Light comedy about the issues of eating sentient beings and leading up to something... Yay! Plot will comence in 2 episodes...
Day 5 part 2
Sear- ching~
Sear- ching~
For a place to live~
Sear- ching~
Sear- ching~
For a... hello... lunch time!
Big fish and sharks swim around hunting a school of bait-fish. The school is trapped in a ball and they're charging through it.
Oh, tasty tuna!
Permafrost Spear~
Go get me grub, my spear of destiny!
I hurl it with my cryokinesis and curve it using current manipulating aquakinesis until... boo yeah! Bullseye! Right in the gills!
The massive silver fish flops and kicks as it quickly bleeds out.
Hey my 'sense is telling me to hurry...
No...! Damn, the sharks that were also hunting tiny fish are now trying to steal my food! Back! Back you criminals!
Reflection Field~
I center the spell on my meal and block the feeding frenzy about to break out.
“This is mine! Anyone who tries to take it is my next meal!” I shout.
Aquatic Language (Lesser) rank up to Aquatic Language (Moderate)~
Hey, I don't want this kind of ability! As if to mock my complaint I hear...
“Poor Barry...” One of the other tunas mutter. “I really thought he'd get a girlfriend this season, like he said he would.”
Ignore that they have names, dreams, sentiments and romantic entanglements... Ignore it!
“Look we didn't mean to jump your claim, okay...?” One nervous shark says, quietly trying to calm me down. These guys aren't even half my size and they can see I'm abnormal. They're shivering too. Fear or cold, you be the judge.
“Yeah, it just gets to us when we have a chance for a free bite... I guess you could say we were curious how it tastes?” Another adds helpfully.
“Opportunistic, you mean?” I reply testily.
“That's like, you know, harsh man...”
“That tears it! I can put up with barely understandable food items, but this... a stoner shark? Get out of here before I have shark fin for an appetizer, you hippies!”
“Woah dude, what's his malfunction?!” The stoner shark asks as they speed off.
“Shut it, shark!” I yell, sending another permafrost spear his way recklessly.
“Not cool man! Not. Cool.”
Damn, I missed.
I'll get you next time stoner shark! You and your little remora too!
Anyway, back to Barry... I mean... Noooo, it stuck! I belt myself in the face a few times to forget and then try again to... what was I doing again and why is the oceanses spinning???
For some reason I feel relieved as I eat the nameless, friendless, girl-friendless fish I killed. Girlfriend-less? Why did I add that one again? Oh, never mind, it can't be relevant.
I enjoy my extra-virgin tuna and set off again with a carefree attitude.
“Poor, poor Barry. What am I going to tell his parents? I don't even want to think about how this will break his little sister's heart...” The same tuna says to the rest of the group.
Shut up, shut up, shut up! I. Set. Off. Happy.
“I mean wasn't that his problem in the first place? He was a little too close to that sister...” Another adds. “...doted on her far too much.”
Great. I ate a sis-con.
Just freaking great.
I'm outta here before the tuna family turn up.
Crap, the sixth sense... Gotta jet, they're coming! Aw, too late...
A smaller tuna speeds over. “Hey, did any of you guys see my Bro? He was going to take me out for a night on the reefs later.”
... I'll bet he was going to confess too...
She continued to hit me with words. “He said he had something important to tell me.”
Bingo... and with that I am gone... hey, stop swimming parallel to me!
“Son, where are you?”
I said. Gone.
“Honey, did you find Barry? I was going to give him his birthday mackerel...”
The tale has been taken without authorization; if you see it on Amazon, report the incident.
Argh!
Three guilt filled hours later...
“Why are you tuna still following me?! Yes I ate Barry. Yes it was his birthday, he had just won a swimming accolade for the hundred meter relay and he had a secret attraction to his sister... but... what was my point again...?”
“How could you?!” Mother tuna asks scandalized. “We are holding a wake here! Please speak quietly.”
“This is the ocean, there is a wake behind everyone here.” I quip. “Although I really wish I wasn't at this moment. Awake I mean.”
“He did too...?” Asks the bro-con fish.
“Ah, so it was mutual. Should have known.” I reply. “Of course it was... of course it was...” I mutter hitting myself in the face again. Fourth time and counting...
“Please we just want a few minutes more with the body and we'll quietly go. It is a burial at sea, just... like my boy... always... wanted!!!” The father breaks down, weeping pitifully. Despite lacking tear ducts or a change of expression... how is he doing that? Now I have grown fish sobbing. What next?
A school of fifteen more tuna appear.
“We're here for the wake?” One asks hopefully.
“We brought snacks.” Another adds.
Dammit!
“Fine. You forced me to do this, you moronic fish. You want a burial at sea?!” I give Garry his funeral, for all to see. They stare horrified as the excrement that was the fish they mourned surrounded them on the current.
“I can only say, Garry, you were indeed a piece of shit. However, even you didn't deserve this.” I finish paying tribute to my most pitiful meal. “Now get the hell away from me or it'll be raining tuna chunks for the rest of the year!”
“Bro...?” A tuna asks tearfully.
“I.SAID.LEAVE.OR.DIE.”
“I can't live in a world without Bro~!”
“Very well. No mercy it is then, guilt trip.”
The fish for all their mourning still bolt away rather quickly.
“I'll never forget you Bro...” A distant voice calls.
lalalalalalalalala I can't hear you... lalala never eating tuna again... lalalala
Oh well, at least I got snacks.
So this must be what drove the mantis shrimp to insanity... I feel for you, bro. No, I'm not talking to you, Ghost Barry. I'm talking about the silent guy with hammers for arms behind you. Wow! He even scares ghosts.
Anyway... after... that unpleasantness...
Shudder...
Lets look for some nice real estate.
The reefs are all rather unsuitable; I can't find any decent area that won't have coral harping at me for 'destroying their precious ecosystem'. Babies.
It just isn't quite the same any more now that the ecosystem complains and boycotts... or at least I assume it boycotts. It certainly trolls...
In the middle of assessing another useless reef I spot a vessel passing nearby. As I watch they drop an anchor.
I surface and stare with curiosity. This isn't a canoe, it is a sailing ship with three decks and two masts.
Hmm... there aren't gun ports... don't cannon exist in this world? Could be a transport.
“Whatcha lookin' at?” Yumi asks at my side.
I release ink in surprise.
Squid Ink rank up to Ink Cloud (Greater)~
“Hey~” She looks at me amusedly. “Now I'm all slimy...”
Uh... sorry I reverse bukake'd you...
“Just take me out for dinner next week, okay?” She says with a wink. “So... what are you doing to feel so nervous?”
I was just curious about that boat...
“Oh, the pirates? They like to hide around here. They know where the reefs are.”
Pirates! Finally something to kill that won't make me feel guilty...
Snack?
“Why thank-you... um... why do they taste like crap?”
Barry.
What we learned in this episode:
(I liked this parody of Dorohedoro so much I'm keeping it as a regular thing.)
Pirates don't use cannon in this world...
Yumi is very understanding about premature ejaculation.
Sharks are annoying.
Barry almost had wincest.