Dr. Ester left me. I was glad of it. He seemed well intentioned. I didn't want him to be caught in the mess that would transpire when Perimone's forces broke through the lycans. Several warriors came for orders from their alpha, but eventually they left as well. Only Cerberus remained. Cerberus was always by my side, watching over me with crimson eyes. Even after my vision faded to black, I could feel him there.
I found I couldn't blame them, any of my adversaries. For two years I terrorized the northern villages of Askance. I poisoned its leader's mind. Perimone was not the lord who banished me to the mountains; he was merely a pawn who failed his job. But as Lord, had he ever done more than defend his people? It was I who had made myself his enemy, after all. And Howens, he had simply been following orders. He had the chance to assassinate me. It would have been too easy. But he hadn't harmed me. Yet, I still hated them. Their actions may have been justified, but I could never forgive them.
Then there was Brennon. He had been made witness to a horror even I couldn't stand to watch. He suffered the effects of my poison. He was captured and held prisoner. And yet, he hadn't wished me dead. Despite his hatred, he was willing to offer me happiness at his own expense, just to protect other people from me. I could never hate him for that. I could only hate myself. He was the hero. I was the villain.
It was a strange feeling, having my eyes open but not seeing. After a while, I kept them closed. It didn't make a difference anyway. My only comfort was the deep, pine-laced canine musk I knew to be my guardian. That forest smell meant Cerberus was there. At least from outside forces, I was safe.
"The inner doors still hold," his voice reassured me after yet another warrior had left. "The advantage of the castle is still ours."
A sigh was my reply. I was too tired to speak. The outer gate failed some time ago, and I knew the rotted door to the entry hall wouldn't stand long should Perimone cross the courtyard. I couldn't bear to think how many lycans had died in the battle so far. They were driving themselves to extinction for a dying girl's sake.
Cerberus moved beside me. Something pressed to my lips. "Water," he murmured. "Drink."
I swallowed. I didn't think much of it, and my mouth was so dry.
"Rest," he said, pushing my body back to lie flat on the bed. I relaxed. I knew the claws trailing down my arms wouldn't hurt me. Paws pressed down into the mattress, bracing themselves as the lycan leaned over me. His wet tongue slid over my face and neck. I didn't fear the fangs which scraped across my skin as he lapped the drug from my pores. I almost savored the feeling. I appreciated the gentleness from such a strong creature. It tickled at the joining of my neck and jaw, sending little electric shocks to my fingers and toes and giving me the urge to squirm. I could hear the click of his teeth while he licked around my ear. Saliva added a slight weight to my eyelashes and left a crisp film where it dried. I didn't even mind his horrid dog breath. Once he had thoroughly cleaned my skin, he let out the smallest of whines and rested his head on my chest. It took all my strength, but I lifted my arm, laying a hand on his neck.
My lips trembled. I knew what he had done.
I don't know how long we lay there. At least until the sky turned light again. The sunrise was the first thing I saw with my newfound vision. His breathing gradually became clearer to my ears, as did the softness of his fur. The pain faded from my limbs and the haze lifted from my mind. I could think much clearer than anytime I could remember. How long had I been suffering from my own poison? The colors of this new world were never so clear to me.
This serenity I felt, the simple melancholy of that one moment, was the greatest gift I ever received.
The door slammed against the wall. I knew who it was; everything was shockingly clear to me. Cold metal links crashed against us, entangling the limbs of my guardian. He fought against the chain net that wrapped around him, dragging him from me. The lycan lashed out at the soldiers. They responded with their spears, stabbing their blades into his fur until blood dripped down their shafts. He roared and howled in fury, but was helpless to stop the lord as he approached my bedside.
I felt the fear. I felt the anger at seeing Cerberus hurt. I felt the panic that I would be forced to return to my life as a prisoner. But those emotions were irrelevant. I couldn't save him or myself if I let them overtake me. This had to end. I knew what I had to do.
I let Perimone approach. He was almost upon me when I slowly sat up, pulling my legs underneath me. I watched him as he knelt by my bedside.
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"I came for you."
"You want to save me." It was a statement, not a question.
He stood. It appeared as if he aged ten years from the time we first met. The skin around his face had sagged and lost its youthful glow. The bags under his eyes had darkened, speaking of many sleepless nights. It was hard to imagine him as the newly elected leader I sat with in Obria palace. "Yes."
I let him pick me up and embrace me. I let him press his lips to mine. I allowed the man I despised most to kiss me. I didn't like the way his hands ran over my shoulders and down my back, but I was familiar enough with the tactic not to let it faze me.
Perimone pulled back, searching my features with confusion in his eyes. "Something's wrong," he said. "Something is... missing."
"You're right," I said. My fingers closed around the hilt of the dagger hidden at my side. It was the same dagger that killed the leader of Estil, as well as many others. I took a deep breath and stabbed Perimone.
He stumbled back, pushing me away as he started choking up blood. I strode forward, kicking him to the ground. His eyes were wide with fear and pain as I leaned over him, grasping at my weapon. The blade twisted in his chest.
"Sorry to break your heart, but I never loved you," I hissed. His body relaxed against the floor, though his eyes remained open and lifeless. I yanked my dagger from his corpse. "And you're too late to save me."
The soldiers were too entangled in holding Cerberus to stop me as I ran up to them, stabbing one of their number in the back. The other hardly had time to cry out before I ran my blade across his throat.
The lycan broke free, throwing off his restraints and snapping one of the soldier's spears. He roared, quickly taking his vengeance on the remaining three men. They stood no chance against the enraged alpha. They fell like brittle branches to his claws, barely managing to raise their weapons before their necks were snapped. In less than a minute, there were none to oppose him.
We stood, panting and surrounded by fallen enemies. Our gazes locked together. There was something in his crimson stare, not regret, but sorrow. He knew what he had given up. I felt his pain, the price he paid to save my life.
"Why did you do it?"
He huffed as though the question were foolish. "I didn't want you to die."
I hesitated a moment before whispering, "Thank you."
The lycan didn't respond, instead looking through the window. His ears flicked forward, listening to the battle outside, then back, flattening against his head. It was oddly quiet. He turned, dropping on all fours and trotting to my side. "We must leave. Now."
"What about the others?" I questioned as I snatched my mask from the bedside table and clamored onto his back. My fingers were finally able to get a firm grip on his fur.
"There is nothing we can do for them now..."
I was silent. His words struck me like a knife. But even the knowledge of his meaning couldn't prepare me for the sight as he leapt down the stairs and into the hallway.
The bodies of fallen lycans filled my hall, mixed with those of the men who had fought them. There were so many there was no clear path one could take without stepping on them. The hearths had gone cold, the few logs left were soaked with blood rather than fire. The doors were open, revealing even more in the entryway, and more beyond that in the courtyard.
There were far more than a hundred. Lycans from all over the mountain range must have responded to the call to protect the castle. Even those I never touched had fought for me. Now they lay cold as the stone they rested on, fur matted with their own blood. There weren't even any injured; every one had struggled on until their last breath.
At the end, sitting on the platform for the king, was my throne from Estil. It stood spattered with blood, but still upright. The symbolism sickened me.
"Bring me to my throne," I murmured to Cerberus. The lycan nodded, hopping onto the platform and pacing to the chair. He stopped beside it. My hand pushed on its back until it fell. The sound it made as it collided with the stone echoed through the hallway.
"We have all fallen today," I spoke softly, hanging my mask on one of the upturned legs.
Cerberus took that as his cue to leave. He bounded through the hall and out into the sunlight. For once, it wasn't raining. There weren't even any clouds in the sky. But I didn't dare look at the scenery. I didn't want to see how many others died for me. So I kept my face buried in the fur of Cerberus's neck while the sun's heat warmed my back. He turned, climbing up the mountain with powerful strides.
I would find some way to repay them. Someday, any way I could.
I only opened my eyes once we reached the summit. Everything seemed so small from the mountaintop, the castle, the remaining army, Askance. I could see Estil and Merrer, as well as the other villages I had conquered. I could even see the outer wall of Obria.
"Where does my lady want to go now?"
Where indeed? I couldn't stay in Askance, nor did the Lycan Mountains have much to offer anymore. Not without the lycans.
"Maybe Preene will hold new opportunities for us. How does that sound, Alpha?"
"As my lady wishes."