They both look at him and I’m frowning at him hard and shaking my head but he hisses at me that he don’t want to be turned into no wolf turd in the woods and Daddy is impressed at Jacob. “Well! You all been busier then you been lettin’ on. Spill them beans all over us, boy, how you know how to get a gun all of a sudden?” I feel like me and Jacob only just made it out of Uncle’s place yesterday without being chopped up and made into a gravy, but Daddy gets his mind made up and Daddy’s going to do a thing whether anyone says anything about it or not.
I chirp up real fast since I know Jacob is going to tell the whole thing and I ain’t want Daddy to tussle with that Uncle, for we would probably never see him again if he cought Uncle at the wrong time. He ain’t even know the rule to sing real loud before reaching Uncle’s house.
I tell them the story about the boys in the woods and their house and Uncle, but I leave off the bad parts what with me shooting off Uncle’s finger and us drinking suds and me getting shot in the neck by Joe and all. I ain’t sure how they’ll take that and I’m not sure myself how I feel about it. I just tell them that we had a real good conversation, and Uncle was all nice and definitely nothing happened that was untoward, then they sent us off with a sack o‘ goods.
Momma throws up her hands “I knew you ain’t find that sack on no tree!” I babble out something quick before she starts asking more questions “and that Uncle has a gun I seen leanin’ behind the front door and he probably has like, a few more guns and maybe you can give him a good load of corn for it!” Daddy is thinking real hard and taps his lip with his pointer finger, “hmm, I would enjoy the taste of some of these creatures out here. Maybe we can get us a moose or a wild little pig haunch or something like that. Yeah! I already got the corn in the truck and everything! Ready to go! Can probably eat a moose snout or somethin’ by tonight if we hurry, for I hear them is plenty good eatin’!”
Now I’m nervous since Daddy is probably going to drive right up to that Uncle’s house and get shot straightaway. “Sure!” I say “sure is a good idea! Maybe we should wait though since I think Uncle was feeling mighty poorly when we were there last since he was holding his stomach and looked a little green.” I was thinking about when Cole told us that Uncle would get all holed up in his room after he thought about his girl which he killed on accident and Uncle probably would be in some kind of murderous mood if we suddenly showed up just a day after what we done at that house.
Blowing off his finger and all.
Daddy looks at me and says “he feeling poorly huh? That’s too bad. Don’t do well to be feeling poorly when up in these here woods. Can put you out long enough for everything to fall apart. I know for a certainty that if I left that corn outside for a few days, it would likely be turned to rot and even the mice wouldn’t touch it.” He rubs his chin contemplatively. “We all Ought to do the neighborly thing and maybe bring him some kind of woodsy remedy.” He turns to Momma. “Momma, you got any woodsy remedy what’s good for an upset stomach?”
She thinks and says she heard that if you eat some ashes, it can make it so your poop don’t come out in a stream. Daddy claps his hands together and says that‘s just what we’ll do. “We’ll hustle up a mess of ashes from our stove and bring it right on over to him so he gets better. We can get to tradin‘ some corn for some shootin’ iron so we can blast at everything out here and eat it all!” Momma says “and don’t forget that evil wolf what you let loose. It’s probably loping down the road toward us right now, in a mood to cause some quick mischief.” “Shore shore, and that too, that wolf too.”
This story has been unlawfully obtained without the author's consent. Report any appearances on Amazon.
Momma is bringing out the empty cream corn can filled with stove ashes and Daddy takes it. “This here is the offering! Let’s get a move on! Get on in that truck and we’ll skedaddle now!” I know rolling up on Uncle’s property in that truck won’t give nobody time to hear us coming, and Jacob and me is little enough so Uncle will probably miss us when he gets to shooting, but Daddy is much bigger and probably ain’t too much of a hard target to hit, even when on the move.
“Yeah!” I say, “sounds good! Real good! Only... oh dang!” I’m trying to think desperately. I’m looking at Jacob and he’s got a wild look in his eye and not any help with this here. I snap my fingers since I done thought of something to keep Daddy from driving us up there. “Aww! I forgot! When we was up there yesterday, their driveway was all covered in mud so thick you could stick a broom handle all the way in so it disappears. I expect driving a truck into it filled with corn will get sunk so fast, nobody will find it for a thousand years. I think I seen them wearing tennis rackets on their feet to keep them from turning into mud people for good.”
I pretend to look crestfallen. “I guess we can't go after all and get that gun which will give us a bounty up here. I seen so many animals so far that you could probably shoot about 16 a day and we can never starve going on like that I expect.” “Damn!” Daddy says “damn damn! What we all going to do?” He kicks a rock but it don’t move seeing as how it’s stuck in the ground. “Well,” I say, “Jacob and me done just walked over there and back yesterday and it ain’t too far. We got home just when it was about to get dark. I bet we can even see where our footprints were so we can just follow them until we get there” and I give him a thumbs up but he’s shaking his head. “How we going to show what we got to trade unless we give him a glimpse of the goodcorn?”
Momma chips in, for she’s tired of listening to this conversation. “Ross, you just follow them boys over to that house and bring along the can of ashes. Make this uncle chug them down and he’ll be feeling right as rain, then you can just tell him how much corn you got to trade and he may even give you the gun before you give him the corn, on account of how grateful he’ll be that you done fixed him up. Y’all can figure out how to get him the corn later.”
Momma means you’re doing this when she calls Daddy, Ross, so he knows he’s bound to. Daddy looks grumpy as he ain’t get his exact way, but he ain’t want to lose his truck into no quagmire. Daddy turns to me and Jacob, “alright you two. Since you seem to know the lay of the land, let’s get to hightailin’ it on over there before it gets dark. Jacob, you're the biggest so you take the lead, Gabe’ll be in the middle and I’ll watch from behind for anything sneakin‘ up on us. Let’s get to hiking” but Jacob is shaking his head in little shakes and has a wild-eyed look like what a deer probably gets in its eyes before getting hit by a steamroller. He remembers what all happened yesterday and he’s thinking maybe Uncle has had a chance to get mad about getting his finger blown off, and he remembers the cage behind the house for puttin’ little kids in. Jacob don’t say a word, he just takes off running.
“Jacob! Where the hell you all running off to? Jacob!” Daddy shouts and we all watch. Momma and Daddy highly perplexed, but I know why he’s running, and I get the urge to take off running myself, but I love Daddy and he ain’t know how to interact with the uncle proper enough not to die. “Goddamn kid! where he beelinin’ it to? That there is some strange behavior.” Momma says “maybe he has the runs and can't hold it no more?” Daddy spits and shakes his head “time is a wastin’. I guess it’s just you'd me, Scampster, show me the way on over there I guess.” Daddy holds up the can of ashes and I lead the way.