The wind blasted through the forest, bending the smaller trees in arcs that nearly touched the ground. I wrapped my arms around myself. It was not the weather I was shielding myself from; it was the pain. Not my own, but that of my lycan companion.

The albino alpha had his arms wrapped around his midsection, shivering as though something as simple as the cold could affect him. His usually bright eyes were misted over. The tears that streamed down his snout mirrored my own.

It was his whines that broke my control.

I knew better than to approach during one of his sessions. The lycan himself had warned me many times. His irritation often overcame his senses.

"Cerberus?" I whispered it, rocking forward on my knees and crawling toward him. Red irises focused on my own. A snarl rippled through him. I stopped. "Cerberus... can I help?"

I could cry at the feral ache lingering in his gaze. The fur of his jaws was stained from the mountain goat he had caught, hastily devoured, then later vomited up. He was hardly able to keep any food down, a problem only compounded by his spells of extreme fatigue that left him unable to hunt.

I attempted to gig fish for us during one such spell. The mountain river's rocky banks proved too slippery. Somehow, he managed to pull me from the cold waters.

He had lain on me that night, shivering and panting, just as he did now. My throat closed around words softly spoken. "Cerberus... I... I..." I wished I learned the herbs Rosie had used to treat my fevers and pains during my time at the castle. "Blood Eye..." I stepped forward.

The lycan pounced. I didn't struggle as I was thrown onto my back. A canine nose dragged across my exposed skin, absorbing shed tears on its dry surface. Tremors racked through his muscles. Shaking claws caught on my cheek. I lifted my head, allowing them to slip through my hair. Padded hands gripped my face.

Fur pressed to my forehead. Whines echoed in my ears.

"I'm sorry..."

The lycan pulled away from my embrace. My stomach twisted in knots as he slunk to lay against a boulder, curling into the smallest ball possible for a creature of his size.

"Cerberus..."

"Leave me," he growled. I paused in my advance. His hard stare drove me back several steps.

"I'm sorry," I whispered. "So sorry."

***

My fingers combed through newly cleaned white fur. It was so thick and soft, just as it had always been, but now it was different. It smelt of a chemical clean, some sort of antibacterial soap which washed away all traces of his natural musk. Even the concrete around us stung my nose with the stench of bleach. The entire stable had been sanitized.

Not that I smelt much better. I probably stank of rotting blood, the lycan's, the bear's, and my own where I had clenched my fists so tightly they bled.

I glanced over to my other injured lycan. Crimson Claw had placed himself in the corner, head hung low, though the bandage prevented him from arching his neck.

"It's not your fault," I assured him quietly.

I knew he would have argued with me if he had a voice. He seemed certain I blamed him, though I didn't. The fault lay with many others, but not my loyal lycans.

My eyes turned back to Cerberus. I studied his chest, focused on the steady rise and fall. I had to keep checking, to assure myself he was in fact merely sleeping. If I turned away, he might just pass on without my noticing. So I kept my gaze focused on him, as if that could keep him from dying.

I had already thanked every old and new god I could think of that Preene was more medically advanced and better equipped to treat a lycan than Askance. I had been assured his injuries, though severe, were non fatal. But he lost so much blood that in itself could present a problem. He had to wake up.

My heart ached. My head ached. My whole body was a mess with worry. Cerberus, my strongest and most loyal companion, lay bandaged beside me. My invincible, hellish guardian had almost been killed for my sake.

The lycans had a habit of sacrificing all they had to give for me.

I missed his eyes opening. I realized he was awake by the change of rhythm in his breathing. Cerberus's tongue worked in his mouth a few times before he yawned. I could see the stiffness and reluctance in his muscles as he stretched. He pushed himself to a half upright position, slow eyes taking in the scenery and lycans around him.

"We moved." His voice was hoarse and dry. He blinked a few times before sniffing the air.

I was crying again. Relief slammed into my chest like a violent wave, filling me until I felt I might bust from it. I wanted to speak, but I couldn't. Happiness had stolen my voice.

The lycan took a moment, seeming to focus on fully awakening. He looked down, examining the bandages on his arm before reaching down to take them in his teeth.

This story has been taken without authorization. Report any sightings.

"Don't!" I put my hand on his jaw, stopping him from ripping them off. "You'll reopen the wound. Leave them be."

He stared at me, then released the cotton wrapping his arm. I wanted to hug him, but I knew he wouldn't appreciate the gesture, not with fractured ribs. So I settled for shifting closer and patting the long fur of his neck.

"They stitched you back together. It's going to itch, but they said you'll survive if you don't get an infection." I pulled my hand back, wrapping my arms around myself as I turned away. "I'm sorry... about all this. I'm not going to fight you, any of you, anymore."

A huff was his only reply, so I continued on.

"I shouldn't have made you fight in the first place. It was a stupid idea." My heart sunk low in my chest, resting somewhere above my liver. There were so many stones of guilt in my stomach now, if only I could use them to build a wall to block out the world.

At first he didn't speak. I wondered if he would ignore me and go back to sleep. Now that I was assured he would awaken, all I wanted was for him to rest. Then again, maybe he should eat first.

"We're leaving tomorrow."

"What?" My head shot up. "Cerberus, we can't. You need to heal."

"I'll be fine," he growled. "You've gotten yourself in trouble. You'd be a fool to stay."

My hands tightened into fists. "I'll be a fool then. You're not leaving until a vet tells me you're fit to fight again."

"Someone wanted you dead!" he barked, flipping himself into all fours.

"Stop it!" I cried. I frantically looked over his bandages. Thankfully, no red appeared. I frowned, standing to my feet as well. "You'll die of infection if we leave. Stay and relax. I'll be fine."

Cerberus's red eyes narrowed. "Don't make the sacrifice of the wild lycans be for nothing."

A pain stabbed me in the chest, as if one of the stones had suddenly jumped into my throat. "They won't be," I bit out.

"I'm alpha of this pack," he snarled, "and I say we leave this place tomorrow."

I swallowed, steeling myself. "I hold the key to your chains, and I won't let you go."

The lycan lunged. I instinctively threw my hand out. His teeth caught around my forearm, piercing through the leather.

I stared straight into his eyes. "No."

His teeth pressed down, puncturing my skin. I buckled forward slightly, but I stood steady. My blood welled up around his canines, pooling in his mouth. I clamped my jaw. I didn't waver, though in truth, I could have howled in pain. His powerful jaws were more than capable of crushing bone.

"Do it," I growled. "I'll still protect you, and I'll still keep my promise to the wild lycans."

We stayed like that, each staring into the other's eyes in defiance until a voice interrupted our match of wills.

"Desire!"

I twisted around, looking back to see Cyrus in the doorway, eyes as large as plates. Cerberus reluctantly released my arm, slinking back to lean against the wall, his crimson stare glaring at us both.

"It's alright," I said, holding my injured arm close to my body. "He was just testing me, no big deal." He hadn't bitten down that hard, just enough to make me bleed. It still stung horribly, though.

"Right..." Cyrus murmured. He eyed us both before turning to trot up the stairs. "I had something I wanted to talk to you about."

I nodded and jogged after him. I didn’t dare glance back at my companion.

We met at the top in the electric lit storage arena. "What is it?"

"It just..." He rubbed the back of his neck with his hand. "Listen, the vet bills really bit into our savings and with both our top fighters out of commission, we won't be able to make it back anytime soon."

I gave a curt nod. "Okay, what do we do?"

"Well, ah..." I could make out a slight reddening of his features. "I kind of figured we could cut our costs in half by only renting one room. Really, it was the only thing I could think of."

I shrugged. "Fine by me."

"Right. That's good." He gave an uncertain smile before suddenly grabbing me about the shoulders, pulling me into a hug. His lips pressed against my forehead.

I waited a second, processing the entire situation, then wrapped my arms around his waist. I felt the hesitance in his grip as he shifted, moving down lower, to my mouth. He was kissing me and it felt… good. Thrilling and taboo. A taste of something forbidden to my former self. A moment later, he had my head pressed to his chest.

"I'm sorry... about Cerberus, not about that..."

"Thanks," I murmured, touching my mouth. A kiss untainted by my poison…

"It's, um, it's pretty late. We should get back to the inn."

I smiled against his leather jacket, something he had bought to match mine. I wasn't that much of an idiot; I knew he was taking advantage of my emotional state. But I didn't care. I needed the comfort he was offering. I wanted more.

"Right," I said, mimicking one of his favorite words. "It's late. Let's go."

***

Surely there wasn't anything more consoling than the touch of human skin. Perhaps others may take it for granted, but not me. The heat of Cyrus's bare chest soaking into mine was a reassuring comfort denied to me for most of my life. Surely, if other people had this, they could face whatever trials the world could throw them.

I wasn't happy. I was still far from joyful. But I no longer ached with worry. This, the human contact I had always craved, put me at peace.

In truth, I felt a little guilty about finding comfort while Cerberus suffered alone, but it was just another pebble in the pit. Soon I would give everything for him. But I needed this first. I needed just this one night, a brief break in the height of chaos for myself. This was my time to be selfish.

"Desire, you awake?" Cyrus murmured.

"Yeah," I whispered back.

"I've been thinking about what you said... it has to have been a few weeks ago now."

"Yeah? What was it?"

"You asked me what I thought about the lycan fights. At the time, I had never considered it... but now, I think they might be wrong."

I pressed my forehead into his shoulder, gripping onto his strong arm. "Yeah. I think so too."