September 20, 20xx

Middle school.

It’s the time I started being aware of my surroundings and aware that I’m getting attracted to a boy. That time, I happen to see a boy from my class. He has few friends, but his smile captured me.

That certain smile lured my innocent heart to admire that person. But I just kept it in me. No one knows that these feelings starts to grow in me. The feelings I never thought will be the reason to be close to him.

We are classmates, but never have been contact with him at all. I’m just at bay, enjoying the company of my friends, while him with the others. Just a glimpse of his image makes my heart flutter.

April 13, 20xx

Junior High.

It’s the first day of Junior High, and I became taller than before. I became conscious with my looks so I tried making myself look good. I never thought that this day, I will meet him, again.

It’s not like I want to meet him at all, but my feelings grow further than before. It’s just only an admiration, I know much of it.

Yet, as the time my eyes sees him, these fond feelings grew further and further. There are some thoughts if I can approach him; I can at least say ‘hi’ to him, right?

“Shion, you’re looking at him again?”

A familiar voice cracked my thoughts and looked at the girl in front of me. “Sorry, Narumi. Were you saying something?”

This girl is my closest friend, Amamiya Narumi. A sister-like figure to me. She’s the one who I trust the most, among all of my friends.

“Gosh, if you like him… why don’t you ask him to hang out? I can see that you’re really into him.”

Her furrowed brows and exasperate tone build up the worry about me. “No, I’m not looking at him. Besides, Nakazono seems aloof. I don’t know if he will agree.”

“And that’s the thing you should know. You only live once; better make a move, or else he’ll be get stolen by someone else.”

This is the line she always says to me. But I’m lack of courage to approach him. Nakazono Haruki, the one person who doesn’t interact much with everyone in the room.

He has few friends, two at least. But they haven’t hanging out much with him. Way back in middle school, he has three of them. He doesn’t socialize much; he’s quiet but sensible with others.

I always watch him from afar, admiring his looks. Though I can say he’s just a mundane one, unlike the one in my peers. “Hey, what’re you talking about?”

Approaching is a boy same age as me, with a cool-aura because of his scruffy-style hair and tall height. His physique are muscular, fitting to the *gakuran he’s wearing.

“Oh, Kentarou.” Narumi greeted. Tanaka Kentarou. He’s one of my classmates and the guy in my group. Beside him is also a pretty girl with a semi-matured body. She’s wearing a light make-up, and a stylish hair of half-up. “Let’s go to the arcade after school. There’s a quiz tomorrow, so let’s blow some steam up.”

Her name is Hayashi Fumiko. A kind of girl who barely passes the class.

“Shouldn’t you study before playing?” Another guy from my group suggested. Unlike Kentarou, he’s kind of thuggish due to his looks and the way how he wears his gakuran.

“Shut up! Aoto.” Fumiko snarls at him.

“Hey, guys! Let’s just calm down okay?” Narumi suggested as she mediate between the two. My group are famous for making fun of meek people. Aoto and Kentarou oftentimes goes with the introverts and some who does seem easy to tease.

But they’re not bad people. They don’t extend their teasing by violating them. Oftentimes, some of our classmates who doesn’t close with us come and hang out. These people are my irreplaceable friends. And I know they’re good people.

Until that time…

July 01, 20xx

“Hey, what do you think of him?”

One afternoon, preferably lunch break, Fumiko asked a question while eating our packed lunch. Apparently, the boys went to the cafeteria to buy their food. Only us three girls left in the classroom to eat.

At the corner window of the classroom is Nakazono, focusing on his meal. No one goes to him and ask to eat.

“Huh? What do you mean?” Narumi asked.

“That guy, don’t you think he looks lame?”

Her tone shows a bit of disgust and repulsion. “I never saw him talk with the others. He’s just there, sitting quietly. Though, he’s smart.”

“Well, he’s really smart.” I chide in. “He’s Nakazono. A classmate way back in middle school.”

Fumiko turns her face to me. “Heh. You know him, huh?”

“Huh? Ah, yeah…. somewhat?”

Her lips form a grin. “Do you like him?”

That question crawled through me. I don’t know why she must say that. I don’t know either if these feelings of mine are true enough to say that I might like him.

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“No, I don’t.” I vehemently answered. Yet, Fumiko’s grin didn’t gone. She even show maliciousness while glaring at me.

“Really?” she asked.

“Of course.” I answered. “Okay, then… let’s go play a game.”

Narumi’s brows fuzzed as she heard the word. “Hey, what are you planning?”

“Well, our Shion here says she does know that guy. But said didn’t like him.”

“And?”

Fumiko’s eyes sneer. “Well, Shion is pretty. So let’s use her charm to go for that guy. If that guy falls for her, then the game will end.”

“Hey, don’t you think it’s horrible?” Narumi grunts. Her voice speaks with concern.

“It’s just only a game. No one will get hurt.”

“This isn’t a good idea.” Narumi answered. Our eyes meet. “What about you?”

“Huh?”

I got blanked out. Why a sudden question? I mean… “Are you in, Shion?”

“Well…” I don’t know. All this time I’m just getting glimpse of him from the distance. Fumiko said this is a game. But I don’t want to take it like that.

“Yeah, let’s give it a shot.”

A word I shouldn’t just said. I never thought that those words I said will change everything. All I know is just, I’m trying to understand these feelings. Not that these people will say anything to us.

September 16, 20xx

The boys learned the plan Fumiko wants to do. I am also prepared to do the thing. Just like any other day, we exchange banters and they start teasing me to Nakazono. From time to time, I feel the embarrassment of their teasing.

This is our way to execute our plan, or should I say, their plan. To let someone knows that we’re into them.

September 24, 20xx

I left the letter in his shoe-locker.

This time, it’s now or never. I don’t know… but knowing that I’ll tell these feelings makes me feel mortified. I don’t know what response he will give. But now, I’ll face him and say what I feel.

After class. Nakazono went to the location where the letter indicates my location. He came, with wonder on his looks. At that time, I went and see him.

It’s as if a spark imbued the whole surroundings as we meet eye to eye. The feelings I have been trying understand rushed through me. I was in awe the moment we meet.

I feel like embracing him, but I hold myself. “Miss Takigawa—”

“So, you came.” I break his words off. I happen to think that he might think of this as a prank. I’ve never done this in my life before. This time, I know to myself what I want to say to him.

From afar, I’m just admiring him. “I’m happy you came. I thought you won’t come here.” I delivered those lines.

“As you see, Nakazono… I…” my heart thumps like a drum. It feels like it’ll going to explode soon. I, myself, knowing the person who I admired since is in front of me right now.

“I do like you. Please go out with me!”

I let off those words. My feelings freed that instant, and immediately reached him. Hearing his voice made my heart flutter. It’s the first time I heard it, and it made me feel giddy.

I noticed that my face becomes hot. He didn’t know me, right? This is just a game… however, I didn’t do this just because of that. I am testing the waters, making my feelings assure enough to go out with him.

I wasn’t intend to, but here I am now. He got bewildered from what I said and didn’t say anything. “Do you dislike me?”

“I-if you’re fine with someone like me. Then… I’ll go out with you.”

Seeing him smile, that smile that I’ve seen once made my heart flutter further. I just can’t helped but to smile as well. Thinking that this is too good to be true between us, I never think of going out with him as a game.

October 04, 20xx

It’s been a week since we started going out. We didn’t announce that we’re started dating, but Haruki and I sees each other every after school. Well, I haven’t introduce him to my friends, except for Narumi.

She knows I like him, and supports me for our relationship. He’s my first boyfriend, and I’m her first girlfriend. The game Fumiko announced started since we go out, but my intention is to be his girlfriend and nothing else.

I was so into him that I became clingy, but Haruki didn’t mind at all. The days we spent together made me feel special. He likes to drink coffee over tea, and listens mostly to Anime songs.

He also likes to read Light Novels, and I am too. So we share some books and read it together. I feel bliss every time we’re together. And then….

October 24, 20xx

“Are you really serious about him?”

One morning of Monday, Narumi asked a question as she arrived at the classroom. “Huh? What do you mean?”

Her brows furrowed. “Remember that Fumiko said before? Your relationship with him is just a game.”

That struck me out. I do recall that she said it. I am also serious with our relationship. By the time we started dating, I feel like I found the one who I can be with. Haruki is funny and kind.

Not all the guys I meet has the quality he has, though he isn’t that handsome but I find myself secured when he’s around.

“Yeah, I’m serious about him. I actually like him all this time.”

With my honest feelings, I left an answer to Narumi. “And I know Fumiko said this is a game. I don’t want him to know that I just go out with him for that reason.”

“Then,” Narumi sighs. “You should tell him the reason. I don’t want you to regret it. Soon, he will find it out.”

I thought about it. When the day he finds out that I went and asked him to date me because of just a mere game. I shouldn’t agree for it. Because that time….

November 05, 20xx

We went to the Arcade after school. The exam week is already over so we want to blow off some steam. I didn’t told to my friends that I’m going somewhere. Since today, I’m planning to come clean with Haruki.

I went to the toilet, leaving Haruki playing the crane game. I asked him to get the plushie because it’s cute.

Leaving the toilet, I saw Kentarou, Fumiko and Aoto with the others entering inside. I got staggered and stand, as Fumiko sees me. “Hey, Shion.”

She called me, and smiles. I can’t let them know that I’m with Haruki now. Well, this should be a good time to tell them that I want to get out of the game and introduce him.

“What are you guys doing here?” I asked with a smile and goes to them.

“We’re just hanging out here. You know, exam week is over.” Aoto answered. “Indeed. We’re having fun today.”

Fumiko chides in. “By the way, Shion…”

Glancing at Kentarou, he continues. “What about you? What’re you doing here?”

“Huh? Ah… I went here to play with Haruki.”

The three furrowed their brows as they heard the name. “Haruki?”

”Ah, I mean… with Nakazono!” I corrected, smiling nervously. Fumiko glances at me and sneers. “Say, the game we had… how’s it going?”

My chest clumps from what she spoke. What? Why is she asking about it? “It… it went smooth.” I answered.

She grins after. “And then? Are you two going out now for real?” I don’t know if it’s a question, or a rhetoric one. All I need is to answer. “No. We’re not.” I lied. Because of the fear they shunned me out.

Dread engulfed me, as their smiles shown on their faces. Aoto cackles as he heard my response. “Hey, Shion… how long are you going to play along with that guy?”

“Don’t worry; I’ll dump him soon. It’s just he’s fun to hang out with, you know?” No. I don’t plan to dump him. He’s lovely and sincere person; I’m just saying this because these are the words you want to hear.

I want to stop from make-believe for them and be real to myself. Haruki is someone special for me—

Behind my friends is Haruki, standing with a shocked on his face. “H—Haruki?” I stammered, calling his name. My friends turns to face him, and the three grins. They start cackling.

All I hear are their cacophonous laughs. My body freezes; I can’t retort anything. I want to be honest with them. I want to say how I like him.

He walked forward to me, holding the plushie. His expression show grim. I can sense that he’s going to break down anytime now, but kept holding it. Reaching his hand, he pushes the plushie to me.

I grabbed it tightly, while my eyes locked to his. “Haruki… I….”

“I hate you.”

Full of disdain, disappointment and pain, he left the facility without looking back. I got petrified. My feet nailed down the floor, without saying anything to him. Only the softness of the plushie he got for me is the remaining thing.

And that day, I regretted my actions towards him. I came clean to my friends, and says that I am going out with Haruki for real. Yet, it’s all too late. Everyone from the class knows our relationship.

They didn’t believe it; instead, they started mocking him. I didn’t do anything, because I’m afraid my friends will shunned me out. I value my friends over someone who I loved.

We drifted apart; Haruki doesn’t want to talk to me. We never say anything after that. After 3 years, I went in an All Girl’s High School to separate with my friends. I want to start a new life.

And to forget the lingering feelings once I have from the person whom I made myself feel special.