I didn't know how I felt. So many emotions ran rampant through me I couldn't distinguish them. It was as if my very being was in a state of conflict as I settled on the bed Cerberus had set me on. The room was not my own. I couldn't bear the sight of the Asken army through my chamber's window. This was far plainer, not much more than a bed and chairs in a stone room. Brennon and the man sat across from me. We stared at each other for a full minute before I spoke.

"So, you decided to come back."

"That I did," was his reply.

I ground my teeth together. "You can't just come waltzing in my lair with some old guy."

He raised an eyebrow. "Apparently I can. Honestly, I expected to be dragged up the mountain by one of your scouts." The elder man seemed alarmed by this, but Brennon paid him no mind. He was as cocky and cool as ever. "But we didn't encounter a single lycan until we passed your gates. Why is that?"

I couldn't meet his eyes. His questioning stare reminded me of the expression Blackbear wore when I asked him to lead the main force, before I had explained Graniteback and Thorn were responsible for the smaller packs. We had all been so determined then, I couldn't imagine anything but success. I was such a fool.

"You were right," I said, staring down at my lap. There was dried blood there. "I didn't want to sit on the throne when Perimone came for me. It's all my fault."

Brennon was silent for a minute. I hated it. Only anticipation ever filled silences. "Send the lycan away and we can talk."

Cerberus growled. My fingers twisted in the sheets of the bed, left there from when one of the servants occupied the room. Would he listen to me now? I doubted it. He never seemed to like Brennon. Besides, I found I didn't really want him to go. The albino lycan was the only one I truly trusted at the moment.

"No."

He frowned. "Desire, this is important."

"I know, but," I bowed my head even lower, "I don't have that say so anymore."

"But-" he paused, filling the air with that wretched silence again as he looked between Cerberus and me. Finally, he seemed to come to a decision. "I see."

"Why did you come back?" The question had been burning in my throat since he arrived.

"This man is a doctor," was his explanation. "He was halfway through his studies when the old world collapsed."

Said man certainly looked old enough to have come from the old world. His skin was as frail as the morning frost. As for the part of doctor, he carried a bag that I would guess contained supplies, though it was his kindly face that convinced me. He had the face of someone who helped others. His tattered coat wasn't frayed, meaning it was newly torn. From what I could tell by the fabric, he was hardly a man of means, but not to the point of poverty. He came from one of the smaller towns then.

"I worked an internship at a center developing cures to poisons." The man's voice tremored slightly, but there was no mistaking the gentle tone to his words. "From what Brennon has told me, you've been suffering from aches lately?"

My eyes flicked between the two, frowning. I had hoped he wouldn't tell anyone that. Although, this doctor had hiked the dangerous Lycan Mountains to come to me. Perhaps Brennon was right to trust him.

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"Yes," I answered, unable to keep the suspicion from my voice, "what of it?"

"Well, I hoped I could treat it."

I exchanged a glance with Cerberus. His crimson eyes held the same hesitation as mine, but he didn't object.

"Very well," I said, raising myself up the best I could, a tactic I often used to fake confidence. I tried not to picture how ridiculous I looked doing it now. "But, you will have to take anything you give me." I may be choosing to trust him for now, but I wouldn't be making anymore foolish decisions. Kindly as he may seem, there was no telling if this man had reason to kill me. I had given plenty of people that.

The elder doctor nodded. "Of course. I will get to work immediately."

***

Cerberus was gone hunting when Brennon came to me the next morning. I wondered if he had waited for the lycan to leave, or if it were mere coincidence. Most likely the former. Brennon was as suspicious of Cerberus as the alpha was of him. I supposed being around an eight foot man-eating canine was unnerving to most people. The man sat on the edge of my bed. I didn't have the strength to sit up.

"It's advancing fast, isn't it?"

"Yeah," I sighed, looking away. "I've been fighting it for a while, but it's getting harder..."

He nodded, staring down at me. I could have smiled at the sympathy in his eyes. "You know it's the drug that's doing this to you, don't you?"

I grimaced. "Yes. I guessed that a while ago, too."

"Dr. Ester is going to cure you."

"Yeah, sure."

"I'm serious," he stated, catching my eye. "He says there used to be substances that had an effect like yours, but the old world found a cure for them. He thinks if he can just recreate it, it will stop its effects on you."

His gaze was so steady, so calm and assured, I couldn't help but believe him. A small glimmer of hope sparked within me. Just for a moment, I let it shine.

"You know," I said. "No one ever told me what it feels like. All the people who have ever touched me, and not one bothered to describe the experience." I was just trying to change the subject before I got too hopeful, but I was genuinely curious. I knew it felt good, but beyond that, I couldn't tell.

He frowned in thought. "It made me feel... happy."

I furrowed my brows. "Just happy?" Surely there was more to it than just happiness. Or maybe Brennon was different and that was why he could refuse my touch.

The man snorted. "No, not just happy. That first time you touched me, I felt more joy than I ever had before. More joy than I knew I could feel. I was giddy for hours. I loved everyone. It was as if the planets aligned, and everything was right in the world. That night I watched the stars until the sun came up. Something about the way they shone was hypnotizing. I could see the past and future in those stars. I wasn't just happy, I was happy beyond what any human has the right to feel." He took a deep breath, closing his eyes. "And when I kissed you... it was euphoric..."

I stared at him. I suffered my whole life so people could feel happy? They held me captive so they could think this messed up world was right? My addicts killed each other so they could feel alive.

The irony was somewhere between hilarious and sickening. I had always looked down on those who fell under my spell. I couldn't imagine anything that would drive me to ruin the way they seemed to run to it. But.. could I really say I wouldn't do the same? All I ever wanted to feel was happiness.

I really was dangerous.

There was the click of claws on stone. Cerberus appeared in the open doorway, dragging a wild sow in his jaws. Both lycan and human stood at the same time, eyeing one another. The alpha let out a low chuff, to which Brennon responded with a sigh.

"I'll inform Dr. Ester you're awake," he murmured, before walking out the door. Red eyes followed him down the hall. Only after the human disappeared did they fix their gaze on me.