I close Jacob’s eyes for him so they ain’t get dry. I tell him I’ll take care of him, even if Daddy and Momma done gave up on him. I could see him just under the surface still and all I needed to do was to find something for him to grab on to so he could come back out.

Daddy’s doin’ something. Something out there with Jacob. He done dragged him outside and he ain’t say why, and when I tried to follow, he done took a swipe at me and told me to mind my own fukkin’ business.

I watch out the window and Momma walks quiet up next to me. I ain’t trust her no more for she done took Daddy’s side with things. I edge away for I ain’t sure if she’s going to hit me with something. Daddy is out there and he’s got Jacob in his arms and is trying to stand him up on his hands and knees and is shouting something I can’t hear, but I do hear him making barking sounds and this ain’t natural.

Momma looks at me and says, “I ain’t want to do nothing that man tells me. I want you to know that. I ain’t want to hit on nothin’, but he do things to me. Things what all a boy your age shouldn’t oughta know about if I don’t do like he says.” She gives a big sigh and goes on. “Remember when we all used to go to the park and get some ice cream afterward sometimes?” I nod without saying anything. What if she’s trying to get me to say something so she could tell on me to Daddy?

“I always wondered why you all kept choosing the same kind of ice cream. Bubble gum. I think about that sometimes. Jacob would only pick the one kind of flavor, but you done picked something which had two things to it. Ice cream. And gum. So you could get two things for one. You always was smartest and thought things out. I ain’t sure where you all got them smarts from, but it sure makes me proud.” She puts a hand on my shoulder, hesitantly and awkwardly, and I shrug it off while watching Daddy shove Jacob’s face into a puddle of which I guess is pee. Like he’s training a dog. Momma goes on

“real smart you are. Figuring things out and getting all you can out of something. I remember I ain’t even hardly had to tell you the rules to Candyland before you was beating even me at it, every time. Learning fast and how to play the game right. So you ain’t lose.” Momma grabs my shoulders roughly and turns me toward her “playing the game fast and right the first time so you don’t lose, right, Gabe?” I say “I ain’t want to play this game none. It ain’t right with you two turning on Jacob. He’s my best friend and if he ain’t around, all I have left is you two. Where my Daddy gone? You going to go next? When you going to start barking at Jacob and putting his face in the piss?” I say piss, and it’s a bad word, but I ain’t care no more. The times is over what I care what these people think about what all I say.

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Momma says “You ain’t got no choice. You done played it fast enough when Daddy told you to feed him garbage, and you done pretended Jacob was a dog all right that time. Why ain’t you play it all the way? You ain’t know what all your Daddy can do. I ain’t never seen him like this. If I had a thought he could be like this; I would have taken you and Jacob over to Grandma’s house before Daddy come back with his tail between his legs. I ain’t know he could do these things.”

She looks at Daddy out there, blanching as he tries to feed Jacob some grass to make him puke like dogs is supposed to do on occasion. “Gabe. Was you paying attention when Daddy done talked to us about staying up here forever? You was paying attention, right?” I shake my head yes. “Well, was you paying attention to the part where he said we was all going to be up here together, even if we died from it? He ain’t lying about that. I know when all he’s lying, for he done it enough right to my face so I can spot it a mile away.

He ain’t lying about this. If we ain’t learn to get along, he’s going to kill us and tell himself that we ain’t good enough to get along. Daddy says we can always have another kid to make up for not having two, but he also means he can get himself another family if it ain’t work out up here. He ain’t even going to be sad about it. He’s going to say to himself that we wasn’t strong enough to get along, we was weighing him down. Like a dog that ain’t do what is told of him, or of a sack full of kittens what all can’t be fed, so they is tossed into a pond so they don’t drag nothing down with them as they get older and want for things all the time. You understand?

I need you to understand. This is the last time I can tell you, and if you ain’t get it, I have to watch out for myself too, because like Daddy says.” Momma’s face turns blank “we can always make another.” She lets me go and walks outside to be with Daddy. I stand there numb and watching as they both take to trying to train Jacob in the garden. Trying to stop him from shitting and pissing himself all the time. Like a dog.