Layers of fog drifted past revealing golden pillars. Above, the mist shifted for a moment and a moon peeked out, partially obscured by drifting clouds.
A break in the mist appeared, and a huge white stone throne was visible. Perched on one of the giant arms of the throne, a small preschool aged-looking girl with a gap tooth was peering down at me. The fog obscured her. The even light diffused by soft cold fog precluded my passage to shadow. I looked to the side and saw a goat running past and into the fog.
A voice shouted, “Get in line!”
I turned to look, but of course, I couldn’t see anything.
“What’s he looking at?”
“Let’s get him.”
I went back through the gateway.
#
It was dark so I summoned Mr. Hebert.
Mr. Hebert asked, “Are you okay?”
I jumped. The preschool girl had wrapped her arms around my left leg.
I altered the summons so that Mr. Hebert could see the girl.
She made an open mouthed exclamation that showed her gap tooth. “Who art thou calling?”
Mr. Hebert asked, “Who’s she?”
I said, “She was in a Fairyland.”
The little girl said, “I’ll bite you if you don’t tell me who you’re calling.”
Mr Hebert said, “Be careful, just tell her who I am.”
I said, “I’m calling Mr. Hebert.”
A voice said. “We sped up time ‘cause you left, and we didn’t want to wait.”
The little girl holding my leg said, “You got it backwards. If you slow time when I go to Real, then you don’t wait as long.” She looked back up at me. “How slow was time when we left?”
The voice said, “You’re the one that normally fixes the time.”
She looked at me and smiled. “Can you read a clock?”
The voice asked, “Why did you leave?”
The little girls said, “’Cause my new boyfriend ran off to Real, and I had to tell him I eat my boyfriends if they run off.”
She made animated large bites and moved her head like she was eating a giant ear of corn.
The voice said, “Don’t believe her. She’s a vegetarian and she doesn’t have a boyfriend.”
“Do, too.”
“Do not.”
“Do, too.”
“Do not, do not, do not.”
“Do, too times a hundred. He’s my boyfriend.”
Mr. Hebert said, “Be careful she may be D-A-F-T.”
I asked, “Daft?”
The little girl looked around nervously. “Where? Stay back. Everyone, return to Snipsnort. Boyfriend, when I let go, go back through the gateway. I’ll stay and try to misdirect the Daft Fairy. First, though, don’t point but erewhay isay ethay Aftday Airyfay?”
Mr. Hebert said. “Play along but be serious and boring. Don’t go to sleep whatever you do. Daft Fairies are dangerous. Don’t run, don’t hide, don’t even go to shadow. When they get bored and wander off, you can probably leave safely.
“Don’t lie but tell the truth carefully. Tell her you can’t see the invisible, so you can’t possibly be sure where any hidden folk might be unless they are visible and you feel the sort of confusion that indicates that daftness is probably nearby.”
I said, “While I do have that confused feeling you get in the presence of daftness, I don’t have the sight, so I might not be able to point one out if I saw one because I might not see one.”
The voice said, “He does sound like he’s being influenced by daftness.”
The girl said, “Put me on your shoulders.”
I picked her up and put her on my shoulders. She grabbed my hair tight and pulled back. She kissed my forehead. “Now look.”
Three small people were nervously backing up toward the rock. One of them reached the rock and disappeared. The other two disappeared. Then I was back in the Fairyland in front of the giant white stone throne.
Large golden pillars went up to a white stone framework, and the sun was visible and slowly moving across the sky.
The little girl pointed and said, “Giddy up.”
I started walking.
“Faster.”
I said, “I don’t want to trip and have you fall.”
She prodded with me with her feet. “Horses are faster. It’s hard to pretend when you don’t go fast enough.”
I shook my head. “I’m pretending I’m a really old horse and feeble. This might be my last ride before I’m put out to pasture.”
She said, “Riding goats is faster, but this is higher.”
She wrapped her fingers tighter into my hair and pointed my head to a grove of trees. “Go to the trees.”
I stopped walking. “The old sad horse gets confused when its hair gets pulled. He may just lay down and roll if his hair’s pulled again.”
She asked, “You want some pears?”
I said, “If I eat Fairy food, I’ll probably get horrible stomachaches and die. No more rides if I die.”
She said, “It’s safe. This was going to be a hell, but it wasn’t big enough and the hell mistress was discovered breaking the rules and went to hell. Everything’s mostly real except the fog up here. Hey Guy likes to make it foggy. Hurry up. We can reach fruit that no one could reach. Well, they could turn into a bird, but then the fruit just gets peck holes in it and knocked to the ground.”
I sped up a little, and when we got to the first tree with pears, she stood on my shoulders and started picking pears and handing them down to me. She wasn’t having any trouble balancing while standing on my shoulders.
She said, “Hold up the bottom of your shirt up so you can put pears in it. I don’t mean to be rude but, you’re a boy, aren’t you?”
I started to nod, but I didn’t want to cause her trouble while standing on my shoulders. “Yes.”
She said, “You have a girls’ purse.”
I said, “I need to give it back to her.”
Through the summons, Mr. Hebert said, “I don’t think she is daft, just childish. You may be able to get the sight, illusion use, and the ability to connect with a Fairyland.”
She sat back down on my shoulders. “Are you still talking to that mister guy?”
I nodded.
“What’s he saying?”
Mr. Hebert said, “Be careful and tell the truth, just not much of it.”
“He’s telling me to be honest but careful what I say.”
She shifted on my shoulders. “Let’s go back and share the pears. What does he want?”
I said, “Mostly for me to be safe.”
She started playing with my hair as we walked. “We could dress you as a girl if you want.”
I said, “Rather not.”
She asked, “Why are you in Fairy?”
I said, “That’s kind of complicated and supposed to be a secret. Several secrets really.”
She stroked my hair down and leaned on my head. “I love secrets.”
I kept walking.
She said, “I really, really like secrets.”
I said, “If I tell all my secrets, they won’t be secrets, and to tell about some of the secrets, I’d be betraying others. I don’t want to do that.”
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I felt her nodding. She patted my head. “I have a secret.”
I said, “That’s good.”
“Don’t you want to know my secret?”
I said, “Only if it’s just thine own secret, and thou art not going to betray anyone.”
She said, “My secret is how I can tell you are from Real. I said ‘you’ over and over, and you didn’t get angry.’”
I nodded. “That’s a good secret, but what if I were a powerful other world being and got angry?”
She said, “I like to fight. Do you like to fight?”
I shook my head.
She said, “I told you my secret, now tell me all the little secrets that you can tell me. I can tell if you lie so tell me.”
I said, “Thou might not like me if I told thee all my secrets.”
She said, “Quick, before we get to to the throne.”
I asked, “Who is the throne for?”
She said, “Nobody. We had a big throne made ‘cause it was neat and when people come in they think I might have a Titan or something. We don’t have a king, so some folk might say things.”
I said, “One of my secrets is that I’m supposed to become a king of Fairy.”
She said, “Are not.”
I said, “I thought thou didst say that thou couldst tell when I told a lie.”
She said, “Okay, I’m looking at your aura now. Tell me again.”
“I was told that I was going to become a king of Fairy.”
She said, “Being told isn’t the same as going to be a king of Fairy. If I told you, you were going to be able to turn into a rook, you still might not be able to turn into a rook unless you already could or I gifted you with turning into a rook.”
I said, “I gave thee a ride and helped thee to pick fruit, but thou wilt not gift me with transformation. Sad really.”
She said, “Gifts are supposed to be rare and given on special occasions. I already gave you the sight.”
I smiled. “Well, I thank thee and that makes me one step closer to being a Fairy king.”
She pointed to the throne. “Everyone left. What else do you need to become a Fairy king?”
I said, “I need illusions and to learn how to connect with a Fairyland. Probably. Maybe more than that, but I’m supposed to be able to maybe make real things if I get those.”
She said, “Not. I’m a Duchess and I can’t just make things. You need a lot more than illusions. Are you supposed to see through illusions or make them? There are a lot of types of illusions, and you need to be able to manage gossamer as well.”
We got to the front of the throne, and she slipped down from my shoulders. “If you eat a pear you’ll connect with this Fairyland. It won’t kill you. But when you die, you’ll come here and stay.”
I said, “I can’t tell if someone’s lying and I’m a big chicken.”
She sat down. “We have chickens. Sit down and let’s look at the pears.”
I sat down, took the pears out of my shirt, and placed them in front of her. “I’m still not going to eat anything.”
She gestured with her hand like she wanted me to get closer. She pouted. “I can’t gift you if you don’t let me kiss you.”
I lowered my head, and she kissed my forehead a couple of times.
She pointed to a pear. “Is is safe?”
I nodded. “Still not going to eat it. I’m not sure about committing to live here for all of eternity when I die.”
She smiled at me. “Okay, let’s put your eternity where your mouth is. You eat the pear, and you commit to this Fairyland. I gift you all the stuff you need. If you become a Fairy king, you’ll be our Fairy king. If you don’t become a Fairy king, then for your very first form, you have to turn into a rooster.
“I have to warn thee. Turning into yourself is a lot wiser, and a lot of folk can only ever turn into one thing. I have five forms, but I’m a Duchess after all.”
Through the connection, Mr. Hebert said, “If you’re able to make things, it’ll be worth being a rooster.”
I held out my hand. “Do we shake on it?”
She spit in her palm, held out her small pudgy preschooler hand, and gave me a wide grin. I spit in mine and we shook.
She stood. “First you eat the pear! Then you’ll be Fay and my Fairy brother.”
I picked up the pear and took a bite. It was hard, not like the ones you buy, but like the ones you find in old abandoned orchards. It was a good pear and still juicy despite being hard.
She picked up a pear and took a bite. Then she offered me her pear. “We share pears. I’m called Duchess Bye-bye and your title will be Prince Rooster.”
We alternated taking bites from each other’s pear and then our own. A few small people came in.
A girl with hair almost to her feet asked, “Doest thou use a name?”
Duchess Bye-bye said, “He’s Prince Rooster.”
The girl with the long hair said, “They call me Hippy-dippy. Welcome to Snipsnort.”
Duchess Bye-bye picked up a pair of pears, handed one to Hippy-dippy and the other to the fellow that was half hiding behind a corner of the throne. “Imma gonna gift Prince Rooster with everything I can. If he becomes a Fairy king, then we has a Fairy king. If he fails, then his very first form will be a rooster.”
The fellow hiding behind the corner of the throne said, “My name is ‘My bestest friend in the whole wide world.’”
Hippy-dippy rolled her eyes. “He changes his name all the time. He was ‘The guy I think is the Coolest in the Universe’ just a little while ago. So we just call him ‘Hey Guy.’” She turned and yelled at him, “I’m still going to call him Hey Guy.”
Hey Guy wrinkled his nose at Hippy-dippy and hid behind the throne.
I asked, “Shall we get started, Duchess Bye-bye?”
She said, “Just call me Duchy. ‘Cause if you say. ‘Bye,’ or ‘Bye-bye,’ someone will think you’re leaving.”
Hippy-dippy crossed her eyes and looked up at me. “Can you cross your eyes?”
I crossed my eyes.
She said a quick little poem. “If with a gift you’re kissed and see a mist, cross your eyes so you resist.”
I sat down. “Is this Fairyland really named ‘Snipsnort?’
Dutchess Bye-bye said, “That’s its name ‘cause Anteater told the Archives that was the name, and without a Fairy King or Queen, we can’t get it changed.”
A girl that looked just a year younger than me walked up and sat by the pears. “That means that Duchess Bye-bye isn’t really Duchess Bye-bye. She’s Snipsnort.”
Duchess Bye-bye said, “Am not. You’re Snipsnort.”
She said, “Nope, I’m Lady Anteater, and it’s registered with the heralds.
Mr. Hebert said, “Anthony’s calling me back. I need to tell him we found you.”
I asked, “Should I summon you later?”
Mr. Hebert said, “If it looks like you’re in any sort of danger.”
I felt the summons end.
Duchess Bye-bye asked, “What should we gift him first?
Lady Anteater asked, “Is he a he? Most boys won’t carry a purse.”
I looked at the purse I was wearing strapped over my shoulder. “I have to find the girl that dropped it and return it.”
“Is she your girlfriend?”
The Duchess shook her head and latched onto my arm. “He’s my boyfriend.”
Hippy-dippy shook her head and her hair whipped around her. “No, he can’t be your boyfriend ‘cause you’re the mommy, and Lord Lodestone’s the daddy.” Hippy-dippy looked me. “I’m the baby girl. Tell Duchess Bye-bye social realism isn’t allowed when you play house.”
Duchess Bye-bye said, “We’re about to play turn the boy into a rooster. To play that game prolly all of us’re going to have to kiss him. So I guess he’s our grandpaw, ‘cause everyone can kiss a grandpaw. Unless you want to stay our old worn out horsie. We can all kiss a horsie too. Someone find Lord Lodestone, and tell him we have a new Fairy.”
Hippy-dippy asked, “What hast she gifted thee so far?”
I thought about it and didn’t know if it all had clear names. “I can tell when something is safe to eat, maybe?”
Duchess Bye-bye nodded. “He can detect poisons. He can also detect gossamer, and he can see us. What should we give him next?”
A man of average height with a neatly trimmed beard came in and I got up.
He offered his hand. “I’m Lord Lodestone. How are you holding up?”
I shook his hand. “I’m Phil the Fishmonger. What do you mean by holding up?”
He said, “The childish prattle will get to you eventually. I take long vacations. We can alternate after you pass away.”
Hippy-dippy said, “See, that’s why he’s the daddy.”
Lord Lodestone closed his eyes and made a long-suffering look.
They argued over gifting, the order of gifting, and then started gifting me. After each gift, Lord Lodestone had me practice the gift several times. Then he had me come out to the gardens, help him inspect, and do various chores like harvesting, hoeing, and tying vines. Then he’d have me practice again. The gardens were huge.
When most of the gifts had been given, he said, “So, this was originally going to be a hell. I was against it, but our Fairy queen was convinced it was a great idea. Then it came out that she wanted a hell because she had eternal vengeance planned for quite a few people. That wasn’t terribly long ago from our perspective. Several of us can control time, but Duchess Bye-bye and I are the only ones that really understand how it works and Duchess Bye-bye can’t manage to tell what the time rates are. As a result, we have slowed to a crawl several times.
“If you can manage time and keep a sense of it, you can help us try and keep things on an even keel. If you can feel when someone’s trying to change the time and resist it, you’ll save us a lot of grief.
Duchess Bye-bye said, “That’ll be your test. Then we’ll see if you’re a king of Fairy, or you’ll be gifted and have to turn into a rooster.”
Lord Lodestone slowly shook his head and gave me a sorrowful look mixed with sympathy.
They gifted me then they played with the time rate. I could feel the change, but I couldn’t stop it or make a change on my own.
The rest of the Fairies made a childish dance around Lord Lodestone and me. They ran off and Hey Guy came back holding a rooster and followed by a flock of chickens and two other roosters. “Meet Mr. Bill. He’s our best rooster.”
The darkest rooster stood up tall from his position in the flock and snorted. “As if.”
The other rooster in the flock said, “Thank thee much. And since thou doest clearly recognize my superiority, I consider thee second best.”
The dark rooster snorted again.
Mr. Bill eyed me suspiciously as Hey Guy held him out to me.
Mr. Bill eyed Duchess Bye-bye then gave me a dramatic side eye look. “Art thou getting the ability to turn back?”
Duchess Bye-bye crossed her arms. “Of course he is.” Then she looked at me. “Pity he agreed not to learn to turn himself into himself first. But he has no one to blame but himself for agreeing to turn into a rooster before turning into anything else. A Fairy king would be able to transform without making any gestures, but sadly a rooster doesn’t have hands.”
I consider summoning Mr. Hebert but Duchess Bye-bye would know if I summoned him. I looked around at these monstrous creatures. My Goblin uncles taught me that my word was all I had that I could ever count on. I’d made a deal that my very first form would be that of a rooster. Mr. Hebert and I didn’t realize that I was going to be stuck as a rooster.
I said, “My test was controlling time. How do I know that I was actually gifted with changing time?”
Duchess Bye-bye smiled at me with her gaped-toothed inane yet horribly cute grin. “Because we made a deal, and I always keep my end of a bargain.”
Dennis, my Goblin brother and uncle, twisted deals and weaseled out of the ones he didn’t think he was going to lose and didn’t want to pay up on. The crate he took was mine, I had traded him for it, but he used it to pack anyway. He said the chair I gave him was uncomfortable. He just didn’t want to make more than one trip shadow stepping and decided to leave the chair behind and use the crate.
Thinking about it, I got a little mad then realized I was getting mad because I’d been tricked. I also realized, being a rooster would be better than being like Dennis. As a rooster I could die, become a Fairy, and then warn anyone that fell into this horrid, almost a hell, Fairyland.
Duchess Bye-bye tilted her head and looked up to me with a malevolent look and waggled her eyebrows. “Lower your head so I can kiss you.”
I got down on my knees and then I lowered my head. She kissed my forehead. Something was wrong. Everything went fuzzy. I put a hand down to steady myself.
Someone shouted, “Cross your eyes!”
I crossed my eyes and lay on the ground. Crossing my eyes helped. My mind was slowly clearing, but everything felt like it was slowly turning and wobbling. As my mind cleared. Things fell into place. Even with the gift of transformation, I didn’t ever have to use it. If I didn’t use it then my very first form would never happen.
Standing over me Duchess Bye-bye said, “Well, he was going to go through with it. Shall we call him a Rooster Prince anyway?”
The two roosters with the flock turned into Hippy-dippy and Lady Anteater.
Lady Anteater said, “Well, he was going to keep the deal, so he isn’t a chicken, but he can’t belong to the order of the Rooster until he can turn into a Rooster.”
Hippy-dippy said, “Only Anteater, Bye-bye, and I are in the order of the Rooster. The rest of them are all chickens. But right now, thou art halfway between rooster and chicken. Almost brave and honest. We could all see thee deciding to be brave. Many are tested, most fail. Thou didst pass, but barely.”
I asked, “What if I had become a Fairy king?”
Hippy-dippy said, “Sadly, you would not have faced the ordeal, and Fairy kings are usually slippy and tricksy.”
Lady Anteater laughed. “And we left such a big clue for you to be tricksy with.”
Dutchess Bye-bye said, “Such a huge clue, so he isn’t tricksy at all. Maybe it’s hard to be honest and be a Fairy king.”
They nodded, looking at me, and I realized that if you had to have hands to change back, only Fairy royalty would be able to transform and return to their original form.
I got up and dusted off my pants. There wasn’t really any reason to stay here longer. I’d end up back here when I died, but until then I’d be free. It was a pity that things didn’t work out entirely, but I could make illusions in the air and create gossamer. I could see Fairies, not that I wanted to anytime soon.