If you are a pretty girl, there’s nothing you can get. Beauty is in the eyes of the beholder, and everyone has their own looks of beauty in everything. However, not everyone got a blessing with beauty itself.

And life is truly unfair. I envied people who has definite looks to make others turn their head around. And just like me, Shirasawa Ayase, have also inferior complex with people blessed with great looks.

Like any other girls in puberty, I also became conscious with my appearance. I don’t want to be a plain person. Being plain means boring, and boring means no happiness can attain.

That kind of life I want to leave, because I want to attain the attention of someone. That someone who will never be reached out.

It started at the time I took an entrance exam I want to attend in High school…

That pristine, immaculate figure of a woman wearing the Lily Flower Academy captures my eyes. Among the girls I’ve seen, she’s the one who made my heart flutter.

I even imagined, that in case I passed the entrance exam, I will meet that girl. This is the first time I felt this way. I never thought of myself getting attract to another girl.

I used to hang out with guys, and I have several boyfriends before. But none of it lasts. I wasn’t so sure to myself why… I just get fall out of love eventually. It’s like, talking to them gets boring, and everything turns mundane.

The question: “Is there something wrong with me?” lingers inside. Within me is the emptiness I have whenever I get into a relationship.

The feelings that can’t be fulfilled with an intimacy giving by my partner ick me, to t the point I want know what the reason is. I am a a girl, a woman who wants a guy to fulfill my needs.

Yet… why?

The whole reason why? I found out recently, that I am attracted to same sex. The reason why I have inferiority complex with good-looking people, especially girls, is because I have my own inferiority to my own feelings.

It’s my coping mechanism not to get attract to them; to disdain and conceal these taboo feelings inside me.

But that time I meet her, all the inferior feelings vanished. Like a snow thaw in the spring season. All that I have now is the eager to see her again.

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And that’s why, I did my best. I studied hard to passed the exam. To meet that beautiful girl again, and to make her look my way. That girl, whose enigmatic to me, should turn around and look my way.

That time, I was really drawn to her…. and got to learn her name. “Sakagami Kei.”

Since then, I started to admire her. From afar, where I just stand and watched her is enough. I don’t need to make a scene, just to see me by her. Senior Sakagami is my *elder sister.

A/N.: In the Anime series, some girls prefer their seniors/ someone older as “onee-sama,” a way to call an elder sister in a respective/ endearing way.

Senior Sakagami is a flower at the peak; no one can reach her. Her smile brings bright days. Her appearance makes me giddy to start my day. She’s my admiration, and, if ever, someone I want to be with.

But who am I to take that pristine and immaculate-like lady for myself?

Until that day….

The time I was about to greet Senior Sakagami, she was walking with a random, plain guy. Wearing same school uniform like me, he shows the close distance with her.

Me, who never thought of getting closer to her, turns to be like a dunce. Watching them together, talking like they’ve knew each other; my inferiority rises up again.

Why? Of all people, why him? He’s not good looking; he’s kind of boring to look at. He’s not fitting to stand by the immaculate-like lady. She’s too pretty; too perfect to taint by someone like him.

But what makes me feel uncomfortable further, is the way how Senior Sakagami smiles. The way how she smiles is different from the normal ones she does. When her eyes locked to his, there’s something in her that taunts to me.

That guy, who I known as “Miyamoto Kira,” a classmate who doesn’t even stand in the classroom… will be just friended with my Senior Sakagami? Why? What in the tarnish is this?

I don’t want to admit that she got an interest in him. There’s no way, is there? A lot of pretty boys are in the campus, why settling for him who is mundane? He doesn’t have any redeeming looks.

If it is only, I’m a guy, I want to take her away from him. She doesn’t deserve to be with him, but with me.

Senior Sakagami and I are good for each other. I want her to be mine. I want to give her the things she needs, and I want her to love me.

But then…

All I have right now is a pipe dream. The thing I dreaded out came. All while we got invited in a Karaoke bar, I want to get closer to Senior. I want to know more of her, and make a way to make her see me as a woman.

Yet, what she did was just talk to me like anyone else. She did made a time to share some thoughts, and then… “What you guys think of Kira?”

That sudden question halted me. Why? Why is she asking about that guy? I don’t know much about him at all. All I have is this anger whenever I see you and him getting together.

I don’t want to admit about it. That she might be really like Kira. Senior Sakagami is too good for someone like him.

But, just as we can’t control someone’s feelings… that time I realized that Senior Sakagami is drawn to him. On that moment they stood together and sang the song, my chest clumps tight.

As I watched them together, I realized that Kira isn’t someone who gets hook to her. She’s the one who got hook to him.

“Maybe, love really is something we can’t fully understand at all.”

Drowning to the loud cheers and music banging inside the room are my words that filled with sorrow, together with the admiration for the person I will never reached.