When Daddy finally come out of the woods into that garden, he was only a passing resemblance to the Daddy what took us all up here in the first place. I ain’t sure what all he was getting up to out there, but it was a sharp feeling when he done come out into the light, like when something has been in the same spot for a long time and you ain’t quite see it no more. like a spider slowly weaving in the corner of the room. You glance at it every once in a while, and note a few webs, then all at once you’re attention is drawn all the way to it when it’s full and done with a fly in the middle, twitching while the spider sucks up its juices.

I ain’t know if this was my Daddy or not, but I remember the things we done together and how he called me Scamp. I ain’t sure if it was because I was always scamping out of getting murdered by Jacob or if that was a little lie he done told since he changed, but some things Daddy was saying were true, and some of them weren’t. They was blended together so it gets to where I can’t tell which is which.

I wish Jacob would wake up so I could ask him. If he told me he ain’t never tried to smother me with a pillow, I would believe him, but he’s fading now and maybe even if he told me, I would find a glimmer in his eyes that would make me believe Daddy rather than him. Jacob weren’t the best all the time. He was always hogging the T.V., and telling me what all we were going to do, and if I wanted to do something different, he just wouldn’t play with me and I would have to beg or give him something to play my games.

I’m looking over at him and I’m getting madder and madder that he ain’t do nothing I wanted ever. I done forget the good things he done with me and all that’s left is me hating what all he done to me, and all that he done what Daddy says he done, and his shit filled pants I always got to change, and his stupid tongue hanging out of his mouth, and suddenly I ain’t want to take care of him no more. Even as a dog.

Daddy was right. We is up here to survive, and me taking sides with Jacob ain’t have me survivin’ none. Daddy only hit me on account of Jacob, and that makes me madder since Jacob is the one who got me hit. If he weren’t here, I ain’t get hit none. Daddy would instead take me on a drivin’ trip like he used to and would turn up the heat and the radio and we would eat our pizza pockets from the gas station. The good ones. Crusty and warm instead of brown and dusty or too hot and drippy. Daddy would look my way and ask a question and his breath would smell like sausage and we was on the way to an adventure, it ain’t matter what all it was.

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I ain’t in charge of my movements now. I’m picking up the stuffed gorilla I put next to Jacob all the time to keep him company and I put it over his face.

I done heard on T.V. that you can tell if someone is faking being asleep if you put something over their faces or if you plug their nose and cover their mouth. They need to breathe and they’ll start thrashing around to get some air inside if they fakin’, but Jacob ain’t do that. Maybe he’s sneaky enough to hold his breath until I’m done covering his face. I hold it for longer and he still ain’t move none, and I ain’t sure what all I’m doing, but I know I can’t stop.

I hear a shuffle in Momma and Daddy’s room. Daddy’s loud snoring stops for a second, then picks back up and my ears are pricked.

The shuffling comes closer and I quick take the gorilla off of Jacob’s face and cover myself in a blanket and pretend that I’m sleeping, but I crack one eye. I see momma sneaking into the room. She comes up to Jacob and watches him for a while and it looks like she’s sad, then she leans over and gives Jacob a kiss on the forehead and brushes his hair from his bruised face and stands up and sneaks back out the room.

Momma ain’t playing the game like she done told me to. I hate her, and I hate Jacob, and I want everything to go back to how it was. I want to walk in the sun with Daddy while he tells jokes. Maybe Daddy is right about starting over. If Daddy could do that any time he wanted, maybe I can too. Maybe Momma and Jacob is keeping us from being that way. I stare at Jacob’s stupid face and his open mouth and I think about how it would be if they wasn’t around no more. Me and Daddy could get along just fine without them. We could build out here and get along like pioneers like what all Daddy wanted from the start. Momma and Jacob was holding us back.