"Get back!"

"Stop." Shirah's war cry was cut off by Cyrus grabbing her arm, preventing her from throwing her disk. He cast her a somewhat wary glance. "They always do this. You get used to it."

"But he's-"

"He won't hurt her." The man nodded to himself. "Listen, that lycan would sooner give his life than let any harm come to his lady. This is just the hellhound's way of showing he cares."

Cerberus paid no mind to either of them, instead focusing his red glare on me. "You're a fool!" he barked. "Why did you to leave my sight?"

"Coffee," I answered calmly.

The lycan drew back, head tipped in confusion.

I sighed. My fingertips pressed into his chest, pushing him back as I sat up. "It's an old word drink with caffeine, addictive, so it used to be banned. I was curious and wanted to try it."

He growled, but didn't argue further. I attempted to stand. His paw-like hands caught me around the shoulders, keeping me still as he leaned forward. A dark pink nose traced over my chest and neck, then each arm. Only once he was satisfied with my well being did he release me. I almost laughed at how simultaneously he could be both human and canine.

I got to my feet and brushed the snow from my clothes. Cyrus was next to approach. Without a word, he strolled over, pushed up my mask, and promptly flicked me in the nose. I jolted back, though the impact was somewhat muffled by his sheepskin gloves.

I growled as I up one of my bare hands, red from the cold. "I will touch you."

Cyrus grinned. "I hope that's a promise."

I huffed, then began to rummage through my open travel bag for a spare set of gloves. I hoped they hadn't fallen out during our flight.

"Excuse me?" We all glanced to Shirah, who stood, still uncertainly clutching her throwing disk. She swallowed as she lowered it to her hip. "Sophie, are these your-? I mean, are you really...?"

Cyrus turned to me, grin still plastered over his face. "Sophie?"

I ignored him as I moved to her, offering my newly gloved hand. "Desire, Queen of Preene and Lady of the Lycan Mountains."

She nodded. "I'm really Shirah, in case you were wondering. Not that I blame you for hiding." She gave a somewhat sheepish smile. "I don't suppose you'll be wanting the likes of me hanging around, huh?"

"The likes of you?"

"I'm not exactly a high class, upstanding citizen." She shrugged. "I wasn't kidding when I said I always get mixed up with the rough sort."

I tipped my head, sending her a smile in return. One of my warmer ones, without the malice that so often accompanied them. "Surely my reputation precedes me here, so I have no room to judge. Besides, rough sort or not, you saved my life and I-"

I stopped, listening to the long, low sound echoing across the mountains. It covered the valley like a blanket, calling the attention of everyone present.

A howl. Too deep to be a wolf's.

A lycan.

My eyes met Cerberus's. We hadn't brought any cubs young enough to have their voices, and the sound definitely came from an adult. He should have been the only one capable of producing such a howl.

Suddenly, I was running, vaulting on Cerberus's back as he spun around. No sooner had I secured myself than he took off, bounding in the direction the howl came from. I vaguely heard Cyrus yell after me. I yelled back a command for him to stay with Shirah, though I was fairly certain Cerberus was running too fast for him to understand..

I had given up hope. I had tossed it away the moment I left my castle; abandoned it on the leg of my throne with my discarded mask. It was gone the instant the true Lady of the Lycan Mountains fell with her pack. My hope had fallen that day as I gazed on countless dead lycans in my hall. I dared not pick it up again until I saw him.

The modeled gray lycan ahead of us was no captivebred. He stood taller than Crimson Claw, closer to Cerberus's size. He bounded with the assurance of one who knew the landscape. We followed him until we reached our destination. He led us to them.

There were so many, much more than the pieces of shattered hope I held in my hands would have ever let me believe. Fifty, if I had to hazard a guess, mostly females and cubs, though I could see several males as well.

They were beautiful. Tall, muscular, the way a lycan should be. They gathered around small fires, some gnawing on bones. They stared, but none seemed particularly alarmed at our presence. They lounged around as if nothing ever happened, as if they had always been here, simply waiting for us to arrive.

When our guide turned around. I knew the yellow of his eyes, just as I knew the blue of the female standing beside him.

I didn't think. I didn't hesitate or consider or pause for the briefest seconds as I jumped from Cerberus to run to them. It seemed the most natural thing in the world to throw my arms around the gray male's neck.

I could feel the tension run through his shoulders, then relax. Graniteback pulled away to send me a wolfish grin. He bowed, as did Nightmoon beside him.

"My Lady Desire," he spoke in that wise, strong voice I thought I would never hear again, "you have returned."

I was crying. I couldn't stop myself, neither did I care. Nor could I stop myself from laughing as tears ran rivers down my cheeks and blurred my vision.

"You're alive!" I choked. It was hard to breathe with my chest so full. But it wasn't stones I felt, it was air, lifting me to my toes and driving me to hug the lycan again. "I thought you were dead! I thought you were nothing but frozen bones in the castle hall!" I wailed pathetically. They must have been quite confused; the old Lady of the Lycan Mountains would have never allowed her legion to see her in such a state. But the old Lady of the Lycan Mountains didn't care, not like the Savage Queen did.

"We searched for you, My Lady," he said, accepting the embrace. "For months we tracked footprints, but only found each other."

"I'm so sorry I abandoned you!"

"You are mistaken, My Lady," Nightmoon spoke. She hung her head. "We abandoned you."

I stared at her a moment, then switched to hug her neck. "I started a war you paid for. I am relieved beyond belief any of you survived." I combed my fingers through the back of her neck. My hand snagged on something. I glanced over her shoulder, finding a silvery owl feather tied in her black fur. "What's this?" Some of the others had them as well. It was then I really noticed the light and heat that blanketed the area, despite the setting sun. "When did you learn to make fire?"

Graniteback stood up, looking over the hillside, dotted with the dugout dens of the lycans. "We missed the fires of the hearths. We learned many things from watching the humans in your service."

I scanned the area as well. Besides the fires, there were gathered piles of timber and crude mud walls to shield their den's entrance. When I looked back, Graniteback and Cerberus were sniffing at each other’s shoulders.

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"Blood Eye."

"Graniteback."

The two males momentarily sized each other up, lifting their heads to appear taller. Finally Graniteback stepped back and bowed his head. "Alpha."

I breathed out a sigh. Graniteback had been alpha before Cerberus and doubtlessly held the title now. The two brawled for years before he accepted his defeat. From the looks of things, Nightmoon was currently his beta, though chances were she would challenge him soon, being he was one of the eldest lycans in the pack.

The others’ ears alerted me to the approaching company before I heard him call for me. "Desire! Desire! There you are!" Crimson Claw slid in the snow, nearly throwing Cyrus in his haste to avoid colliding with Cerberus. I sighed at the pair's antics, though couldn't help but laugh at his comically slack jaw. "What- who- what?"

"Cyrus, Claw, these are the wild lycans of the mountains."

***

The fires made by the wild lycans were warmer than any human could have made. Or perhaps it was that the warmth came from within, spreading from my fingertips to toes every time I happened to look around me.

Crimson Claw, possibly the largest of the captive lycans, stayed close to Cyrus, wearily watching his wild cousins. A little way further, movement caught my eye, drawing to my attention to where a white striped female stood, comparing her height to that of River. Nightmoon inherited her sire's stature, though wasn't quite as bulky as Thorn had been. She towered over the captive female, who at six two, stood more than a foot shorter. But far more amusing was Alice, sitting not too far away, explaining to a very patient Graniteback about Sunshine and her friends back in Preene. The tan lycan had his arms wrapped around the toddler as she sat between his knees. His eyes never left the wild male and I had no doubt he wouldn't hesitate to fight Graniteback, should he so much as snarl at the girl.

"Is she your daughter?"

"What?" I blinked, staring at Shirah before finally processing her question. "Oh, no. I just sort of take care of her. I... I can't have children..." I had never really thought about it, though it was a fact I had always known. It was part of the fairytale I wasn't allowed to have.

Somehow, my gaze met Cyrus's. He wasn't acting silly, teasing Crimson Claw as he had been a moment ago. His eyes were soft, not pitying but, understanding. "You could, with the cure."

I looked away, wrapping my arms around myself. Unbidden, an image appeared behind my eyelids of a couple children, a daughter with dark hair like mine and a couple of sons, both with expressive faces just like their father. I squeezed my eyes tighter, forcing away the image. I couldn't let myself get caught in a fantasy. Any child mine would most likely be dead in the womb, poisoned by its own mother. Or worse, inherit my curse.

"No," I practically whispered. "It'd be too dangerous." I don't know what possessed me to think Cyrus would want to have kids with me anyway.

Silence. Shirah shifted, seemingly uncomfortable with the sudden tension and eager to change the subject. "And so, ah, do people get paired off with lycans in Preene or something like that?"

"It does seem to work out that way, doesn't it?" Cyrus said, releasing me from his stare and grinning at Crimson Claw. The lycan bared his teeth in an imitation of the expression, though he looked more psychotic than amused. The man laughed. "Only those of us brave enough to hang out with them though."

Cerberus rested his chin on my head. His chest's fur was like a blanket on my back, warming where the fire couldn't reach. "Humans are good companions, if a little slow on the ground."

"What about me?" All eyes were on Jared, who had yet to speak since arriving in the wild lycans camp. Even so, he had a happy half smile as he continued on, "I've just been riding whoever can carry me." He shrugged. "Maybe I'll break the mold and find a girlfriend- I mean- ah-" he laughed at himself, "female lycan, not ah- you know."

I chuckled, glad he was joining the conversation and not continuing his self-imposed ostracism. "Keep up that chatty attitude and you'll find yourself a friend in no time."

He shrugged, though the action seemed to pain him. "It's just as well if I don't. I don't exactly have a lifetime to spend with them like you."

"Why's that?" It was Nightmoon who spoke. She fell on all fours, padding forward to better examine the human boy. She sniffed at his clothes.

"Oh, wow. You have pretty eyes," he blurted out. Nightmoon stopped, staring up at him. Jared laughed, rubbing the back of his head. "Sorry, I didn't mean to say that aloud. I meant to say it's a curse. I'm a child of the apocalypse and kind of past that time when we tend to die off. Past due, you could say."

"You smell of rot." That was Nightmoon, blunt and honest.

"Yeah... That would be the curse," Jared admitted, hanging his head. "It's kind of killing me."

Her ears went back. I waited for the scorn, or perhaps a growled demand this diseased human be run from the camp. But she didn't. Her ears flicked forward and she studied him with pupils ringed in stunning blue. "I'm sorry."

"Don't be," he huffed, his cheery demeanor gone as soon as it had come. "It's not your fault."

"Are you afraid?"

Hesitation, then, "Yes."

The female lycan considered him once again before turning and situating herself beside him. Jared looked as surprised as I felt. I had known Nightmoon for half her lifetime, never would I have thought her to be so friendly towards a human.

Then again, neither would I have thought to end up here, sitting where I sat and thinking the thoughts I did. So much had happened; I was far from where I thought my path led. Perhaps to the same destination, but no longer with a selfish motivation.

I guessed the past few months had changed all of us.

"Fear is terrible," Nightmoon suddenly said. "Almost as bad a guilt."

I could attest to that.

Jared didn't understand as well as I did. "But what could you be fearful of? Or guilty?"

She let out a long breath, closing her eyes. "Last fall, the lycans fought a battle for Lady Desire against the army of Askance. We were severally outnumbered, and when it appeared all was lost, we fled and abandoned our lady." She bowed her head. "Many of the females here were assigned to watch the cubs, yet those of us that fought, then ran, have been fighting and running from the guilt since."

"But I already told you I forgive you!" I interjected.

She turned those moon blue eyes on me, nearly as striking as the crimson of Cerberus's. "Yes, My Lady, but can we forgive ourselves?"

I was silent. I didn't know what to say. I knew exactly what she meant, exactly how she felt. It was likely years from now and a thousand apologies later, the guilt would still be there. I didn't doubt it would stay for the rest of her life… and mine.

"What about you?" I didn't know why I asked Shirah that. "You said you get mixed up in rough folk. What exactly rough folks are you talking about?"

"And Cerberus here eats people, so don't be afraid of judgment with us," Cyrus interjected. "And I grew up in the subway, so we got all our bases covered."

Somehow I was angry that he said that, as if his past were supposed to be secret shared only with me. I tried not to let it bother me; he could tell anyone anything he wanted about his childhood. Still, it felt like a thorn digging into my side.

Shirah shrugged. "I grew up in the ghettos of Askance. Never really had much. Poor childhood. Developed a talent for throwing sharp objects. Served various employers, everything from hired thug to assassin. Somehow, I figured I wanted out of it and ended up here."

Cyrus grinned. "I know that story. Been through that same song and dance."

Now I wanted Shirah to stop talking. I didn't want them to have that much in common. I wanted him to be my friend, my underground servant, my manager, anything so long as he was mine.

Actually, I knew exactly what I wanted him to be, but that could never happen.

What was wrong with me? If they got on well, I should be happy for them. I wasn't entitled to Cyrus. I didn't deserve the chance to ruin his life with my impossible fantasies.

Claws tightened around my shoulders. I craned my head back, staring into the concerned glow of my guardian's eyes. "What troubles you, My Lady?"

"Nothing, just a little tired, that's all."

I could tell my the way he looked at me he didn't believe me and would question me again once we were alone. I found I was quite looking forward to it. I needed to release my problems on someone else, someone I trusted, and Cerberus always bore the weight so well.

The object of my anxiety decided to speak. "So I suppose you're going to go off and snuggle somewhere?"

I frowned. "What do you care?"

He raised an eyebrow. "A man can't be jealous?"

Yes. I wanted Cyrus to be jealous. I wanted him to lie alone each night, wishing with all his being to trade places with Cerberus. I wanted him to miss that night he held me. I wanted him to compare each and every night to that and have none compete.

"There are plenty of uninhabited dens. I'm sure the two of you can sniff one out." Graniteback said.

I stood, smiling despite my need to escape my fellow human's presence. "Thanks." I turned, then paused, looking back at the wild lycans present. "Oh, and Graniteback?"

"Yes, My Lady?"

"I missed you, all of you, more than you could know."

There was a knowing glint in his yellow irises. "Trust me, My Lady, we know."