“You received home tutoring?”
“Uh… sometimes. But most of it was onli… I guess you wouldn’t know what that was, but we were tutored with a special … um… tool. It isn’t as … it doesn’t mean the same as tutoring the clansmen would receive here. But I guess it is similar.”
Kilniara opened her eyes wide at that, “You were… truly wealthy!”
Joe laughed at that, “No… not really… well, I guess most here would see me and my family as incredibly wealthy, but we were actually quite poor in comparison to many of my own people. It was… mainly by choice as my family probably could have been quite wealthy if they chose to coach or something like that, but my mother and father wanted to invest in us, so…”
“So, then… your people are quite different from us?” Gwenvair asked.
“Well… no. I wouldn’t say that. It’s easy to look at another people and see all the differences as they seem quite large in comparison to the similarities, but there are so many similarities that they far outweigh the differences. So, I wouldn’t really say they’re too different.”
Both girls seemed to pause at this, looking at each other carefully before Kilniara nudged Gwenvair with her elbow. Gwenvair nudged back, but Kilniara quickly shook her head and returned the nudge. Both began the game of trying to force the other to lead and Joe watched it play out with some amusement before Gwenvair finally acceded and turned to Joe, her face a bit red.
“Then, could we ask … understand how your people see marriage?”
Joe’s eyes widened quite a bit at that and he bit down hard on a laugh. No wonder she’s red, having to ask this for Kilniara!
“Uh, sure. Ask whatever questions you need.”
“Then, what do you see is the responsibility of your queen.”
Joe blinked at Gwenvair’s reference to Kilniara’s place as a queen in his life and blinked a bit. Man… they’ve talked with each other about quite a lot! Didn’t expect Kilniara to be so… personal, but I guess it’s pretty much the same the world over?... the galaxy over?
“The queen of my life?” Joe chuckled, asking before continuing, “Right… responsibilities. Um… Responsibilities can be negotiated, I guess, as we don’t know how our people expect things or who works best, but taking care of the family and each other is first and foremost, but not in such a way to cause unhappiness, despair, demands, or things like that… I guess it’s hard to explain, but we have to take care of each other but also be able to live in a way where we forgive each other easily. Of course, children mean being much more responsible as children require much more care than an adult and they cannot care for themselves. But if it’s just between us, then it's alright to skip a meal or something like that, it’s… that’s fine. But if we have kids, we can't be lazy!
“Uh… what else… Oh! Gotta love equally. No favorites! Ever! You can’t have favorites or it will destroy lives! It destroys those who are not favorites, but even the favorites, too. What else… um… well… anything else you want to ask? There’s more, but I can’t really think of it off the top of my head.”
“Then, how do you want to be treated?”
“Oh. Me personally? Uh… my people have a basic understanding… our vows give it. We have an expectation of absolute loyalty to one another where we do not seek comfort.. uh.. sex,” Joe whispered quietly while looking around, red creeping up his cheeks, “outside the marriage. Uh… we consider that loyalty… part of loyalty, but there are others, such as being committed to one another no matter what… um.. the vows go something like, ‘in sickness and in health, in good times and bad, in … ah… to have and hol…’ Oh! I remember it, sorta. It’s something like, “I take Kilniara to be my wife, to have and hold from … uh… now and… forever?... in good times and bad, for uh… oooh, yeah… for better and for worse, for richer or poorer, for sickn… no… um… in sickness and in health… to hold and cheri… no.. love… yeah, love and cherish until … until death.”
Gwenvair stared wide eyed at him “A permanent vow!”
Joe smiled, then chuckled, “Between the husband and wife, yeah. It was… it used to be. Many people do not take the vow so seriously any more these days. I find it… I take it very seriously. I will not … this is what I hope and desire. A permanent lifetime partner who will never leave me, lie to me, find comfort … uh… ‘comfort’ with another, nor fail me. I will return all the same. We will talk to each other regularly and not hide things from each other while spending time together but also having time alone and not begrudging that time alone for each. Uh… trust… yeah, trust is very important and… hmmm, Ooh… fighting fairly and kindly then forgiving when the fight is over… or… well, when we make a dumb mistake… need to always forgive. That’s vitally important as well. This is… basically the minimum.
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“For happiness, I hope to find encouragement, seeking the joy and happiness of the other, seek to please her, want to see the best in her and for her, and to truly respect one another. Um… and help each other to accomplish our personal goals while… well… we help one another. You’re… a team… nobody’s really… more important than the other. You must work together to always help get whatever goals you agree on done to make sure they’re done.
"Hmm... For men, respect is very important, I think. And for women, to be cherished and adored is vitally important for them… to confirm them… their beauty, place, position… importance in … for me.. uh… my … to tell them they are very important to me…
“For success, I think the last two are very important. For men, women need to always be proud of their husband and respectful of him. If he receives this, then he will feel that nothing in the world will be able to stop him or be able to … well… um… that he can take on the world and win because he knows she is there for him. That’s… what I would feel.
For women, to know that their husband loves and cherishes them, that he would do anything for her… this is very important as well… including that he finds her beautiful and is grateful that she is the one that is his… that he desires her, utterly and completely. I guess there’s a lot of other things that can go into it, but that’s the basics. Oh!
“And true love for one another. Respect and encouragement for the man while the man cherishes and regularly lifts up the woman. And they never leave or forsake one another. The loyalty is permanent and true.
Gwenvair sighed at that, seemingly basking in the hearing of it as she nodded, “You have thought carefully on this.”
Joe shrugged, “No. My people have thought long and hard on this. Successful marriages are vital but also very difficult to … make it, but yeah.”
Gwenvair thought for a bit, then returned with another question, “You wish to have a team, but… how will you make decisions? What if there is a disagreement and you cannot come to an agreement.”
Joe shrugged at that, “Well, someone has to be in charge. Someone who is good at making rapid decisions, when they need to be, should make the decision then if it needs to be fast or if there can’t be an agreement, then the person who best understands the situation or … is best at whatever that decision area is… they should be able to make the final decision if there is a disagreement, but you gotta come to an agreement at who is good at what, which might take some time, but you need to be honest about yourself and what the other can do then submit if the other is better than you at whatever it is and then step up and take the reins when you are the one given leadership and authority over something. Find the person who’s best at leadership and trust them, but also consider the skills and abilities of the other as well, ‘cause they may, at least in this one area, be better than you.
“Traditionally, men have been given leadership, and there is some evidence of that as it requires tough and rapid decision making based on logic which sometimes can require harsh actions. I don’t know how it is amongst your people. I can only describe mine. The women of my people are very kind and agreeable, which usually isn’t a good leadership trait as it can result in sacrificing family and home for others. It’s not bad, but… it can become bad.
“Today, traditions are changing for some cultures and some women can take leadership but it is still more common across my plane for the man to do so. I do not know what it is for the Acokzau… for the people of this plane. Or…well… for your people, the Ulvan, either, Gwenvair.”
“So, you would wish to lead, Joe?” Gwenvair asked.
Joe blinked at that, considering, “Uh… yes and no. Like I said, it would depend on certain things. For example, if it were to come to some things like health, training, education, and a couple other things…well… I have had much more training, education, and experience for many of those things… as well as others. But, if … for example, if it was something to do with cloth work, the Acokzau, or some cultural things of this plane, I wouldn’t want to lead at all. I would wish Kilniara to lead and teach or guide me. I guess, if we used you as an example, anything to do with clansmen, clans, magic or magery, politics, history, buying, selling, leading… yeah… that would be something that I would follow you in. Things like that.
“So … the leadership can change… it isn’t permanent?”
“Uh… well… it can definitely change, but it would likely become very settled to the point of almost permanent after a couple years as we got to know one another. If I found that Kilniara was an excellent cook, I would soon trust her to cook and obey her when it came to cooking or other such things. Or, if she were to prove to be excellent at saving and making money… uh… wealth, then it would be wise to allow her to control it. It’d depend on what our skills are and we wouldn’t know until we got to know one another.
“So, I guess… it can change in the sense that when something new comes along that we know nothing about, we would explore to see who is best, then come to entrust that person with the position … well… basically permanently. Now, if they decide they no longer want or can do it as other things are more important or maybe they want a break… then things might change and the other takes over… something like that.
Gwenvair nodded at that, thoughtful before she began smiling, “I believe I understand.”
Kilniara squealed in excitement and drew closer to Gwenvair, hugging into her side, “It seems… very nice,” she said while blushing.
Joe smiled at that, “I hope so,” he said while looking intimately into Kilniara’s eyes.
Kilniara blushed and looked away and Joe turned to look at Gwenvair who looked at him, a Mona Lisa smile on her face. Gwenvair stared a bit before nodding.
“That seems possible.”