“Why are you so surprised?” She asked.

“Isn’t that contradiction? You, a devil, are worshiping a god?”

“How is that a contradiction?”

“Are you telling me devils are working with gods?”

“Sometimes yes, sometimes no. Sometimes, gods won’t listen. Sometimes I don’t give a fuck about what a god is saying. And sometimes we have a common goal.”

“Goal, like what?”

“It can be anything. Maybe a god needs something fetched or done. Maybe he wants me to talk some people into something, and it just so happens that’s also in my interest.”

“But aren’t you supposed to be the exact opposites?”

“That depends on what kind of gods we are talking about. Sure, some gods are my exact opposites who just can’t be reasoned with. Some gods make me puke. But there are also reasonable gods you can work with. Yes, all gods are self-righteous assholes, but some are more reasonable than others. You could say the same for people, though. For example, think of the influential people. They’re all arrogant and insufferable, but sometimes their words make sense. Sometimes, suffering their self-righteousness can pay off. It’s not really about gods or mortals, it’s about powerful, influential entities you can do nothing about. Everyone in such a position would act like an asshole.”

“You don’t think a god could be all about love and understanding?”

She slightly tilted her hand in confusion: “What kind of nonsense is that?”

“Are there no gods like that?”

“There are some gods who claim they’re like that, but then they exterminate entire cities for doing something they didn’t like. In other words …”

“Assholes.”

“Yes. You’re learning fast.”

“But you devils are all about reason and honesty.”

“No, I didn’t say that! I am an honest person, but not all devils are. Actually, if I’m to be perfectly honest, I must admit that I’m not always honest. I’m honest with the people I care about, but I have no problems lying to some gullible idiots who mean nothing to me.”

“And are there people who mean something to you?”

“There are a few, but I see your point. I can’t get mad at you when you’re using my own logic.”

“You mean, judging you based on your actions and not words?”

“Yes. Even though you’re clearly not a devil, you do have a devilish way of thinking. Your masters have taught you well.”

“I don’t have masters. Just employers.”

“What is that?” She frowned in confusion.

“Employer?”

“Yes. It didn’t get translated.”

“You don’t know what an employer is?”

She gave him an annoyed look, “For the third time, no!”

“Sorry, I just … it’s a person who hires other people.”

“Hires, in like …”

“Hires them to do a specific job.”

“If I order a sword from a blacksmith, would I be his … that?”

“No, you’d be a customer. An employer is someone who pays other people to do a certain job for a certain period of time.”

“Like I’m paying a blacksmith to make me a sword.”

“No, he would have to work only for you and no one else.”

“Like a slave?”

“… yes, but he gets paid to do it and is a free person. You don’t own him.”

Reading on this site? This novel is published elsewhere. Support the author by seeking out the original.

“So it’s like paying an artisan to be my personal artisan.”

“Yes, something like that.”

“Ok … it makes sense since you’re a diplomat. It only makes sense for your lord to pay for your services. But he’s still your master.”

“No, he’s not. I’m free to quit whenever I want and find a different employer.”

“Yay!” She clapped her hands ironically with a wide, fake smile on her face, “You’re free to find a different master! Like a peasant who can leave one lord to work for the other!”

“… I guess you can’t understand it any other way.”

“Now, that’s just mean. But I’m in a good mood right now. Now that I know the devils raised you and not godly people, at least I can be sure you won’t be an insufferable little bitch. Well, to a certain extent, that is.”

“Oh really? Yeah, that could explain a lot. It would certainly explain why you’re so self-righteous all the time. Being a godly person and all.”

“A godly person? I’d say you’re trying to offend me, but your words make no sense whatsoever.”

“You’re worshiping a god, you’ve said it yourself. Doesn’t that make you a godly person?”

“Just because you’re working with someone, that doesn’t mean you have to kiss their ass! That may be the case with you, but it’s not the case with me!”

“But didn’t you say you’re worshiping a god?”

“Meh,” she waved her hand away, “Semantics. Is it really worship if you’re getting something tangible in return? It’s more trade than worship.”

“Oh yeah? Well, what are you getting?”

“And first of all, my patron deity isn’t as bad as most of them. At least it isn’t possessive and obsessive like most of them.”

“It? Why would you call a god it?”

“Because it has no sex, duh! Gods are immaterial. Sure, they can create a body for themselves or possess one, but that doesn’t make them male or female. Even though they may have genitals at that moment.”

“So, when people say, for example, a goddess of beauty, she’s actually not a female?”

“It’s stupid to address a god in any sex whatsoever, but stupid people just don’t know better. They call it a goddess of beauty in one place, while it’s a god of beauty in the elven lands. Gods can change shapes at will since they don’t have one. Sure, having a body makes it easier to deal with people, which is why they bother with it in the first place, but that doesn’t mean anything. That’s how you get the same gods having different depictions in different cultures. They just showed up in a different body.”

“Does that mean the gods do show up sometimes?”

“Some of them do. Vain ones. The ones who don’t get enough validation from other gods, so they have to seek it from inferior beings.”

“What about your god? Is it different?”

“It’s not vain if that’s what you’re asking. But it does love fucking with mortals, so it visits them often.”

“What shape does it choose? A male or female?”

“Gods don’t have to look like people, you know. They can take any form they want. For example, many of them take the form of a mighty beast. Not all gods like people. And some hate them quite a lot. Hell, I know one of them used to be a pyramid.”

“So, does that mean your god isn’t taking humanoid forms?”

“My god takes no forms at all. It prefers staying immaterial.”

“… how do you talk then?”

“With my magical senses.”

“Is it like telepathy?”

“Something like that. Not really, but close. Explaining it properly to you would take way too much time and effort.”

“Yeah, I know. It’s the same the other way around. But still, a devil working for a god. I never thought I’d hear that.”

“Why not? That’s not surprising at all. Devils will work with anyone who will help them achieve their goals.”

“It’s not … hmm … you said your god loves fucking with mortals. I’m not trying to offend or anything, but is there a chance that your god isn’t a good being?”

“That’s absolutely right! I wouldn’t call it evil, but it’s certainly not good. If I’d have to describe its morality somehow, I’d say it’s a troll.”

“A troll? Not as a living creature but as in it loves annoying people?”

“What creature? Do you have an entire race of trolls in your world?”

“We don’t … wait! I think that spit stew you gave me is messing with the translation. I’ll say two words now, no, two sentences, and accentuate one word in each. You tell me if I’ve said the same word.”

“Hmm, that almost sounds scholarly,” she nodded exaggeratedly while giving him a satisfied look.

“Why are you such a troll?”

“Ok.”

“Do you know what a troll looks like?”

“Two different words.”

“Yeah, guessed as much. Then again, you did say you’re describing its morality, but still … just wanted to be sure.”

He took a deep breath and let out a labored sigh: “So … you’re working for a god that’s essentially acting like Ira … that’s just fucking great.”

“What’s Ira?”

“A friend back … well, not really a friend, but a close acquaintance back home.”

“And he likes trolling people?”

“Yeah. Much more than he should, especially considering how serious his job is. But he’s damn good at his job and at least knows to keep his trolling out of it.”

“Sounds like a fun guy. Sounds like someone I’d get along with.”

“You’d kill him as soon as he’d try trolling you. So like, in five minutes.”

“I guess five minutes is a very short time?”

“Yes.”

“Hmm … you’re right. I don’t tolerate bullshit from those who are inferior to me. But if it’s from someone superior, then a little bit of trolling is fine.”

“Speaking of which, has he … mhm! Has it ever trolled you?”

“Yes, but it was nothing serious. Actually, damn, I almost forgot! Why I’ve accepted to come here in the first place!”

“Go on.”

“It did pull a prank on me before I came here, and I got really pissed. Like, really, really pissed. That’s when Dungeon Master contacted me and asked if I wanted to join its dungeon. So, I’ve partly accepted the offer out of spite.”

“And lost a few hundred years in the process …”

“I did learn some useful skills here. It’s not like I was sitting on my ass doing nothing. And it was fun for a while. But now everything has become stale, and I have no use for the treasure I’m supposed to guard.”

“Doesn’t that mean the adventurers can just take it and leave?”

“I bet Dungeon Master has someone new guarding it. I bet it summoned them as soon as it noticed I’m no longer paying any mind to it.”

“So, you’re wealthy, huh? Ah yes, your mother is a lord.”

“You already forgot that?”

“I don’t care about people’s financial situation that much.”

“That, or my naked body is distracting you much more than you’d like to admit.”

“… and that too …”