Hey Guy summoned me, “King Phil Snipsnort and Ultra Rooster, The guy thou wanst to make second-in-command summons thee.”

I said, “Give me the bones back and we can talk.”

He asked, “What bones?”

I said, “The ones thou snatched from me.”

He said, “Bye-bye broke the string. Blame her. I ran off when thou madest the horrible call of doom.”

I asked, “So thou doest not have the bones thou snatched.”

“No, and if thou art going to be rude, I am not talking.”

He disconnected.

I summoned Lord Lodestone, “Lord Lodestone, I summon thee.”

He answered. “Good, we needest thee.”

In front of the giant throne, a tall, thin, elegant lady was laughing. Her dress was wet, and she was dripping water. “This is getting better and better. Thy new king is a fishmonger, womanizer, Duchess Bye-bye’s boyfriend, and the giantest rooster ever that all must flee from when he crows. I mean, thou might well believe all of this, but let’s just start at the beginning. If a man is a womanizer and even looks at a girl like the duchess as someone to romance, thou hast really big problems on thy hands. Not that I haven’t heard of worse Fairy kings, but ewwwww.”

Dutchess Bye-bye pointed to me. “There he is.”

The lady turned and looked at me. I blinked at her and then looked away. She was wet and wearing a thin garment.

She said, “Nope, not a womanizer. No interest in women at all. Thou doest not even have to worry.”

I said, “I like women.”

She said, “Well, then. Come see me in a few hundred years after thy voice changes. Doest thou really turn into a giant rooster?”

I said, “I think it’s a dinosaur. Sorry, I have to go look for some bones.”

As I stepped into shadow and started to get my bearings, I heard her say, “Not a womanizing bone in his body.”

Duchess Bye-bye said, “Thou art just too skinny.”

#

The shadows were patchy, but a fog was coming in. I didn’t have a lot of choices. I managed to get most of the way there but had to walk in foggy woodlands and up a stone stairway set into a fog shrouded woodland mountain.

At the top, I searched around the columns and statues. The baskets were gone, and there were no bones, labels, bits of string, or anything. Not even trash cans to search. I sat on a bench, took a deep breath, and considered my options. While I pondered, I practiced transformations. I turned into myself. I didn’t really see the reason but did it anyway. I was naked. I changed back out of myself and into myself and had my clothing in that form. Still no ideas where to look for the bones next.

Did you know this story is from Royal Road? Read the official version for free and support the author.

I summoned Lodestone.

“Yes, my liege?”

“How long before dawn?”

“Eight hours.”

I said, “Thanks.” After disconnecting, I summoned Mr. Hebert, “I need to come to Real, pass time in Fairy, and go back to find the bones when it isn’t foggy and dark.”

He brought me through, and I shifted time, waited a minute, and then went back to Fairy.

At the intersection, I took to shadows and started exploring roads. After a couple of hours, I found shadows I was familiar with and went back to where I first transformed. I searched again but had no luck.

I shadow stepped down to the market. Around the market was the town of Leidingstad, but I had no idea where to go to find where the bones had gone. In the middle of the market, I sat on the lip of a pool where the water was cascading down from the aqueduct above. I sat and looked at the shops.

A woman asked me, “New here?”

I nodded.

She asked, “Art thou okay, doest thou have a place to stay yet?”

I shook my head. “No, I’m just coming and going for now, but I guess I need a place.”

She sat beside me. “It’s rough for a bit. If it isn’t too hard to talk about, how did thee die?”

I said, “I’m not dead yet.”

She got up and smiled at me. She went over to a group of women. “He’s either about to die or in denial. Nothing we can really help him with. Sad to have had such a short life.”

Another woman said, “He doesn’t look sick. What doest thou think happened?”

A woman left the group, came over to me, and asked, “Art thou looking for something?”

I said, “Yes, bones.”

She said, “Thou poor, poor dear. Thou canst not go back to thy bones.”

I said, “No, I lost three small bones that had small labels tied to them.”

She smiled. “The noble folk may have played a trick on thee. Thou art the second one that has been asking about bones this day.”

I asked, “Who else was looking?”

She said, “This charming fellow I want to kiss me.”

I asked, “Was he really cute?”

She shook her head. “Kind of off-looking, if thou ask me, but he said his name was ‘This charming fellow I want to kiss me.’”

I said, “That would be Hey Guy, that’s what the nobles call him since he makes up names to put words in people’s mouths.”

She said, “Our nobles have some silly names. They say we have a king now, so maybe they are waiting for him to change all their names and give them titles. If I were advising the king, I would say to make them keep them. But then, he might not want to go by Snipsnort. Funny thing about it. We are all kind of used to Snipsnort, but Fairy kings get to decide these things.”

I asked, “What other advice wouldst thou give the king?”

“We have a group of leaders who quietly make decisions and keep the issues from the nobles’ attention. It’s a lot better that way since they would have us make bridges to nowhere and always eat pudding. That sort of thing. The king should talk with the leaders. That and give us a second moon. There is another Fairyland where there is a moon always opposite the sun so guessing the time is easy.”

I shook my head. “Then we would never have the moon in a sunlit sky.”

She laughed. “That’s why we should have two moons. One that matches opposite the sun and the other that moves twice as fast so thou canst always see it part of the day.”

I nodded. “What shouldst I call thee?”

She looked down. “A noble once called me ‘Gossip Number Three,’ so I mostly go by the name Three.”

I looked back at the ripples in the water. “What wouldst thou like to be called?”

“Mrs. Something or other. I’m still looking for a husband. Don’t even ask, thou art way too young. What shouldst we call thee?”

I said, “Soon enough folk will tell thee to call me King Snipsnort. Doest thou really think we should keep the name Snipsnort? It’s kind of silly.”

She said, “Thou art making that up, and if we do have a king, that might not be safe to say.”

I got up. “I should keep looking. It was a pleasure meeting thee.”