Year 2 Day 229 (12th May 2016) Reincarnation Loop 1 (RL1)

I burst into Earth Universe (EU) via dimensional shift. It is simple enough, I only need to contact the ocean and from there it becomes effortless. The oceans are mine, EVERY ocean across EVERY universe. Whether they are formed from water, dust or microbes. If it can be described as an ocean I can become it's will. That even includes a few nebulas...

It is a pleasant day, the sun rising over the beach. Masses of people, a veritable army of followers standing ready to hear my decree.

I glide over the water's surface and face the adoring and youthful masses.

A chant rises, my name uttered by hundreds of thousands.

I raise a wave and tower over them on the arch of a tsunami that stands in place.

I glance at an aircraft carrier and several cruisers occupying the area I set as my neutral zone, the waters of an island created by the hydra. With a dismissive wave I push the vessels back into international waters. The aircraft carrier tries to ready fighters, permafrost spears rise from the runway, carving the jets set to launch into metal chunks.

The missile launchers and main guns on the vessels are distorted by ice growing abnormally on the ammunition.

Really? Learn your lesson already. You. Don't. Fuck. With. Me. I told you how things would be, but you keep testing the boundaries. Understand already, I am only allowing you to roam MY ocean. I was just flexing my muscles a little last time. I know it is scary, learning that in the end science isn't all-powerful.

So even as I cripple the vessels and force them to play nice I do it gently, like one would hold a struggling child. Because I am now their patron deity. I have a responsibility to render the world functional and uphold the status quo.

So in the shadow of my wave the crowd fall silent, not realizing the destruction occurring half a mile away.

I issue my first commandment to the masses.

“Be... excellent to each other.” [The roar of waves]

Half of them stare at me with fervent looks and the others get the reference, looking surprised.

“Hahahahahahahahaaaa...ha...ha... I'm sorry I couldn't resist.” [Surging of the waves] “Seriously though, I don't come with any great demands or requirements, so don't expect genital mutilation or human sacrifice. All I ask is for you to be generous, kind people. As much as you can. As long as you aren't a serial killer or such I'll gladly accept your devotion. So to cover this I require a simple, binding oath. It will not be any more restrictive than any thing else I've asked. In return I offer a blessing. However this is spiritual, there is no point to gloating over it or hoarding this power. Any who accepts this oath is no less than than any other who has spoken it or for that matter those who do not accept it.”

I have them hooked. The promise of power without strings.

“Hmm. Well I have big plans. I hope to have some of you become voices for tolerance and open mindedness. My missionaries, if you will.” The roar of the tide chuckled before continuing. “So to clarify: I wish you to utter a simple oath. I didn't put any great thought into it, so there are sure to be loopholes and such, but I expect it to be kept in the spirit of the oath rather than the words themselves. That spirit is simply to avoid the folly of Holy Wars. I do not claim that any religion is false, only that I have had no contact with any of the divine from them, only my own pantheon. It may be that they all exist in other dimensions. I cannot rule out that they exist as an even higher plane of power. However I have seen no suggestion this is the case. Except Scient*logy, they're clearly full of shit. Zenu? I killed him personally last year. He denied ever hearing of Earth.”

They are listening eagerly, many recording it on phones and cameras. There are film crews in the back.

“The oath I will now say, please do not repeat until you know what it is you will need to follow and do not repeat it if you cannot act in the manner the oath requires. If the oath is broken the blessing you gained will be lost. That is all. I allow you free will. I allow you to keep your souls. Your lives too. My oath is simply: 'Live life to the fullest in your own way. Help others. Protect the helpless. Try not to cause harm. Kill only in direst need.' That is all I ask of you. Human laws are soon to be grossly outdated, so I will not require you to keep the small stuff, however I would prefer you tried to do so where it doesn't breach the oath.”

Followers obtained Blessings of the Oceanic God of Chaos and Justice~

“Huh? Did I get an upgrade? I was never called that in the other loop. Is it because of all of this? Or are you teasing me again, Folly?” [Cal muttering]

“…”

Wisdom, huh? So it was on the level?

I hear cries of delight as the people realize that I have given them supernatural power. It is simple stuff. They gained the abilities Hydrokinesis (lesser), Water-breathing (Simple), Marine Language (simple) and Cold Resistance (lesser). If they possess the talent, loyalty or will they may even improve these powers. This is step one in my plan.

“In the meantime stay tuned to my Blog. Post on my forum if you have issues with violence and intolerance. I will deal with any issue that I consider urgent. Please note Trolls will be terminated with extreme prejudice by me. Try me and find out the punishment.” The waves roared and the tsunami dissipated. The portal flares open and I step back, to vanish. I return to Other World.

Oh, there were trolls. There are always trolls. That ended when I flooded their computers. If they didn't take the hint the first time, I flooded all their electronics. Even the so-called 'water-proof' ones. Crack the watertight seal with ice it floods just fine. If they still couldn't take a hint after the complete loss of two computers... I paid them a personal visit.

Unsurprisingly the only trolls stupid enough to do it repeatedly were in fact working for various governments, trying to analyse my power in a lab. Except for that one rich moron. I made sure he understood how stupid he was; I banned him from the internet. If he tries to browse it just displays 'This connection is incompatible with a terminal troll. Might I suggest you read a book. Just not an ebook. Code no. 5318008”

The news reports on my new followers are mixed and many new groups appeared: from the 'Cal Amari Truthers' movement who think it is all an elaborate hoax (despite all scientific and photographic evidence to the contrary!) to the 'New Inquisition'! Told you! The Inquisition really popped up!

So I have Jihads and heresy charges aimed at me. To be fair I walked into my own heresy trial. Yes, they were assholes. I begged for water torture or drowning, instead they tried to burn me at the stake! Haha. Before they could light the bonfire I became magma and asked when the execution was starting. It was getting funny when they ran out of bullets, and realized they couldn't hurt me with explosives, electricity, cold, heat or a dozen other ideas. They even tried to talk me into entering a microwave oven! The crowd dwindled fairly quickly as I made jokes of their myriad attempts to murder me. It got funnier as the fanatics that were grinding their teeth in frustration were let in on the fact I had several cameras on the scene at all times. A few of my more loyal servants were filming the whole thing. I learned two things, fanatics are really easy to make self-destruct and sea-eagles have a knack for photography. Must be the telescopic vision.

The 'Truthers' claimed they were trained birds and green screen optical effects.

Annoyed I attended a 'Truthers' convention (I called for it anonymously online).

I sealed the entire crowd in the convention hall, closing off the exits with permafrost. They called it 'crystal'.

I walked on stage and asked for anyone to prove I am not on the level.

One idiot came and tried to confront me by grabbing me. His hand just swept through me.

Another tried to explain how my trick worked, so I lifted him by his own water content.

Someone shouted out I was using wires, so I lifted everyone.

“Where are the wires?” [Cal into the microphone.]

I put them down. The man still on stage reached into my body, touching nothing but air as I avoided his touch. I do not enjoy a fisting from a man. Or receiving them in general. Giving... well that's a different subject.

“It could be a hologram...” [A Truther blind to reality]

So I grabbed hold of him.

Stolen content alert: this content belongs on Royal Road. Report any occurrences.

“Am I a hologram? Holograms are just 3D light displays. Does this feel like light? Just to be clear, Star Trek holograms aren't real. Yet.” I squeezed the arm tightly enough to make him wince. “Really you people just give me a headache. You fancy yourselves clever but ignore basic facts and expert testimony. 'Truthers'? You're just people lying to yourselves about your own knowledge. Ignorance does not equal truth. Theories do not equal fact, even less so from a bunch of rabble that don't even believe their own eyes. The real truths: I am literally bending the rules of reality and you people are deluded blow-hards.”

Since they were going to be hard headed about it, I simply opened a portal to a random Earth-like ocean and flooded the room. If the water and the fish swimming around didn't have their attention the fact they were running out of air did.

Except I had a simple bubble of air around their heads, so they could breathe. It was nice tropical water, warm and salty. If they could disbelieve this whole event, as they swam around an auditorium... well I wash my suckers of them.

I did pose the question: Do you believe me now?

I didn't get a no, which was just as well as that idiot would be trying to breathe water. Supernatural threats for the win!

********************************************************

My blessings were like all skills from the alternate world I reincarnated in, they could be improved through use and familiarity. A year later I lead a second gathering of followers, taking them into the ocean and letting them experience life as an oceanic organism, now that the more advanced among them could swim and breathe very well down there. Dolphins flashed through the group, laughing at all the uglies splashing around (the humans in general). They stopped laughing when they learned the humans could understand them... and spit out pithy one liners.

All of these people were completely loyal, if they weren't they'd be drowning right now.

It also helped that we had a language that was uncrackable for code-breakers; because we talked using the marine language which was non-verbal. It was actually close to a really subtle combination of body posture and eye-contact with some pheromones thrown in. Good luck understanding that, experts. They can't understand it coming from a human any more than they can when a pilchard uses it to say howdy, or an octopus shouts at us to get off his garden.

I then let them know my plan.

It left them stunned.

Hehehe.

I just got really bored watching how Earth develops and self-destructs over and over as millions of years pass... not to mention I'm invested in Earth's welfare now that my family is still alive and kicking.

So yeah, humans never quite made it to the stars. They kinda killed each other off and squabbled. Ideologies and religions getting in the way. Cramped world, with far too many people and not enough resources, as things deteriorated until humans become extinct. Basically our self preservation instincts lead to wars over food supplies as global temperatures unceasingly increased. Major bummer to watch.

I was not ready for the billions I had to assign to the reincarnation cycle, I can tell you. Or the complaints when they ended up as anything less than great white sharks. If they annoyed me, they were lucky to get 'water flea'. After all, bacteria are alive too you know and all those souls have to go somewhere. The turn over rate is pretty high though, I'll admit I saw a lot of faces regularly every time either more irate or zen about the sudden deaths they went through every minute. But hey, they annoyed the guy in charge and stubbornly kept doing it. Every. Time.

So to my agenda... feeling Earth's fate is ultimately a little too bleak for my tastes, I decided to mix things up a bit.

So on the 22nd of March 2017 I made my grand unveiling.

It was interrupted by several very irritating nuisances. First were some rather misguided extremists, who predictably were wearing bombs in the crowd... moving a puddle under their feet I was able to deal with them in a timely manner.

They were all teleported to the amazing world of the bubble people of a little known planet in a sub-sub-parallel universe (where cartoons are real).

They appeared on stage as a variety act, exploding moments later for the cameras... to receive a standing ovation from the locals. However sadly the calls for an encore were ignored. They did win first prize though. I accepted it for them. Truly they will be remembered (in only this world) as legends. In the next they did not receive their plentiful virgins. I made quite sure of that.

After taking out the trash (from reality) I received a tomahawk missile to the face...

Dammit would you military idiots stop trying to explode me? It just tickles.

Annoyed, I beached several warships in the middle of the Sahara.

They escalated.

…

Several minutes of tit for tat later...

They tried to nuke me.

Wow. Really makes me feel kind of proud to be the very first individual to be nuked 'just to be sure'.

Of course I didn't tank the blast, mostly because of the crowd and the harmful contamination to my precious ocean. What's that? The land? Why would I care about the dirt?

I just returned it to sender.

Some idiot with a button but not a lot of sense.

He did not look pleased in his bunker when it arrived. His blonde wig fell off. Then tried to run away, whimpering. The man I mean... although the other way round would have been funny too.

So... back to my purpose...

(Somewhere far away a mushroom cloud rears it's head.)

After a short speech and some bad jokes I really let them see my plan.

The quiet is stunning.

You could hear a mosquito fart. In fact I do: excuse yourself, that was bloody loud!

They all just stare at the massive gateways I've created. Rifts into other worlds. Uninhabited ones, of course. I mean do you have any idea about humanity's track record with indigenous peoples in newly discovered lands? Yeah, I'm just giving them a few worlds which have no complex life but remain habitable to humans.

I've simply connected them, ocean to ocean. Like an industrial grade portal gun.

Making Earth a hub nexus and humans a multi-universe species.

I gave them five for starters.

You see? This is why I told my followers they didn't have to obey the laws of nations, because if they go into these worlds they are now in a new frontier. The Wild West...Wormhole?

Also Earth's oceans having direct connections can and will colonize these new worlds.

There. I feel a bit fulfilled.

Humanity has redundancy.

I have a less depressing workload to expect from the future.

And if the nations of the world want a slice of my expansion pack for Earth: Augmented Reality they have to come crawling to me. Some were faster than others, I mean minutes after the unveiling I had India and China on the hook. I was already being worshipped as a Hindu god (their pantheon is pretty extensive so I fit in just fine... well aside from the Bollywood cameos I was contractually obligated to make... ugh... too much dancing to cheerful music and choreography...) where as China being atheist was also accepting of my claims... yes, I'm now the only god recognized by Communism... Karl Marx must be spinning in his grave.

Anyhow, because of my new hobby (as Charie calls it) I have to oversee the portal doors. If I find unscrupulous nations, organizations or individuals trying to enter or leave with malicious intent... they end up stranded where they came from or if they really annoy me: on that terrible planet of the apes (and their human butlers).

By the way, I was also offered large, profitable contracts by several dozen major corporations...

Planet Hollywood and D*sneyworld are now real planets. Mickey rules with an iron fist... haha!

Still it is nice being invited to every major party in a hundred worlds. Sometimes I show up just to browse the buffet tables when I feel peckish... because you know, former squid... beak... Ah, forget it.

If the world loops around again like last time... I'll actually do this again. It's a good way to live. Forever.

P.S. I bought a nice island, I believe it's called Madagascar? Man, money just rolls in like the tide.

P.S.S … and no, the lemurs don't talk. In English.

P.S.S.S. I resurrected the Titanic the other day for a reenactment... iceberg and all.

P.S.S.S.S. This one was a joke. Thanks for reading. (Greydragon)

I'm sorry to say but after all this time I'd been holding this one back as the final end to the series but as the crab has now deteriorated to dross I'm retconning series 2. The only real Re:Ocean is one where Cal is the MC.

It took a lot of hard thinking, but this is for the best. Rest in peace crab, you will not be missed much.

As a side note: I'm writing a new series I call Re:Mana Spirit. It's bit like this except: no game elements and it is a parody of xanxias...