Still chuckling, and wiping away the tears in his eyes with his wrists. I ain’t never heard that word before. He says “do you know about killing, my boy? killin’ people?” I seen killing on T.V. like when the bad cowboy gets shot by the good cowboy and killing is ok I guess, if the bad cowboy is the one gets killed, especially if he takes all the money from a bank or steals a person and ties them to the railroad tracks and I say “like when the bad guy is dead from the good guy and falls off a roof into the dust?”
Daddy says “yep! Exactly right! Bad guy killed by the good guy! Very right! You’s a smart Scamp and don’t I know it!” Then he makes a small gesture over to me with his finger, looking around for eavesdroppers. I come over the him and he says “closer my boy! Closer! I got a secret for you!” I come closer into Daddy’s sour cloud and he whispers to me, “did you know you can kill yourself?” I back up and shake my head. “No Daddy.”
He goes on “that’s right! only with this, the bad guy kills the good guy! The two are both inside you at the same time! Ain’t that somethin’?!” I nod my head and I don’t want to hear no more secrets from Daddy, but he goes on. “Daddy got a bad guy inside him what almost wrapped the good guy around a pole, only YOU’S the good guy what killed the bad guy this time. Understand?”
I don’t understand. Not at all. I ain’t never heard Daddy say these things before nor act this way. “Believe that ol’ Scamp-a-doodle-do. Believe that.” He trails off and lies flat and pretty soon he’s snoring. I walk back to my room and lie on the mattress next to Jacob, and I stare at the ceiling for a long time before falling asleep while Daddy snores loud in the next room.
I wake up, heart flipping in my chest for a dream is still in my head from last night. The scary man from my favorite book isn’t there to chase off the wolf with his big curved stick this time. The wolf don’t want to be friends with the sheep after all, and he tears open their white bellies and they were all screaming, but couldn’t get away.
The wolf turns into the scary man then and he has teeth like long black sharp sticks and they’s white bloody wool hanging down its chin. My chest is slick with sweat and I don’t know where I am until I look at Jacob and he’s beside me. I remember lying next to him last night after Daddy come home. I check under Jacob’s blanket and he’s wet again and I look out our window and it’s good and daylight out there, so I get up and head into the living room.
There’s Momma and Daddy, both sitting on the couch. Momma is reading a book and Daddy is fiddling with something mechanical I ain’t know what. He looks up at me and smiles, “There he is! Hey ol’ feller, take a look at what I got here!” He thrusts the mechanical thing at me and Momma is reading her book but is smiling and I take the thing and Daddy says, “you all know what that is Scampinheimer?” I look at it for a while and say “no Daddy” he says, “that there is an apple peeler! You stick the apple on the end of it and turn that there crank, and it unwinds the apple just as neat as you please! Ain’t it something? I found it in one of them piles, and them piles produces wonders that don’t never cease!”
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He takes it back from me and keeps fiddling with it while Momma turns a page in her book. “Yes indeed!” he goes on, “can probably skin an apple before you can even say the WORD apple. I can't wait to crank it all around and get off them apple skins which I do detest so much, seeing as how they can be sneakysharp sometimes and if you bite one wrong, the skin jams in your teeth and is plenty painful. That there is the one and only downfall of apples.” He says sadly. Momma is nodding along.
I say, “Momma, where you go yesterday? I done looked for you after I brought Jacob back down and you weren’t nowhere to be seen. Daddy come back, but you ain’t come back.” Momma puts down her book and takes a look at me and Daddy is still fiddling with that apple peeler. She says she was around and I probably just missed her, and there’s a look between Momma and Daddy like she ain’t saying everything, but they’s both here now and I guess that’ll have to do.
“Jacob done wet himself again.” Daddy says “well, let’s all get a good look then!” He heaves up off the couch and sets the apple peeler on the floor and looks at Momma. She’s brought her book back up to her face and Daddy says again, “let’s get a look at him! Lookin’ at him now!” Momma brings back down the book and gives him a look like a warning, but I ain’t know what all they was on about, but Momma stands up and adjusts her shirt and we all head in to see Jacob.
Daddy is talking in high spirits and I think Momma is still mad at him for not taking Jacob to the hospital so I expect he ain’t want to get on Mommas bad side, for she can be powerful sharp when she wants to be.
“Don’t look none too bad!” Daddy says with his hands on his hips, “we can get this here all sorted out just fine!” He smiles at Momma who is shaking her head, “Ross, he don’t look fine. How much longer we going to carry on like this? He ain’t moving, and he ain’t take care of his bathroom needs, and he can't do nothing besides swallow what gets put in his mouth. If we ain’t taking him to get looked at, who’s going to take care of him all the time? I done cared for both these boys when they was too little to do nothing except doing what Jacob is doing here. Am I to be the one to do it all over again? You want me to tend the garden, and sew all manner of things, and clean the house, and also take care of a baby that’s full grown even though I already done it? you ain’t touched these boys while they was in such a state years ago, and now I expect you ain’t going to do nothing with this one either. Just like always.”
Daddy gets a hurt look on his face and says, “I’m the provider here and the protector. I was always providin’ for y’all even when they was just little. If someone broke in with a sharp axe and decided he wanted to take off all our limbs, I expect you would want me to take care of that right enough? Ain’t that right, Robyn?”