I heard voices. “They say he may have set a record for materializing mass.”

“He’s going to kill himself if he keeps this up.”

“We don’t know what to do for him. The Elves never over-gifted anyone like this. It’s funny, I’m kind of jealous. Imagine having every odd gift that Kissykiss has collected over the years.”

“Yeah, but then you would be as insane as Lady Kissykiss. The Dread Lord was made to handle gifts like this. I think it would tear a normal brain to shreds.

“Wait, look at the monitor. Is Phil awake or dreaming?”

I woke up on a bed with a tubes running from bags hanging on a hooks and running to patches that itched. Four Goblin girls that were sitting in front of displays and keyboards spun in their chairs and looked at me.

Four really, really pretty Goblin girls. I looked up at the tubes and bags, sort of hoping this was an effect of the drugs and not puberty. I have dreaded the stupidity of going through puberty for over thirty years, and right now, I was lying in a hospital bed nearly overjoyed that four cute girls I didn’t know were talking about me. My next thought, right on time, was my wondering how I could impress them.

Great, there went my I.Q. Me without anything past a second grade education, and now that was going to fall apart. I was going to have to take those pills religiously so I didn’t linger in puberty for sixty or more years. A lot of Goblins don’t have to worry about the pimples, stink, or hair, but some Goblins get it worse than humans. Stupid, however, is something Goblins are good at.

One of the Girls got up and asked, “Are you okay?”

I said, “Embarrassed mostly. How much is safe to materialize at once?”

She said, “I’m a physician and a double bass player. I’m not qualified to instruct a king of Fairy.”

I said, “I’m noticing that girls are pretty in ways I don’t normally. Am I going to get stupid with puberty soon?”

She said, “The aging pills you were given should regulate that and keep you from excess as you mature. We didn’t have a sample, so we came up with a mix that would match your blood contents to that of a few Goblin boys we had around to sample. You may be feeling the effect of that.”

I asked, “Do you have a boyfriend?”

She took out the needle and bandaged a spot where it had been stuck in me. “You are definitely feeling the effect of that.”

Goldilocks came into the room. Her voice was like a lilting song. Her gleaming coils of golden hair bounced as she turned her breathtaking face to look at me. “Phil, are you okay?”

I smiled. There was no way that I could not be okay when looking at Goldilocks. I felt the white mist of dream around me as they took the needles out of me. I just smiled happily and looked at Goldilocks.

#

I woke up on a bed in the room I’d made for Olivia. I rushed to the bathroom. I vaguely remembered saying things about how lovely Goldilocks was. I think I went a bit too far. I heard talking so I slid into shadow.

Olivia and Goldilocks were sitting in the kitchen.

Olivia gestured. “Yeah, we should share it. Let’s give King Phil the master bedroom so we don’t argue over it. If he is really coming of age, he needs his own bathroom anyway.”

Goldilocks looked around like she might have noticed I was in shadow. “We both can cook, but neither of us really like to. This kitchen is going to be wasted anyway. Too pretty to let a crew come in and ruin while cooking. Too nice for the designer to use. Phil is a good enough cook, but he’s no Avery and Avery would be slowed down by a relatively normal kitchen like this.

“I still need to teach him to do the clouds and stars, but he’s got the rest of the world building down and a few things I wonder at.”

Olivia asked, “So we keep the rights to come here but this belongs to Phil?”

Goldilocks said, “Yes, I guess. Why are you so insistent?”

Olivia shook her head. “Odin and I were like brothers, but he kept using me and eventually went well past too far. I don’t want to abuse the boy. You and I don’t really have that many friends. If he survives and doesn’t destroy himself by stunts like making this building, he would be a good friend to keep. Let’s not risk burning him out by making two more of these.”

I gently passed through shadows, back to the bedroom, and changed in to myself in my casual clothing. Walking in to the kitchen, I was relived to see the hormones were gone or at least left in the other form.

Olivia got up. “Phil, are you okay?”

Goldilocks said, “Phil, we need to take a few days and then test making things. You need to learn your limits, and you probably shouldn’t push past developing a nice appetite. If you are low energy when someone comes to challenge you for your Fairyland, it could be bad.”

Olivia gestured to a stool and sat beside it. “A lot of Fairy King wannabees will find a fortune teller to ask when the best time is. If they find a good fortune teller, then an obvious condition, like your being near dead, is just the sort of thing they might detect.”

I sat beside Olivia. “Sorry. I’m usually a lot more careful. I was sort of half in the illusion and it was shifting and improving. When it seemed right, I just went with it.”

Goldilocks asked, “Olivia, does that sound like GADS induced daftness?”

Olivia gave me a worried look. “Phil, does this place seem to be changing?”

I shook my head.

She asked, “Are you seeing the mechanics behind things when you look at them?”

I looked at a stove and remembered the mechanisms that made it work.

Olivia said, “Are the things you’re seeing alive and aware?”

I said, “Absolutely not, unless molecules are aware. Light can do some strange things, though.”

Goldilocks shook her head. “Doesn’t sound like he is going daft, but we should check on him. Phil, are you tempted to cook anything?”

I shrugged. “I want to make some jambalaya, but it takes about an hour.”

Goldilocks got up and started looking at her cell phone. “You know, Phil, you would be the perfect apprentice if you were more serious about cooking. It’s almost a waste leaving this amazing kitchen in your hands.” She looked a bit longer at her phone. “We still have a bit of time before the lunch crowd in England hits. What do you think?”

Olivia said, “I know a really great fish and chips place. Phil, how does fish and chips sound?”

I shook my head. “You two go ahead. I don’t think I could handle it.”

They joined hands and disappeared. The moment they were gone, I regretted it. Going to England sounded fun and I wanted potatoes. Still, the thought of watching them eat fish made me queasy, so I went to the sink just in case my queasiness got worse. Through the window, I could see the amphitheater rows in a ring with garden beds in rows. I remembered this like it was a dream. Maybe it half was. I went down the stair by the elevator and looked at the ring of thirty-three container-looking time coolers with their doors all facing the center where the stairs and elevator were.

The elevator was on this floor, so I got in and went down to the stage below. The kitchen was a three-story building that was also the roof over the stage in the center of amphitheater. The amphitheater was mostly over-sized stairs in a circle around the stage with raised beds for growing things. There were walkways to the stage that crossed the moat that was fed by the waterfall channels that came down the steps and divided the circular garden into six sections. I wasn’t sure how practical it was going to be as an amphitheater or as a garden, but even without plants growing, it was pretty. I went back up to the time coolers. They had clipboards describing their contents. They were already stocked with food. I was hungry and I had already put off eating too long to hunt through the time coolers and put together something to eat. I slowed time to match with Real and went to Snipsnort and slowed time in the new amphitheater/kitchen.

#

At the manor house, there was a line waiting to get in. I snuck past by shadow stepping.

Hubert and Anthony and Caerwyn were sitting on steps inside the yard and listening to woman complaining about water being diverted from the fountain near her home. After listening to the complaint, I shadow stepped to the aqueducts that supplied the town and realized I hadn’t eaten so I went to the market and approached a merchant cooking flat bread.

“Long live King Snipsnort!” the crowd in the market shouted.

I almost bowed but remembered I wasn’t supposed to. “Please rise.”

#

I sat at a table eating meat wrapped in bread looking through a gateway in front of me as I slid the gateway on the other end up the aqueduct. I found a place where bricks had been put in the aqueduct and nearly a third of the water was pouring over the side. Worse, the water pouring over the side was eating away dirt from around the foundation of the aqueduct.

I put up the gateway and shadow stepped up to where the water was overflowing. I flew up as an owl to the top of the aqueduct and turned into me and took the bricks out so the water would flow. Then I reinforced the base of the aqueduct and followed the flow of the water mostly as an otter.

The water didn’t cause extra overflow or cause problems when it got to the town, so I went back to the new kitchen Fairyland.

I felt the world speed up and then Goldilocks appeared and laughed. “Phil, you froze yourself in time. Always be careful and never go to a frozen world. I have made the mistake before. It happens, but you could get lost, and no one would know where to find you. You could have friendships grow cold in your absence as everyone else moves on.”

I asked, “How long was I frozen?”

She said, “Two days in Real. No big loss, as these things go. I once lost three hundred years. Every mortal you know, gone in an instant. At least from your point of view. You turn from a close friend to an old acquaintance in the blink of an eye. The only positive thing about it is that all your treasures that held up, and no one found or stole, are suddenly ancient, rare, and potentially much more valuable. Then you keep noticing things you miss. To be honest, there are weeks that you feel like crying. Stuff that was new is now ancient. Every place you love to eat is long gone, and often you can’t even find the descendants of those you cared about.”

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I nodded. “I should probably contact my friends and tell them I am okay. Who knows what may have happened when I was gone?”

Goldilocks shook her head. “No, take this as solid advice from someone who knows. Speed up time. I’ll go so you can rest. First thing you need to do is get all the rest you need. If you need exercise, get exercise. Eat well, check your inventories, and make sure you’re in the best shape possible before you dive back in.”

I sped up time. Goldilocks hugged me, then backed up and smiled before she disappeared. I went to the time lockers to find ingredients to start cooking. I decided to take her advice and finally get all the rest I have been missing. Goblins are good at managing without sleep, but I have been pushing even the small limits we Goblins share.

#

With rest and all my forms cleaned, healthy, and stocked up, I felt ready to go. It wasn’t that dramatic, but all I had been doing for the last week and a half of sped up time was cooking, sleeping, gardening, and practicing. Mostly practicing playing percussion in my kitchen while cooking. I found seeds in the time coolers, so there were starts of a lot of herbs and plants in the amphitheater gardens.

I slowed time to match with Snipsnort and summoned Caerwyn, “Caerwyn, Phil here, I messed up and got caught in a slow Fairyland.”

Caerwyn answered, “Good to hear from you. It got a bit crazy this morning with folk trying to reach you. The water to the village stopped flowing.”

I asked, “Can you bring me through?”

Caerwyn brought me to him. He was on the roof of the manor.

“I’ve been charging batteries all morning. I was about to test using drones in Fairy. On another subject, I was checking out the kitchen you made. The kitchen equipment is brilliant and better than anything I’ve seen before. But the stuff downstairs that you didn’t use is crazy better.

“You can set the preheat temperature on an oven, open it, and it’s up to temperature. Put in a roast and set it to cook to an internal temperature, close the door, and open it. Instantly cooked. The equipment down there makes everything differently.”

I squinted at him. “Really?”

He nodded. “Really.”

I looked at the drones he was putting batteries in. “That’s crazy. I just made the best I could make and thought it was better than anyone had ever seen. Now it’s obsolete. I need to summon a few people and make sure things are okay. I’ve been thinking about things over the last week, well, for me last week, and I think I should try and make contact and keep up with people better.”

Swampy landed on my shoulder. “Good idea. Real good idea. By the way, you have a Fairyland that’s about to be invaded, you’re gonna hate being a Fairy king this week, and you need my help finding and telling which runes will be safe to use. Hubert knows you got frozen in time. He felt it when you unfroze and sent me up here so you didn’t run off to see where the aqueduct has been vandalized by a Fairy that’s going to fight you when you fix it.”

I asked, “Really?”

She said, “Probably. The future is never certain unless it is.”

I looked over the railing at the courtyard below. “How serious is the fight going to be?”

Caerwyn said, “For him, very serious. Attacking a king of Fairy in the Fairy king’s realm, unless it is a duel with rules, usually means death. Even with a duel with rules.”

Swampy said, “Don’t agree to rules and be ready. If any of the nobles of this Fairyland are involved, it will get even more complicated.”

I asked, “But is this wrestling, punching, or worse?”

Swampy closed her eyes and shook her head. “I think I did pretty good with the predictions so far, let’s not push my luck. In any case, don’t risk losing. Make sure you are going to win.”

I nodded and slid into shadow. I needed to get information if I was going to be sure to win.

#

Just above the area where the brick had been stopping the flow of water, water was flowing down the hillside and as it ran it followed a path that looked like someone had been moving rocks to make sure the water flowed down to the same path it was taking previously. I got close enough to see where an entire section of the aqueduct was on its side, and water was cascading down onto it. Wards were set so I couldn’t shadow step closer. I slid a gateway in, but the wards stopped it. I wasn’t sure I could materialize anything to replace the knocked-over aqueduct, so I was going to have to remove the wards first and getting close to the wards might leave me defenseless.

Someone wanted a fight, and they wanted me at a disadvantage. I considered my options and decided to fix the water problem first. I went around the warded area, and much higher up, I used a gateways to start digging a tunnel. I made a stone pipe-way and reinforced the tunnel with steel just in case. I ran the tunnel at a slight slope well under the area that was warded, and when it finally exited the ground, I set up a solid aqueduct to connect to the original downstream of the broken area.

Then I went back and used gateways to move a section of the aqueduct out of the way so the water would run into a large pool and then run down the pipe.

Someone yelled, “You stay right there.”

A middle-aged man was walking towards me, “I was Fairy King here before you were, and this water is mine.”

I shook my head. “Then change the time and prove it.”

He kept coming toward me. “I don’t have to.”

I didn’t want to back up, but he was a grown man and I had the body of a nine-year-old. A fairly rugged nine-year-old, but I was still at a disadvantage.

I said, “Stay back.”

He was getting closer. “What are you going to do, be a chicken and kill me by magic before I prove how weak you are by watching you run away?”

He was trying to limit me by words and keep me from using magic or backing up, I also realized that a man larger and stronger than me was about to attack someone obviously less strong. I also suspected he had wards on him, so I didn’t want him too close, or I would have to do a dead out run.

I had no time, and the smart choices were to make a tunnel down that was too small for him, shadow step away, or take myself somewhere.

I turned into a rooster. A giant rooster.

He laughed as he came closer. “I wring the necks of chickens before I eat them. You’re just a large chicken.”

If I let him closer, I was going to be in melee with him. He looked stronger close up. If I crowed, he would probably die. If I ran, he might outrun me. And if I fled, I could give up being able to solve the towns water problem. It was two days ago real time that I was told not to kill anyone, not that—he was too close. I crowed. Smoke rose from where he had been.

Something hit me. I went to the new amphitheater Fairyland. I had a dart in me. Someone was trying to kill me. I pulled the dart out with my beak and dropped it before turning back into myself. Then I used the gateway I had left at the aqueduct and went back. I carefully moved in shadow until I saw a gateway that wasn’t mine sliding along the ground. I watched from shadow. Two small Fairies with blowguns stepped out.

Oddly, this made me feel a lot better. Maybe not so oddly. In my old family, we would occasionally wrestle. Sometimes it got serious, and sometimes we got hurt or hurt someone. We made threats and talked about killing the other or breaking their arms, but we never did. A large man or Fairy really was setting wards and damaging a towns water supply. He threatened me and came at me, but then I killed him. Being a King was horrible.

But now someone able to manipulate gateways was part of the attack. Since their gateway did not seem bothered by the wards, it was clear that this was a coordinated attack, and they were planning to kill or capture me.

Manipulating gateways was taught to me, mostly by Goldilocks, but also by Lady Kissykiss and the man, who I suspect was a Dwarf, that gave me three spider excavators that ran on Fairy power. From all of them, it was clear that among rulers of Fairy, being able to manipulate gateways like this was rare. So I was facing Fairy nobility from another Fairyland. Apart from Swampy, the Fairies in Snipsnort were human-sized. These two were maybe a foot tall.

I stopped and considered my options. I hid a gateway, sped up the amphitheater/kitchen and went there. If I was going to fight multiple opponents, I needed more gateways, but the type of gateway I needed to make required me to be in Real, and I didn’t have time for that. If I was facing an opponent who could move gateways, I had to assume they could speed time. I rested, ate, and tested my forms. My rooster had been drugged. I had to sit as a rooster and close my eyes and see what was going on. I was huge as a rooster, and I think the drug was intended for humans. I changed out of the form before I had figured out what it was. The rooster was close to falling asleep, so I wouldn’t be able to resolve if the poison was toxic before I fell asleep.

My rooster option was no longer available. If I went and asked for advice, time would pass in Snipsnort, so my enemy would have even more options. If I tried to sleep through the drugging on the rooster I might end up dead.

I needed information so I took gateways from worlds Goldilocks set up for transporting statues and moved them into Snipsnort. The enemy gateway was there but not really open and not passing any information. I suspected whoever was using it was allowing light in and nothing else, so the crowing wouldn’t hurt them and so they could see.

Rested and ready apart from not having a rooster option, I went back to Snipsnort and hid in shadow.

#

The two Fairies were hiding and waiting for me. There was a dark side to the enemy gateway, so the gateway was only looking in that direction. They might have a full view of the facing. I needed to be careful.

I slid a gateway carefully while avoiding being seen by the Fairies or the enemy's gateway. I got a gateway inside a blowgun, and then slid out of reach and sight in shadow, before going to a transport world, removing the dart from the blowgun and then making a matching dart without the drug on it.

Fortunately, I had forms of myself with gloves and masks already on so I was able to handle the stuff carefully and not touch the drug.

I slid gateways around and got several other darts replaced, but there were darts that I would move things too much if I tried to take.

Then using a gateway, I tried to poke one with a dart. The gateway didn’t pass it, and I vaguely remembered Kissykiss saying something about that. I made a blowgun and went back to the amphitheater/kitchen to practice.

#

With time, I got good enough at using a blow gun. When I was ready, I went back to Snipsnort.

#

I slid out of shadow fired a dart at a Fairy and slid back into darkness. The second Fairy ducked and ran. Foolishly, he found a shadow to hide in, but even in a straight up blowgun fight he would not win. There was no dart in his blowgun, and if he put one in and blew, it would go through the gateway I had put inside his weapon.

The other Fairy was gone when I looked. I watched as the enemy gateway slid to where the remaining Fairy was trying to stay standing. He dropped his blowgun. I was counting on that to sneak a gateway into the enemy’s Fairyland. I slid back and examined the area where the first Fairy had disappeared. His blowgun was gone, so maybe I still had a way.

I returned to the second Fairy, but he was gone now. I watched as the enemy’s gateway slid into the darkness under a stone.

#

In a nearly bare Fairyland, I floated and watched through a gateway hidden just inside the edge of a blowgun.

They were using Fairy speech, so apart from a few audible interjections, I couldn’t hear the mostly telepathic speech through the gateway. They had a bunch of wooden crates. The framing was on the outside of the boxes, so they weren't the sort of crate I liked. Some of the crates looked like they would be too heavy for one person to carry even if they were empty.

There were three Fairies that I thought were a bit large for humans, two I thought might be Dwarves, and four more that were small like the two I’d shot. They were treating those Fairies like they were sick and probably going to die. There was an exchange of nods and one of the Dwarves took a knife out and touched it to one of the Fairies that I had shot with their own darts.

The Fairy burst into sparkles and mist. The other Fairy tried to back away, but seconds later he too burst into sparkling motes that floated up and disappeared. I was really scared to turn back into a rooster. I was also scared to handle the darts even with a mask and gloves.

I needed help. This was more than I was equipped to handle. I spent a while managing time rates and trying to summon Maud and Skins.

I contacted Maud. “Maud, this is Phil, I think I may have a disease in one of my forms. A bad one.”

She asked, “Do you have a sample?”

I opened up the connection so she could see the poisoned darts I had put in a solid glass jar. The jar was in a steel mesh cage on the floor so it would not fall or be easily broken. “These are darts I took from the ones that shot me. I watched as the Fairies I shot had iron put to them by their comrades.”

Maud asked, “Have you shadow stepped with these darts?”

I thought back over my actions. “No and I have one that I dropped on the floor right after I pulled it out.”

Maud said, “Phil, this may be out of my league. A lot of folk have been talking about a plague coming. I am not an expert on disease. Basic illnesses and surgery are what I know. I have a contact that might be able to handle it though. Summon her using the title, Fairy Council Justice Lydia Gray.”

I said, “Thank you,” and disconnected. Everything seemed to go back to the Grays. At the same time, I didn’t want a chance of this spreading and this stuff was in the amphitheater/kitchen, Snipsnort and a transportation Fairyland.

I summoned Goldilocks, “Goldlocks, Phil calling to tell you there might be a bad disease in the kitchen I just made. Also one of the transport Fairylands. Don’t risk it until I say it is okay. Can you contact Olivia?”

Goldilocks said, “Phil, summon Lydia Gray. She’s the expert here.”

I asked, “Will she kill me?”

There was a pause before Goldilocks answered. “If it’s bad, she’s your best chance.”

I said, “Take care, Goldilocks. I really do love you.”

I disconnected and summoned Hubert. “Hubert, Phil here. I may have a bad disease. I am about to contact someone who I think is connected to the folk we got the time coolers from. I’m not going to risk anyone. If I don’t see you again, it’s been fun. Give everyone my regards.”

Hubert answered, “We will keep a light on in case you come back as a Fairy.”

I said, “I will see you either way, then.”

Hubert said, “Take care, Phil.”