and I fear my exhaustion came through in harsher words than I meant.”
Inessa stared at him. There was nothing he could hide from her. “I see.”
He forced his brain to work. He was going to have a conversation with Inessa, and he was not going to make an ass of himself. “She entrusted me with a secret, and I did not behave like I should have.”
“Ah.” A smile crossed her lips. Indenuel forced himself not to look at it too long. “She must have told you about Elias.”
“He must not be a secret within the household, then.”
“On the contrary, Warrior Indenuel. She only tells people she admires very much about Elias. You should feel honored she feels this way about you.”
Indenuel rubbed the back of his neck, taking the opportunity to step back enough so the closeness wasn’t so intoxicating. “Yes, well, I then turned around and treated her cruelly, so I don’t feel the honor I should. And tell me, Inessa, what can I do to convince you to stop calling me Warrior?”
Another smile crossed her lips, and he smiled in return because it was instinctual. “You dislike the title?”
“I feel like I should earn it and haven’t yet.”
“I understand. If it makes you so uncomfortable, I’ll stop.” She picked up her skirts before walking past him toward a window. Indenuel didn’t dare move as she approached and passed him. He let out a tiny breath before turning around and following her. “What do you think of Adosina and her secret lover?” she asked.
“A strange scenario, but she was genuinely happy when she talked about him.”
“I of course do not mean to stoop to gossip, but I agree. I’ve met him on occasion, and she’s so happy with him. The feelings she has must be real.”
He gave her a curious look. “But? You have something else to add?”
A blush bloomed across her cheeks as she looked at him. “I don’t know how long she’d last as a member of the poor class.”
He looked out the window again, somehow finding it easier to talk to the glass rather than her. “That is, in essence, the reason why I came to apologize. I told her the same thing.”
She joined him looking out the window. “It may be too harsh of me. Maybe with Addy’s personality, she’ll last a while.”
“Maybe my own view of the poor class is tainted by my previous standing in it. Being the assumed bastard son of a witch is quite the low rung on the social ladder. Being the wife of a farmer might be a good fit for her.” Indenuel should have changed his vocabulary, as the harsh words might have been too much for Inessa, but he felt like she understood.
Inessa’s smile was sad. “I’m sorry you had to go through that.”
He waited for her to give a version of her experience in the poor class, but realized it wasn’t his place. Not only that, but she could still get in trouble for whatever her past might have been. By the uncomfortable look on her face, he realized she wanted to tell him, but his instincts were right. Whatever it was, it was too dangerous for her.
“You don’t have to tell me,” Indenuel said. “I understand if you’d rather keep your past to yourself.”
“It doesn’t bother you? I could be hiding a long list of sins.”
“No,” Indenuel said, still staring out the window. “I get that you have to hide what you must in order to keep your family fed.”
The tenseness in her shoulders relaxed and she smiled again. “Thank you. For understanding.”
Indenuel met her gaze, lost again in her eyes. “So, you must know what it’s like, then. To go from nothing to having everything you could ever want.”
She nodded. “To eating feasts that could have fed my entire family for a month.”
“To sleep on a mattress of feathers instead of straw.”
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Inessa rubbed her arms, looking out the window. “Feathers plucked from geese who were fed better than my siblings.”
“You have siblings?” Indenuel asked.
“Seven,” Inessa said.
“Wow. Large family.”
She hesitated long enough for him to realize she didn’t want to talk about her family. “Forgive me, but when I came in, you… were you reading a book?”
She was changing the subject, and Indenuel allowed her to. “I was, yes.”
She looked impressed. “You know how to read?”
He met her gaze again. “I do.”
“Who taught you?” She tried to keep the jealousy from her voice, but it was there.
“My mother.” Indenuel looked back out the window at the gardens. “A woman who, come to find out, I know little about even though my entire life was spent with her.”
“I didn’t have a great relationship with my mother either.”
“I honestly thought we had a great relationship but…” Indenuel tried to think of how to word it. “But so much has happened since her death I simply don’t understand why she lied to me.”
Inessa watched him, a frown on her face. He let out a breath. He didn’t mean to say that to her. He shouldn’t have. But he found that when he wasn’t looking at her face, she was easy to talk to.
Martin’s concubine, Indenuel struggled to remember. Remember who this is. You need to stop this. She cannot be this beautiful and this easy to talk to.
They heard a carriage rolling past the house into the stable. Indenuel turned, expecting to see the carriage out the other window, but forgot this was a large house. There weren’t any windows on the other side to show the front of the house. There was a door there instead, leading to more rooms, and Tolomon was there, giving him a look that was becoming familiar.
“It looks like Adosina is here.” Inessa walked over and picked up the vase. “I wish you luck with your apology.”
“Thank you.” She handed it to him, and Indenuel took it, touching her fingers as he did so. Inessa paused, looking up at him, and he didn’t dare move. He realized something he hadn’t dared believe.
She feels something too.
She didn’t pull away, and he didn’t make a movement to pull the vase closer to him. The heat continued to grow across her face.
“Indenuel, I – I enjoyed our chat but…”
“I know...” he said quietly.
“Inappropriate,” she whispered.
He nodded in agreement. “Inappropriate.”
Yet she still did not move her hand away. Her small fingers were there, under his own. He moved them, just enough to caress them before her fingers twitched and she dropped her hands. Without a word or a curtsey, she walked out of the library. He watched as she folded her arms, bowing her head in meekness. Tolomon gave her a short bow as he opened the door for her. She did not curtsey back, instead leaving the library as quickly as possible. Once she was out of sight, he dared to glance at his bodyguard, who slowly closed the door. There was a silence between them. Indenuel moved his attention to the flowers, trying to fix them, except they already looked wonderful, and he was afraid to mess it up.
“What the hell was that?” Tolomon said.
“It was something I already know will go nowhere,” he said, his fingers cooling on the vase.
“She is Martin’s concubine,” Tolomon said, his voice low.
“I know. I don’t need your threats; I don’t need your lectures.”
“These laws protect us. It is your duty as Warrior to obey them.”
A muscle twitched in his face. “The laws which say a person must go to church every week in order to get healed, but must also never go to church if they don’t bathe enough?”
“Stop. These are dangerous thoughts.”
“No, what’s dangerous is to follow a law without question when those laws are created by fallible men. You should know this better than anyone.”
Tolomon’s frown turned into a glare. “You may be the Warrior, but you should never assume you are above the law. You’d be no better than-” he stopped, pursed his lips, and looked away.
“This concubine law is only serving the High Elder’s sexual desires. I cannot be the only one that sees that,” Indenuel said.
“And you want it to end to serve yours,” Tolomon said. Indenuel couldn’t help but gasp. “So go apologize to Adosina and let’s get out of here.”
Indenuel breathed deeply, his nostrils flared. Tolomon seemed not only capable of fighting physically, but verbally as well.
“If Nathaniel were here, he would-”
“Do as he always does when faced with a law he hates,” he finished, a warning in his voice. “Respect the law to the best of his ability in public while doing everything he can to suggest improvements to it in private.”
“Are you seriously expecting me to never talk to her again? I’m simply doing the same things you and Rosa do,” Indenuel said.
“I have no idea what you mean, Rosa is a frie-”
“Don’t bother lying to me,” Indenuel said.
“I know when to stop,” Tolomon said, his voice quiet but urgent. “I never let my fingers linger on a vase. I’ve never tried to touch her, nor will I ever. Stop pretending we’re in the same situation.”
Indenuel wasn’t ready to end this, even though he was clearly losing, but the door opened and both men turned to see Adosina walk in, smiling brightly. Indenuel closed his eyes to push the anger deep within him before he opened them again and smiled back. He came here to apologize, and he would not let his anger get in the way of doing that.
“What an absolute pleasant surprise this is.” Adosina gasped as she approached him. He had almost forgotten he was still holding the vase. “These are glorious!”
“For you.” Indenuel offered them to her as Tolomon backed away toward the door again. “As an apology for yesterday.”
“What? Why? What happened yesterday?” Adosina asked.
“You entrusted me with knowledge about Elias, and I did not treat it with the respect I should have. And insinuated you could never truly be happy.”
“Nonsense. You gave me some things to ponder. I may enjoy my status and education, but I am not too prideful to admit there are still plenty of things I need to learn about the way this world works.” She took the vase and breathed deeply the marigolds and sunflowers. “I love them. Thank you.”
“From the garden outside my home. May it also remind you of the kindness you offered me yesterday.”
She smelled them again before looking up, confused. “Kindness?”
“I was so bored, and you cheered me up with your company. I feel horrible for treating you so disrespectfully.”
“Oh, enough. You have been forgiven entirely. Stop being so hard on yourself,” Adosina said. “This is a fine vase indeed. I must return it to you as soon as I am able.”
“No need. The flowers are from my garden, but the vase is from your household. Derio helped me with it.”
Adosina laughed as she looked at the vase. “So it is! Now come, Indenuel, you must stay for lunch. Ami and Inessa are-”
“Oh, no.” Everything he pushed away during his fight with Tolomon came back. He needed to apologize and leave. “I’m sorry, but I must be going.” He couldn’t stay here. No, he corrected himself. I can’t stay with Inessa here.
“Nonsense! You are at a disadvantage. Being the daughter of a High Elder, I know you are finished with your trainings for the day. What else will you do but spend it with us?”
“I-” he had no answer. At least, not an answer to give Adosina. How was he supposed to say he was falling for Inessa? That he craved to be near her? He could never have her, which drove him to think about her constantly.
“Indenuel! Tolomon!” Sara exclaimed as she walked into the library. “I will have the servants set another two plates for lunch!”
“I… we’ve already eaten. Before we came,” Indenuel said.
“Not enough, I see,” Sara said, touching his arms and giving him another glance with her grandmotherly eyes.
“Indenuel brought me these flowers, Ami,” Adosina said to get her to stop touching him.
Sara gasped as she leaned over to breath them in. “They will be our centerpiece for lunch! Oh, I love this vase! It must be from our own shelves.”
“It is, yes. I came ill prepared, and Derio helped me out,” Indenuel said.
“I might even say it’s my absolute favorite. Martin brings it to me so often,” Sara said, running her fingers over the design.
Indenuel stared ahead, trying not to let anything show on his face. Martin must apologize to Sara a lot. He wanted to laugh but knew it would be inappropriate.
“Now come. With you both here, I shall have the servants whip up some apple pastries. You need more meat on those bones,” Sara said as she motioned him out of the library. Indenuel headed toward the door, giving Tolomon a questioning look. He simply shrugged and motioned him out the door.
Not even a Graduate dared get between Sara and who she wanted to have come to lunch.