Hubert was on the manor house’s highest balcony. Anthony was sitting with him. They were petting the cats, and they had iced drinks on a table between their chairs.
Hubert picked up Fuzzy and whispered to her. “Is Phil here?”
Fuzzy said, “He hides in shadow too well to know.”
I stepped out of shadow. “Good morning.”
Anthony said, “Phil, Byebye visited us and made it clear that you were not to go to battle without her.”
I said, “I would rather not risk anything happening to her.”
Hubert said, “At least you should visit her.”
I nodded and summoned Dutchess Byebye, “Want to see me build a manor house?”
Byebye said, “Yes, can Hippydippy come?”
I said, “The more the merrier.”
Hey Guy, Hippydippy, and Anteater came with her.
Hey Guy said, “You can’t run off and fight without us.”
I said, “The odds on this fight are pretty bad. I want all of you to be able to run away quickly if it turns out poorly.”
Hey Guy smiled, “That’s why they call me ‘The Greatest Hero I Have Ever Met.’ If I die fighting, then they might let me be a rooster.”
Hippydippy asked, “Has anyone ever called you, ‘The Greatest Hero I Have Ever Met?’”
Hey Guy said, “Thank you for calling me, Hippydippy, but I am right here. Oh and yes, you just called me, “The Greatest Hero I Have Ever Met.”
Hippydippy said, “But you just thanked me for calling you Hippydippy. I fear thou might be going daft.”
Anteater said, “And here we all thought Hippydippy would be the first of us to go daft.”
Caerwyn came out to the balcony and nodded to me.
I said, “I’m about to build you a house, Caerwyn. Want to explore the gossamer version?”
Caerwyn nodded.
We went out to the field beside the manor, and I started laying out illusion to mark the area.
Caerwyn said, “Too big to start. It’ll be just me, my mother, and twelve dogs.”
I adjusted it down and made a gossamer version of it. It was a stone version of the house they lived in with a few modifications.
Caerwyn said, “Let’s bring my mother. Can we get her back, or should I summon to her and then you summon her here?”
I said, “I have a gateway I can spare. It’s no problem.
We did a few back and fourth summonings. Mrs. Nelson and Caerwyn requested a few changes, and I ended up expanding the yard quite a bit so they could have a couple of green houses and more room for the dogs.
When they were done and they liked the plan, I made an excavator and used a shaped gateway to dig blocks of dirt and then stone. I hit water and that changed my plans. I was worried that I might have ruined the spring or water source for the original manor, but after inspection it was fine. I ended up with a spring that would deliver a stream to the second story of the new manor so the plans were changed again. After finishing and putting in the wall on the basement, Hubert brought out more that enough etoufee on rice so everyone was happy.
I shared my etoufee with my sister, Byebye, and asked, “How do you like my excavator?”
Byebye hugged my leg. “Can I have one?”
I nodded. “It’s going to take some training, but I can make one that has all the maneuvers. Then it can train you how to use it.”
She hugged me again. “Best big brother ever.”
After eating, I used my transport gateways to position and place the stone dug from the basement. The wall wasn’t going to need much stone to be finished.
I divided up sections to build and slowly tested how much I could make without exhausting myself. I didn’t have a good way to measure, so I only had a vague idea of about how much building made me how hungry, and I decided to limit myself to avoid feeling starved. Then I decided to limit myself to just feeling like it was time for a meal. That was safer and gave me more reserve.
I had placed three dining rooms around the kitchen as part of the design, but my intent was that someday I would get a few time lockers for Caerwyn and his mother.
That left me with just a few things to do before the duels started. I didn’t have time to visit my Goblin family, and I had already left them with more money that was probably safe for them to have. I had passed on the evil ancient beings’ Fairylands to the people who were probably wise to keep me at a distance.
I had a gateway set up in a vault doorway in the basement of the new manor that Caerwyn and his mother could use to get their stuff and that Hubert and Anthony could always ask and use to get to Real. I had mostly built the things that the folk in Snipsnort wanted me to make. If I died, I would probably come back to Snipsnort, so I could still do things they needed to have done from time to time.
I had gateways to all of my worlds set up just in case I needed them, so I had finally done all the preparation I knew to do.
#
Rested and ready, Duchess Byebye, Lady Hippydippy, and Lady Anteater were all dressed like children that were to be presented to formal guests, but expected to go play and get dirty afterwards. I was wearing a suit of my own design. Layers of thin armor almost like the spacesuit I had examined. It was flexible and a lot thinner, but it was padded on all the parts where I might hit ground hard when dodging. I would have to transform to have protection from gases, but I planned to keep looking for poison so I wouldn’t get surprised.
When Hey Guy showed up I asked, “Would you all like armor like mine?”
They examined me. My fashion sense clearly wasn’t as good as I thought since they all shook their heads.
I said, “Odds are good I’ll turn into a rooster and make my call loudly so keep a good distance and brace yourselves. If something happens, don’t try to avenge me. Do what you need to do, but for the sake of Snipsnort, take care of yourselves.”
Lady Anteater said, “King Snipsnort, we have been doing this for a very long time. We may seem like we are all just fun and games, but this is battle, our favorite game of all, and we take it very seriously. If it gets rough, just put some distance between you and your enemies so we have room to work.”
I nodded. “Can everyone get back to Snipsnort on their own?”
They all nodded so I started opening gateways so we could see the battlefield they had set up. There were four large round gateways open. Three of them had wizards gathered. The fourth one was set up as the battle area.
I did a count. The Order of the Crepuscular Gloaming had nine people in their circle. The other two circles had six and fourteen in them. There were ten more people wandering around further afield, so I didn’t know what group the extra people were with, and I wasn’t sure what group was the Order of The Veiled Mist.
Hippydippy said, “New Fairyland. Let’s explore.”
Byebye said, “We’ll come back after you crow and things get interesting.”
The Fairies ran off, and I started walking to the field. Five of the people present gave me a creepy feeling like they were probably possessed.
I looked at the smallest group. It had six members all with staves. None of them seemed more than just normally creepy.
As I approached, I heard an argument between on of the men with staves and a wizard I was certain was possessed.
The man with the staff said. “That sounds like you plan to start a war between our orders.”
The possessed member of the Order of the Crepuscular Gloaming said, “Just warning you. Unless your order enters into an agreement with our order, there are inevitable consequences when you duel with one of us.”
The man with the staff said, “So all other wizards and organizations have to agree to your terms or you will gang up on them?”
The possessed wizard said, “No. The rules in these duels is of course not to secure kill on your opponents. Accidents happen but if you are careful you can avoid injuring an opponent seriously.”
The man with the staff said, “But if one of us duels with one of you, and your man messes up and kills himself, then you will all gang up on our brother and hound him to death?”
The possessed wizard said, “We have taken oaths that we will avenge the death or grievous injury of our brothers. Unless you are in an associate order, you are not technically a brother and therefore we are oath bound to, as you say, ‘hound you to death.’”
As I approached, one of the wizards I identified as possessed did a quickly jerked his head around and looked at me. He nodded and all of the rest of them gazed at me.
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The man with the staff shouted to me, “Have you heard? They can kill you, but you can’t kill or even disable one of them without their hunting you down as a gang.”
I asked, “So are we fighting to first blood or touch?”
The man with the staff said, “No, they consider a duel won if one of the parties concedes, dies, or is disabled. So unless you can make them itch intolerably, their alliance is designed to eliminate single wizards or other magic brotherhoods. If you do take out a member, they will hunt you and put your Fairy to steel.”
I asked, “Doesn’t that seem a bit like cheating?”
The man with the staff said, “It is cheating. No question about it. A wizard is not a wizard if he can’t ignore pain or injury. If a member of theirs doesn’t choose to concede, you can’t win against them without their all attacking you. This is going to end up starting wars between the brotherhoods.”
The possessed wizard stared at me. “Do I know you from somewhere?”
I shook my head. “So I should just leave since you are ganging up no matter what happens.”
The possessed wizard cocked his head. “But we can’t have you coming back to cause the wizard who won this realm any trouble, can we? No, if you do not take binding oaths that you will never interfere or oppose any member of our order, we will have to hound you to death.”
I said. “Well, then. I guess I should get started. Are you brave enough to go first or are you going to wait until you have the entire club to hide behind?”
The possessed wizard looked around at the group. I examined the gateway set up for battling in and decided I didn’t trust it. I closed it.
Another wizard said, “Return the circle to its place. All wizards who battle need equal access to their powers.”
I strode out to the center of the area and said, “I can arrange that, and since the battle appears to be one where one group is assuring that they will hunt down and slay you and your Fairy or render you unable to ever stand up for your rights again, I will arrange for the fight to be a bit more fair in that regard as well.”
I opened a gateway to a transport world and placed it as the circle. Then I opened a gateway to my Fairyland of Death and opened it to encompass the entire area with all four circles in it. Then I turned into a giant rooster and crowed as loud as I could. In the distance, I heard glass breaking. From the circles, eyeglasses and drinking glasses were broke.
Five dark shapes were driven from their host bodies and five wizards collapsed. I turned the five dark shapes into Fairies and bound them to the Fairyland of Death. I then closed the gateway to the Fairyland of Death and sped time there.
“There. I have settled the first five challenges. Now I suppose some of you are oath bound to attack me. I’m right here.”
A man that Darrel had warned me used electrical attacks started walking to the circle I was standing in the middle of. As he approached I said, “Such a pity thou art oath bound to make sure I die twice.”
I opened the gateway to the Fairyland of Death again. His step faltered but he continued in. I saw Vic, Darren, and four others following him from a distance. Now I knew the area of this man’s attack.
He stepped into the circle, and as he neared me, I felt the hair on my arms raise. As he raised his hand to prepare the strike, I got ready. The moment he brought his hand down, I made a gossamer cable of copper from a copper cage around me to a copper pole in front of him. There was a glow around the copper and electric arcs struck him repeatedly as he fell.
He twitched until the glow went down, and someone dispelled the copper.
From a distance, Dwight shouted, “The oath seal has been broken. Your oaths are no longer binding.”
I heard another cry in the distance and saw Hey Guy grab a wizard’s legs while Anteater was biting the hand the wizard was trying to cast a spell with. I closed the gateway to the Fairyland of Death and changed into me in a spacesuit as the air turned poisonous around me.
There was a horrible sound of bones breaking, and Duchess Byebyes childish laughter.
There were wizards fleeing, and the Fairies Against Abuse From the Living were chasing after them.
I saw several of the original Fairies from this Fairyland using gossamer firing weapons that looked like they were space marine military issue.
The wizards with staves managed to get cover and dispel the incoming gossamer long enough to get summoned out of the battle.
It was over as fast as it started, and now I was alone in a field surrounded by bloody Fairies.
I turned into myself in a steel spider excavator, raised myself high and spun the cab around. As I built inertia, I turned it into a cartwheel and moved to a clear area of the field. I turned back into myself as I first came to the duels and shouted, “Anyone else want to challenge me?”
I waited. A good distance from me, Fairies gathered around.
Duchess Byebye came running in to hug me. She was covered with blood, but I crouched and hugged her.
She asked, “Did you see where Anteater went?”
I shook my head.
Duchess Byebye said, “I’ll go find them. They are probably looting.”
She looked at the ring of Fairies gathered at a distance and then she gave me a look of sympathy. “Pretty sure no one wants to challenge you. Pretty soon you’ll have to start looking for fights if you want any.”
As she ran off, the Fairies gathered cleared out of her way.
I said, “Since no one wants to challenge me for this Fairyland, I abdicate.”
A Fairy yelled, “Thou canst not abdicate!”
I said, “Watch me.”
I started walking in the direction that Byebye had run off to. Fairies followed me.
A Fairy asked, “Who will defend the Fairyland?”
I stopped walking and looked back at the Fairies behind me. “Not really my concern. It seems sad, but I am new to Fairy. I don’t know how to manage things, I would rather not die anytime soon, and you don’t trust mortals.
“Makes sense when I think about it. A lot of you were mortal. You know just how trustworthy men are. Some of you betrayed your own world to wizards. I don’t know how to bring security or stability back to this realm. You need a stronger sort of king than me.”
I kept walking. Behind me, the Fairies were arguing with each other.
“What does he want?”
“I heard a rumor that he was reluctant to take anything from his own Fairyland.”
“So he’s just going to leave us to whatever wizard or monster comes along next?”
“Can he just give up a Fairyland?”
“What happened to Dogsbane?”
“He came back. Barely a trace of the power he once held. He said Rasnarf killed him. Don’t try looking for Dogsbane, though. When the great rooster crow shattered everything, he was one of the ones who turned to sparkles.”
“Yeah, I was standing beside a Fairy that turned to sparkles. Pretty sure he was the one that called the Attar of Ambrosia Brotherhood to join the fight.”
“We’re going to have to see who’s left. If this guy doesn’t want to be our king, why are we following him?”
I reached the edge of the field and slid into the first good shadows I could find.
Hippydippy and Anteater were sitting on a rooftop with Rasnarf. In the shadow of a chimney, I watched and listened.
Rasnarf said, “No chance, I’m out of here. One more rooster cry like that, and I’m done for. You know a third of the Fairies went poof. All the good businessmen. The sales force gone. A few Fairies from research survived, but mostly just shipping, assembly, and support are left. One girl from Fairy Resources survived and few of the low ranking accountants.
“We can’t even go back into business. I’m the only one in upper management left, and all I want to do is garden. Without a Fairy king, someone is going to eat what I planted the moment it sprouts. I don’t want to get back into business, but that looks like my only option. Do you think Shadowfeet will hire me?”
Anteater said, “Shadowfeet. That would be a good name for a Goblin. Do you want to go to work for a Goblin?”
Rasnarf said, “Shadowfeet Holdings has a lot of Goblins. I might get a job in research if they will have me. I did research before I got promoted. I like tinkering but I hate the corporate environment.”
Anteater stood and balanced on one foot on the top of the roof. “Stupid to go into business when you hate business. That’s why I got a government job. No pay, but I get to travel and kill strangers.”
Rasnarf shook his head. “I’d never make it as a Fairy Diplomat. I don’t even enjoy the killing. Right now the FAAFL is wandering around the Fairyland looking for survivors. This was meant to be a membership drive, but I think the militant arm mostly got dispelled.”
I slid out of shadow and sat with my back to the chimney. I moved carefully around to the other side of the chimney so I couldn’t slide of fthe roof. My leg was shaking, and my hands felt weak. I lay down on the roof with my feet against the chimney and closed my eyes. That made me feel dizzy, so I opened them and looked at the Fairies sitting on the ridge of the roof.
Rasnarf made a sitting bow. “King Snipsnort, welcome to the end of Dogsbane and Fairy Dynamics. This was an ill-fated realm to begin with.”
I gave an open handed “What can I do?” gesture.
He shook his head. “Not a damned thing and that is what I think will happen to this realm. We wanted a strong king, and we got a wicked one. We thought that meant strong. He always wanted more and never gave back.
“I can’t blame you, King Snipsnort. Dogsbane made the ruin inevitable, and I am as much or more to blame than you.”
Hippydippy tilted her head from side to side. “Your kingdom just got saved, and you don’t need a king. We did fine without one. We are just being greedy and keeping the nicest one we could find. He doesn’t eat much, and he makes nice statues so having a pet king is pretty nice.” She fixed Rasnarf with a fierce stare. “You can’t have him. We saw him first.”
Anteater asked, “How did our pet king save this world?”
Hippydippy said, “Well, first off he gave it all the fresh dirt. That helped, then he taught the wizards that this was not a place they wanted to use for their next vacation. But the best part was his killing off hundreds and hundreds of Fairies.”
I winced.
Hippydippy said, “Now all the disloyal Fairies are gone ‘Poof’ and not having King Snipsnort here makes it safe.”
Rasnarf asked Anteater, “Is Hippydippy going daft?”
Anteater said, “She occasionally ends up making sense, so let’s hear her out.”
Hippydippy got up and came over and sat beside me. She leaned against me. “King Snipsnort has me and Anteater and Duchess Byebye always looking for a good fight. Now people are going to be more scared of him than they are Duchess Byebye. All you have to do is let folk know you pay tribute to King Snipsnort and live happily ever after.”
Rasnarf said, “He gave us topsoil and mulch. What sort of tribute would interest him?”
Lady Anteater said, “There’s a reason we call him Kink Snipsnort. You don’t even want to know what he has planned for all the beautiful virgins!”
Hippydippy said, “I’m not the daft one, no one but you calls him Kink, and he doesn’t have the slightest interest in virgins.”
Lady Anteater gave me a questioning look. I shrugged and straightened my leg so its shaking wouldn’t be as obvious. The other leg was starting to shake.
Lady Anteater said, “Well, it’s not really traditional, but I guess you can send Kink Snipsnort a yearly tribute of sadder but wiser women since that is more his style.”
A raven landed beside Lady Anteater and turned into Dutchess Byebye. “Someone is about to be pushed off the roof and her name is Anteater.”
Rasnarf asked, “King Snipsnort, what sort of tribute would you demand?”
I looked out at the buildings. “These folk have me confused with another King Snipsnort. I don’t do demands, tribute sounds worse, and if I hear that anyone started giving anyone to anyone against their will, I’ll come and crow at them.”
Rasnarf asked, “What do you need?”
Another raven landed and turned into Hey Guy.
I stared at Hey Guy for a moment and then smiled at Rasnarf. “I occasionally build things, and they don’t always work out, but I don’t want them instantly torn apart. Sometimes there are good ideas that just need to be looked at again. A place to put my failures up on pedestals so they can slowly weather and rust sounds fun.
“Sometimes I need to speed up a place and pass some time. A place to get away and rest. A place to sleep and a place to eat is always a nice thing.”
Rasnarf asked, “What sort of things do you build?”
I slipped into shadow and down to the ground where I felt safer and walked out where I could see them still sitting on the roof. Being on the ground was better. I got ready to make an illusion of the training spider excavator I was going to make for my little sister Byebye and winced. I knew how to do the acrobatic maneuvers I wanted to program the giant gizmo to train Byebye with. I wasn’t quite sure how to perfectly program the maneuvers, and I had given back the original. It had slid back the panel of buttons that trained me, and I wasn’t able to read the programming comments.
If I did it wrong, someone was going to get hurt, and Byebye had already seen me do a few athletic things in one of these. Byebye is more than a little reckless, so I didn’t want her hurting herself trying to get giant robot to do cartwheels. I looked up at the group watching me. I had planned to show off and make one that worked from patterns I had tested, but for safety’s sake, I was going to have to make sure it didn’t work. I stopped and smiled at myself. The last day in Real seemed like it took forever and I managed put aside the risks and ignore personal consequences. Now that it was over, I was scared to make something I had made for myself and been ready to fight in.
It seemed likely that I might get a place to stay set up here and probably a small kitchen, so instead of making a giant spider robot, I made an oven that would monitor the cooking inside. It was nicely made and had some decent, if reserved, lines. Even my subconscious was being cautious.
In only one way I was feeling bold. I wanted some fish.
The End of Book 3