Day 17 part 2
“So... you guys aren't locals, I assume? You're here to put an end to our mole problem?” [Squid]
“First... who is your friend? I don't talk about business in front of mortals. Giants included.” [Caped Assassin]
“She isn't mortal.” [Squid]
“Then what is she? She looks good for only one thing.” [Caped Ass]
“Do you mind explaining why you're here, my Wife?” [Squid]
Charie grins as I deliberately avoid naming her.
“I came here for two reasons. The first is I have an old grudge against the multi-headed worm below us. The other more pressing one is: My Husband is here.” [Charie] “Weak as I look, I scared the hydra off. You think I'm worried by some upstart half-god who hasn't even got his dick wet yet?”
“Nice one!” [Squid] “I'd give you a thumbs up if I could. Anyone got one they don't mind losing?”
“What was that you oversized slut?!” [Caped Asshole]
I waved a tentacle in front of his gaze.
“Excuse me. I must have misheard. Did you just call the mother of my children, a slut? I just ask because if it was accurate... I'll be forced to break wind.” [Squid] “I mean that in all kinds of ways.”
Charie is grinning at the blow hard.
The man glances at the other three demigods but the fire guy just shrugs. Woody gives him the finger for being a misogynistic ass. Rock just stares.
He reaches for the rapier...
“I wouldn't. You won't even hurt my wife... but if you try... I'll freeze your flesh and eventually shatter you. I'll make you look like Han Solo in carbonite.” [Squid] “Shatter like a T1000 in liquid nitrogen.”
“What...?” [Charie]
“Just old memories...” [Squid] “They'll... be back.”
“I'll kill both of you!” [Air's hole]
“Listen you stupid, arrogant ass! They're not just playing with you, they're both mocking how weak you are to them. Do you think I let anyone mock me? Mock my nature? That squid is strong as any two of US and the woman... she's a hell of a lot worse. I don't know what you are, but you put most gods to shame.” [Woody]
“I'm best known as Charybdis.” [Charie] “What the blustering idiot could soon be calling me is: his doom.”
The arrogant idiot takes a step back.
“Ah... I see... perhaps I was a little hasty?” [Ass]
“A 'little' doesn't usually bring demigods close to death.” [Charie] “Something you were only a few moments away from. Any more insults and I assure you that you will be meeting several real gods of the sky... in my void.”
The fire guy looks at Charie.
“You fought this hydra and didn't manage to kill it? What do you think are our chances with team work?” [Fire-sword]
“Alone... only my Husband would stand a chance. Together... if you work well... reasonable. However I don't think there is much chance of killing it. For the four of you.” [Charie] “My Husband fought ME to a standstill. Even the hydra didn't do that.”
“Even if you help us in the fight?” [Fire-sword]
“Pfft. Help you godlings... no. Just my Husband. Try not to get in my way. You will die. And I won't be offering advance warnings for the air-head.” [Charie]
“Besides... I wanted first crack at the bastard. He's made me jump through a lot of hoops.” [Squid]
Charybdis pouts at that.
“I suppose in a roundabout way he helped us meet too...” [Squid grudgingly] “Tell you what, I'll give you the finishing blow...”
“Aw... you spoil me sometimes...” [Charie]
(Whispering) “They're insane...” [Woody]
(Whispering) “NOW do you want to help kill them?” [Ass Air]
“With you...? Hell no!” [Woody] “They'll use me for a toothpick.”
“I don't know what you're arguing about but look at it this way... you're all here because you have to stop the hydra's rampage, to become gods? You lucked out... because we're gonna do it without your help. You're support at best. Or dead weight if you add in the foul wind.” [Squid]
“You're saying you'll shoulder the burden?” [Fire-sword]
“I'm saying that when you guys are gods, you owe me... just a little. I get to call in that debt when I want. I won't ask for anything much... I just have a pest that I need to squash. An elder god.” [Squid]
“You want us to help you commit deicide? I'd rather fight the hydra.” [Self-Righteous Swordsman]
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“Okay... I'm on-board.” [Assassin]
“What the hell, man? You flip flopped!” [Woody]
“They have an angle. I respect that. Plus I get some serious rep if I help beat down a senior god.” [Assassin]
“What if we do nothing, and just stay out of your way?” [Woody]
“Then we consider you a leech and come after you first.” [Charie] “Demigod, young god... all the same to me.”
“...but... if you're dead set against working with us... you can have a shot at the hydra by yourself.” [Squid] “I don't think fire will really cut it and wood burns just fine. In fact aside from Rocky Balboa over there I doubt you'll last long at all.”
“Yarp.” [Rocky]
“See even he agrees... I think.” [Squid] “So are you with us?”
“Why are you after this god?” [Pesky Generic Swordsman]
“Do I have to spell out my life story?! Oh, very well. He may have killed me, my entire family, a small town and several small island nations... for shits and giggles.” [Squid angrily] “I'm going to rip him a new ass-hole to match the one he uses to talk!”
“So will you just agree, you hard headed ingrates? I'm not asking for much and I'll be a heck of a lot more lenient toward you than the guy I want to shorten by a head.” [Squid] “Or I can just sic Charybdis on you and be done with it. Either/or.”
“Then I'm fighting.” [Generic Protagonist Wannabe]
“Fine, so we have the Final Fantasy reject as support. Rocky?” [Squid]
“Yarp.” [Rocky]
“Uh... that doesn't tell us anything... are you with us or not... Yarp or... Narp?” [Squid]
“Yarp.” [Rocky]
“You're with us?” [Squid]
“Yarp.” [Rocky]
“...whatever.” [Squid] “How about you Woody?”
“Woody?! You bastard squid what the hell are you calling...” [Woody]
“No need to get all stiff and upright over it. I'm sure you'll cum to a point. You need to get your head screwed in tight. Just promise you'll be gentle...” [Squid laughing]
“I'm going to kill him! Can I kill him? Anyone?” [Woody] “Windy?”
“Windy?” [Backstabber] “Besides you know where I stand.”
“Aw... come on... one more treachery just for old time's sake?” [Woody]
“I only met you an hour ago.” [Traitor]
“But what an hour it was...” [Woody]
“You sat there and stared at a piece of grass.” [Ass-hole Assassin] “The high point was where this squid turned up and made you hit yourself repeatedly. That was the most fun moment of the day, so far after your belching.”
“I don't belch!” [Woody]
“Not only do you do it like a day-laborer who was eating rotten cabbage, you laugh afterward.” [Assassin of Dignity] “You're as feminine as a tree branch... and as flat as a wooden board.”
Whoa man... you're committing suicide...
“I'll kill you!” [Woody]
“Uh... guys?” [Cloud lookalike]
“What?!” [Woody snarling like a beast.]
“Big picture... look at the big picture...” [Firebrand] “He's out.”
Oh.
I turn to look at the hundreds of heads and white-hot body of an original titan of fire. He's showing hundreds of different expressions... that's weird.
“Time out!” I hold up two tentacles in the shape of a T.
“How about we kill each other... later? For now... lets just try to live, okay?” [Squid]
“I didn't start it.” [Petty Air]
“Fine with me.” [Woody]
“Yarp.” [Rocky]
You were fighting too?!
No one noticed!
I turn around a little intimidated by the living sun.
“Uh... howdy?” [Squid]
“Mortals to eat...” [Hydra Main Head]
“Yes, mortals to eat.” [Charybdis]
“Not you again witch?! Can't you leave me alone? Why do you keep chasing me?!” [Hydra Main Head frustrated] “Wasn't taking seven hundred heads enough for you?!”
What we learned:
Hydras have natural enemies too... apparently.
Woody is all tsun and no dere.
Rocky is secretly plotting their doom! Yarp.
What we missed:
A ship full of choir boys is abducted...
Along with a handsome priest... and a crate of dog-collars.
Insane laughter heard at the scene...
What I scrapped from my list of jokes for the next few chapters...
A combination mecha like Voltron (Golion)... made of squids of different elements.