Joe calmed himself and went over what he’d heard and tried to reply in his own words, driving for clarity, “So, then… let’s say… mana is like a gas, and we are…” Joe trailed off and Garnedell’s confusion and then stopped, realizing that using gas as a metaphor was likely counter intuitive for Garnedell. Gas was a better representation of what Garnedell seemed to be describing, but since it was, for all intents and purposes, invisible, it didn’t help his case. Time to change metaphors.
“Sorry… I’ll explain gas later… but then, mana is like water and we all are like … fish? Or maybe like buckets? Living in the water. The buckets are like magne…” Right… no magnets either… then… “uh… the buckets are ‘sticky’ and water likes to stay with the buckets. As the water stays longer and longer with the buckets, they become… infused with the essence of the bucket and soon the bucket can use that water specifically to do… things?”
Garnedell’s eye’s opened in some surprise, “You have heard of the Great Booltreau’s water theory of mana, I see. It is surprising to me that…” Garnedell shook his head and focused, “It doesn’t matter. It is good that you know of it and can understand, but you are essentially correct. The first step is to know and feel the mana that has attuned to you and thus begin to exert control over it. The easiest and first step is to expel that mana.
“Do not worry. You will not lose that mana very easily and you will never permanently lose mana as any mana you expel will be replaced almost immediately. And even then, most of the attuned mana will return to you because it has attuned you and will return to its place with you rather quickly. Even if that mana is expelled too violently, free mana will always replace it back to whatever capacity you are capable of. You will need to allow it some time to attune you before you may expel or use it, but you will recover it.”
“Huh… that’s… a very different understanding of mana than I had. So, basically, you will almost always be full of mana, it’s just that you cannot use it as it’s not tainted with your ‘you-ness’to be useable.”
Garnedell grinned before nodding with a hint of uncertainty, “Yeah… maybe that is a possible way to see that.”
“Huh… then how long does it take to recover your mana by attuning it?”
“That depends on the strength of your spirit or soul. Greater strength allows greater influence upon the mana.”
“Huh… OK.”
“So. Expel mana!”
Joe grunted in humor before nodding to Garnedell and closing his eyes, restarting his effort to expel mana. Well, that explains the chicken and egg thing. Mana comes from… the Cradle? Maybe? And we attune it, which allows us to get points and create spells with them. Joe settled his thoughts and began to focus. Theory wasn’t going to help and he only had so much time with Garnedell and it would be best to focus on using the time with him well. In that time, Joe felt Garnedell shift on his bed and glanced over to see Garnedell leaning forward again with his hand pressed almost near his chest.
Garnedell replied quickly when he saw Joe’s glance, “Just ignore me. I’m trying to make sure I can feel if you do expel any. I’ll be able to kind of feel it.”
Joe glanced own at Garnedell’s hand and saw it swirling with his points and Joe just nodded before closing his eyes and returning to his task. Joe’s mind focused completely on trying to release; to do whatever it was he needed to ‘let go.’ He began to attempt to relax completely, simply letting go of everything he could feel. If Garnedell’s description was correct and he needed to ‘release’ his mana, then that most likely meant a relaxing of some kind of control. Am I somehow holding something? It’s gotta be something intrinsic or permanent from … like… birth? Like, breathing?... no… too obvious, more like my heart beat. But how do you stop your heart beat?
Several minutes passed, Joe asking Garnedell questions every once and a while but Joe continued to struggle, unable to find whatever it was that Garnedell was attempting to describe. Joe continually looked for the feeling of release, but just couldn’t find it, while Garnedell patiently waited by his side, answering questions but mainly remained silent. Despite Garnedell’s patience, Joe found his frustration only growing greater as time passed. The lack of progress or any meaningful feedback driving his anger more than anything else.
Finally, Joe was shocked by a knock on the door as his eyes whipped sideways and looked towards the door. He then sighed and looked to Garnedell before he grimaced in frustration before he sighed again then tensed his whole body in frustration, anger erupting out although he kept his voice silent, his whole body shaking in frustration. Training is just fine, but this meditation crap can just go … Joe’s anger continued boiling over and he just kept tensing his whole body in anger.
But even as he started to calm himself, Garnedell began to excitedly nod his head and call out to him.
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“Yes! Yes, yes! Keep going, now feel it. Keep going. Don’t stop. I will speak with them, just keep going and feel it.”
Joe stopped, startled, his entire reason for anger yanked out from under him. Garnedell suddenly frowned and sighed, but Joe quickly sought back for the feeling, uncertain what he was grasping for. He dove back into the frustration, but Garnedell didn’t say anything as he started to shift away, and Joe frowned. Not emotion? Joe then went back to what he’d done bodily, and once again clenched, flexing his entire body.
Garnedell had been getting of the bed when he whipped back around to look at Joe again and whispered, “Yes! Yes! Don’t stop!”
Joe took that and kept tensing but dove into bodily introspection, seeking some form of bio feedback, desperately sorting through what his body was doing and trying to understand what was actually happening. In the background, Joe heard Garnedell call out and have a conversation with whoever was at the door while whispering encouragement to him. OK. Still doing it, but what is it? Joe continued on for another few moments, the conversation dying out, only left with Garnedell’s subdued encouragement as he continued.
Soon, even Joe’s formidable endurance ebbed and Joe could hear Garnedell’s encouragement become more insistent, interspersed with moments of joy and disappointment as Joe began to lose whatever he’d found. Another ten minutes passed, and soon Joe was past what he was able to endure to continue releasing his mana. Finally, Joe relaxed his entire body, tension flooding from his body as he collapsed back against the bed as he found himself exhausted. But then opened his eyes wide in shock when he heard Garnedell cry out excitedly once again.
“Good! Good! You’ve got it again, feel it. Keep doing that.”
Joe blinked in surprise, looking up at Garnedell to see him with his own eyes closed as he seemed to be carefully measuring his own senses. What is happening? Why … I’m not tensing… Joe ignored the strangeness and went back into his thoughts, burrowing deeply into his own biofeedback attempting to find where he was feeling and what he was feeling.
Unable to really notice anything, Joe opened his eyes again and blinked in surprise as he noticed the fog of mana seeming to float out of his body in an ever perpetual wave, cloudlike in its emanation. Right… more gas than fluid, but… Joe continued to look around, eyes seeking the location of the phenomenon but really couldn’t seem to piece together anything. Instead of floundering in trying to find the feeling and place of the mana emanations, he decided to try to manipulate the mana as he’d seen Garnedell do. He chose the simplest action, simply trying to get the mana to ebb and flow, going from one side of his body to the next, but couldn’t grasp anything. There was no missing sense, foreign muscle, or some kind of extra dimensional bodily function that he could grasp. There was just nothing. Did I atrophy? Is it like muscles? Atrophied without use?
Joe began to worry, disappointed once again at not finding whatever it was. His eyes watched the mana flowing from his body and grew ever more frustrated as he noticed it slowly begin to fade, almost like a faucet was turning off the flow until only a trickle was being released, leaving the barest of clouds round him until finally even that faded.
Joe sighed in disappointment, unable to find what he was feeling. Sitting up, he grimaced and tried once again, bringing tension to his entire being, and spurts of mana began to flow out once again, seemingly squeezing past something as mana flowed out in spurts. Joe was able to manage this for another half a minute or so before once again finding himself exhausted again, unable to maintain his full being exertion and collapsed once again. As before, the mana continued to flow, exuding form his body for some time before slowly ebbing and shutting off. Did that… was that longer? What’s…?
Joe grimaced and sat up again and tensed himself once again, watching the flow of mana closely. Yet once again, it exuded from his body in spurts and uneven bursts until he exhausted himself almost completely. Shortly before he was almost completely exhausted, the mana flow smoothed out and came out in a vast wave, evenly and without obstruction. This smooth wave flowed out like water from a pipe, but expanded as a gas, in an almost perfect and equal distance from his torso. It, therefore, wasn’t a sphere, as his torso was elongated, but more like an oval with a strange bulb on top around his head. Almost very rounded tear drop? Somehow, his limbs didn’t seem to eject mana, but his torso and head did so, and his head seemed to do a bit more than even his torso, given the mass difference.
He watched carefully, and like before, the mana expulsion ebbed slowly, much slower this time, and finally came to a stop, the amount of mana decreasing in what seemed to be an even and slow closing of his mana organ. So… takes longer to close after each time. Doesn’t come out evenly while I’m in tension. Comes out very evenly while exhausted. What’s going on?
Joe almost wanted to try one more time, but his full body tension was quite a bit beyond what he was normally used to, and he found himself very hungry and very tired. Garnedell had been excited and encouraging the entire time, but slowly calmed then opened his eyes when he didn’t sense any more movement from Joe, nor any more mana. Garnedell smiled at seeing Joe’s exhausted form before nodding.
“It is not easy.”
Joe guffawed, his laughter short and intense as he was too tired to draw out his laughter, “You can say that again.”
Garnedell nodded, “You did very well. You seem to have already found control. I do not know how…” He trailed off as Joe began to shake his head firmly.
“Nope. Still no control. I just can force it open or shut, but I’m not actually controlling whatever the mana switch is. I’m not sure what’s going on, but I’m just kind of shoving it out like…” Joe trailed off as he realized a possible explanation. He restarted his explanation, “I think I’m just… forcing through and it naturally wishes to stay shut, to not allow the mana to escape. But after I force it out for so long and so strongly, I collapse in exhaustion and then my whole body relaxes, including my mana sphincter, which is why my flow is so smooth in my exhaustion. It is fully open and letting it out. But when I’m tensed, it’s trying to keep it in, but I’m ‘squirting’ it out; forcing it through the opening, so… not smooth, kind of squirting and inconsistent. Huh… it’s going to take me awhile to get it.”
Garnedell smiled and nodded, “Yes, it will. But when you do so, it will come to you easily enough.”