I run and there ain’t no particular direction but to just run away from where Jacob is. He’s probably dying because of me and I slow down and try to make a deal to keep Jacob alive, only it’s not God I talk to since he’s not real, but it’s the Devil since he’s real. I seen his claw marks on the trees. I say “Devil. Bring back Jacob now and you can hit me with a bus when I’m older” and it makes me feel a little better like I’m doing something.

I’m walking now and I happen into the spot where the river runs through the woods, but it’s at a different spot and I set down on the bank and stare at the water running by. I toss a rotten leaf into it and watch it get carried away and I wished that I was the leaf. I set by that river for what felt like a good long while. The sun is way high up and starting to fall back the other way, so I know Momma and Daddy have probably talked about what they’re going to do with me, seeing as how Jacob is probably dead because of me. Maybe they’ll throw me in the river now and I probably deserve it. My stomach is rumbling, then I seen a blue bird float by on the wing over the river and land on a branch, and that makes me feel a little better.

I walk back slowly to the house and before I get there, I look at it from afar and I see through the window that Momma and Daddy is both inside. They’s walking around in there, so I head on in, ready to run if I need since I ain’t too sure how they feel about me causing Jacob to almost get killed. When I step inside, Momma looks up sharply from what she’s doing. She got her a pot of soup. Daddy says “where you been! I seen you take off at a lope and I yelled after you, but you didn’t stop and I almost had to go hunting for you like a chicken in the woods. By God you get in here and help your Momma, else I’ll have to chain you to a tree and cover you in honey so the bears come and pick at your skin, and the buzzards turn you inside out with their knife beaks! I ain’t about to have another one of my kin go in the river and come out like a dead fish.”

Daddy and Momma was both in foul moods. I think quick about running again, but there ain’t no food in the woods for me and Momma got some soup, so maybe I’ll eat that real quick. Then run away. Momma ladles out some soup and comes to me and puts a hot bowl into my hands and gives me the spoon with the etched metal flowers on it. We all been eating with that spoon for as long as I can remember, and I wonder how many times Jacob held it, not knowing it would be used this way.

The bowl sloshes some since I’m nervous and can’t grab so good. It’s on my hands and fingers and it’s burning, but If I drop it, they might both fall on me like feral dogs on a dying cow. I ain’t never felt this way about Momma and Daddy. I ain’t know they could hate me so much. I stand there with soup on my hands and Momma tells me to give Jacob that soup since he’s going to starve otherwise, and I need to do my part. I walk toward our room with their eyes on me. Walking feels unnatural, like I’m on a stage. I fumble a little, and more soup gets on my hands.

Unauthorized use: this story is on Amazon without permission from the author. Report any sightings.

I look up quick and Daddy is shaking his head. Momma is looking away like she can’t stand to see me. The room is smelly like farts and musty pee, and I set the bowl on the floor next to Jacob’s bed and I look up real quick to see if Momma or Daddy are watching. They ain’t, so I lick the soup off of my hands and I look down at Jacob. They changed his shirt and I see his sad and empty eyes. They ain’t look like Jacob eyes and I’m afraid he’s not Jacob any more. I dip a spoonful of the soup and gently put it to his lips and pour it in. It goes in good enough, but the soup dribbles out onto the mattress next to his head and I cuss “fuck” under my breath. Then I get scared and look up again, to make sure Momma or Daddy didn’t hear me, but they didn’t so I say it again and I feel a little better. Jacob’s lips and chin is all slick and there’s a slimy chunk of tomato on his lip, so I wipe it off with the corner of his blanket and I try again, only not so much this time. It sits there in his mouth and he ain’t move his mouth nor try to chew.

I gently grab his chin and I move it up and down. I see his throat working now, and it goes down, then up. I open his mouth with my fingers and I see the soup is gone now like a magic trick, which is good. Maybe all Jacob needs is some good soup to warm him up so he’s feeling like himself, and we can laugh about how he’s acting now. I picture him saying, “I ain‘t even move one bit? you done fed me soup like a baby bird!?” I smile and I know he’s going to be back soon.

I say loudly so Momma and Daddy can hear that I‘m doing what they asked. “Wow! You sure are eating this down!” I see from the corner of my eye that Daddy is in the room, crept in quiet like our thieving mice. I pretend not to notice he’s there. I scoop up more and give it to Jacob, slow like before, and I also do like before where I move his jaw up and down even though it’s soup and he ain’t need to chew it. The magic trick happens again, and Daddy says with a quavery voice, “good. That’s good.” He takes the bowl and spoon from my hands and heads out of the room toward the kitchen.

I hear murmuring but I ain’t heard the words, but I expect it has something to do with the soup Jacob ate. I look down at Jacob and his statue face, and I’m waiting for him to come to since he has that soup in him now. I stand there for a while, and he still ain’t showing that he’s Jacob. I poke him in the ribs since that’s what we do to trick each other into laughing, but he don’t move, and don’t get tricked into the laugh. I done everything I can. I shouldn’t have run off on him while he was on the river, laying like a wet doll.

Maybe I could have slapped him on the back like Daddy done and we could have walked back together. I can't stand it no more and I’m crying and I can't look at him no more and I can't listen to Daddy and Momma talking about him no more so I just walk out, through the living room and out the door and back into the woods where I can hit things with sticks and throw rocks at birds. I come back home after it’s dark and I go inside and I go right to my bed and lie facing toward the wall Jacob looks at. I wake up and moonlight is in the room and it’s bright and I see the dark blue shadows of the trees outside and the hunched shape of Jacob under his blanket across from me. I stare at him for a long time before falling back asleep.