Never before has Eric been so confused about anything. Rationally, he knew that he was not only supposed to dislike the person next to him but actually to hate her with his entire being. No one has ever been so disrespectful or malignant towards him. No one has ever been so aggressive and violent. In fact, he never imagined he could end up in a situation like this, where he’d be entirely at the mercy of a woman. Sure, getting into a fight with other men was always a possibility. You can always run into a fool or two who just can’t be reasoned with and get your ass thoroughly kicked. But he never thought what had just happened to him was possible.

And yet, he couldn’t hate her. Even though he was doing his best to stay rational all the time and think solely with his head, mainly due to his responsibilities as a diplomat, he just couldn’t find the willpower to hate his assailant. He rationalized it over and over again. He tried his best to find some hate for her, the hate his mind knew she deserved. He knew damn well that what had just happened was simply wrong, regardless of the circumstances. There was simply no excuse for what she did. All the other violence he could excuse somehow: maybe she was simply afraid of him, so she played it safe? Maybe she didn’t want to take even the smallest risk with him, so she tied him up and kept on clubbing him so he wouldn’t hurt her. But there was simply no possible excuse for this.

And yet … for some reason … he couldn’t hate her. Even worse, deep down, he felt some pride in his very core. In the part of his being that the humans simply have no control over.

His assailant disentangled from him, standing up slowly.

“Well … you’re not an ogre, but I guess you’ll have to do.”

He just stared at the ceiling without responding, trying his best to hate her somehow.

“So … I guess you get to live,” she continued, “At least while you’re still functional. I may have some use for you after all. I’ll go and wash myself, and then we’ll talk about your destiny.”

“What about me?” He asked.

“What about you?”

“I don’t get to wash myself?”

“Why would you? I like you more like this, out in the open and completely messed up. Sure, your hairy legs are disgusting, but hey, nobody’s perfect. And I don’t really have a right to complain since I have no alternative.”

“And here I thought you started feeling something for me.”

“You have a long way to go, boy. But don’t you worry about a thing, aunt Phisola will teach you everything you need to know.”

“Is that your name?”

“What? Phisola? Yes, it is. What’s your name, pet? Or should I give you a new one?”

“It’s Eric, and I like how it sounds. But thanks for asking. How long do you intend to keep me tied up like this? My limbs have already gone numb, I can’t move them even if I wanted to. You’ll have to release me sooner or later anyway, might as well do it now so I can wash myself properly.”

She stared him in the eyes for a few moments before responding: “Are you trying to insult me? Do you think I’m that stupid?”

“What?”

“I know nothing about your people, but there’s no way cubus would be fine with what I just did. Even if you wanted it to happen, and I bet you did. You’re too furious to think rationally right now. You’ll do something stupid, and then I’d have no choice but to hurt you. Think of me what you will, but I don’t really feel like hurting you.”

“That’s hard to believe, considering you’ve knocked me unconscious several times already. In under an hour.”

“Hour?”

“In just one noon.”

“That club to your head was nothing. That doesn’t even count as hurt. I can do much worse than that. But I’d hate to hurt you now when we finally got to know each other a little bit better.”

Eric looked at her incredulously: “Is that a compliment? How am I to interpret that?”

“It’s not really a compliment, but you can imagine it is if that will make you feel better. But you were right about one thing. I am lonely in here. And not just …” she gesticulated with her hand towards her and then towards Eric, “… not just this. Us cubuses are very social creatures. It’s very hard for us to be alone, with no one to talk to. In a dungeon, no less.”

“Speaking of talking, how in the world can I understand you now? You mentioned you gave me a cubus tongue, but what does that mean?”

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“You don’t know? You’re too stupid to figure it out?”

“I know it has something to do with that vile garbage you forced down my throat, which is why I guess there was something magical about it. Now, maybe you’ve forgotten, but there is no magic in my world, so I have no idea what that was all about.”

“Hmm … ok, I’ll amuse you this time and assume you’re telling the truth. Yes, you’re right. That was a magic potion.”

“Aren’t potions kept in the bottles? I mean, whenever I hear the word ‘potion’ a small bottle of liquid forms in my mind.”

“But why would it have to be limited to a bottle? What matters is the liquid, not the container.”

“I … I see … that makes sense.”

“Ok, I won’t belittle you this time …” realizing something, she narrowed her eyes at him, “But wait … are you, are there potions in your world?”

“Uhh, you could say so. But there’s nothing magical about them. It’s just like …” he considered his words carefully, “When you eat the food, energy enters your body, right?”

“Ok.”

“So, we have ways of extracting energy and healthy components from plants and animals through non-magical ways. From some minerals, too. We mix that up, and it helps improve our health.”

“Ah, like what peasants do.”

“Perhaps, but we do it on an industrial scale. Our potions aren’t nearly as effective as yours since there is no magic in them, but they are far better than what the peasants are making. Also, we only know how to make potions to enhance our health or give us more energy. Or enhance our bodies in some minor way. But we can’t make potions that help us learn a new language.”

“That last word you said, you said it in your tongue. What does it mean?”

“Language? It means tongue. It’s a … more accurate way of saying we’re talking about spoken tongue. If that makes sense to you.”

“Yes, it does. Yes, the tongue is also an organ.”

“But wait a minute. I thought you could understand me now. How come that word didn’t get translated?”

“Because there is no such word in cubus tongue, dummy. It has nothing to translate it to.”

“Ah. Speaking of that disgusting potion you’ve forced me to drink, did you really have to spit in it?”

She stared at him for a moment, looking a bit confused: “Of course. How would I give you my tongue otherwise?”

“With that magical mumbo-jumbo, of course.”

“Mumbo … what?” A little bit of annoyance showed on her face, “Can’t you put more effort into what you’re saying? Or is it that not even magic can help you speak properly?”

“You gave me a potion to help me learn your tongue, right?”

“I’ve already said that, idiot!”

“It’s a magical potion, right?”

“Yes, it’s not like the peasant potions you’re used to! I’ve spent some scarce ingredients on it, by the way!”

“So why did you have to spit in the magical potion?”

“To give you my tongue …” she frowned in frustration, “Are you that dumb? How many times do I have to repeat myself before you understand?”

“Yes, I am dumb. Can you please explain in detail so I won’t be so dumb anymore?”

“Listen …” She squatted to get in his face, ”Listen here, you idiot! I’m done with repeating myself! I’ve concocted a potion from the magical ingredients I found down here, so your stupid ass could talk to me! And it just so happens that my spit was also a necessary ingredient!”

“It was necessary?”

“Yes, it was necessary! How the fuck would a potion know what tongue you’re supposed to get? I gave you my tongue, through my spit, because guess what? That’s where the spit is coming from!”

“Actually, spit is … ouch!” He yelped as she flicked one of his lumps again.

“I know, but that’s how it works! If you know of a better way, then go ahead and tell me!”

“Look, I’m just being curious, that’s all.”

“Listen, looser! I don’t mind you asking questions, but if you’re unwilling to accept my answers, you’re just wasting my time!”

“Are you in a rush? Ouch! I’m just asking, you psycho!”

“No, you’re being sarcastic, and I hate that. Here’s another one for insulting my intelligence!”

“Ouch! Ok, ok, stop! Geez, chill out a little bit! Why are you so frustrated?”

“You’re getting some stupid ideas, thinking I’ll let you get away with stupid bullshit, so I’m naturally putting you back in your place. Now, tell me, what are you good for? Besides some mediocre dicking.”

“Uhh … I’m a diplomat. I’m good at talking to people. Ouch!”

“That’s for failing as a diplomat and pissing me off! There are no other people here, so that’s completely useless.”

“Aren’t adventurers here too? You said it yourself.”

“They’re of no concern to me. Most of them keep their distance, and the few who are stupid enough to attack me are easy to deal with. Is there anything else you’re good at?”

“I could … I don’t mind being a househusband and taking care of our base. Keeping everything clean and tidy, cooking food.”

“You know how to cook?”

“I’m not a chef, but it’s edible.”

“So, you’re saying that the most you can be is a simple servant.”

“I’ve got many skills, but most are only useful in a civilized place. I’m good at math, for example. But I doubt that will do us much good here.”

Phisola let out a long sigh of disappointment while facepalming hard: “Oh, fuck me! All those ingredients I’ve wasted on your useless ass …”

“Sorry about that. If you think I’ll slow you down and burden you, you can just let me go. I promise I won’t get in your way and will keep my distance.”

“You’ll die. If you go on your own, you’ll die for sure.”

“I think it would be best if we’d stick together, but I wish you’d be less violent with me. Besides, I did nothing to you!”

“You’re being way too ignorant and way too stupid! I’m disciplining you for your own good!”

“Yeah, that’s what every abuser says. Ouch! Stop it already!”

“You really need to get rid of that annoying attitude of yours. Stop being sarcastic and annoying, and I won’t have a reason to punish you. I’ve never harmed you without a reason.”

“You clubbed me in the head as soon as we met!”

“And I had a reason for it! You could’ve clubbed me for all know. I was just faster. And I wasn’t too busy staring at someone’s naked body like a complete loser.”

She stood up and started stretching herself.

“Anyway, I’ll free you soon and show you around. Get you in on the big plan. But not yet. I don’t know how you feel about all of this, if you’re ok with being subservient or just pretending until you get the chance to retaliate. So I’ll have you cool off for a while. Something tells me you’re still mad about what happened and are looking for revenge, and I’d hate to have to put you down because I prefer getting a return on my investments. So, cool your head off, think about it carefully, and I’ll get back to you again. I have some business to attend to in the meantime.”