“Ok, that was the last one,” Phisola said, wiping the sweat from her forehead.

“We’re done?”

“That’s what I said.”

“Now what? Back to the camp?”

“Not yet. There’s one more thing I want to show you. You’ll probably like it.”

“Oh?” Eric’s brows rose in anticipation, “Is it that good?”

“It’s one of the few good things about this dungeon. One of the few luxuries.”

“Is it some fancy fruit? Some garden full of tasty fruits?”

“No. It’s more for relaxation.”

“Some drugs?”

“Unfortunately, no drugs here. But it’s the closest thing you’ll get to one.”

“You people know about drugs?” He looked almost shocked at her words.

“Why wouldn’t we?”

Realizing something, Eric relaxed quickly, “Ah, yes. I keep forgetting there are places where relaxation drugs are legal.”

“Why would plants be illegal?”

“Ahh … that’s a long story,” he waved her question off, “Way too long and way too boring for you.”

“Good. Sparing me from a boring conversation is a wise choice. Anyway, it’s not like we did something tiring so we need rest, but I’ve been handling blood this whole afternoon, and I’m sticky all over. Come, let’s go!”

She started walking, and Eric followed by her side.

“Oh! Are you going to show me that hot bath we met at?” He asked.

She swung her index finger at him as if to pick him in a shop: “Bingo! Your guess is actually right for once!”

“What else could it be now that you’ve mentioned you want to get rid of stickiness? So … does that mean the water in that bath is naturally hot? Is it a hot spring or something?”

She stared at him in surprise for a short while: “Why did you have to disappoint me so quickly?”

“As far as I know, you could’ve been using your magic to heat it.”

“Ah!” Her head jerked as if waking from a dream, “That actually makes sense. No, I’m not that good with heat. I don’t have that much skill. But even if I did, that would be nothing but a waste of energy.”

“Still, it’s much better than taking a bath in icy-cold water.”

“Speaking of which, have you ever taken a bath since you came here? Since you were teleported to this dungeon?”

Understanding the question, Eric turned his head sideways in shame: “I … I came here only recently. I was too busy just trying to survive.”

“You filthy fuck,” she said as her face twisted in disgust, “But I’m even worse, being so desperate as to jump on a guy who didn’t take a bath in a week.”

“It’s not a week! I’ve been here for just a few days.”

“Look,” she gave him a threatening flare, “you’ll have to take frequent baths if you want to stay with me!”

“I’ll take them gladly! I do take care of my hygiene! I just didn’t have the means to!”

“I hate filthy, disgusting pricks. So you better be taking good care of it.”

“You’re just pulling my leg now.”

“But what about your clothes?” She asked as she sized him up.

“What about them?”

“Aren’t they filthy too?”

“I’ll wash them. I have no problem with washing my clothes.”

“Will you wash them right away?”

“Well, if you insist then, sure, why not.”

“But you can’t just put wet clothes back on. You’ll have to walk back to the camp naked.”

Ensure your favorite authors get the support they deserve. Read this novel on Royal Road.

“…”

“Just like me,” She grinned victoriously.

“Then I’ll wash them some other time.”

“Do you have any extra clothes, though?” She said while stretching her arms above her head and smiling playfully.

“No, I don’t. I was teleported in the middle of my work.”

“So, how are you going to manage your clothes then?”

“What exactly is the point here?” He asked as he gave her a sideways glance.

“There will come a time when your clothes will expire.”

“Sure, it will.”

“So it would be wise to start getting used to living without the clothes.”

“… didn’t you say there are adventurers here?”

She stopped stretching in an instant, with her arms still above her head: “Are you fucking stupid?”

“Why wouldn’t we trade with them? Surely, we can offer them something for some clothes.”

She put her arms down: “Are you that ashamed of your body?”

“Are you genuinely concerned about me, or do you only want to see me walking around naked?”

“It’s just the practicality of it. Clothes serve no purpose here. Not only that, but clothes can actually be dangerous. A beast can catch your clothes with its claws.”

“Just say you want to see me naked all the time and be done with it.”

“Don’t you dare overestimate yourself, boy!” She poked his chest with her finger, “Sooner or later, these rags you wear will get completely torn up, and you have nothing to replace them with. It’s better for you to slowly get used to being naked rather than suddenly having to deal with it.”

“I’ll just trade with the adventurer then.”

“They’ll kill your naked ass on sight.”

“Why would they? I’m not a devil! I’m just a regular mortal! Shouldn’t they be glad to meet a fellow … person?”

“No, because they don’t come here to make friends! I know you’re hopelessly clueless but think about it. We’re deep in the dungeon. There are beasts everywhere around us. Those reptiles you saw are nothing but food for the larger, more dangerous beasts. Do you really think the adventurers would even stop for a moment to consider that a lone mortal could survive so deep in a dungeon? With no proper weapons at that! They come here in groups, and often half of them don’t make it back. Do you really think they would look at you and be like: yeap, that’s certainly not a trap. A lone person living among the blood-thirsty beasts is exactly what we expect to see down here. Nothing suspicious about it.”

“Well … when you put it that way …”

“They don’t come here to explore and make friends, idiot! They come here to get rich quickly. Kill some beasts, take the riches, and get the fuck out, that’s all they’re interested in. So why wouldn’t they treat everything as a threat, including you? How would they know you’re not a mage, for example? Or worse, a shapeshifting monster? There are all kinds of bizarre creatures down here.”

“A shapeshifting monster?”

Phisola couldn’t miss the disturbed look on his face, “What about it?”

“Is there such a thing?”

“Of course there is!”

“But that …”

“Would require powerful magic. But it can be done.”

Eric stopped walking for a moment.

“What?” She asked, “What is wrong now?”

“Are you a shapeshifter?”

Hearing that made her stop too. They stared at each other for a while.

“Well, what do you think?” She asked.

“I don’t. That’s why I’m asking.”

“And you’ll believe me?”

“It’s not like I have much of a choice, do I?”

“And what if I am a shapeshifter?” She got in his face, “What would you do?”

Eric looked up as he considered his words carefully: “Thinking about it, it’s not like things would change. You being a shapeshifter would change nothing. I don’t think I’d last long without you, so it’s not like your real shape matters.”

He paused briefly before looking her in the eye: “But I’d like to see your true form then.”

“Ohh? Are you sure?” She inched closer, almost brushing her face against his, “My true form could be really terrifying.”

“It doesn’t matter. Besides, have you already forgotten that I’m a diplomat? Dealing with terrifying people and trying to reason with them is my job.”

“Are you sure? What if it turns out that I’m an old hag with saggy tits and a dry, wrinkled body? Would you still be able to perform your duties?”

“… that’s, actually a challenge … but as long as you’d keep your magic on, I’d manage.”

She frowned in exaggerated disgust, “That’s just … disgusting. Are you telling me you’d fuck an old hag? And here I thought I was special in your eyes, but it turns out your standards are non-existent.”

“Now, now, I do have standards, which is why you’d have to keep your magic on. There’s no way I’d get an erection otherwise.”

“There are spells to fix that, so that wouldn’t be an issue. But anyway, let’s get going. The hot spring awaits.”

They continued walking.

“Anyway, you didn’t answer my question. Are you a shapeshifter?”

“Hmm … am I?” She said in a teasing voice while glaring mischievously at him.

“Cut the bullshit and get to the point.”

“Huh! Look who’s talking! But no, I’m not a shapeshifter. I wish I were, but I’m not.”

“Why? It’s not like you’d have to fix anything.”

She shook her index finger at him repeatedly: “Oh, you silly you! Shapeshifting isn’t just about making yourself look pretty! Although, I understand why you’d think like that. The thing about Shapeshifting is that it gives you many opportunities you never had before. For example, imagine this! Imagine that you’re seeing me for the first time. And I’m like: come here boy, let me teach you a thing or two! And, of course, you think you got lucky. I mean, you didn’t get to enjoy a beauty like this … well, ever in your life, so of course you’re ecstatic! And just when you think you’ll be doing some fucking, I pull out a massive cock on you.”

“Out of what? You’re completely naked.”

She waved her hand top-down: “Details! The substance is what matters.”

“You’d like to grow a dick or something?” Eric asked her in a scrutinizing voice.

“Why not? I want to try it out. To try how it feels from the other side.”

He shook his head slowly in disapproval: “And yet, somehow, I’m the one who’s disgusting.”

“Are you saying dicks are disgusting?”

“How did our conversation get here in the first place?” He raised his voice while spreading his arms out.

“What? Feeling insecure?” She gave him a teasing grin.

“I tried to compliment you, and you had to turn it upside-down just to mess with me!”

“That’s because you’re not complimenting me from the bottom of your heart. You’re a diplomat, so you’re just trying to get under my skin. And in doing so, you’re insulting my intelligence, thinking I’d treat you better just because you gave me a lame compliment or two. Of course I’ll mess with you for that!”

“Are you saying that I told a lie when I complimented you? Are you saying that there are some things you should change about your looks?”

“Try pulling those pitiful tactics against me one more time, and you won’t like the results! Ah, but you’re lucky. Here’s the fog.”