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056.12 - Of Magic and Absence

056.12 - Of Magic and Absence

* * *

Late in the night, Joe woke to the sound of soft sighs against his shoulder and came to with a start to see Kilniara snuggled up against him in the bed. He groaned, clenched his teeth, and quickly sat up.

“Kilniara. Please… I told you…”

“No. No… please wait. I’m not…” she sighed deeply as she sat up with him then turned to face him squarely, “I apologize, I did not mean… ugh”

She growled in frustration, took a deep breath, then began again, “I did this wrongly. I see that now. Please forgive me.”

Joe paused and stared at her, confusion replacing his worry, “And what… is this?”

Kilniara’s firm resolve quickly dissolved into worry and her eyes glanced away as lost her certainty. Joe’s tense concern also evaporated on seeing this and he calmed, realizing this was not the efforts of manipulation but an honest if inappropriate attempt at…

“What are you doing here?”

Kilniara turned back to him and searched his face. She nodded, “Please. Release me from your apprenticeship. I do not want to be your apprentice.”

Joe paused, staring at her, a bit of shock stuttering through him, “I… then… I will try to find you a place… a… you can return to being a cloth worker?”

Kilniara’s face shifted through entire shades of despair before firming, “I… could. I would seek to court you.”

Joe’s eyes widened. His breathing quickened and he paused. He shook his head. This… is… probably incredibly stupid! I shouldn’t. He looked back at her and found his firm decision evaporating under her hopeful gaze. He quickly firmed his resolve and grit his teeth.

“This is … really dangerous.”

Kilniara nodded, “I understand what you say… what you mean now. I truly understand. It took me… long. You seek my freedom. And my ability to choose of my own will.”

Relief shuddered through him and he nodded quickly, “And what I did robbed you of it.”

Kilniara nodded, “It likely would have. I agree… if I had not whole heartedly without any reservation chose for you for myself as well. If I had any reservation… it was only that you would reject me… that… I was… not good enough for you.”

Joe’s concern melted immediately before that and he immediately denied her last statement, “There is no way that I could ever think such. You are… an incredible woman and more than good enough for any member of my clan… if you are as I believe you are.”

Kilniara’s relief was also palpable as both calmed, the tension soothing away to a comfort of almost their old relationship, “I’m sorry… I did not understand.”

Joe laughed, “Ha! Cultural differences… always are a struggle. Just… please… if I point to discomfort, listen to me well.”

Kilniara nodded, “I can understand now… at least in some small part. Please offer me the time to understand, however. Your ways are… convoluted.”

Joe grinned, “Bah! It only took me eighteen years of education! You should be able to learn it in only a month or two!”

She gawked and grumbled, slapping him across the arm, “You!”

Joe’s concern rapidly dissolved even more as he saw her comfort in relating to him much more informally and he began to consider, “Can you give me… just a moment? I need to think.”

His mind wrestled deeply with the current situation, now recognizing his source of discomfort and wrestling with it for days, he understood it a bit deeper now. But to resolve the quandary he’d gotten himself in proved a more difficult one. The easiest answer would be to simply walk away. The wisest answer would also to be to walk away. Even if they had seemed to resolve the crux of the issue, he wasn’t certain he could trust his own choices. He might end up using this as an excuse and not honestly having dealt with the issue in a way he could be proud or certain of. Could I tell dad about this… and be… fine… proud? He considered it for a time and began to frown before he shook his head. No… no he could not. He was too compromised… as was Kilniara.

Then… time? If there was time? His thoughts rolled this idea cautiously and felt a bit better, but not enough. If this was back home… I could just ask dad and figure it out… to resolve this in a way that dad would think is… He blinked, the answer obvious. Counseling… but how… who… where? With this, Joe looked back up to see Kilniara staring at him with an absent smile, lost in her own thoughts. He raised an eyebrow, quirking it then found himself lost in his own musings of her before sighing and shaking his head.

“This isn’t… enough.”

She came to, her musings slow to release her, “Huh?”

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“It’s not enough.”

Her smile faded and she looked at him with a serious expression, “Then how.”

“First, slow down.”

“Slow down?”

“Yeah. Relax the… physical stuff.”

She quirked an eyebrow then nodded, “I can understand that. We must be honest with our thoughts. The body will only distract.”

He smirked and rolled his eyes, “Yeah… distract. I told you that before!”

She smiled, “I… I’m sorry,” she ended with chagrin.

“Hey… I have my fair share of the blame in this.”

She nodded, “I am grateful.”

He nodded, “I as well. I told you before, I think… this is a partnership… so we need to both work together on this.”

She smiled with that, “Then… it is possible?”

“With caveats.”

Mana swelled between them before erupting outwards once again and Kilniara quickly nodded in agreement and understanding when the wave passed her.

“This seems wise.”

“So, as I said… the first… slow down!”

“Agreed.”

“And we need to seek out others who can… amongst my people, it is called counseling. Someone who is wise in the way of relationships and how to develop strongly as a couple… so that we remain honest and do not deceive ourselves. The greatest danger will be in deceiving ourselves.”

She sobered, “Especially if I … we believe that we will no longer be… able to pursue one another.”

“Yes. That is the greatest danger. That you foolishly allow yourself … to do dangerous things and I, in bitterness… harm or abuse you.”

“The reverse is not a danger?”

Joe smiled sadly at that, “Not truly… that is the nature of the danger in this… this is why I was… concerned. In the reverse, if you choose to leave, then you gain what you wish and any attempt to beg you to remain, you can simply ignore or deny.”

“You do not think I could take advantage of you?”

“You could, if you were devious enough to do so, but you do not seem to be the kind of person to do so.”

“And neither do you.”

“People change.”

“And so could I.”

He nodded, “Yes, but at worst, my loss is maybe some wealth. Yours…”

She smiled sadly, “That danger is the same for all relationships. You worry too much in this.”

He considered this carefully before nodding, “Maybe, but it is still true. A woman’s loss is greater than a man’s.”

“Do you truly believe this?”

“If you were to give yourself to me and then I were to reject you, what chance would you have in finding another man?”

“Very little, but if you were to chase after me, and throw your wealth at me and I were to take it from you, always dragging you along promising just enough to keep you following after me… what chance would you have of finding a woman or living a successful life.”

“Ah… true… I guess… but it’s my own fault for not walking away from you.”

“As it is mine for not doing the same.”

Joe sighed, “Well… I guess that proves you’re willing to fight with me.”

Kilniara smiled brightly at that then giggled, “And that is good?”

Joe smiled, “In the sense that you have your own identity… please don’t make my life miserable, however!”

Kilniara’s joy turned softer and she nodded, “Of course.”

“So who do we seek for counseling?”

Kilniara paused at that, thoughtful, “I believe there might be two people it would be wise to seek advice form.”

“Two?”

“Hmm… first, those who are wise and learned about relationships and marriage.”

“That would make sense… who?”

“Hmm. It would be wise to seek out the wise advice of the priests of Freya and Eros… also Saga, goddess of wisdom would likely be wise?”

Joe kept the grimace from his face, not liking seeking out priests, then reconsidering as he realized that there were no counselors or training for such and likely, the best education individuals for such a thing would be in the priest line of some kind. Then he remembered the scholarly line of jobs and quickly looked at his available jobs and failed to find anything that would likely point in this direction. There was a humanities job, which confused Joe greatly, but then shrugged his shoulders and decided the oddities of the system should simply be classified for later consideration as he’d not really found an answer for any of them quite yet. He simply labeled them for further consideration if new data ever came up. So… humanities… maybe…

“Are there counselors here?”

Kilniara shook her head, “I do not know. There are many jobs, but I … I do not know.”

Joe nodded then continued, “Who are the second kind?”

“Huh?”

“The second kind of people to seek advice from?”

“Oh… easy. Those who know us well.”

Joe smiled at that, laughing, “Your brother and Garnedell.”

“Yes… and Kukurnal, likely.”

Joe paused at that then nodded, “He does not know us that well, but…”

Kilniara nodded, “Yes, but…”

Joe nodded at that then shrugged, “Are you certain of this.”

She nodded, “I understand what I am giving up for this chance… but I believe you are worth it.”

Joe felt his heart shudder at that, but kept his face unchanged as he nodded, “I… still think this is a really bad idea.”

“I am willing to wait until you accept it might work.”

“And you will accept my decision if I reject this.”

She nodded quickly, “Yes. I understand this. I will.”

Joe’s eyes fell, sadness washing over his face, “And you will lose your apprenticeship.”

Grim worry washed across her face in response, but there was a tinge of hope and determination in it as well, “Yes. I know.”

Joe stared at her for a while longer, “I could say no now.”

Fear flashed across her face, then acceptance and she closed her eyes before she opened them back up with determination and stared at him carefully, “I know.”

He remained silent, staring at her carefully then sighing deeply, “I need time to think of this.”

Relief slid across her features and she nodded, “Thank you.”

Joe’s own seriousness faded and he chuckled, “No. Thank you for your patience.”

She laughed softly then stood, “Then… I will see you tomorrow.”

“Good night, Kilniara.”

“Good night, Joe.”

* * *

Neurlan, one of the greatest scholars of the Aelthron cradle and the greatest scholar of the status and system, scurried through the streets of the small plane of Balden. He’d narrowed down the disturbance to the system, the new stats that had popped up several months ago, as having occurred upon this plane. His search grew muddied upon arrival, unable to narrow down too much beyond what was essentially the entire plane. He’d stayed, his duty and diligence as a scholar unequaled amongst his peers, he was certain of it. However, another astronomical occurrence interrupted and changed system statuses everywhere, driving him to excitement and consternation. He was excited to have more to study, but absolutely offended it had to occur while he was not back at his retreat where he could appropriately monitor and narrow down the disturbance.

He scurried through the streets of the quaint backwater capital of his small plane and sped as quickly as he could directly to the gate plaza. There was no other need greater than that he return and attempt to gain some intelligence on where this disturbance originated from. Another set of digits! Another… similar to the greater primary stats! He still hadn’t been able to convince others that the first two stats were greater, superior stats, but his work would come and people would believe. He hoped to be able to identify all the stats and give people knowledge to drive them forward. Of this, he was certain!