Day 14
Damn... so the villagers are going to die and a hydra is rising to do who knows what dastardly deeds...
Well... enough groping Charybdis for now... well once more for luck...
“Hah... hah... I... feel like... hah... your favorite toy...” [Charie]
“Absolutely.” [Squid] “I just want to play with you... heck, I want to make you gasp to a tune... I'm thinking something cool...”
I proceed to spank her buttocks to an island rhythm.
“I'm not really getting a proper tone... maybe something with a beat next time...” [Squid]
The fish and merpeople around us just stare, slightly perplexed by the radical difference in her attitude from the stories.
After a moment to allow her to recuperate we leave. As an after thought I remove the death bubble of ice over the city.
On the way we meet a delegation of fish.
“Ve hav been waitink for hourz. What iz takink so long?” [Strangely familiar voiced Herring]
…
“You wouldn't by any chance be the delegation from SQUID?” [Squid]
“Vhy yes, ve iz.” [Herr... something]
“You sound very familiar. You are reincarnated, aren't you?” [Squid Pleased] “You know... I just realized who you are... I'm surprised you aren't in Hell.”
“Vhat iz zhis?” [Herring Hitler]
“Well, I'll be correcting that mistake.” [Squid]
I form a cage around my prize...
“Mein Gott!” [Hitler Fish]
“Why yes, I am your god...” [Squid] “So be a good, evil, demonic bastard and die. I promise it will be quick and painful.”
“Maniac!” [Hitler Fish]
“No one will save your brain this time!” [Squid]
I encase him in a solid permafrost bubble.
“I'd leave you a gun in your bunker there but you lack thumbs to use it...” [Squid] “Oh, and the rest of you... die.”
The water turns solid in their gills and spears them.
They bleed out in moments.
“Well Hitler... I must say, it is truly fulfilling to kill you again. I haven't had this much fun since Wolfenstein 3D... a pity there are less gattling-guns involved.” [Squid]
“Inglourious Basterd!” [Hitler]
“Mustache Nerd!” [Squid]
“Jew Fish!” [Hitler]
“Failed Art Student!” [Squid]
“Suffocatink... help...” [Hitler]
“Whatsamatter? Don't enjoy being gassed? Who would have though it? You gave it freely to so many...” [Squid] “Irony~ Oh... and if you reincarnate around here again... I'll be seeing you real soon.”
“Who are you...?” [Hitler]
“Call me Hogan.” [Squid]
“I'll get you for thiz... HoOogan!” [Hitler]
“Priceless...” [Squid laughing hysterically]
Hah! Hitler Herring is done for. Best time I've had, not counting sex. Plus I get food!
“Mmm. Tastes like justice.” [Squid]
“Can I have a bite?” [Charie Curious] “Ugh... tastes like ass.”
“That too.” [Squid]
We head to the surface, I'm jetting and Charie is being carried by her kraken.
“Hmm so what would be invading my island home?” [Squid]
“Perhaps that.” Charybdis says pointing toward a fleet of ships, numbering around seventy.
“Yep, that'd do it. Pirates.” [Squid]
We swim closer. We are greeted by a blonde siren...
“Why are you free?” [Squid]
“Yumi finished with us a while ago. We're spread out across the sea... so we can enjoy our quirks in peace.” [Siren]
“Quirks? You're all like Yumi?!” [Squid]
“No... not all of us. I for one am more interested in BL. I've been watching these ships for a while but no one has forced the cabin-boy yet.” [Siren]
“Well we will be sinking them now.” [Squid]
“Oh, goody! Do you mind if I set some of the better looking ones on a desert island alone... and then one day when they can't handle the isolation... kya!” [Siren]
“Sure, why not...? Go nuts.” [Squid]
“What a bizarre siren.” [Charie]
“Wait till you meet Yumi...” [Squid]
“KYYYAAAAAA!!!” [Siren]
“Kraken! Drop it! Drop the Siren... good boy!” [Squid] “What a good boy!”
“Uhhh... I feel dirty... and not the good kind.” [Siren]
“Um... sorry he drooled on you.” [Squid]
“So... who's the chick? She gives me a Yuri vibe...” [Siren]
“I am the wife of Calvin here.” [Charie]
“Calvin?! Haha! What a dumb name!” [Siren]
“Also my name is Charybdis.” [Charie]
“Uh... please spare me! I'm sorry I just couldn't...” [Siren Terrified]
“You're right... this is fun, toying with them...” Charie says to me with a smile.
“It gets better the longer the joke keeps running.” [Squid]
“Something to look forward to...” [Charie] “Who knew letting them live could be so interesting...?”
“So who wants to play with pirates?” [Squid]
“I do!” Charie yells excitedly waving her raised hand.
(Woof) [Kraken]
“So, can you speak to humans?” [Squid]
“In every tongue, except that weird clicking one.” [Charie]
“Then you are the designated spokeswoman for our invasion.” I turn to the siren. “Did you notice which is the flagship?”
“The one with dark sails and a figure-head of a less-than-anatomically-correct woman.” [Siren]
“Yeah, like a Barbie doll.” [Squid]
“Huh...?” [Siren]
“Never mind.” [Squid]
I click my beak loudly.
“What was that for?” [Charie]
“Backup.” [Squid]
“MR SQUIIIIIID!!!” Francis yells happily as she races toward us.
“Hey, Francis.” [Squid]
“The whale...” Charie says disapprovingly.
“I was just thinking we should sink some ships. Would you like to join in?” [Squid]
“OK!” [Francis] “Oh... you're here.” She adds noticing Charybdis.
“Of course I am. I will never be parted from my Husband.” [Charie]
Enjoying this book? Seek out the original to ensure the author gets credit.
“Husband...? Mr Squid? No! Oh poor Yumi! How could you, Mr Squid!” [Francis bawling]
“Please stop crying. Yumi said she didn't mind sharing me earlier and neither does Charie. It isn't that much of a drama...” [Squid]
“Pig...” [Francis]
“Stop bringing Sharky into this.” [Squid]
Ah, Ghost Sharky... still swimming through my subconscious, chasing Ghost Barry as the Ghost Mantis Shrimp watches silently... good times. Oh that's new... Sonic Dolphin Vs Herring Hitler... Go dolphin! Oh... one bite... haha... sucked in... literally.
“...bro...” A lamenting cry echoes in the distance...
Ignore it...
“Anyway, lets go tease these guys a bit before we stomp 'em.” [Squid]
“Yeah!” [Charie, blonde siren at the same time]
“Poor Yumi...” [Francis]
(Arf!) [Kraken]
I slide aboard and drag Charie on, by her hand. She stands there, ducking under the sails.
The man on watch gapes at the naked giant beauty on deck for several moments before realizing he isn't asleep.
“We've been boarded!” [Pirate Watchmen] “But you won't believe your eyes!”
“Eh?” [Larger Pirate]
“Ohhh... boobies...” [Pirate A]
“Pretty, pretty...” [Pirate B]
“Big... I think I could put my whole head up her...” [Pirate C]
“Shut up ye rabble!” [Bushy Bearded Pirate Leader]
They go quiet.
“Who be ye?” [Pirate leader]
“I be me, says I.” [Charie]
“Ye be confusin' says I.” [Pirate Leader] “Shall we rope ye to the mast and violate ye?”
“Ye be a fool says I, a blowhard that... oh screw it. We're going to kill the lot of you.” [Charie]
“That be a fine joke, for me boys...” [Captain]
“It's a fine joke for us too.” [Charie]
“Who be ye? I be Captain Rickets...” The captain says, wobbling slightly.
“Do you know a Scurvy Joe?” [Charie]
“Aye, that be me Brodder.” [Captain] “There's also me mam, Cirrhosis Sue...”
“Does all your family have self-inflicted illnesses?” [Charie]
“Well me cousin cut off his own foot... that not be an illness... poor Limpy Louie.” [Captain]
“This is weird... is this what it is normally like when you don't kill them immediately?” [Charie]
“Depends... this is a more idiotic bunch than usual.” [Squid]
“Ahh! The squid be talkin' the King's Escalodian!” [Captain]
Oh... so that is what this language is called...
“Huh. I can actually talk? When did that happen, I wonder...” [Squid] “Well it doesn't change much. We will be taking your ships to the bottom, along with anyone on-board. You can fight us if you like... it should be good for a laugh.”
The pirate seethes with anger and draws a fierce looking cutlass. He raises it to the sky and then sweeps it at me, sending a blade of water cutting at my midsection...
“Not so mouthy now squidy...” [Captain]
“Yawn.” [Squid]
“Uh...” [Captain]
“Can I kill them now, Husband?” [Charie]
“First, why don't you introduce us?” [Squid Smirking Internally]
“Oh! Yes... that will be fun...” [Charie] “Well first of all we have a siren who wants to make your better looking members into ass pirates...”
“Hiya!” [Siren waving energetically]
“Ugh...” [Pirate A]
“Oh?” [Pirate D secretly excited]
“I'm introducing our members by importance... so bear with me...” [Charie] “Above her is a certain whale. Say hello Francis...”
The snapping of ship hulls is deafening as she rams through the fleet. She pauses to wave a flipper.
“It be a bloody demon of the seas!” [Captain]
“Next is my loyal pet... here boy... ATTACK!” [Charie]
Kraken emerges from the water, overshadowing the ships. They scream as he raises his arms and smashes one like balsa wood.
“KRAKEN!!!” The pirates cry, terrified.
The captain is now staring at us in wide-eyed horror...
“Ye... who be ye?!” [Captain horrified]
“This is my husband, the demigod of the seas.... and I am Charybdis.” [Charie smiling with joy]
“...no...” [Captain]
“Yes.” [Squid]
Aw... we broke him... look at the little man crying.
“Alright everyone! Play time!” [Squid]
We go all out and in only a few minutes there is just wreckage and drifting bodies.
The siren is gone, towing a raft piled high with gorgeous, unconscious men and cackling...
The captain is laughing and sobbing at the same time.
We left the deck whole with him where he was.
On his flagship of broken timbers on the fearsome ocean.
Francis is still glaring at me...
Charie is in ecstasy over the reaction.
And kraken got a new chew toy... a dinghy.
Good times...
As we soak in the moment Yumi appears with my son.
“Hi! We just got back...” [Squid]
“What was all that ruckus?” [Yumi]
“Hi Dad!” Squid Jr shouts, racing over to hug me.
“We just took down a fleet of pirates set on marauding the coast...” [Squid]
“So... you already dealt with the guys invading the island then?” [Yumi]
“D'oh!” [Squid]
What we learned:
Pirates... poor innocent pirates... I bet they don't hear that a lot...
The attackers were in another castle...
Sirens come in all flavors...
What we missed:
The twins running and hiding...
Villagers gathering in prayer for deliverance from their god, Squid.
The apes caught up in the fighting began what would in many years later culminate in a so called 'planet of the apes'... and their human butlers.
What was left out of this episode... a One Piece joke with Squid proclaiming himself 'King of the Pirates'.