My hall was nearly empty. Where more than forty of my top warriors and scouts once rested, there were only five. Less than fifteen in my entire lair. The castle was more abandoned than it had been in years.
Every inch of my body hurt. I lay motionless on my throne, feeling as though the entire castle rested on my chest, slowly crushing me beneath it. Wet streaks dried on my cheeks where tears had leaked from under my mask. I wasn't crying anymore, though. It wasn't that I had gone numb; I felt the pain and grief more than ever. It was just that, after all these years, I had finally grown used to suffering.
It was all my fault. I worked so hard to convince myself I was moving toward an achievable end, bathed so many villages in blood to reach it, all while everything had done nothing but fall further apart. The human lives I took were trivial to me, but now I had brought the lycans to ruin as well. That alone was unbearable.
Perhaps Brennon was right. Maybe my tastes did really swing more canine. I would have laughed if I could.
I had to end this before they paid an even higher price for my mistakes. It took me a moment to muster the energy to speak. Even then, it was barely above a whisper.
"I'm surrendering."
Cerberus tensed, ears flicking my way. "What?"
"I'm giving myself up. We've lost. A few hundred warriors can’t fight ten thousand."
The lycan let out a soft growl. "No. You can't leave us."
I sighed. "Cerberus, it's the only way to save you. Maybe I'll get the chance to touch Perimone and-"
He stood up. "You cannot leave us!" he barked, towering over me.
My lips pursed, forming a frown. Of course, he was making this harder, as if returning to the life I escaped wasn't already difficult enough. My heart felt like it was caught in a vice. I could very well be sentenced to death, or worse, life as a prisoner. Couldn't he see I was sacrificing myself for them? The withdrawal may be horrid, but surely it was better than their extinction. "This is the only way."
"No!" he snapped.
My jaw clenched, deepening my frown. Why couldn't he understand this was for his own good? "Well, I am!" I retorted. "I'm the Lady of the Lycan Mountains and you can't stop me!"
I was thrown back in my chair. Long claws encircled my throat. The other paw-like hand supported the massive canine as he towered over me. "I am your alpha!" he barked, pressing the rough pads of his fingers to my neck. Dirt from the forest floor ground in my skin. "You will obey and submit!" I could smell fresh blood on his breath as he panted, more from anger than exertion. His voice lowered to a soft snarl. "You can't leave me."
As always, I was struck by the intense coloration of his irises. The only pigmentation on his entire body was a slight darkening around his nose and eyes. I often wondered what he would look like if he hadn't been born with his condition. I thought about it as often as I wondered who I would be without mine.
His fur was still damp from crossing some stream or river. My hand pressed against his chest. He released me as I let out a small, bitter laugh.
"So, that is how it is," I laughed again, this time choking on the sound. "You know, I can't even consider this a betrayal, because..." I struggled to stand. Only once I managed to get my feet under me did I speak. "I don't want to lead anymore."
My body collapsed onto the cold stone. My strings weren't enough to hold me upright. They had snapped under the pressure.
"Desire!"
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"It's okay," I murmured as the albino alpha knelt beside me. "I'm going to need you to tell me what to do now, because I don't know." I was laughing, but tears were starting to stream down my face. "To tell you the truth, I never really knew."
I had no mask to hide behind; it had fallen off when I tried to stand. I hadn't noticed much at the time, but now I felt naked without it. "So you have to tell me now. I trust you." I clutched at his chest like a frightened child seeking protection. "Just promise you won't die on me too!"
For one horrible, terrifying moment, it was so silent it seemed as though all sound had vanished from the world.
Then a long, wet tongue slid up my face, catching my tears. Padded hands gripped my arms as a furred jaw hooked over my shoulder.
"I won't let you go so easily." I could feel his voice rumble in his chest, even through his thick coat. He pulled back, letting go to stand on his hind legs. The lycan stared down at me from his impressive height. "Stay here, where the castle can protect you, my lady."
I wiped the rest of the tears and saliva from my face. "I'm no longer your lady, Alpha."
Cerberus shook his head, bending over to take a hold of me. He lifted me as easily as the fallen puppet I imagined I was and set me back on my throne. "You will always be the Lady of the Lycan Mountains."
I smiled. It was as if the weight I carried for so long was being lifted from my chest, as if he were the one taking it from me. For once, I didn't curse those who cast me into the mountains to die. I was finally able to release the fear I had held since that day. Cerberus would never hurt me.
"I object to that."
Cerberus's hackles raised as he slowly turned to face the black furred lycan. "Why?"
"Because we already followed her orders," Thorn huffed. "We bowed at her feet, hoping for a taste of that first rush," he snarled. "But perhaps you forget, Blood Eye, that we don't all get to curl up with her at night. The most we can hope for is to be chosen to fight her villagers. We served her like dogs for years, and look what it brought us. It's time she quit ordering us about and repaid us for our loyalty."
The alpha lycan chuffed, staring down his beta. "That will not happen."
"Says you," Thorn growled. My guardian snarled, licking his exposed fangs as the dark male continued on. "I won't follow you anymore. Sometimes I don't even know what to call you, the fearsome Blood Eye, or Desire's pet Cerberus."
Thorn barely had time to finish before the albino was on him. The lycans fell back, snarling and snapping. The two did a complete somersault before breaking apart, rolling to their feet, only to charge each other once again. Claws raked across Cerberus's snout as Thorn smacked his face away. The alpha paid the injury no mind, continuing to snap at his challenger even as blood ran down his jaw. Paws tangled in contrasting coats. The two massive canines leaned into one another, supporting each other as they tried to push their opponent down. Long nails scraped across the stone platform. The clicks they made were lost in the cacophony of growls and yelps.
It was impossible to discern which way the fight was going, the lycans were moving too fast. My heartbeat quickened as I watched Cerberus's fur slowly stain red, though from whose blood I couldn't tell. It seemed both were landing bone crushing blows.
Thorn. He was the second lycan I had touched. He was part of every outing I accompanied the lycans on and led many of his own. I had known him nearly as long as I had Cerberus, and was relieved beyond measure that I assigned him and Graniteback to lead the lycans below the cliffs, rather than the attacking force.
Thorn, who hunted for me. Thorn, who was always eager to fight for me. Thorn, who never once questioned my authority.
It was as if my heart stopped and my blood froze inside my veins. I watched Cerberus's paw swipe across his face, tearing deep gashes over his eye. Thorn's claws raked through the bloodstained fur of his chest, drawing more in their wake. The albino lunged forward, grabbing Thorn's throat in powerful jaws. Long canines buried into the beta male's jugulars, causing crimson liquid to pour from both of the lycans’ mouths. Cerberus secured his grip and shook.
It was worse than watching him torture the blacksmith in Merrer. Thorn's body thrashed against the floor. I wanted to cry out, to scream, anything at all. But my throat remained thoroughly sealed by shock. It was too late anyway. Anyone could see he was throwing around a corpse.
The alpha lycan released his opponent, standing hunched over the remains. His body shook as he panted. Blood dripped from his jaws as well as his various wounds. A low growl rumbled from his chest. The hall was dead silent. Nothing dared move.
The lycan let out a blood chilling roar.
Even the rain was soundless. Perhaps it too was frozen in shock or fear.
"Trouble amongst the ranks?"
I tore my eyes from the horrific scene to look where two men stood in the hall's entryway. One was young, handsome, and confident. The other was old and pale as snow. My gaze remained fixed on the first.
"Brennon..."