Tolomon, calmly as ever, took out his handkerchief as he wiped the egg off his palms.
“You can run, ma’am, if you’d like. I won’t follow. You do risk alerting about ten other Graduates to your position as a trespasser on palace grounds, where you would be arrested and thrown in the dungeons. Or we could have the talk you so desperately need,” Tolomon said.
A woman walked out of the bushes, folding her arms, looking livid. She was of common birth, if her dress gave any indication. Indenuel about pulled out his sword, but Tolomon held his hand out. “It’s not necessary, Indenuel.”
“Tolomon-” he started to say. He had no idea why his bodyguard was so calm. This woman looked like she could murder his bodyguard. Or at least try to.
“I’m assuming one of your sons?” Tolomon asked the woman.
“Rafael the Graduate of the Common Class. Killed three years ago. By you,” the woman said. Tolomon looked away, his face difficult to read, though sorrow still flitted through his features. “My husband watched him get dragged to hell. He has never been the same since. And yet you go to banquets to get fine awards. You honestly think the same sin isn’t also on your head? You think you, too, won’t be dragged to hell for standing aside as my boy was forced to kill innocent victims?”
“I didn’t stand aside. I helped stop it,” Tolomon said.
“You stood aside long enough!” she said before spitting in his face. Indenuel moved forward again, angry this woman had the audacity, but Tolomon once again stopped him with a firm hand to the shoulder.
“I’m sorry, ma’am. Truly, I am. And I also know there is nothing I can say that will make you feel better. Just know it’s over. No more common class Graduates will be sent to hell,” Tolomon said as he wiped her spit with his sleeve.
“I pray every night that you will be the final common class Graduate that gets dragged to that awful place. I hope my son finally gets the revenge he desperately needs. I hope it’s him that drags you there,” the woman sneered. She spat in his face once more, and Tolomon closed his eyes and took it. “Will you have me flogged? Thrown in the dungeon?”
Tolomon used his handkerchief to wipe the side of his face. “May God bless you in your travels home, ma’am.”
She narrowed her eyes at him before spinning around and stomping off. Indenuel stared, open mouthed, before focusing on Tolomon. Calmly as ever, he finished wiping off his face before moving forward to the carriage.
“Tolomon?” Indenuel asked.
“It’s nothing,” he said, opening the door, his eyes darting all over inside the carriage before ushering Indenuel in.
Indenuel got in the carriage. “You cannot seriously believe that.”
“She’s angry. I killed her son to keep him from killing me. The boy had stupidly sold his soul to the devil to make himself strong enough to kill me, and so I had to kill him before he wreaked havoc on the city, but I couldn’t tell that to the boy’s own mother. I can’t fight my way into making people not angry anymore, and I don’t have Nathaniel’s diplomacy, but… I was right. I needed to defend Santollia City. I was right. Damn it all, I made the right choice,” Tolomon said. The carriage headed toward the palace gates.
“It’s not nothing, though. Brushing it aside isn’t going to-” Indenuel started to say until Tolomon let out a quick breath, clutching his chest. Indenuel frowned. “Tolomon?” Tears started racing down Tolomon’s cheeks. He closed his eyes, covering his mouth. Indenuel’s eyes widened. His friend was panicking. “Shit.” Indenuel hated feeling helpless. He grabbed Tolomon’s temples, trying to push healing power into him, but his powers were still weak. His friend sank into the bench, his eyes closed. Indenuel sensed the demons around them, laughing and jeering. “You’re not going to hell. Do you hear me? She doesn’t know you. You’re not going to hell.” Tolomon kept his eyes closed, his breathing starting to calm. “If the Gods were alive, they’d understand. Of course you made the right choice. You’re not going to hell. You helped stop it.”
Tolomon kept a hand on his chest, the other covering his mouth. Indenuel watched him, like watching a master who practiced every day, pushing himself through the panic. Hardly a scream, hardly a groan, simply feeling it, letting the tears fall. A man who could calm himself out of the panic because, as Indenuel expected, he did this in private moments all alone. Indenuel kept his hands on Tolomon’s temples, filling him with his weak healing power. “You stopped the High Elders, and by stopping it, you never have to do this alone again,” Indenuel said.
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Tolomon kept his eyes closed, but he nodded, dropping his hand from his mouth. “Never again.”
“Never again,” Indenuel said.
Tolomon took one last, calming breath before opening his eyes, looking at the ceiling with a weariness Indenuel had never seen before, his breathing far steadier. “I don’t want either. Heaven or Hell. Hell will be a constant reminder of when I wasn’t strong enough to stop. Heaven is only heaven for me if I simply forget what I did here. And if I must forget all my murders, the dozens of friends and colleagues I had to kill so they wouldn’t kill me, then how can I possibly say I qualify for heaven?” Indenuel stared at Tolomon, his eyes wide. Tolomon closed his eyes again, fresh tears falling from his eyes. “I just want to sleep in the next life. Sleep for as long as it takes to forget. To forget everything. That would be a mercy. To just be… done existing.”
Indenuel’s throat closed as he stared at this man, crumpled as he was in the bench, after just attending a banquet highlighting his greatest achievements that took two ceremonial parchments to fill. Tolomon seemed to remember that too as he pulled out the medal from his pocket, tossing it to the other side of the bench like the trinket it was before straightening, looking out the window.
“Tolomon?” With a flick of his fingers, his friend wiped the remaining tears from his cheeks, and he was back, guarding Indenuel like nothing had happened. “This isn’t healthy.”
He shook his head, still not looking at Indenuel. “It is my duty to serve.”
Indenuel frowned before poking his head out the window. “Wherever Nathaniel is, take us to him. And hurry.”
“Indenuel-”
“I have no idea how to help you. So, I’m going to the only person I know will help. Who is actually good at this kind of thing because I’m… scared. I’m scared of losing you. And I’m scared you actually believe everything that woman said.”
“Indenuel, I’m fine now.”
“Don’t you dare be a stubborn ass. That’s my job.”
They pulled into the Palace again, near a small building Indenuel realized was where the Graduate Program was meant to be housed. Indenuel about went out first when Tolomon grabbed his shoulder. Indenuel was afraid his friend would keep him here and force him to go home, but instead he got out, checked every inch of the outside, then ushered him out.
Indenuel marched out of the carriage, going up to the guard. “Nathaniel, where is he?”
“In his study, sir. Enter the building and follow the hall until you get to the end, and it is through that door,” the guard said.
“Thank you,” Indenuel said, walking briskly into the building.
It was a small building, which made following the guard’s instructions easy. By the time he got to the door, he opened it before realizing it was proper etiquette to knock. He was far too worried about Tolomon.
Nathaniel’s desk was covered in loose pages and books. He stood in front of it, going through the towering books that were in danger of toppling over. Nathaniel was beginning to fill his own bookshelf in the study to organize his desk. If he seemed annoyed at this lack of etiquette, he certainly didn’t show it. In fact, he smiled as he closed his book and set it back on the stack of books, making sure it didn’t tumble. “Hello you two. This is an unex-”
Tolomon was taking his usual post by the door as Indenuel shut it. He grabbed Tolomon’s wrist and dragged him forward toward Nathaniel. “Tolomon panicked. In the carriage. On the way home. And I don’t know how to help.” Indenuel was in danger of panicking himself, which would have been stupid, but he was also afraid Tolomon wouldn’t tell Nathaniel the truth. “A woman tried to convince him he was going to hell, and I’m terrified she was successful. I don’t know how to convince him he’s not. Please convince him he’s not going to hell, Nathaniel. Please make sure Tolomon knows he’s going to heaven with you.”
Nathaniel took this all in, his face full of compassion as he looked at his friend. Tolomon didn’t look back. Nathaniel rubbed Indenuel’s shoulder before turning toward the door. “Renato?”
The door opened, and a guard poked his head inside. “Yes, Nathaniel?”
“I’ll be visiting Tolomon and Indenuel at their home for a while. Let my wife know. Tell her to come once the children are in bed.”
“The message will be sent.” Renato disappeared, and the door closed quietly again.
Nathaniel kept a hand on Indenuel’s shoulder. “Do you have a good wine cellar at that home of yours? Or should I have Rosa bring over our best.”
“I don’t know,” Indenuel said, his voice trembling.
“Hey, it’s alright. You did the right thing. I’ll take care of things from here,” Nathaniel said. Which is the thing Indenuel needed to hear, even if he didn’t realize it until it left Nathaniel’s mouth. Nathaniel gave Indenuel a tight hug and did not let him go. “He’ll be alright. Are you?” Indenuel nodded, even though he didn’t feel back to his normal self yet, but this was about Tolomon, not him. “Good. Then I need you to tell me everything that happened, because the man never tells me, no matter how drunk I get him.”
Tolomon scoffed but said nothing. Indenuel, still hugging Nathaniel tightly, whispered to him what happened, starting with the woman, ending with the unnatural way Tolomon just went back to looking out the window afterwards.
Nathaniel let go of Indenuel, giving him a firm pat before walking over to Tolomon. “Come on, my friend.”
“Nathaniel, I’m fine,” Tolomon said.
“Yes, you are.” He grabbed the door to his office and opened it, ushering Indenuel out as he remained by Tolomon’s side. “But both Indenuel and I love you too much to leave you at ‘fine’. Let’s see if we can get you better.”