I have tears in my eyes now “I wouldn’t be no bone puddle... Jacob ain’t never let me be that way.” “that’s where you’re wrong ol’ Bud. Ol’ buddy ol’ pal. I done told you he tried to kill you his damn self when you was but a little piece of pink rubber in a cage. I was the only thing keeping you alive the whole time. He also used to try some trappy things when you was even older. You know when he done fired up the carpet in the kitchen and we ain’t let him touch no matches after that?”

I ain’t move “do you!?” Daddy raised his hand again to smack me around some, but I nodded and that seemed to calm him. “Well, he ain’t just interested in making some small kinds of light or flickers with them matches, when I was talking to him alone like, he done said he was trying to catch you on fire, but the match slipped. You ever wonder why we ain’t leave you two alone too much? Momma always there, peekin’ out the window when you play in the back yard or the like?

It’s so you ain’t come to no sneaky accident at his hands. All kinds of sharp thing around this world, and I saved you from doom probably about 16 or 17 times. Believe that shit. You best believe it.” Daddy smiles smugly and crosses his arms. I ain’t believe it. I ain’t never been in no trouble at Jacob’s hands. This was a trick probably. “Daddy, maybe we all need a little vacation...” Daddy shouts “No! We is all having the times of our lives up here! Especially since you all know what this is about now. Momma finally came around after you done gone to sleep. She got a little limp now, but that’ll probably clear up enough by the next few weeks. Then she can get right back to getting’ this place ship shape for the comin’ coldness.

Get it alllll good and ship shape! Hell yeah!” He whooped it up. He points at me, “you ain’t believe me about Jacob? Fine. You is the one in charge of him now. Full charge. But don’t expect us to chip in none. Maybe you’ll come to your senses about how much of a murderer he is. One of these days you’ll come to understand.” Daddy stands there, going blank, then shakes his head “one of these days you’ll come to understand. Understand.” Then he starts to sway like he’s losing his balance, but he rights himself and says again, “Understand” then he wipes his hands on his face like he’s trying to take something off, then slaps himself, gives a laugh, and says to himself

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“he’s a dog. Just a dog. Ain’t doing nothing but eating, and shitting, and he’s a dog.” He laughs again and says to me “he’s a dog! Woof Woof! A rabies dog what needs to be put down! A damn bitin’ dog what is just sleeping. You ain’t want to get your hand to wandering too close to his mouth. Maybe he’s faking it. Biding his dog time to catch you unawares. You ever think of that, ol’ Jeremy?” I say “I’m Gabe, Daddy”, Daddy gives his head another shake and says

“that’s what I said, don’t you backtalk me or I’ll feed you to the sleeping dog.” Daddy heads on out of the room. I start to cry. I ain’t know what all is going on around here. I’m afraid of Daddy now, and I ain’t want to leave this room. Is it true Jacob done tried to kill me and they was saving me the whole time? I think way back as far as I can, but I ain’t come up with nothing. Why if he trying to kill me he ain’t pushed me sideways off the slide all them times I went down? I ain’t believe it. I ain’t. He weren’t never like that. He did set fire to the rug in the dining room, but that were an accident. It was.

We ain’t never told Momma or Daddy that my shirt was the thing that caused the fire. It was lit up first, but I done took it off before it burned me. I threw it on the carpet and it burned instead of me. Jacob and me, we hid the burned shirt and I done put on another one since we ain’t want to get into more trouble. It was Jacob’s idea. No. He ain’t done that on purpose. Did he? No. I go to Jacob and look close at him, and beyond the smell I see he’s still blank as a wall. Do I see something in there, behind his eyes? Do I see a light? Is he faking it like Daddy says? Waitin’ to catch me unawares? The thought gives me a chill. I snap my fingers in front of Jacob’s eyes, but they ain’t blink. I sit next to him. I ain’t sure how we’re going to get out of this. Daddy ain’t right no more. I need my Momma.