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Klawhammer
Chapter 17: Just a Piece of Bone in a Turd in the Middle of the Woods

Chapter 17: Just a Piece of Bone in a Turd in the Middle of the Woods

Momma’s arms is still crossed and now she’s frowning at him too, “ok now, how we going to drive that truck with a wolf in it?” Daddy waves her off, “oh woman, ain’t you just seen how I handled that yon frisky critter? I can do pretty much anything I like, so quit your worryin’” and he gives Momma a big smacking kiss on the lips and she giggles but only because she couldn’t help it.

“Welp! You rascals are going to need to get your arms a pumpin’ pretty soon! Someone gotta move that corn away from outside so the crows or something don’t start peckin’ at it. Fly right in and swoop it all up! I want that there corn inside my belly instead of the other way where it ain’t inside. Because of the birds. Or critters. Or whatever. Get movin! Move it all inside! Hup! Hup!”

We get to huppin’ outside and I’m pretty sure that wolf can't get out of that truck, but I ain’t taking no chances so I peek out the window and see it’s still in there, sittin’ behind the driver’s wheel so I guess that’s ok. Unless he can get it started and maybe try to run us all over out of sheer orneriness. Jacob and I get on outside and walk toward the truck and I’m curious to see what kind of corn it was since I ain’t get too good a look since I was being chased by a wolf and all. As we get close, the wolfer is woofin’ against the window and it’s pretty well smeared with slug trails up and down by its snout. We take a wide berth around the cab and get a glimpse of the corn in the back of the truck and it don’t look too bad.

It’s piled from corner to corner of the truck bed and about high enough so that we could climb in it and be all the way covered if we wanted. It looks like corn all right, and Jacob and I agree that this here is some good quality corn although we probably wouldn’t know if it weren’t. We each take a double handful of the golden kurns and walk on back inside the house. Daddy and Momma are standing there and kissing and it’s not as romantic as they probably think it looks. I say “we got some corn, where abouts you want it, Daddy?” and he says to stash it in the corner by the stove so when we light it next, the heat will maybe pop some of the kernels and turn them into popcorn, and maybe the heat’ll also keep away any nibbling pests, so we do and head outside for another load. After about nine or ten loads doing it this way, the corn pile in the truck don’t look like it went down any, and the corn pile next to the stove don’t look like it went up any too much and is just scattered around on the floor.

Momma says, “these boys are going to need a shovel or somethin’. Something bigger than kid hands if we want this in before next month.” Daddy screws up his face and thinks real hard. “Well, if we could get the truck inside here, we wouldn’t need to do no walking back and forth so much I guess.” Momma says he ain’t driving a truck through her house and Daddy needs to get that vicious scoundrel out of the truck so he can park it closer to the door. Daddy sighs because he wanted to be kissing on Momma instead. He says forlornly, “Momma, you is a hard woman and is going to be the death of me.” But he goes outside to the truck anyway.

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We’re watching again as he gets close to the truck, but the dog don’t carry on like it does with me and Jacob. Daddy opens the door and shoves the dog over and starts up the truck. He gives us a sad little wave and backs down the driveway out of sight. He comes back a long while later and we’re all relieved to see the dog ain’t inside the truck no more. Daddy pulls right up to the door so it’ll be easy for the corn to get into the house.

Daddy comes inside and he’s all hangdog and Momma asks if he hit it with something and tossed it into the woods and Daddy looks shocked and says “I ain’t going to kill that critter! He’s a wild un’, but he’s also a free wolfdog and he deserves to run around in the woods and poop wherever he wants and maybe catch a rabbit and have some young’uns if he wants! Surprised at you, Robyn. I do believe these woods are turnin’ you murderous.”

Momma wants to know how far off he took it and Daddy says he took it all the way to where the dirt road ends and dropped it off in a parking lot.

“The school parking lot?!” Momma says, “you dropped a wolf off at a school parking lot next to a playground where there’s little pieces of fresh children meat running all around in a field?!”

Daddy goes, “I ain’t know what all the place was and there ain’t seem to be no school going on today. I only saw like a few janitor types around and they had mops and stuff to beat on it if they needed. And anyhow, it chased after my truck for about a mile before it sat down in the middle of the road and howled. I ain’t no crying man, but that brought a tear to my eye, for that dog loved me and I loved it, and we was pals.” He sniffed. Momma says “so you left a wolf on the road a few miles away and it knows where we live and the road goes right to our house and all he has to do is walk for a while until he gets here?”

Daddy says, “I don’t know what you want from me, woman! I done taked it away like you wanted and it probably ain’t going to come back here since all we got to eat is corn!” Momma says that wolf is going to come back and snatch me and Jacob into the woods and all they’ll find is a pair of ripped up pants hanging from a tree, and if we’re lucky, a piece of bone in one of its turds in the wilderness. “You need to get us a gun since we’re going to have to shoot at it sooner or later.” she says to Daddy and he’s rubbing his face and combing his fingers through his hair. “Where am I supposed to get one of those? I ain’t even shot nothing since I was like, real little anyway! And that was only a bird and it didn’t even die like it was supposed to!” Jacob chimes in “I know where one is.”