We get her on the tree contraption. She struggles at first, but Daddy gives her a wallop on the side of the head with his fist, and she goes limp fast enough. Got her arms and legs trussed up neat as you please. Daddy says, “now you grab these two ropes and I’ll grab these two here, then when I say go, you pull as hard as you can until I say stop.” I nod my head once and give Daddy a wink, and he gives me back a wink.
“Now!” He shouts, and we both get to heaving hard. Momma shoots up the tree until she’s level with the branch that the ropes is fastened to. Daddy says “stop!” Now Momma is suspended about 30 feet off the ground, twistin’ in the breeze. Daddy says “okay, now gimme them ropes. We is going to tie them off yonder to keep her up there. A better jail cell I cannot contrive of.” He ties them off to a neighboring tree and Momma seems to be coming to now. At first, she looks confused, then she starts to holler for us to let her down. She won’t lie no more, she was only joking, she forgot to turn the chicken over, she ain’t want the chicken to burn, she was going to feed the dog in a little bit, and...
Daddy cuts her off “shut up up there!” He calls through a cupped hand, then elbows me with a smile. I shout too “yeah! Shut your fat yapper! You’re liable to attract a big ol’ moose or something!” Daddy giggles at that some and says under his breath, “a moose, hee hee.” He stands there for a while longer, looking off into the distance. “A moose on the loose.”
His head hangs and his arms go limp at his sides “moose on the loose.” Then he starts to brush off his arms methodically, brush brush brush. He reaches back behind him and tries to scratch an itch in the middle of his back but can’t reach it, so he grabs a stick off the ground and scratches it with that for a while. “Welp” he tosses the stick to the side, “that’s done.” He starts to walk away. I say “wait, I got another idea” Daddy stops walking and watches me. “Hurry the fuck up whatever it is that you’re doing. I ain’t like the feel of this area too good. Getting too dark along these tree edges.”
I’m looking all around and I finally see what I’m aiming for. I grab it and go trotting back to Daddy. I hold it up. “What are you all on about, Gabe? I just done told you that we ain’t got enough time for...” understanding dawns on his face and he gets a big smile and quotes something from his own head. “And we shall have the rocks of the valley and they will be good unto us for the whacking of the liars and thieves.” He takes it from my hand, hefts it up, looks at Momma hanging up in the sky, and heaves it up at her.
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The rock hits her leg and she gives a yelp. “Stop it! Get me down!” She’s twisting around up there and swinging back and forth, then me and Daddy both are searching the ground. I’m surprised how hard it is to find rocks in the woods. I guess the rock I found was the only one. We each find a few stout sticks instead and start chucking them up at Momma. Mine comes up a few feet short, but Daddy’s second throw hits her right in the shoulder, and she gives another shout “stoppit! Lemme alone! Get me down!” Daddy says “okay! Whatever you say! Elevator coming right down! Like you wanted!”
He gestures for me to join him at the ropes secured to the other tree, keeping Momma aloft. “Okay scamp! You know the drill! When I say go, you let loose them two ropes at the same time I do” I nod and spit on my hands, getting ready for the go signal. Daddy counts off, “onee, twoo, thrreeeeeeeee... GO!” I yank them ropes off and Momma comes plummeting straight down and lands feet first, like the way you’re supposed to jump into water. Her legs crumple and one bends to the side like she got herself another kneecap that made it bend in a new way. Daddy shouts “bombs away!”
And is laughing. Momma is looks around in a daze and her face is sleepy and I can see blue under the skin of her pale face. Daddy says “You know the drill! Grab on again and pull ‘er up on go!” I take hold of the ropes again and Daddy shouts “go!” I haul off like last time and up shoots Momma, back up the tree. Daddy ties off the ropes again and stands back with a satisfied look on his face. “Yes indeed. Just right. Like a jack in the box.” He stands there for a while again, admiring his handiwork. Momma came to right about then and started shrieking as loud as a cat with its head caught in an electric can opener. Daddy looks at me and says “women. They is always dramatic.” Then he leads me, arm around my shoulders, back toward the house. “Time for us to have a little chicken dinner I expect. We earned it the whole way.”
We both step over the dog on the porch and head on inside and get to eating the best meal I ever tasted. There were even leftovers, but we ain’t give them to the dog, for everyone knows it’s dangerous to feed dogs chicken bones. And besides. That’s Momma’s job. To take care of the dog.