The morning's crisp air had settled in a mist. I pressed myself closer to Cerberus's chest, snuggling into the warmth of his fur. The lycan's tail fell over my hip while his head curled around mine.

"The hunters will be back soon," he growled softly in my ear.

"I don't care," I shifted again, "It's too cold to get up."

His ears flicked forward, listening to sounds outside the den's confines, "Cyrus is already awake. He is making a fire you can warm yourself by."

"I'm fine right here," I muttered.

Cerberus huffed. "In that case..." He pushed me onto my back. I relaxed as a wet nose pushed against my chin, lifting my head so that the lycan could lap at my jaw.

"You always treat me like prey," I said, idly brushing my fingers through the fur behind his ears. It was a shame I couldn't feel the texture through my gloves.

The lycan snorted. "You don’t mind."

"I don't." I let him have his full, which took a while. The alpha lycan had tasted my poison longer than any human or creature before him. The effect had certainly dulled since his nose first brushed against my skin. I felt the sudden need to ask a question that plagued me since the night before. "Why would a lycan want to be partnered with a human?"

"Humans make fire and shelter-"

"But lycans can do that too," I pointed out, then paused. “What I really mean is, why did you stay with me once I'd lost my poison?"

He sighed, drawing back and looking away, "It's difficult to explain. We were both born… different." He drew in a deep breath. "Something happens, in the others too. There is this urge to protect you. It becomes our purpose, more important than anything else."

"Then why did you leave me alone with Cyrus?"

The lycan tipped his head. "He won’t hurt you."

"But how do you know that?" I questioned.

"I just know."

"Oh," I glanced out of the den, frowning. I didn't fool him.

"You want me to be jealous."

I smiled, "Would that be too selfish?"

He hesitated a moment, thinking over his words before speaking, "I know you need human companionship, but I miss the mountains."

That made me grin. "I do too." My fingers worked behind his ears, though I didn't have use of my nails to scratch the skin. "Things were simpler then. I'd go back if I could." I sighed. My hands slid down to the sides of his neck. "But you don't need to worry, no man could ever come as close to you. There’s too much between us for anyone to ever compare."

It was with great reluctance that I crawled from the den and Cerberus's warmth. The chilled mist swirled around me. I immediately headed to the growing fire Cyrus tended to.

"You slept in late," he commented.

"You're up early," I said in return as I settled down next to him.

The man let out a great sigh. "Yeah, Claw decided he wanted to go on the hunt. Woke me up before the sun and I've been freezing since."

"I thought you didn't snuggle," I teased as he threw yet another log in the fire. An ashen gray lycan walked to our party, dropping several logs on a nearby pile.

"Thanks Socrchedpelt," Cyrus thanked him before answering me. "I don't. But he does make a good space heater." He poked the fire with a blackened stick. Then another thought occurred to him, one which made him send me a smirking sidelong glance. "I'd rather share body heat with you, but the hellhound won't share."

Cerberus growled at that. I snickered.

"What about Shirah? Where's she?"

It was Scorchedpelt that answered. "She's with Shadowfoot cutting branches. They'll be along soon.

Cyrus nodded his confirmation. "She's been helping out, since Jared abandoned us."

I tipped my head. The man caught on to my unspoken question and jerked his head to the side, indicating where the teenager sat next to the black and white female.

"Looks like he got his 'girlfriend' after all."

The sight of Jared talking to Nightmoon warmed me more than they fire. He was smiling. His cheerfulness made it possible to forget, just for a moment, what the bandages covered. His bruises could simply be from a fall, or a fight. He didn't carry his usual aura of death about him. I listened carefully, catching the melody of hope in his tone as he told the wild lycan about Preene. She had her head tipped to the side as he explained how the subways ran under Cicil's streets.

Once I got him cured, he could be like this all the time.

Logs crashed down into the pile beside me. "It's freezing this morning!" Shirah remarked, falling in place beside me. "Morning Desire, where's Alice?"

I pointed out where the six-year-old was stacking snowballs under Sunshine's watchful gaze.

"She's like a little rabbit," the woman panted. "I don't know how she does it, she never seems to sleep."

"Nap time," Cyrus wagered, "About halfway through the day she passes out for an hour or two."

"Not today though," I sighed. My eyes wandered the landscape, taking in the many tracks in the melting snow. Although they stuck with their traditional dens, the lycan's hillside looked almost like a village with its fire pits scattered about. It really was a shame. "We're leaving after the morning meal."

Cyrus leaned over to get a better look at my face, "When was this decided?"

"Last night. I had a meeting with Graniteback."

He frowned. "And we're was I for all this?"

I shrugged. "You don't want to be followed, so how am I supposed to know?"

The man blinked, staring at me. Slowly, a grin spread over his face. "Desire, you’re joking."

I leveled him with a deadpan glare. "You're observation skills astound me."

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He sat back, a smug smirk decorating his face. "I guess I'm rubbing off on you."

"You're delusional."

"Nah, I'm rubbing off on you."

I rolled my eyes, “We’re not far from Estil. We’ll detour to rest there, hopefully by tomorrow night.” The walled town would afford some respite from the chilled weather. Sleeping in a building would be nice.

Cyrus threw another log in his fire before prodding the embers beneath. “What’s Estil?”

“It’s a town I-” I paused, suddenly reconsidering my decision. Cyrus knew some of the crimes the Lady of the Lycan Mountains committed against Askance, but he’d never seen it. Would it shock him to witness the harshest of horrors I had unleashed? Would my human companions think of me differently if they knew the extent of my destruction?

Had all meat rotted from bone, or was it preserved in the winter frost?

“It was one of my towns.” Too late now, he’d heard the hesitation in my voice. “It's abandoned now.”

The man eyed me with a curious suspicion, but it was Cerberus who spoke. “We’ll send scouts first.” His whiskers brushed against my jaw. A cool nose wet my cheek. “They’ll clear the area.”

I closed my eyes, a slight smile touching my features. Subtilty was unlike him. I silently thanked the lycan. Cyrus aside, Alice didn’t need to see streets of skeletons. Even Jared was a bit young. The animal kills of the lycans were one thing, humans were quite another.

“Um, Lady Desire...” Shirah shifted, seemingly uneasy with her thoughts. After a moment her expression solidified into one of conviction. “You can’t go to Estil.”

A shot of fear stopped my heart. She was Asken, she would know what I’d done. I hesitated to ask, “Why not?”

“Howens made it a military outpost. I’d say most of the trained army is there.”

That gave me pause. She gave a quick nod, as if to answer my unspoken doubt. Cerberus was not so easily assured.

"How do you know this?" There was suspicion in his voice.

I placed a hand on his shoulder, though to sooth him or myself I didn't know. I didn't like the idea of being so close to Askance's military without my full army, not with the wild lycans. Though I kept my eyes open, I couldn't help but recall my wild legion falling to their death in a pit of fire. Their faces danced in the flames. I was grateful for Shirah's voice drawing my attention from our own campfire.

"Everyone in Askance does. It was a major project, the work really put a burden on the country's resources. That, along with the draft."

My companion looked my way. I bit my tongue and considered my next move. The lycan leaned down again, speaking softly in my ear. "We could wait for the rest of our strength to come and take the town. We would cripple the asken forces."

An irritation scratched at the back of my mind as I considered his words. It spread down my neck, giving me the urge to squirm. I resisted as best I could. "Howens. He's in Obria, probably with Dr. Aster. We need the cure. That makes the capital more important."

The irritation grew, until finally I pressed my back to Cerberus's shoulder. He gave a questioning glance down at me, but the discomfort eased.

"We'll continue on and avoid it. We'll give the town wide berth, just to be safe. We can't risk detection as we are." I looked straight into his eyes, "If Howens is in Obria, then we'll go for the throat."

The lycan tipped his head, then nodded. "As My Lady wishes."

I turned my attention to Shirah. "Thank you, I'll remember this."

The woman nodded.

***

I was much more comfortable on Cerberus's back, moving, rather than staying where we had already been discovered. The people of the border villages may claim to be my subjects, but even Howens’ taxes and drafts couldn't undo the damage I had done.

Shirah sat next to me, having been offered a ride from Shadowfoot, the female she’d helped. Cyrus was a ways behind us, talking to Nightmoon, who carried Jared, and watching Alice. He really did look like a father, gently coaching her on something or other. Maybe he was simply comforting her, as she had another of her migraines this morning.

Shirah caught me looking. "He's really trying you know. I know you're a queen and all, but you can't exactly say he isn't attractive."

"No, I can't." I was thinking of things I shouldn't, of queens and knights in shining armor and little princess living a happy ending I knew better than to hope for. "But I can't be in any relationship."

"Why not?"

"My poison."

Shirah nodded. She had accepted my explanation of the children of the apocalypse without question, for which I was grateful. I had enough of people's fear, or worse, curiosity. "But you said there was a doctor who could to cure you. Surely then..."

"It's only temporary."

"But if you-"

"It's how I became widowed."

"Oh." The lycans movements through the snow were uneven, much less fluid than their usual bounding run. We had to stay at a walk for the yearling cubs to keep pace. The young lycans had a hard time stepping through the deeper snow, where they sometimes sank up to their elbows. Finally Shirah spoke again. "It's not like I can say much on the subject..."

I was glad the conversation had shifted from me. Also, I was genuinely interested. The feeling was strange, so often I found the majority of other people's problems unbearably dull. "Why not?"

She shrugged. "It's... not something I'm familiar with. Maybe at one point, but it's been too long to remember." A sigh, then, "Have you ever felt more valued as an object than a person?"

That question, along with the sincerity in her eyes, pierced deeper than any blade had ever cut and left me unable to answer.

She gave a sad sort of smile. "Yeah. I had a feeling you'd understand."

"I do." I said it quietly. There was a pause, then the words came out, almost faster than I could speak them. "I was bought. Over and over. For my poison. And for the longest time I could remember my cost more than my current name."

At first she stared at me, seemingly caught off guard by my sudden confession. After a moment she found a reply. "I was sold too. It was the only way I could afford food."

A lump blocked the air from my throat and reduced my voice to a whisper. "I'm sorry..."

"I'm fine." But I knew she wasn't. It was just what she said when she didn't want to deal with pity. "I didn't like it, so I figured out some other skills to sell. Didn't stop some of the people I sold myself too, but I got them back." She shrugged, but I could hear the catch in her voice. "Their enemies caught me a few times. I saved my own hide with their secrets. I wasn't suffering for those bastards."

"You shouldn't have to. They deserved it."

"You know, there are times I try so hard not to think about anything. I don't want to acknowledge how the world screwed me. How I'm stuck doing terrible things for terrible people and I have no purpose or value. It's just too much stress. But..." The way she looked at me, I had the urge to hug her. I never felt the desire to touch strangers, my poison taught me that quicker than any other lesson. Yet, now my poison was the only thing keeping me from sliding off Cerberus and embracing this woman. "I can't stand seeing you reject Cyrus when he cares so much, because it gives me that little reminder that this world isn't all shit." She hung her head. "I know it's going to hurt later when I get tossed again, but for now it feels... nice."

"Yeah..." I leaned down on Cerberus's neck, wrapping my arms around his shoulders. My chest brushed against fur just starting to bare its signature seasonal musk. "I've been feeling that a lot lately... nice..."

We continued in silence for a few minutes before Shirah giggled, seemingly amused at her own thoughts. "I guess fighting a couple of angry mobs makes people closer."

I shrugged, though I was grinning myself. "It's been a while since I've been against one myself. But last fall was pretty eventful."

Shirah listened intently as I recounted my adventures of freeing the captive lycans. I didn't sugar coat the details of how I dealt with the trainers. I didn't feel the need to. As an assassin, she didn't flinch as I described my plan to murder Darrius on our wedding night. It was nice talking to her, comfortable, in a way almost familiar. "I don't imagine it was Cerberus's favorite time though. He spent most of it in a cell..." Even now the words brought a heaviness to my gut.

"Speaking of Cerberus..." She blushed as the alnino's gaze flicked up to meet hers. "I was just going to comment you've been getting a lot of female attention, that's all."

He flicked his head, looking back to the trail with a huff. I chuckled. "It's spring."

"What about it?"

"Breeding season." I grinned at Cerberus's disgruntled expression. It was season males tended to fight more, as even challenging the alpha could win the favor of females. "Females sometimes fight their pack position too, but mostly arrange themselves by their cubs' sires." Even Nightmoon, who spent most of her attention on Jared, kept a keen eye on the alpha. It was clear she intended her first litter to be his.

"Hey, did you look down there?" Cyrus and Claw had come from behind without our notice. I followed his finger down the slope of the ridge we were walking along. At the bottom was a town.

There wasn't a person in sight. Most of the buildings were leveled, though much more recently than in Whenfair. The lycans slid down the slope, trotting through the narrow streets.

Smoke rose from several houses where timbers had collapsed on hearths. The damage had been done today. My heart beat in my chest. Whatever did this was the same force Howens used against the other border towns. Blotches of red littered the frozen dirt streets. We followed them to the town center.

Along the way we found the villagers, pieces of humans scattered in the snow. Mangled arms and legs lay discarded on the banks. The open square held dozens of them, as well as rib cages and other unidentifiable parts that appeared partially eaten. The square was coated in an eyrie mist that obscured the massive creature moving in its center. Seeming to notice our presence, it let out a deep chuff, then turned around, standing on its hind legs.

A monstrous bear.