Inessa was practicing writing the letters of the alphabet. She had seen Martin write all those times she went to see him. It felt strange, sitting in the library, writing the Santollian letters in order, doing her best to keep her handwriting neat and concise as Riel had taught her. The letters still looked so bulky, more so even than Adrian’s. But she didn’t care. She was learning to read, and it thrilled her. Granted, they hadn’t even begun to start on words, but she could recognize the letters. It was a welcome distraction from everything else. She tried not to dive into her studies too much, but when things got hard and she wanted to be alone, she would write her letters instead of mulling in her memories. Granted, she was never really alone with the two servant girls following her quietly, but they never talked to her unless she talked to them first, and Inessa had never been much of a talker.

Sara walked into the library, reading something on a paper. Inessa froze, falling back on a habit of being as small as possible so as not to be discovered, but Sara wasn’t blind. She looked up, surprised. “Oh, hello dear.”

Inessa stood. “Yes, hello.” She gave a hesitant curtsey before sitting back down.

“Oh, enough with those formalities. You’ve been in our home over a year and a half now. You don’t see my daughters curtseying to me every time they see me,” Sara said, her finger running over the spine of one of the many books in the library. She found the book she needed and pulled it out. “But I understand the hesitation. I have not been the kindest to you since you’ve arrived.”

“All perfectly understandable, ma’am,” Inessa said.

“Well, thank you for being so compassionate toward my view of things. I still must apologize for not being equally as compassionate,” Sara said.

“That is… very kind of you,” Inessa said. Sara had only started to be kind to Inessa since she was rescued from her kidnappers. The moment that made Inessa’s life get torn apart. She had been so lost and confused, but she was beginning to gather the pieces, and she could have only done it because Sara finally accepted her into the family. It was almost night and day difference. Inessa had never felt so full of food before. The only time she could compare was when she had first arrived as a concubine, and she had her first meal where she ate the entire plate despite the nerves about what the evening would bring. She ate too much, of course, and thought her stomach was broken. Now Sara was known to give an extra helping, and there were even times she stopped by in the early evening to make sure she had some calming tea to help her sleep. It was all very motherly, and it only worked like that because Inessa and Sara still chose to ignore their shared relations with Martin.

“These are just marvelous,” Sara said, noticing the paper with the letters she practiced. Inessa didn’t know why, but her soul lightened at the praise.

“Thank you! I mean, they look more like a child’s handwriting, but I am trying,” Inessa said.

“One must never shame progress. It’s what I tell my girls. You are doing a wonderful job,” Sara said.

Inessa smiled again as Sara set the pages down. “Do you miss your other daughters? Maria and Rita?"

"Oh, of course. But I am far luckier than other mothers, considering my daughters are only a carriage ride away. They are grown women, and I am happy to see them when I can. Which is far more than I’m sure their husbands want me to see them,” Sara said with a small laugh.

“I’m sure you bribe them with your desserts,” Inessa said.

“Every chance I get. My sons through marriage and my grandchildren must be fat and healthy, or I cannot be at peace in the afterlife,” Sara said.

Inessa smiled as Sara handed the page of her letters back to her. Inessa knew they had to broach the subject eventually, and it was starting to feel strange talking to Sara like this without mentioning Martin. Inessa glanced at the two servant girls who seemed to understand she wanted a private word. They curtseyed before leaving the library.

“He loves you, you know,” Inessa said as soon as the door shut. “Every time he came into my room it was so awkward because… because he did not want to be with me in that way. He never did. It was a chore he hated but was far too kind to voice to me how much he hated it. I would know because… well, the others never felt that way.” Inessa looked away, her cheeks reddening. “He hates it. Always has.”

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Sara nodded. “And probably always will.”

Inessa said nothing. She looked at Sara, a little confused. The other day she accidentally let slip that Martin hadn't done anything to her. Sara made some comment how she was doing surprisingly well considering Martin sleeping with her the past few days. It was almost an impulse to correct her, and Sara’s genuine surprise had shocked her as well. Inessa honestly thought Martin would have told her. Why wouldn’t he tell her?

“Is it true you will return to Fadrique if you don’t get pregnant?” Sara asked. Inessa nodded. It was one thing to have this conversation with Martin, quite another to have it with Sara. Both were uncomfortable in their own way. “You probably won’t stop with one baby, either.”

Inessa couldn’t stop herself from gasping in terror. She had thought about it, of course, but only a fleeting idea. She was more focused on stopping herself from getting pregnant once. She hadn’t necessarily thought about how many. Sara could not help but notice the gasp, and Inessa tried to think of something. “Sorry. I… I just don’t want… I’m not ready.” She didn’t feel comfortable telling a mother that she didn’t want children. It seemed wrong, somehow.

Sara patted her back before it turned into a hug. “I’m sorry, dear. Truly, I am. You are young. Far too young. I was too, at twenty. Had no idea what I got myself into.”

Inessa said nothing, blinking back tears. It was more than that. She knew exactly what she was getting into. Cleaning them, getting up with them at night, making sure they didn’t get too hungry, stealing anything and everything to get them the medicine they needed to stop the baby from crying so she could get some sleep too, trying to keep them safe in a dangerous world. She knew all this, and she didn’t want to return to it. She didn’t want the terror and the panic and the responsibility of it all falling on her shoulders again. But she had to. She had to return to that world because if she didn’t, she’d be sent home disgraced, and she’d simply be thrust back into that world again. In truth, she hated that she had no choice.

“Martin is a good man,” Sara said as they broke away from the hug. “Incredibly stubborn at times. It is one of his qualities that is both a virtue and a vice. It has caused us to have many fights in our marriage, but it has also brought a lot of good changes in our home. He will take care of you and your child; of that I have no doubt. You have become a part of this family, and we would all miss you if you left.” Inessa had tears in her eyes, trying to blink them away, but instead they fell down her cheeks.

“I don’t want to leave either,” Inessa said, surprised at her words, but knowing they were true.

Sara smiled. “Good. I have been quite cruel to you this past year, and I have many years of repentance to make up for it.”

“Sara,” Inessa started to say.

“It is true. Now, Martin, in a way, swore me to secrecy, but is it true that you were taught a way to keep yourself from getting pregnant using a root?” Sara asked.

“Poppy root. It’s perfectly safe. It just takes a few years to get right,” Inessa said.

“Ah, I see. Is it possible for a tree talker to perform it on another person?” Sara asked.

“It would be easier to detect, but yes, it should work,” Inessa said.

“I don’t think it matters if its detectable, as long as it works,” Sara said.

“Oh. Right,” Inessa said, adjusting her state of mind. She was in a fine home of the highest social class. No one hid anything of that sort here. “I mean, if all those involve agree to it, yes.”

“Could you perform it on someone?” Sara asked.

“I…” Inessa was again given the opportunity to talk about her past, but she didn’t. “Yes, yes I should. Who…”

“Daniela. She spoke of how scared she is of having another baby so soon. It’s almost been a year, but she isn’t ready for another one, physically or mentally. I haven’t told her about what you know, but maybe you could talk to her sometime? Answer any questions she has?”

“Of course. As long as she is not too embarrassed. As far as I know, poppy root isn’t illegal, just frowned upon by the High Elders, so we would have to talk about how she felt about it,” Inessa said.

“Thank you, Inessa. I shall talk to her about it tonight,” Sara said as the door opened. Adosina rushed in, looking nervous. Nervous, to the point of terrified. “Addy? What is it?”

Adosina touched her face, trying not to panic. “High Elder Navir has blocked the trees. Here in the city and beyond. We are completely cut off. From everything.”

“Shh,” Sara said, going to comfort her daughter. “This has happened before. It is for security reasons. The war is getting too close, and they don’t want anything to leak over to Kiam.”

“It’s so strange,” Adosina said, wringing her hands together. “I don’t like it. I need to make sure Elias is safe when he goes out to his farms outside the wall. I need to make sure he’s there.”

Sara rubbed Adosina’s shoulders. “I know it’s hard. It’ll be an adjustment. But if High Elder Navir is blocking the trees, there is a good reason. The war is…” Sara let out a sigh. “It is getting too close. Too close for the trees, and even too close for Elias to leave the city walls.”

“So, he’ll be safe?” Adosina asked.

Sara never stopped rubbing Adosina’s shoulders. “As safe as the rest of us.”