Indenuel didn’t know how long he spent down there. He didn’t even know when he finally woke up. It was simply dark. Back in the comfortable darkness of the dungeon cell with no windows, chained to a table, wearing the special shirt meant for marked individuals.
He heard Tolomon get up and talk to a guard right outside the door, and Indenuel refused to acknowledge him. Even in the darkest cell of the entire dungeon, Indenuel felt as though he had climbed out of a pitch-black hole and arrived in the blinding sunlight. He thought things would get better, but the fact was, the blinding and burning sunlight hurt, and he wanted to go back to the darkness. He couldn’t get used to it, like everyone said. Getting used to it meant pretending like everything was just fine. Pretending like he enjoyed the sunlight, even as it destroyed him.
The door opened and Indenuel opened his eyes to see Nathaniel walking in. Indenuel rested his head back against the table, feeling annoyed. He didn’t want to see Nathaniel right now. He knew why he was here.
“Are you alright?” Nathaniel asked Tolomon.
“Yes. Rosa?” Tolomon asked.
“She’s fine. Worried about you,” Nathaniel said before taking the key. He walked over, unlocking the mask and delicately taking out the metal plate before moving on to the chains at the table.
“Don’t unchain me all the way. I cannot trust myself in this state to not accidentally kill you,” Indenuel said.
“I trust you, Indenuel,” Nathaniel said, starting to unwrap the chains.
“I don’t! Put the chains back on. Please listen to me.”
Nathaniel met Indenuel’s gaze, sensed the worried truth in his voice before he handed the lock back to Tolomon. Tolomon wrapped the chains back before locking him in place. Once he was done, Nathaniel gave him the key.
Nathaniel placed one hand on his hip while he ran his other hand through this hair, frowning. “My father asked me here. He believed I could help you get the mark off.”
Indenuel shook his head, staring at the ceiling. “You’re here to help me feel regret for trying to murder the men responsible for destroying my wife’s life.” He glared at Nathaniel. “May the Gods we all know are dead guide you in that endeavor.”
Nathaniel glanced at Tolomon, his brow creased with concern. “Indenuel, I’m really sorry Inessa’s dead. Truly. Our entire family is still reeling from the entire thing. Addy has not stopped crying, and I doubt any of us will recover from this.”
“We recover by destroying the men responsible for it. That’s what will keep us all safe.”
“These thoughts are dangerous, Indenuel. The hate you have is going to-”
“I cannot forgive them! You told me that yourself. You said it’s fine to not forgive!”
Somehow, the concern that creased his brow deepened even farther. “You misunderstood me, then. You must face the anguish so you can work on breaking it down. You have a difficult process in front of you, coming to terms with what happened. Forgiveness is one of the last steps but acknowledging that you cannot cling to hatred is the first. Just because I said forgiveness takes time doesn’t mean I gave you permission to start a revenge mission that you think might solve everything. You cannot do that, Indenuel. It will get you killed.”
“I hate them, Nathaniel. There is nothing you can say that will make me hate them less. The only remorse I feel is that they’re still alive and she’s not,” Indenuel said.
Nathaniel placed a hand on Indenuel’s shoulder. “No one blames you for how you feel right now. I understand why you reacted the way you did.”
“But you believe Tolomon was right to keep me from selling my soul?” Indenuel asked.
“Absolutely. I stand by Tolomon’s decision, and given time, I know you will too,” Nathaniel said.
“You could have never brought her back. I’m truly sorry, but you would have regretted it for the rest of your life, however long that would have been,” Tolomon said.
“It would have guaranteed you a spot in Hell,” Nathaniel said.
Indenuel shook his head, glaring at Nathaniel. “After everything I’ve done, after everything you witnessed, you truly think I’m going to heaven?”
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“Yes,” Nathaniel said. “I do. As long as you don’t mark your soul. That is a choice you can never come back from. The High Elders should have never put you through any of this. They brought you too close to the edge, but you haven’t fallen over yet. I have nothing but compassion for your situation.”
“Then you really are an idiot that trusts way too easily,” Indenuel said.
“Indenuel,” Nathaniel started to say.
“No, I’m not interested in the sorry excuses you have. You don’t know me, Nathaniel. You never have. I have done what I had to do to keep my family safe long before the High Elders were asking me to do devilish deeds,” Indenuel said.
“You have murdered the Kiam soldiers because you were under the devil’s influence. Once we get this one off, I am certain the savior will look upon your situation with kindness and mercy. I know I have.”
“The merciful thing to do would be to send me to hell,” Indenuel said, glaring.
“I cannot believe that. The Gods died for all of us. They, divine beings, saw the worth in us. They saw the worth in your life. I cannot possibly imagine the pain you went through as a child, but I do know you can unburden yourself from those pains.”
“Forgive?” Indenuel asked, almost sneering. “Forgive the High Elders? Let them continue doing what they’re doing?”
“You and I both know that’s not what forgiveness means. We do not let them continue what they’re doing, we stop them. Help those who want to learn from their mistakes. Make sure those that don’t want to learn step down from a position of influence.”
Indenuel’s lip curled, the words fighting through the tightness of his throat. “You are wasting your time.”
“I know my father, Indenuel. He is horrified. He is hurt. He is gathering every book in his study to do the research needed to make sure this never happens again.”
“And the others? Can you honestly look me in the eye and tell me High Elder Fadrique cared? Saddened for any other reason beside the fact he wouldn’t be able to leer at her again?” Indenuel asked. “They deserve to die. Every single one of them. Even Martin.”
Pain flitted across Nathaniel’s face like Indenuel had slapped him with his words. “Indenuel-”
“After all you heard of what my town did, after knowing I remorselessly killed two members of my village, after slaughtering the Kiamese soldiers, you cannot be surprised that I feel the exact same way about the High Elders.”
“Everything you’re saying is to convince yourself you are evil. That you deserve to be hated, because it gives you justification to hate yourself. You do not deserve hate. The situation you were placed in is what we should hate, but not you. Never you. I swear to you, you are a good man in a broken situation, but we can fix the situation together.”
“I am broken! You’re the one who’s not seeing it. You’re the one that refuses to see the evils in others. I am explaining to you as best as possible that I am bound for hell! I will never touch Inessa again! And the men responsible for that need to die!”
“There is a goodness in you that I have-”
“I almost murdered my entire village!” Indenuel shouted. “It was just me and my mother. I was in a dark state during a hot summer, and I knew if I made lightening strike just right in a dry field, I could burn the entire village to the ground! I could have murdered them all!”
There were tears in Nathaniel’s eyes. “But you didn’t. You didn’t, because you knew that would have been wrong.”
“What difference does that make!” Indenuel shouted.
“The difference is that Matteo is still alive. So is Emilia. And Isla, and many of the other villagers. You didn’t do it. You’re not going to hell for something you thought about doing once on a hot summer’s day. And the Oraminians. You saved them, Indenuel. Healed them all, and they welcomed you into their homes like you yourself had blue eyes. You’ve saved Tolomon’s life so many times. You’ve saved Rosa’s. Saved mine. You helped us save the Graduate program. You are a good man, with a good heart, who has already gone through a hell no one can possibly imagine. You do not deserve hell in the next life, too, and I love you too much to let you give up on your soul like this.”
Indenuel glared at Nathaniel, hating the tears he saw in the man’s eyes. “And yet you kept me chained up because you knew I was dangerous.”
“I kept you chained up because you asked me to,” Nathaniel said, his eyes never leaving Indenuel’s face. “I’d like to think I listen to my friends and do what makes them the most comfortable.”
“Just get out, Nathaniel. You will never convince me to keep the High Elders alive,” Indenuel said.
Nathaniel sighed, lowering his head as he thought through something before raising it again to meet Indenuel’s gaze. “I will be back tomorrow. I will be back every day for as long as it takes to get the mark off your chest. I know you’ve done awful things in your past, my friend, but you did it because you thought you had no other choice. I have seen you when you’ve risen above it. You are going through something right now no one should have to experience, and you are expressing your pain in the only way you know how, but you don’t have to be that person. I am here for you, and I always will. I know your goodness, and it is beautiful. If you don’t see that, let me help you see it.”
Indenuel glared at him. “I have never been good, Nathaniel.”
“Inessa would have never married you if you were evil,” he said.
His memories flickered through the times she looked at him with fear, and he had to close his eyes. “Leave, Nathaniel. Just go.”
Nathaniel hesitated long enough before picking up the mask. Tolomon touched his shoulder to stop him. Indenuel looked at his bodyguard, saw the worry he allowed him to see. “Promise us you won’t sell your soul,” Tolomon said. Indenuel frowned, staring at his friend. The thought had never occurred to him, but of course Tolomon would have thought of it. “Promise us, Indenuel. Right now. Right here. Do not sell your soul. Ever.”
Indenuel let out a breath. Selling his soul would bring the High Elder’s down, but Tolomon would still be under orders to kill him, and he could not bring himself to put his friend under those orders. “I promise.”
Tolomon visibly relaxed before letting go of Nathaniel’s shoulder. Nathaniel placed the metal back in his mouth before locking the mask back in place. “I will see you tomorrow.”
Indenuel said nothing, staring at the ceiling as he heard the door close.