Indenuel sat in the carriage, holding Inessa’s hand. Tolomon was on the other side, arms folded, eyes closed, listening. They had snuck away while Rosa was visiting with some well-wishers who heard about the attempt. Tolomon only left once a noble Graduate had taken his place, one Nathaniel and Rosa both knew, before they went to see the High Elders get taken to the dungeon. It was a way to help Indenuel’s own trepidation that the craziness of the past week was finally behind them.
“Do you think she’ll forgive you for not saying goodbye?” Indenuel asked.
“It’s better this way,” Tolomon said, not even needed to know who Indenuel meant.
“Idiot,” Indenuel said.
Tolomon cracked an eye open, giving him a look. “The staff believed we did what we did to draw out the assassination. Nathaniel assured the King and Queen there was nothing between us. It’s best to stay away from her so they believe it. I can’t put her in danger.”
“What danger?” Indenuel asked.
“Social rumors can be deadly to one’s character, too,” Tolomon said.
There was silence again as they rode quietly back to Indenuel’s house. “It’s just if you wanted to pick up a relationship with her, I’d be-”
“The matter is closed,” Tolomon said.
Indenuel sighed, shaking his head. “Whatever you say.”
***
Martin was in the corner of the dungeon, his hands covering his face. He had barely moved from his corner when he was placed here yesterday. Lunch was given, but he couldn’t touch it. It was mid-afternoon and he had taken off his robe to use as a pillow. He hadn’t been sleeping well at all, and he thought maybe he could finally rest.
It wouldn’t work. Being a High Elder for so long, his mind was going through the politics of this situation. He and his colleagues had the highest titles in the world, which meant they would spend maybe another day in the dungeon after the trial tomorrow, and that was it. Despite the vileness of their sins, the King and Queen could do no more than announce their sins to the public. It was still a dangerous reprimand, as no doubt hiding the murders of women and children would be a difficult thing to come back from in the public eye. It would literally take a miracle to get the public to take them seriously again, and Martin wasn’t so sure he wanted that kind of a miracle.
The doors opened. “High Elder Martin, a guest.”
Martin opened his eyes to see Nathaniel stepping into his cell. Martin frowned, struggling to his feet. Nathaniel looked ragged. He had stubble on his chin, his hair a mess like his fingers lived in his hair. His jacket was missing, and his sleeves were rolled up. Martin knew he didn’t look much better, but he was in a dungeon. Nathaniel placed a fresh High Elder’s robe and a change of clothes in Martin’s hands, and Martin got a good look of the betrayal plain on his son’s face.
“For your trial tomorrow.” Nathaniel tried to straighten his hair, looking away. “I must return home. I’ve been at the Graduate building since yesterday morning, and I haven’t slept.”
As Nathaniel turned to leave, Martin found himself incapable of letting him go quite yet. “Nathaniel, please.”
His son paused, turning his head as he folded his arms. He wasn’t smiling. “Understand, Father, that I am in a deep state of exhaustion, and still grappling with what you and your colleagues have done. Only ask me to stay longer if you are prepared to hear my full thoughts on the matter.” There wasn’t coldness in his voice. He wasn’t capable of being cold, but Martin understood the hurt. He should let Nathaniel go, but he couldn’t. He didn’t know if Nathaniel would ever want to see him again.
“You and your family… they are alright? After…” Martin asked.
Nathaniel rubbed his forehead before turning. His son would still give him respect, because that is who he was, but it would be a long time before he earned it back fully. “Everyone is fine.” He pointed at his disheveled face. “I’ve been at the Graduate building, wading through the corruption there.” Martin winced, playing with the edges of his clean robes. “But no, my family is fine. Rosa is alive and well. Diego took down a Graduate all by himself. Adrian will not leave Rosa’s side, and Tomas wouldn’t either, but he’s trying to be brave. Eduardo and Adosina are researching every single law and bylaw to figure out how this even happened. Aaron feels like a failure because he didn’t feel brave enough to use his healing power on his mother, and we’re helping him through this because he might be choosing a different apprenticeship.”
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Martin distracted himself by looking out a window, still playing with the edges of his High Elder robes, almost wishing Nathaniel punched him in the face. “I’m… sorry, son. I… if I had-”
“Just cooperate tomorrow. Please. Santollia is in enough pain right now, we can’t have any more secrets from you four. Not if we’re going to heal,” Nathaniel said.
Martin swallowed, closing his eyes, remembering the darkest secret he still swore to keep from everyone. A secret he swore to never reveal. And when he saw the deepening betrayal on his son’s face, he resolved again to make sure no one found out. Nathaniel tried once again to straighten his hair, a weariness in his eyes Martin had never seen before. “Do you remember the conversation we had when Eduardo was a child, and his gift was starting to manifest? When we realized our oldest was to be a tree talker, like his grandmother?”
“I don’t remember,” Martin said.
Nathaniel stared Martin in the eye, all the hurt clear on his face. “I asked you then as a young soldier and a young father how the Oraminians could do it. Why they could be a part of a society where they let this beautiful gift be used as an excuse to practice slavery. I struggled with feelings of hatred toward my enemy. I wanted to go to the Oraminian High Court and kill every nobleman for believing a tree talking child deserved such a horrible life. Not only that, but how could a nobleman truly believe that if their child had a gift like Eduardo’s, they could simply give their own child up? Turn the other way. Let their kin live such a life of destitution and pain.” Nathaniel was overcome with emotion and had to look away. “You never gave me an answer. You told me we might never understand, but we do need to stop it.” Nathaniel shook his head, tears spilling from his eyes. “I forgot about that conversation too until the other day when Tolomon confessed what the Graduate program is for the common class. What you allowed to happen to a man you pretended to treat like your own son. And the destitute life you left for the hundreds of children you sired, knowing full well that they could be murdered at any moment.” Nathaniel looked at Martin, his eyes darkening into a glare. “And then I realized exactly why those Oraminian noblemen did it. I understand my enemy now, over fifteen years later. They probably loved their children deeply. They might have even shed a tear when they let them go. But they loved their power and position more than their own family. Loved their power too much to alter it. Far too afraid to give up a little power in order to work toward a better world. And it was that power we needed to alter so they could hopefully understand family is far more important than any position one might hold.” Nathaniel’s chest was heaving. “The only High Elder I can visit right now is you. I am hurt by what you let happen, but I feel just as angry at the other High Elders as I was at the Oraminian High Nobles. I guarantee if I walk over to High Elder Navir’s cell right now, I would murder him without another thought. The only thing keeping me from killing him isn’t because of the noble code. It’s how much it would destroy my family if I murdered a High Elder.” Nathaniel shook his head, the tears constant. “So, if you will excuse me, sir, I must return to them. Then I will check in on Tolomon, a man I consider to be my brother, to make sure he’s alright.”
Nathaniel’s voice broke, and his breathing shuddered. He covered his eyes, his voice growing in volume, as well as pain. His fingers returned to his hair, messing it back up again as tears raced down his cheeks. “You know the kind of father Tolomon had. Beatings every week, living in fear. The lack of love. The instability. Needing to protect his sisters from their own father. He was a boy suffering from deep wounds when he came to the King’s Militia, and he looked to you as a father figure.” Nathaniel dropped his hands, the tears still freely falling from his eyes that began to burn with anger. “All you had to do was be better than a man who beat him every week, and yet you still failed. With your fake love and broken promises, you looked the other way as he lived a hellish life none of us will truly understand. You should have done better. Tolomon deserved better.”
Martin staggered back, feeling the physical pain of Nathaniel’s words. His son had taken his soul from him and gave him a good, long look at how black it had become.
Nathaniel turned, wiping his eyes as he headed toward the door. “I shall be in the audience tomorrow morning with Addy and Maria at your trial, but afterwards I must request the time away from you to come to terms with all this. Clearly I cannot talk to you when I’m this angry.”
He was never going to be less angry. Martin doubted he’d ever see his son again. It brought a lump to his throat as he struggled to speak. “Nathaniel, I… I’m sorry. I’m so sorry.”
He did not stop his trek out of Martin’s cell. “I must ask for mercy during this time, Father, as I cannot yet bring myself to forgive you. I acknowledge the dangerous hate in my heart, and do wish for it to go away, but there are some things I must work through before I can grant you my full forgiveness.”
“I understand,” Martin said, too quietly for Nathaniel to hear after the clanging of the dungeon door. He stumbled to the wall, his clean clothes tumbling from his hands. He covered his mouth, keeping the sob in until he could only guess Nathaniel was far enough away, he couldn’t hear. He covered his face, gasping for air. He had been drowning for so long he didn’t realize it. Rosa would have died last night. The country was beginning to fall. It was all his fault. He turned the other way and let it happen. He had a naive thought that he had done so many good things that it would somehow outweigh the evil he had let slide, but the proof was there, in the many tears Nathaniel shed in such a short amount of time. The good he did wouldn’t be enough to outweigh the immeasurable pain he caused thousands, if not tens of thousands of people.
Martin sank to the floor, covered his face, and sobbed.